It was a beautiful sunny day in South Korea. The birds were singing, Samsung phones were ringing, and the smell of Kimchi was wafting through the air.

The boys of Super Junior were just waking up in the official Super Junior compound/headquarters. Which looked a lot like the Avengers headquarters, and had many of the same amenities.
"Wake up Boys!" Their robot butler sounded
"Ughh! I don't want to! It's toooo earlyyy" said Kangin.
"Yeah, just give us 5 more minutes okay?" Sighed Siwon.
"Man! Getting a bed to fit 12 people was the best idea we've ever had!" Said Kibum happily. "I hate being away from you guys! Even when I'm asleep. Knowing my super awesome friends and band mates are close by to snuggle makes bed time the best time of the day!"
"Not for me!" Said Leetuk! "I don't look nearly as cute in my feetie pajamas as you guys do!!"
All the boys giggled and said, "oh Leetuk! You're so adorable when you're insecure." And they all had a big good morning group hug.

Eventually, the smell of steamed eggs and tofu, prepared for them by their robot butler lured the boys out of bed.
When they made their way down to the table, the usual pile of mail they received everyday greeted them. The boys got to work right away opening up their letters. Every fan was special to them, so they took the time to write back to everyone who wrote them, thanking them. Sealing each envelope with a kiss.

"Hey, what's this?" Said Eunhyuk "This doesn't look like the usual type of fan mail we receive!!"
He read it out loud:

'Dear Super Junior,

You have been invited to participate in the annual St.Patricks Day cook off hosted in Ireland by celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. Due to your previous cooking experiences, we'd believe you'd be the perfect fit for our show. Please RSVP with your robot butler ASAP.

We're looking forward to meeting you,

The St.Patricks Day Association.'

"Whoa!! Woweewooww!! THE St. Patricks day cook off?! They want US to participate in THE St. Patricks day cook off?! This is such an honour! And St. Pattys day is right around the corner! Robot butler, we'd like to RSVP right away!" Said Eunhyuk.

"I'm 1/34th Irish!" Said Donghae. "I nominate myself to lead this cook off!"
"I second that motion!" Said Eunhyuk with a wink at Donghae who blushed.
"Everyone in favour, giggle!"
A unanimous giggle erupted in the kitchen.
"It's settled then! We're going to Ireland to participate in the cook off, and Donghae, with his Irish blood, will lead us!!"

The boys ate up, and packed up all their belongings and cooking utensils. After realizing they had packed too much to fit on their private jet, they had to pack and repack again!! After everyone was finally ready, and Ryeowook was finally convinced to leave his tanning bed at home, the Super Junior Jet took off for Ireland!!

After landing, the boys were ushered in to a large studio kitchen.
"Wowww!" Said Sungmin. "This kitchen is perfect!! I've never seen anything quite like it before! It has everything we could possibly want or need! We're going to win this for sure guys!!"

"Ugh, not quite perfect" said Siwon. "Look who else is here!!"

At that moment, in walked five handsome young men. Teeth gleaming, hair perfectly gelled, skin as smooth as a baby's bottom... It was One Direction.
The boys biggest rivals!!

"Well, well, well, look what we have here." Said a snotty English voice. "The Korean boy "band" who thinks they can out dance and out cook us." Said Harry Styles.
The rest of one direction chuckled menacingly.

"We can out dance, and out cook you!!" Said Yesung fiercely!
"Good will always triumph over evil! That's why One Direction will never win!!"

"Oh yeah?? Bring it!!" Growled Louis Tomlinson!

The two bands lined up and started to square off! The kitchen all of a sudden became filled with gyrating, moonwalking, crotch grabbing, and Donghae channeling his Irish ancestors and river dancing. All of them desperate to show off their skills.. Things were starting to get intense. Sweat was starting to form. Someone was going to give in soon.. Just then they heard,

"SIT DOWN YOU ING FRUIT CAKES!! THIS IS A COOK OFF! NOT, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE! IF I CATCH ONE MORE PERSON GYRATING IN MY ING KITCHEN I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE THIS PEARING KNIFE AND CUT OFF THEIR ING BALLS!!"

It was Gordon Ramsay. The host and judge for the St. Patricks day cook off challenge. Both groups of boys hung their heads in shame and said, "we're sorry Mr. Ramsay. It won't happen again."

"IT BETTER NOT ING HAPPEN AGAIN." Gordon Ramsay replied.

"RIGHT! GET TO YOUR KITCHEN STATIONS NOW YOU PILES OF HORSE DUNG! LISTEN UP! THIS IS THE 507TH ANNUAL ST. PATRICKS DAY COOK OFF. YOUR CHALLENGE IS SIMPLE... MAKE A BETTER TASTING DISH THEN THE OPPOSING TEAM. THE HEADS WHO MAKE THE BEST DISH, WINS!.. NOW, BEGIN!!"

Right away, One Direction started preparing their meal. They seemed to have a game plan.

"Alright Donghae, what do we do?" Said Shindong. "You're the expert here! Lead us to victory!"

"Uhh," replied Donghae.
He didn't want to admit it, but Gordon Ramsay really shook him up. He was expecting the host to be a little nicer.

"It's okay, Donghae." Said Eunhyuk. "I know you can do it!" Then he flashed him a huge smile and a wink.

Eunhyuks charismatic smile gave Donghae the strength he needed to reorganize himself.
"Alright guys." He said. "Mr. Ramsay gave me an idea actually! He called us fruitcakes..."

"What a meany!!" Said Kangin!

"I know." Said Donghae. "But I say, if he wants a fruitcake, we'll give him the best fruitcake he's ever tasted!!"

"Alright! You heard Donghae!" Said Eunhyuk. "A fruitcake it is! Let's go team!!"
And all the boys did a hip sashay in unison.

"WHAT THE DID I SAY ABOUT GYRATING IN MY KITCHED?!" Screamed Gordon Ramsay.

The boys of Super Junior did a tee hee, and got right to work mixing up the greatest fruit cake the world had ever seen to this point.

"Hey, um, guys? What's up with Heechul?" Said Leeteuk. "He's not looking too well.."
Heechuls eyes were bugging out, and he was muttering to himself.

"Oh, sometimes he gets like that around loud noises or sudden movements" said Kibum. "Ever since he left the military. I think he gets flashbacks or something. You should see him around fireworks. It's hilariousss!! The way he ducks and covers haha! He's a real hoot!"

"Hey guys! I just realized! We have the cake almost ready, and we don't have any fruit for our fruit cake!!"

"I think I saw some fruit trees outside in the yard!" Said Eunhyuk. "Let's all go out and pick some!"

"Wheee! Fruit picking is so much fun" giggled the boys. "Let's go!"

"Umm, I'm going to stay back with Heechul." Said Kyuhyun. "I don't think he's up to going fruit picking right now."

"Alright." Said Donghae. "You guys stay back here and keep an eye on the cake. Make sure those snakey members of One Direction don't try to tamper with it at all. We'll see you guys later!!"

And with that, the band members left Heechul and Kyuhyun alone to guard the cake.

"Oh god oh god, we're surrounded. The enemy is all around us. It's all over now. We're done for!!" Said Heechul rocking back and forth.

"Huh? What was that Heechul? I don't quite know what you're going on about" said Kyuhyun. "If you mean One Direction, they aren't all around us. They're working on their dish in the next kitchen over."

"I can't save myself, but I can save you!! IN THE CAKE. GET IN THE CAKE!!" Heechul then forcibly shoved Kyuhyun in the unfinished fruit cake.

A muffled voice could be heard from inside the cake. "Nooo Heechul! You ruined our cake! What were you thinking!? No we'll definitely lose to One Direction!!"

Heechul wasn't listening though. He took the cake and shoved it inside the already preheated oven. Desperate to hide his band mate from the enemies that only existed in his PTSD rattled head.

About 20mins passed and the rest of Super Junior showed up carrying wicker baskets full of different kinds of fruit.
"Kyuhyun, Heechul! We're back and we brought fruit for the cake! Though we couldn't help snacking a bit on the way. Don't be mad at us." Giggled Shindong.

"Hey Heechul! Wheres Kyuhyun... and uhh, the cake??" At that moment, all the boys realized the cake was inside the oven! And it looked done!!

"Hey! That's not fair! All decisions about the cake are suppose to be made unanimously, with Donghae! Nobody said you could go ahead and bake the cake already!! You guys stepped out of line!" Said Eunhyuk. "Now I'm going to have to spank you!! So wheres Kyuhyun. He can't escape his spankings!!"

"Hey, I think we should take that cake out of the oven now. We might still be able to salvage it!" Said Kangin.

The boys agreed and brought the cake out of the oven.
"Wow, this cake sure is heavy!" Said Siwon.
"Yeah, but it smells delicious!" Said Yesung.

The boys all thought that even though the cake wasn't finished, it smelled delicious! In fact, it smelled so good, they couldn't help but try some of it themselves.

"This cake is amazing!! It's the best cake I've ever tasted!!"
"Who would of known that unfinished fruit cake was so good!"
"Your ancient Irish family recipe is the best Donghae!"
"Wow, I wish Kyukyun was here to try this."

"Guys! Even though we agreed on a fruit cake, I say we clean this cake up a bit and present it to Mr. Ramsay!"
"Yayyy!" Cheered all of Super Junior. The rest of the competition was spend carefully cutting away the pieces they tasted, and decorating that cake to make it beautiful. The boys chose their favourite colours to make the cake beautiful. And added hearts and flowers for embellishments.

"TIME IS UP YOU STEAMING PILES OF PUKE!!"vScreamed Gordon Ramsay. "PRESENT YOUR DISHES IMMEDIENTLY!!"

The two competing bands gathered around the dishes they had created. Gordon Ramsay thought that the Super Junior side seemed a member short. He couldn't though. All powdery looking Korean guys eventually blended together in his mind. So he couldn't tell one from the other.

"Scared Super Junior??" Muttered Harry Styles. "I would be if I were you. Seems like a member of your band already bailed on you. I don't blame them. Our beef wellington is going to knock Gordon Ramsay away. We're going to win this for sure! Can't wait to see your tears as you pack up to go home to Korea as losersss."

"No we're not scared Styles!!" Snapped back Eunhyuk. "Just so you know, we created the best tasting cake in the world. And Kyuhyun didn't bail on us!... He's just using the bathroom or something.."

"Pfft, sure." Sneered Harry.

"SHUTTT UPPP!!" Screamed Gordon Ramsay. "THE TASTE TESTING IS BEGINING NOW!!"

Gordon Ramsay then took his knife and fork and cut a piece of the cake prepared by Super Junior. He put it into his mouth, and the whole band held their breaths.

"Hmmm. Moist. Chewy. Unique flavor. Interesting decorations.
Not bad.."

The boys did a little fist pump and a whoohoo. The members of One Direction started to look nervous.
Gordon Ramsay once again took his knife and fork, and this time took a bite of One Directions beef wellington. He took a few chews, and then spit it back out!

"POISON! POISON! YOU LITTLE S TRIED TO POISON ME!! WHAT THE IS THIS?! I WOULDN'T FEED THIS TO A DOG! ... THE WINNER IS SUPER JUNIOR!! I HATE YOU ALL. I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE."

With that, Gordon Ramsay turned around and left the studio kitchen. The boys of Super Junior almost didn't believe it at first! Then they shouted and jumped for joy! They had did it, almost on accident it seemed. They had defeated their rivals, One Direction and made the best cake ever!

"Pfft, lets get out of here." Said Harry Styles. "It's a bit too cramped in here for me."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cake guys?" Said Donghae. "It's really good!"

One Direction didn't respond though. They their heels and left.

"Haha what sore losers!!" Said Ryeowook! "We beat them fair and square!"
"You made your Irish ancestors proud Donghae... and you made me proud too". Eyunhyuk said, while gazing deeply into Donghaes eyes. Which made Donghae blush the hardest yet.
"But really Heechul. Where's Kyuhyun?? It's really sad he missed our victory!" Said Donghae, trying to recompose himself.

"He's safe now. Nobody can ever threaten him again." Said Heechul with a wide grin. "I hid him inside the cake.. and now he's nestling safely in all of us. He is now one with us. We are Kyuhyun, and he is us."

"Huh?? What's that kooky Heechul going on about??" Said Kangin.

"Oh.. oh god. I think I almost choked on a bone! Why does this cake have bones! Cakes shouldn't have chokey parts!" Gagged Kibum..

Just then, everything was clear. What Heechul said, the bones in the cake. None of the members of Super Junior said anything. There was nothing to say. The only sound was the soft giggling of Heechul.
Just then, Gordon Ramsay reappeared in the kitched.

"Oh good! You pieces of are still here!! Your cake was so good, I want you to bake it again at my own private dinner party. Where you'll be the guests of honour! And you better not it up!!."

And with that he left once again.

There was more silence, finally Donghae said. "Well, you heard Mr. Ramsay guys. He wants us to bake our cake again... We better not disappoint him."

"Yeah! But where will we get the, uhhh, special secret ingredient for it this time." Said Eunhyuk in almost a whisper.

"Oh don't worry," said Donghae. "There's only, One Direction for us to go in now."

The following Week. At Gordon Ramsay's dinner party:

"Oh boys!! This cake is simply marvelous!! I don't know how you possibly do it! It's like nothing I've ever tasted before!" Said one of Gordon Ramsays satisfied dinner guests.

"Haha! It's our little secret!" Winked Eunhyuk. "But let's just say, they didn't know how beautiful... they tasted."

 

"...What?"

"Haha oh nothing!"

The boys of Super Junior smiled at each other. They knew they had a long, successful baking career ahead of them. And nothing, or nobody was going to stand in their way anymore!

THE END.