unicorns, tards and flabby birds

There was a collision and the sight of birds scattering off in the air.

“Ow, what the dude, get off me!” a man yelled. 

Jongin had no time to think about the man sandwiched between the remnants of a bicycle and his own respectably toned body because his temples were throbbing, the world was spinning, and he’s seeing things he shouldn’t—wait, is that Kirby, no stuff it, it’s just ing Pikachu—and if Jongin is in pain, his priorities are set clearly and coldly: he comes first before any Queen of England.

“Dude, seriously, get your heavy off me,” a man of no fatal injuries groans as he shoves Jongin’s limp body off his and rolls away. Jongin catches a quick glimpse of him; hooded eyelids, sluggish attire, dark brown hair—wait, is that a unicorn, no stuff it, it’s just ing Yixing. He catches the vague figure of Yixing staggering off towards the front doors of the campus as if his right leg was paralyzed. His back view screamed; “I’m a drunk hobo with only ten cents in my pocket—oh my god, double rainbow”.

Jongin feels instantaneously relieved because he discovers that he had inflicted no serious injury upon the man; Yixing’s always high as and today was no exception. He was just the type of kid who would eat sand in the playground and go through a mental breakdown if he had accidentally sat on an ant.

Gathering his senses, Jongin gets up and shakes his head. A shadow blocks the sun from his view. “Woah, you look like you fell from a tree and hit every branch on your way down,” the shadow muses, staring at a sleep deprived and now bike deprived Jongin.

“Sehun, don’t—” Jongin begins, brushing the non-existent dust on his lap as he waits for the world to stop spinning. It does, soon enough, although he can’t help but feel the world is tilted by two degrees, and it’s ing annoying because now he has to walk around like some drunk who hasn’t quite lost his balance yet. And because it should be zero degrees, and not that extra two.

And as if pulling an all-nighter gaming the previous night and screaming at the computer screen wasn’t enough (totally not because his team on League of Legends could go his ginormously impressive balls), he had to be insulted the second he arrives on campus after some freak bicycle accident involving a stoned unicorn. And by Sehun, no less.

“I have a fun fact for you. It will totally make your day,” 

Jongin was looking forward to one thing, and only one thing only for the year. It certainly was not crashing into Yixing, and it certainly was not meeting Oh Sehun, and it certainly did not involve any of his “fun facts”. Jongin looked forward to ing around with his prey that were the freshmen and scaring the out of them, so right now, he had no time for Sehun when he had to be plotting his own overblown tales about the blood-curdling life as a university student.

“As if my day wasn’t bad enough—” Jongin drawls, only to be cut short of whatever he wanted out.

“Did you know that Rhinella proboscidea frogs have these mass breeding seasons which end up crushing the females to their deaths?”

“What the actual ?”

“It’s like being deprived of for too long and not being able to control yourself anymore so you just end up ing the living daylights out of your significant other,” he adds nonchalantly, speaking to him as if they were relaxingly discussing what bubble tea store they would go to after their classes. In which they actually weren’t. In which they were actually talking about thirsty male frogs ing female frogs to their merciless deaths.

“Sehun, please, I—” Jongin had begun pleading then, wishing that he was somewhere else, more than anything in his life. He takes that split second to ponder over how he had never made so much prayers to the heavens in one day. And how he never says “please” but he does because it’s Sehun, and Sehun is being so unbearably Sehun at that moment.

“And that’s not even the best part; when the female frog dies, the males continue to extract and fertilize the dead female’s eggs.” he finishes, adding that perfectly healthy touch of “the world hates me, can I die” and a much appreciated dash of “how will this make my day you tard” in the finale of his totally fun fact.

Jongin decides it’s best to run away. 

As he is senselessly sprinting to his history lecture that probably started at least half an hour ago, he thinks about how he even became friends with Sehun. Sure, he was lucky -- he had finally found a friend for goodness sakes -- but that, he’d rather go make out with a 100-year-old grandma that have to merely know Oh Sehun. But then again, making out with the elderly wasn’t the most pleasant of things either. But then again, it’s ing Oh Sehun.

He’ll take what he can get.

Jongin apprehensively slides open the door into the lecture room, only to find it completely empty and deserted. Not a soul in sight. Both bewildered and confused, he pulls out his phone and checks it, unprepared to meet his doom. 

One hour and seventeen minutes early. 

Too ing early. 

It dawns on him that his brother may or may not have fooled around with the new analogue clock he got for his birthday. 

Well, it’s time for Jongin to go beat his personal best on Flappy Bird and not kill himself in the very ugly and very probable aftermath.

saranghae

No, guys, you cannot escape my happiness infiltation time.

You feel complete now, do you not?

credits - contradictori