April 17, 2013

 

"Pick up your pace Joon!" Aera shouted in front of the class.

She was wearing her usual clothes for her teaching lessons; tight black jeans and her comfortable t-shirt. Her hair was in it's usual messy bun, and her bangs were wet due to her sweating.

Ten fifteen-to-eighteen year olds were busy practicing their dance routines for the upcoming dance competition in Australia. Yup, Aera and her dance students had made it that far. Her name was up on the billboards, and people who didn't recognize the name Shin Aera lived in the nineties, or they don't have a TV.

Shin Aera was only nineteen when she first built up this dance school. And to get in here wasn't easy. They had to pass through three rounds to be selected by the all mighty Aera.

 

The music ends and all ten of them collapsed on the floor like they've entered the military. I must agree, Aera had been making them work their lights out ever since the date of the competition was fixed.

Aera clasped both her hands as a bright smile appeared on her face. "You did a great job today guys! I'm proud of you. Now you may go home and rest. We'll continue to practice tomorrow at noon."

"Yes Ms. Shin." Everyone grunted painfully as they walked out of the room like zombies.

 

"Joon?" Aera called an eighteen year old boy wearing a plain white t-shirt, a black hoodie and sweatpants.

"I know, I know. I need to practice late for my solo dance. I get it." Joon sighed as he bent down to take his water bottle.

"Yeah you do. But first, let's take a break shall we? I'm beat." Aera smirked.

 

They sat side by side, leaning on the glass wall as the sound of them panting echoed around the room. There was an awkward silence, but Joon managed to break it as he spoke, "Ms. Shin? I know this might sound weird if I ask you this, but had you ever experienced a heart break before?"

Joon had always been Aera's favorite student. His dance moves were unique and he's a good friend too. They could connect easily, and could talk about random things at once.

"Heart break? Umm, yes I have. Why the sudden interest to my personal love life, Joon?"

"It's just-" Joon picked his words carefully, "There's this girl at school. She's perfect, and she's all I want. But I found out that she likes someone else yesterday. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, my heart hurts but I can't do a thing." Joon sighed.

Aera chuckled as she patted his back. "Boy, you don't know how complicated my love life was when I was your age."

"Really? You had a heart break when you were my age? Oohhh tell me, tell me. I really want to know." Joon squealed like a little boy.

"Tch, you devil of curiosity." Aera gave a wry smile. "Umm, where to begin, where to begin?" She asked herself. "Oh, it all started right in this room...."

 

August 07, 2008

 

Shin Aera walked quietly to an empty dance classroom. She held the wall firmly to prevent her from falling. Slowly and carefully, she opened the door. The smell of sweat went up her nostrils as she stepped inside.

Her hands traveled up, left, and right to turn on the light switch. She went to the center of the room slowly as she reached out her arms, palpating to what was in front of her.

"Ten steps to the front, five steps to the left-"

She winced the moment her feet had hit something hard. She bent down and her hands palpated the ground, searching for the hard thing that had made her stumble. Her hands went to the left and she felt something. Something big and rectangle. It was the stereo.

"That's odd. It's supposed to be located right at the center of the room, like it always has. Did someone put it here?" Aera talked to herself.

 

"In fact, someone did." A deep voice was heard from the back of the room.

Surprised, Aera stood up and walked back. She forgot the radio's presence and stumbled, with her back hitting the floor. Her head was throbbing because of the sudden impact, and her back was aching.

She heard footsteps coming towards her, and someone held her hand gently, pulling her up.

 

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know that someone was here, I thought no one would be here at this time of day."

"You're right, no one is here but me. Now what are you doing here?" He asked. She doesn't recognize his voice, he was someone she had never met before; or that was what she thought.

"I-I..." She tried to lie, but no good reasons came inside her mind.

She couldn't see him, but she could feel him smirking. "Don't worry too much about it. Shin Aera right?" He said.

"Yes." Aera lowered her head. "And you are?"

"Yixing. Zhang Yixing."

 

"Oh." Was all she could say. After seconds passed, she continued, "I'll be going then."

"Wait." He said.

"I thought you came here to dance, why go away now?" He continued.

Aera couldn't answer. The reason she came here was to dance, but she didn't want anyone to see her dance. She was too ashamed to fall on her or stumble when she was dancing, cause it'll be hard for her to get back on her feet by herself.

"I better go back to class. Free period's going to end soon anyway." Aera lied.

Though she can't see where Yixing was, she could feel his breath tickling her face. Which meant his face was only inches away from hers. Yixing leaned forward to take a good look at her face.

White flawless skin, furry eyebrows, small pink lips, and her disabled dark hazel eyes. Every time she blinked or closed her eyes, he felt like touching her vulnerable eyelids. He felt sorry for her to the point that he wanted to help her.

 

Zhang Yixing, the dance instructor of the school, had been watching Shin Aera for months. Secretly, he would be following her, without her knowing. Yixing knew that exactly on free period, Aera would come here to this dance room.

He had been watching over her small and vulnerable steps, her imperfect dance moves, and her passion for dance every time the music starts. His body would tense up every time Aera falls to the ground. People in school weren't very nice to her at all too, they would bully her.

Her disability wasn't the only subject that enlightened people to bully her. Aera's parents were killed at a car accident when she was eight. She was in that car accident, but the doctors managed to save her life.

She lived, but her eyes were dead. Her heart was beating normally, but she can't open her eyes. Her ears were working, but her eyes weren't.

 

Yixing knew that and from the moment he laid eyes on her, he began protecting her. Secretly. Sometimes, she would fall on the ground when she was walking, and there would always be that one soft hand, pulling her up. Aera knew that and thanked that person without knowing that the person helping her was Zhang Yixing.

But he felt tired of that one-sided love thing. Heck Aera can't even see his face, he was pissed off by that thought sometimes. So he decided to take one step ahead of the stranger zone, to the friend zone.

 

"Don't worry about it. You still have twenty minutes before the next lesson starts. I'm the instructor here, so you better listen to me if you want to walk out of this room alive." Yixing chuckled. Then he bent down to turn on the music.

A soft piano tune played. Yixing smiled as he continued, "Dance for me Aera."

Aera's hands trembled as the palm of her hands watered. Yixing noticed that and held her right hand, holding it high, near his lips as he kissed it gently. Aera's heart raced, and it was beating louder that it has ever had. It was too loud, even she was afraid that Yixing would hear it.

 

"Don't worry about falling." Yixing assured her, "Well if you're that afraid to embarrass yourself, may I have the pleasure of joining in as well?"

Aera didn't know what to do, or say. She nodded slightly and gave a wry smile.

"I don't want you to be afraid of falling, okay?" Yixing put his left hand on her waist and held interlocking his right fingers with Aera's. "Let me lead this dance." He smiled.

 

Yixing pulled her body close to his, not leaving any gap. As the music played, Yixing steadied her and spun her around. Aera arched her back, and then Yixing held her shoulders, pulling her back to him. Yixing flipped her, so that her back rested on his chest.

Aera reached out both her hands to the left and right, making entrance for Yixing's hands. They traveled down to Aera's waist and as Yixing held her waist firmly, he pulled her body up as he spun around. Aera's right hand went up to the back of his neck, pushing her body away from him.

Yixing's soft hand pushed her gently as Aera arched her back again, making a perfect C. Then Yixing pulled her towards him, making her body fall to his chest. He moved back, dragging her. She lift up her right leg, and Yixing held it firmly, pushing it down.

That made her other leg go up, Yixing held her left leg, along with her right one and made her sit on his shoulders. She reached out her arms and Yixing spun her around for the last time.

He put her down gently and twirled her one more time, without letting her hands go. She twirled back to him and her back hits his chest. Yixing's hand held her left hand that was on her eyes, closing them tight, and the other one held her waist.

 

The sound of them panting was heard, and the smell of their sweats were strong. "My my," Yixing smirked, "Quite a dancer you are."

Aera turned around so that her body would face him. "Who are you exactly?"

"Me? I'm your instructor." He simply replied.

"No, that's not what I meant." Aera snapped, "Your dance moves, your hand. It reminds me... Of me." She said.

"What crap are you talking about?" Yixing laughed, "I know I'm a great dancer, you don't need to exaggerate."

 

The both of them sat on the floor as Yixing handed her a bottle of water. "You know, with that moves of yours, you could easily be a top dancing star."

"Yeah right, that'll never happen." Aera sighed.

"Why not?"

"I might be quite good when it comes to dancing with a partner, but I stink at solo dancing."

"And why is that?"

Aera gulped her water. "As you can see, I'm blind. I can't see, and that makes me weak. That makes me stumble every time I dance."

"Cut that piece of ." Yixing snapped.

 

Whoa, this was her first time for hearing those harsh words coming from Yixing's mouth. "You're blind for God's sake."

"So?" Aera narrowed her eyebrows.

"Almost all blind people think that they're helpless, and they'd prefer to lay in bed than to come to school. And what? You're here, dancing like a pro. Give yourself some respect! Hell you're the best partner I've ever danced with." Yixing said, his voice was rough. And he sounded like Aera's dad, protecting her, giving her courage.

Aera chuckled, "Thanks for the encouragement Mr. Zhang."

"You're welcome." Yixing smiled, his dimple showed up. Slowly, Yixing leaned towards Aera. His gentle fingertips brushed on her forehead, he pushed aside her messy bangs due to her sweat.

 

He could feel Aera's body tensing up on contact, he smirked and his index finger went down, just above both her eyes. "Some pretty eyes you got there. If I were a girl, I'd die for a gorgeous eye like those."

"Yeah, right. Like anyone would trade their eyes for a pair ty eyes like mine."

"Never call your eyes ty. No, never be ungrateful. It's a miracle that you're alive. What would you choose? Death? Or life, with one small disability?" Yixing scolded.

"Ugh, fine you're right." Aera smiled. Her heart was racing, no one had ever comforted her like that, nor had anyone wanted to talk to her.

"Besides," Yixing leaned closer, Aera could feel his breath on her earlobes. "I'd be more than willing to trade mine for you."

Aera's face flushed. "Don't speak nonsense. You know nothing about me. Besides, we've just met, why are you being so cheesy?" Aera pushed him with her index finger.

Yixing laughed, "You have no idea how much I know about you."

What was he talking about? Aera thought. 

 

September 10, 2008

 

Exactly one month and two days has passed. After all those times, Aera and Yixing grew closer and closer together. Finally, Yixing managed to pursue Aera to join the dance class, along with other students. At first, Aera despised him. But day by day, sparks fly.

They'd share their secrets, hold hands, and go out on a date. There's also one time when Yixing's lips went up Aera's forehead. His lips were soft and moist, they touched her forehead for minutes. Then they just stood there, with their foreheads touching each other's.

Those things would make you think that they're a cute couple, but they're actually not. Yixing had to do his job as an instructor, and had to give the other students the same attention as he gave Aera.

 

The whole class was practicing their dance routines, and since this dance needed excellent balance, Aera couldn't do it. She'd fall almost all the time. At first, Yixing would forgive her and kept calm. But it was getting annoying.

The class was coming to an end, the dance routine was perfect with all the twirls, jumps and moonwalks. But Aera managed to break those in one second, the moment she fell down again.

Yixing clenched his fists as he shouted, "What the hell are you doing Aera?!"

"I'm sorry. I f-forgot my steps, and stumbled." Aera stammered as she got up hardly.

"Then if you're trying to be a ing nuisance, destroying all the practice we've done from two months ago in just one second, I believe you know the way out!"

Aera trembled. Nuisance. A ing nuisance. You're a ing nuisance. Yixing's words echoed around your head.

 

Blind people can cry, and it's really hard to restrain Niagara Falls trying to burst in her eyes. Aera's eyes watered and with a gulp, she nodded. Her heart ached, like knifes poking each and every area in her heart.

She walked back slowly, remembering the steps to go out. But all the harsh words Yixing threw at her just now hurts, and it made her mind go completely blank. On the way out, she stumbled on something hard on the ground and fell on her face.

All the students in there cracked a laugh, mocking her. Aera was hoping that Yixing would help her get up and defend her, but he never came. Aera got up and limped towards the door, sitting just outside the dance class.

Yixing flinched the moment she fell, he really wanted to go to her and hug her from behind. He doesn't care if anyone saw them together, he isn't ashamed to be with someone like her. He loves her and from the deepest part of her heart, she knows it too.

He wanted to kiss her cheek, her earlobes and mostly her pink lips. But then he remembered what he said just now. He felt bad about it, but he can't do a thing to show her how much he's sorry right now. He knew that she had been bullied and harassed ever since she lost her eyes. And he knew that people had said many worse things than that, but those words came from him. From his own mouth.

Yixing regret saying them, but he can't take them back. Not now.

 

Tears fell from her eyes, watering her flawless cheek. She hugged her knees tight as she held her hand. She buried her face in between her knees and chest as she cried.

"I'm a nuisance. I'm a ing blind nuisance who gets in his way. He's perfect, he doesn't need me. He could find someone better than me, a girlfriend with perfect visions. I'm a ing nuisance who doesn't know her place, liking someone out of her league." She said as tears fell on her knees.

 

Aera could hear the creaking sound of the door, and eighteen footsteps coming out from it.

"Look, the blind 's crying. What a cry baby." One laughed.

"Yeah right, what a loser. I didn't even know blinds could cry." Another laughed back.

Aera ignored them as the sound of their footsteps vanished. She got up, with tears covering her whole face. She used the back of her hand to wipe them away, and turned away to walk. But someone interrupted her.

 

Someone grabbed her arm firmly, he's not going to let her go like this. Surprised, Aera pulled her hand back, but it was no use since his grip was too strong. Aera was getting freaked out since she can't see who it was.

She was afraid that someone might do something bad to her. She screamed on top of her lungs, "Yixing!" But no one came to help her.

He pushed her against the wall, resting his arm just above her shoulder, trapping her. She moved to the right, but his hand grabbed her waist. Aera cried, "W-Who are y-you? Let me go." Her voice was hoarse, and weak.

His gaze softened. His right hand went towards her puffy cheeks, gently wiping away her tears. He could feel her body tensing, but he didn't mind. His hand went up to her eyes.

Aera remembered that touch. That gentle touch, which sends chills up her spine. Flushed her cheeks. Made her heart race. Yixing.

"Yixing?" She called softly.

 

"It's me." Yixing's husky voice made her shiver. "Don't you remember this touch?" A chuckle left his mouth. "Do you remember those times you fell to the ground? There would always be one hand lifting you up."

Aera walked towards math class slowly, with her hands holding the wall. But some jerks purposely hit her side, making her fall. Her papers were scattered on the floor. She squatted and palpated her hands on the ground, desperately searching for the papers that were scattered on the floor because the clock is ticking. Yixing ran towards her side, helping her. He handed her papers, she said thank you and left.

"Remember when you almost drowned in swimming class? The boy diving down the 10m swimming pool to lift you up?"

Mr. Jin's swimming class was coming to an end. Everyone was heading to the showers, but Aera sat still on her seat as she can't join the swimming lesson because of her disability. But someone called her and she went towards that voice. What she didn't know was that it was a prank. A boy in her class purposely called her over, to the edge of the swimming pool. He didn't think that she would eventually fall in,  but she did. The boy panicked and didn't know what to do. Aera screamed for help, and she felt her lungs burning. She can't breathe, and she began to drown. Out of nowhere, Yixing dived in and took her hand. He held her waist, bringing her up and took her to the infirmary.

 

"That's right. Every time you fall, I'm always there, lifting you up. My hands are rough, but they're good enough to lift you up. You may not see me, but I see you. You can't watch me, but I've watched you, long enough to know you." There was a short pause. "Its-" Yixing sighed, "It's the same like my heart. You can't see it, no one can; not without an x-ray. But I want you to feel my heartbeat," Yixing held her hand to his chest.

"Feel how racy it is when I'm around you?" Aera nodded, she was quiet as she was lost of words. She had never knew that Yixing had been watching her.

"Hear them." Yixing held the back of Aera's head, pulling it close to his chest. Without a second thought, Aera nuzzled her head onto his chest. He smelled nice, like soap and shampoo, like vanilla and cinnamon, like something sweet, like Yixing.

"You don't know how red my face is right now." They parted for a little gap, "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, happy birthday Shin Aera. The girl who made my life complete, Yixing's angel. Yixing's, and only Yixing's."

Aera blushed like mad and smiled like an idiot. "You remembered?"

"How could I forget?" Yixing smirked, "I wrote it on every corner of my calendar."

"Liar." Aera laughed. She has completely forgotten the words Yixing said to her just now.

"So, what do you want as your present?"

"Hmmm, let me think." Aera chuckled, "What I wish for? Or what you can afford to buy?"

"What I can afford to buy of course. But not more than 1 won okay?" Yixing laughed.

"Aish, you stingy unicorn." Aera smiled, "I want to see your face."

 

Yixing knew what Aera meant by that. Yixing smirked, "Just my face? Or my body?"

Aera blushed, her heart racy. "Y-Your f-f-face o-of course!"

Yixing laughed, "Why do have to be so shocked? I was just joking." Then he held Aera's hand to his face. Her soft hand touched his forehead. They went down to his eyebrows, eyes, and nose tip. Her hands touched her soft cheek. He smiled and she could feel his dimple. Her fingertips went down to his lips.

Without any second thoughts, Yixing leaned forward. His eyes closed, his heart beating fast, his face red. Their soft lips touched. Aera could taste all his sweetness, she could even taste the strawberry juice he drank before the dance class.

Yixing deepened the kiss, smirking along the kiss. He could feel Aera's body tensing, and when she put her hand on his back, he couldn't help but smile.

 

 

It was six o’clock, and Aera was sitting quietly on the park bench. She was wearing a simple sleeveless baby blue dress. She wore a thin white jacket on top of it, and tied her hair into a ponytail. Her brown bag was placed just beside her; and also in between her and an eighteen year old blond.

Blond guy had a name, it was Kris. Kris Wu. He is Yixing’s best friend. Aera knew Kris; he was one of the students in her class. They had never had a proper greeting or conversation until now.

Yixing had something to do outside of school and promised to go out on a date at the amusement park with Aera exactly at six thirty; but Aera got too excited and got out of house early. Yixing sent Kris to accompany her while he’s gone. More likely, protect her while he’s gone. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.

 

There was an awkward silence as Aera said nothing and kept twiddling her hands. Kris just sat there, not knowing what to do.

“So, Aera.” Kris smiled tenderly. “How did you lose your sight?”

Aera tensed. This was not the kind of topic that she wanted to talk about. “Why do you want to know?”

“I’m just curious. Yixing had told me everything about you, but I still don’t get why a car accident could lead to your disability.”

Kris is Yixing’s best friend. He’s not a stranger. I should believe him. He won’t do me any harm. Aera thought.

Aera sighed, “First of all, my loss of sight was caused from a head trauma due to a car accident. Scientifically speaking, a head trauma is an impact to the head that could lead to blindness directly or through brain injury. Back then, it was raining hard and out of nowhere, a truck loss control and slammed our car. I sat on the back seat, and because of the sudden impact, my head hits something hard. And I passed out. I woke up in the hospital and the doctors explained everything. They said there was something wrong with my nerve systems in my brain, and something like that.”

Kris looked at her like she was a lost puppy.

“Back then, I told myself that I had my future destroyed right in front of my eyes. I was beginning to lose hope, but then I heard dancing steps. The music, the rhythm to every step. I’ve always admired dancing. But I never got the chance to learn how. That was until our school came up with a dance class. And that was until Yixing came along too.” Aera smiled unconsciously.

 

“You’re so in love with him are you?” Kris teased.

“What?” Aera’s face flushed red.

“Don’t act innocent. “I like Zhang Yixing” is written all over your face you know?” Kris laughed.

“N-No it’s n-not!”

“So scientifically explain your first kiss with Yixing please. How does his lips taste? Sweet? Sour?” Kris clapped his hands as he laughed, making pig sounds.

“Y-Ya! S-Stop i-it.” Aera covered her face with her hands.

 

 

At the same time, Yixing went out from a jewelry shop. His right hand was holding a small pink gift box. He smiled and opened it. Inside lies a crystal glass music box. It is very suitable for her to practice her dance routines at home. On the cover of the music box has Aera’s initials written on it, and on the back has Yixing’s initials, while a heart was shaped on the middle.

“Today, I’m going to confess to you. And I’m going to make you mine.” Yixing grinned. He wore his purple earphones and kept on walking.

 

The crossing light was green, but no one seemed to be crossing anymore. Yixing walked slowly across the street; his gaze was fixed to the music box. He was preparing everything inside his head. He planned to take her to ride the Ferris wheel. And when they’re on the highest peak of the ride, he would ask her to be his girlfriend with the pretty Seoul lights as the background. Then he would tell her I love you and kiss her lips, tenderly.

The street lights were dim, and it was extremely dark that time.

One step.

 

Two steps.

 

Three steps.

 

Four steps.

 

Five steps.

 

A loud crash was heard, and the sound of a glass breaking was loud and clear. Blood spread on the ground, along with hundreds of shattered glass pieces. A pale body lied on the ground. It was a boy. That boy has a dark brown hair, and a handsome face. And he was lying helplessly on the ground as the blood can’t stop flowing out from his head. He was conscious since he could open his eyes, but he looked like he was about to pass out.

There was no sixth step.

 

 

Kris was laughing and Aera was flustered. He kept on teasing Aera for the past hour. “Have you confessed to him about your feelings?”

“Sadly, no.” Aera sighed.

“For real? No I love you or something cheesy like that?”

“Nope.”

“Tch, such a boring relationship.” Kris laughed.

“Shut up.” Aera snapped.

“Teasing you was fun. But I’m getting tired. Where the hell is Yixing?”

“No idea.” Aera frowned.

“Aww, Aera’s disappointed. Don’t worry Era, Xing Xing wouldn’t miss the opportunity to kiss you one more time on your birthday.”

“Kris!” Aera started hitting everything on her left side.

“Ha! You missed!” Kris laughed again.

 

But this time, Aera didn’t give any funny reactions to his teasings. She just sat there, looking blankly to the ground. Kris could feel her body tensing up.

“Ya, I was just kidding. You don’t have to be mad like that.” Kris said. Still, no response.

“Are you deaf too? Hello?” Kris waved his hands in front of her face.

“Something’s wrong.” Aera whispered. “Something’s wrong.” She said even louder this time. “Something’s not right. I can feel it.”

“What is?”

“Yixing.” Her heart feels heavy. “Yixing.” She said again. “Where is he? Did he contact you or anything?” This time, Aera shrieked.

“What? What? What’s wrong?”

Aera scooted to the left, taking Kris’s arm. “Yixing. Where is he? Why is he not here right now? Why isn’t he coming? Is everything all right?” Aera cried. Her whole body shivering, her hands cold.

“Aera? What’s wrong with you? Are you all-“ Right before Kris could finish his sentence, his phone vibrated. “Hold on.” Kris got up and placed his phone on his ear.

 

“Hello?” Kris said.

“Good afternoon, is this Kris Wu? Zhang Yixing’s friend?” A deep male’s voice was heard.

“Y-Yes. Who’s this?”

“This is from Seoul Hospital. I’m sorry to inform you, but your friend got into a car accident just thirty minutes ago.” Kris’s heart dropped as he looked at Aera.

 

Kris got back to Aera with a smile. “Aera?”

“Yixing? Any news from him?”

“Yeah, he said that he wasn’t feeling well and wanted me to take you to his house.” Kris lied.

“Really?” Aera smiled bright. “Thank goodness. I thought something bad had happened. But it was just him, getting a cold or something right?”

“Yeah, he has a terrible cold.” Kris placed his hand on her shoulders, guiding her to his car.

Kris didn’t want her to know about Yixing’s condition yet. He didn’t want to break her heart at that moment. Not on her birthday. This day was supposed to be a special date to her. Birthdays only come once a year. Besides, Yixing was conscious, but his condition was not so good.

Yixing told the doctor to tell Kris not to tell Aera about his condition. He too, didn’t want Aera’s heart to break. Yixing was fighting to live; he wouldn’t leave Aera like that. But it was almost impossible. His blood lost was severe and his heart rate was slowing as time passed.

 

Kris took Aera to Seoul Hospital. Aera stepped into the lobby without her knowing that it was actually a hospital. “Kris? Are you sure this is Yixing’s house? Cause it smells like drugs, medicine, and old people; like a hospital. And it sounds like many people are in here, it’s too noisy.”

“Of course it is. Yixing lives in an apartment. And we’re at the lobby, of course it’s noisy.”

“Aahh, it makes sense now. But I still can’t get rid of the smell.” Aera joked.

“Yeah........” Kris’s voice weaken as he took Aera to a room with Yixing’s name on it.

 

“Aera?”

“Hmm?”

“Why don’t you sit here for awhile? I need to go to the bathroom.” Kris’s voice was at his weakest.

“Okay. Don’t take too long. I miss Yixing.” Aera smiled.

“I won’t.” Kris smiled. But it wasn’t out of happiness. He looked like he was about to cry. His eyes watered and his hands were cold. He was trembling as he opened the door.

 

Inside, he could see a doctor and Yixing, lying on the bed. He was pale and his eyes were closed. “Kris Wu?” The doctor called.

“Yes.”

“Yixing suffered an extremely common injury in traffic cases. His brain is injured and is in need to be operated. Luckily, he is still conscious. So we scheduled his operation in two hours. All you have to do is sign the papers needed."

"Two hours? Will he be able to survive until then?"

"From what we've examined, he will. And we can't move forward his operation since the operation room is currently busy."

"Ah......." Kris sighed, "Thank you."

"Well, I'll leave the two of you alone." The doctor smiled and left.

 

Kris walked towards Yixing’s bed, his legs and arms trembling, and his eyes red. “Y-Yixing?” He sat down on the seat right next to his bed. “Come on, wake up man.” He tried to sound chilax, but his face was tense.

Kris held both of Yixing’s hands. “Don’t you play dead with me now. I know you’re still there. Aera’s outside, do you really want to do this?” Kris cried. Tears fell from his eyes.

Still, no response. “What? Are you really going to go like this? You’re leaving me like this? Without saying goodbye? What kind of horrid friend are you?” Kris’s voice trembled.

No response.

“Fine, forget about me. What about Aera? Are you really going to leave her like this? Without confessing to her? Are you really going to let her go?”

No response.

“Zhang Yixing! Don’t play with me and wake up! Please! If I did something wrong in the past, forgive me. I’ll give back the muffins I stole from your lunch tray, twice.” Kris can’t hold back his tears now. He was crying. Cold guy’s crying. “I-I’ll do anything for you to wake up. Anything. Just talk to me you bad jerk!” Kris held Yixing’s collar. But it wasn’t because of anger, he just wanted to hug his best friend.

 

Kris hugged Lay tight, burying his face on Yixing’s pillow.

“I-I c-can’t........ Breathe.” Yixing’s weak and hoarse voice was heard.

Kris’s eyes widened as he backed away. “Yixing! I-I..... Uh, forget all those things I said. I wasn’t the culprit who stole your muffins, nor will I do anything for you to wake up.” Kris wiped his tears coolly with the back of his palms.

“You horrible friend.” Yixing could manage a chuckle, but his heart rate was beating slower, and slower, and slower.

“Kris?” Yixing said, his voice as weak as a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure. Anything.”

 

 

Kris opened the door slowly as he walked out from the room. His eyes were red and his hands were trembling. He went on his knees and looked at Aera who was sitting patiently, waiting for him so she could see Yixing.

Aera sensed his presence and frowned. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for hours.”

“S-Sorry.” Kris’s voice sounded like he had been crying. He tried to conceal it, but it just didn’t come out as planned.

“Y-Ya, what’s wrong with your voice? You sounded like you had been crying.”

“It’s nothing.” Kris cleared his throat. “Shall we go in now?”

“Gladly!” Aera rose up from her seat as she smiled brightly.

 

Aera walked inside, hospital scent filled up her nose as Kris helped her to walk. “Are you sure this is his apartment? Cause it smells like a hospital. Really, it does.” Aera said.

Beep.... Beep.... Beep.... Yixing’s heart rate could be heard on the electrocardiograph.

“And what is that sound? It sounds like an electrocardiograph. Is Yixing very ill that he needs something like that in his apartment?” Aera sounded worried.

“It is. It smells like one because Yixing’s dad likes to experiment with some medical stuff. And yes, there really is an electrocardiograph here, but it’s not for Yixing. It’s for his grandmother, she’s ill too.” Kris lied.

“So does Yixing stay in his apartment with his parents and grandmother?” Aera asked.

“Bingo.” Kris said. Aera simply nodded and followed along. You’re way to gullible Aera. How could I refuse to take care of you like this? Kris thought in his head.

“Sit here. I’ll go grab something to drink.” Kris positioned Aera on the seat just beside Yixing’s bed and left the room.

 

“A-Aera?” Yixing called. Yixing’s condition got worse and worse. His heart rate was slowing down and his head was throbbing. He can’t think, he can’t do anything. But he’s going to force himself to spend the last minutes of his life with her.

That’s right. Yixing’s heart rate was slowing down. And it was on the merge of going into a straight line.

“Wow, you should hear your voice.” Aera laughed, “Is your cold that bad? Your voice sounded harsh like metal and quiet like a whisper.” Her hands palpated his bed, and they went up to Yixing’s face. Trying to find his forehead to check his temperature.

“Cold? Is that what Kris told you?” Yixing chuckled as Aera’s hand traveled up his nose. “Well he did a great job telling you the truth.” Yixing laughed a desperate laugh; he sounded like he was going to cry. Her fingers finally reached his forehead. She pressed her hand to his forehead and smiled.

“Well, you’re not hot. You’re fine.”

“What was that? I’m not hot? Are you kidding me? With looks like these and a built body like this you said I’m not hot? Baby you need to lean even closer.” Yixing teased with all his might. They didn’t come out like what he did in his mind. They came out hoarse and stupid. He was in so much pain, but he didn’t want to admit it to her.

“Shut up.” Aera pouted.

Yixing’s condition worsens. He started choking. “Hey, are you alright?”

“Yeah-“ Yixing coughed, “I’m fine.” Yixing forced a smile. He looked at the palm of his hand; it’s completely covered in blood. Yixing was choking blood.

“You sure?” Aera asked. ‘Here, drink this.” She took out her water bottle from her bag. She would always bring a water bottle, anywhere she goes.

“Yeah, thanks.” Yixing forced a smile after he took a sip at her drink. “I chocked on my saliva. That’s all.”

 

There was an awkward silence, but as the clock ticks, Yixing grew weaker and weaker. He knew it. He knew that this would be the end. The end of his journey. He could feel it.

His heart rate got slower and slower. He was debating whether he should confess to her or not. Today is her birthday, and today is his last day. Yes, he will.

“Hey Aera?” Yixing’s weak sound broke the silence.

“Hmm?”

“Can you kiss me?”

“Hmm.” Aera smiled.

Yixing pulled her left hand that wasn’t holding the lidless water bottle. Aera bend down and their lips touched. Oh how Yixing had missed the taste of her lips. Yixing’s lips were moist too, she could even taste the water left on his lips.

Yixing’s kiss deepened as Yixing’s clean hand cupped her face. His soft and gentle kiss turned to be a rough one, desperate.  The electrocardiograph got slower and slower. Yixing’s mouth never left hers as he deepened their kiss even more.

Finally, he lets go, gasping for air. “A-Aera.....” He said, slowly. He was gasping, not because of their kiss, but because of his health. A tear fell from his eye as he took a good look at her face. Her pointy nose, her dark hair, flawless skin, furry eyebrows, pink lips, and her dark hazel eyes.

Yixing simply smiled, his eyes were almost closed. “I.........” He almost can’t open his eyes. “Love you........” With a smile, he closed his eyes.

“I love-“ But before he could hear her confession, the electrocardiograph ended. There was no longer a beep.... beep.... beep.... His heart rate.

Is gone.

Is a straight line.

 

Zhang Yixing is dead.

 

Aera’s water bottle fell to the ground with a loud thud. And all the water inside flew out of the bottle, to the ground as Aera dropped to her knees.

“Y-Yixing?” Aera whispered. “Y-Yixing?!” She exclaimed. A flat ringing sound echoed around her head as she blankly sat on the ground. Her eyes were filled with anger and deception. Her fist were curled into a ball.

 

About two seconds later, she could hear many people rushing inside the room. Shouts and exclaims were loud and clear in her ear. One doctor, accompanied with three nurses rushed inside the room, seeing Yixing's condition. They were too busy worrying about Yixing they didn't see Aera, who was weak and vulnerable on the floor.

In a second, the doctor pushed Yixing's bed outside the room, to the emergency room. The nurses and doctor ran right next to Aera, but they didn't see her. Aera was left blind. Physically, and mentally.

"Y-Yixing!" Aera cried. Tears and anger in her eyes, flames in her heart and rage towards Kris who deceived her. She realized that she was fooled by Kris. She really thought that Yixing only got a small cold, and that she was in his room.

 

Aera shrieked hearing no response from Yixing. Her hands palpated anything in front of her, but nothing could be felt. There was no bed, no pillows, no blanket, no Yixing. Nothing. "Zhang Yixing! Zhang Yixing!" She cried again, this time, throwing everything blocking her way.

Kris ran to the chaos, gripping her hands tight. "Aera! Calm down!" He exclaimed.

Aera glared at him. "You!" She wanted to point to Kris, but she missed, she pointed to somewhere near Kris's voice. "I will never forgive you! How dare you deceive me like that? Am I so stupid to even fall for this?" Tears fell from her eyes.

"What? I'm blind, I have an eye disability, and now I have a disability to think as well? To can't differentiate what's wrong and what's right? Is that it?" Aera shouted, her voice rough and shaky. "Aahh! I'm so stupid. Stupid Aera, stupid!" She began hitting her head. Kris clenched his teeth as he gripped her hand tighter, not letting her hit herself.

"It's not like that......." There was a short pause until Kris sighed, "I just didn't want you to worry about Yixing. I'm afraid that you'll have a broken heart at your birthday."

 

"W-W-What h-happened? Yixing? Is he a-alright?" Aera's voice tightened at those words.

"Okay? I'm not really sure. Listen, first of all, Yixing was the one who told the doctor to tell me that he didn't want you to know about his condition.  Second, Yixing's condition? He..." There was another short pause. "He got into a car accident just now when we were busy talking on the park. He suffered a head injury, but that's it from what I know. He's going to be operated now, don't worry okay?" Kris wiped Aera's tear away from her face as gentle as he could.

Aera fell to the ground. Her arms and legs seemed to be numb, and she couldn't feel or control them anymore. Her eyes were blank and they were filled with anger. Not towards Kris, towards herself. For being gullible, and for not being by Yixing's side when he's in pain.

"L-L-Liar......" Aera whispered.

"What?" Kris said.

"L-Lies..." Aera whispered even louder.

"If you're going to say something, better say it louder so normal humans can actually hear them." Kris folded his arms, acting to be cool and not to care with Yixing's condition, but deep, deep, deep inside, he cares.

 

"LIES!" Aera stood up and screamed. She charged in front, without even knowing where to go. "Where's Yixing? We're supposed to meet at the amusement park by now. If I don't go right now, I might not be able to see him. I'm worried he might be waiting for me for to long by now." Aera's voice was flat like she was going to faint.

Her body went passed Kris, but Kris pulled her hand so that she was in front of him again. "Where do you think you're going? Just accept this reality Aera! You're not the only one grieving here, my best friend is on the edge of being buried, and you think I'm not grieving?" Kris shouted. His eyes watered.

"No it's not true." Aera said quietly.

"It's not true." She said even louder.

"NO IT'S NOT TRUE!" She shrieked. She went mad and hit Kris who was pulling her away from the hospital room exit, hard. Tears fell from her eyes as her heart raced. "Let me go Kris! I want to meet Yixing. Please let me go! I want to see Yixing. YIXING'S ALIVE AND HE'S WAITING FOR ME AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK! JUST GO AWAY FROM ME AND LET ME SEE HIM!!" She cried.

Kris who was beginning to cry too, pulled her in for a hug. His hands went up her waist, securing her. "I want to see him too. But we must wait, okay?" He whispered to Aera's ear quietly and softly.

 

"Krriisssss." Her voice was shaky. "Where is Yixing? I want to see him, I want to hear his voice! I can't see but I want to see him! I want to feel his presence! Let me go Kris! I want Yixing back." She cried.

"Yixing's not dead, he's still alive, and he's waiting for me in the amusement park." She cried to herself. "Zhang Yixing is waiting for me in the amusement park." She repeated numerous times until a sharp thing was injected on her neck.

And soon, Aera joined the deep sleep.

 

Five weeks later

 

Aera opened her eyes carefully. The electrocardiogram was heard and she could see the bright light, covering her sight. She used her hand to cover her eyes as she slowly got up from bed. Her eyes traveled to the ceiling and to the floor.

She saw her feet and arms as she wiggled them. Then she walked towards the window, admiring those little children playing tag, jump ropes and the slide just outside the hospital walls. Aera sighed and looked at the puffy clouds covering the sun.

 

"Knock knock. Aera are you there?" A deep sound was heard-Kris. Kris walked into Aera's room and hugged her tight. "How's your sight? Is the world as beautiful as you've imagined before?" Kris grinned.

"It's fine, and yes, the world is as beautiful as I've imagined, but then you came into the picture and ruined everything. Thank you." Aera rolled her eyes.

"You're welcome." Kris smiled. "Aren't you going to get ready? We're leaving in ten."

"Yeah, I'll go take a shower." Aera sighed. "You," She pointed at Kris. "Get out from my room, now."

"Why can't I stay here?" Kris pouted.

"Because you'll peek into the showers like you did last time you were here!" Aera snapped.

"Damn it." Kris sighed. "I'm beginning to hate this eye donation of yours, you're able to see me peeking into the showers. I mean you can't possibly notice me if you're still blind." Kris leaned closer to Aera. "So tell me, what size is your ? Is it 6?"

Aera's face reddened as she grabbed the blanket to cover her body. "GET OUT!" Aera shrieked.

"Okay, okay." Kris laughed, "We're leaving in five." Kris got out of her room as he waved his hands without looking back.

 

Shin Aera's POV

 

The ride to that place wasn't a pleasant one. I sat at the front seat as Kris drove his car, but none of us made a sound. It was a complete graveyard inside his car. I looked out the window, I could see the beautiful green trees as we passed the empty country road.

Then I saw two couple of middle-aged couple; they're husband and wife I suppose. The husband was blind thus he wore a pair of sunglasses, while the wife linked her arms to his and gently guided him to the bench right in front of a lake.

The wife opened a plastic bag filled with bread crumbs and threw it to the lake. Ducks and ducklings quickly swam towards the bread crumbs, eating them. After the wife had finished doing her thing, she leaned back and laid her head on her husband's shoulders. Even though the husband was blind, he looks happy to me. He was smiling and laughing, along with his wife.

 

They remind me of us. After Kris's car passed the two middle-aged couple, my mind went empty as flashbacks entered my mind. Five weeks has passed after Yixing's death. Kris managed to move on, but I can't. No matter how much I held back my tears and lied to Kris about me moving on, I just can't get him out of my mind.

I passed out the moment Yixing was put inside the emergency room. I didn't exactly fainted, I was drugged by Kris. He said he did that to calm me down, and surprisingly that drug's effect on me lasted for two whole days.

But that two whole days weren't wasted; that was what Kris said too. He said that someone donated his eyes for me. Ah, it's a boy, he must be kind enough to sacrifice his eyes, doesn't he need them?, I thought the moment Kris said that. And he said that I was operated the moment I was unconscious. I was mad at first since Kris did that without me knowing, but somehow I was grateful to that person who donated me his eyes. I don't know who, but thank you anonymous person.

 

I was happy the moment I was given the chance to see the whole world again, but I also despise the person who gave me his eyes. Don't get me wrong, when I said that I was grateful the moment he gave me his eyes, but I just hate the fact that I'm able to see again. I must be crazy.

The last words I said to Yixing before the car accident was me, saying that my last wish was to see again. It happened right after our kiss. He asked me what I truly wish, and I blurted out the fact that I wanted to see again. Damn it, I regret those words. If I could turn back time, I'd never make a careless wish like that.

What is it that I really wish from the bottom of my heart, you ask?

 

Zhang Yixing.

 

I want him back. But that thought is a stupid thought that made waste my tears, since I had to face reality somehow. And reality is, Zhang Yixing's dead. He's no longer here with me, and he'll never come back.

 

Just three weeks after my eye donation, I had to be hospitalized because of the abuse I did to my new eyes. Yes, I abused them. How ungrateful am I? Anyway, I just can't accept reality and tried to follow Yixing's steps.

If he can't come back to me, I'll come to him. I thought. So I did several tries to suicide, but things just didn't go as plan. Like this one time when I went clubbing and I got drunk, I thought if I cross the road carelessly, I'd get hit just like Yixing. But that thought scared me and I just can't take a step forward. Yixing's image kept popping inside my mind, and that made me halt my steps.

And another time when I was alone in Yixing's apartment; he really does live in an apartment. I visited his apartment every week to clean it, but the pain stabbed me every time I see his face in his family portrait. I gritted my teeth and went up the elevator. I went to the highest floor of the apartment, the rooftop.

It was dark and my scream was heard all over the place. Back then, I can't sleep and I can't eat. I was too afraid to go to sleep cause I was afraid that Yixing would come into my dreams and haunt me. I was afraid to eat because I was too paranoid and sick with the thought of Yixing's death. Yixing had only come into my life for one month, but that one month was impossible to forget.

I took another step to the edge of the rooftop and looked down. I could see the beautiful city lights of Seoul and the cars bellow. What's the point of being able to see if I can't see the person I love? I was on the edge of jumping from the building when a hand carried me up, dragging me away from the edge of the rooftop. It was Kris.

 

From that moment on, Kris kept watch on me 24/7. He'd never let me out of his sight, even when I tried to shower; he's a ert, I know it. But I knew he did that only to protect me, he was being nice and I simply accepted his kindness and move on.

But even though I tried to smile and laugh like I used too, the depression of my loneliness was killing me deep down inside my body. It made me sick to my soul. I had to be hospitalized for vomiting blood all over my bedroom floor. And I was diagnosed to have a rare kind of disease.

It wasn't actually a disease from a virus or something, it was caused by my depression. I was too busy hiding my loneliness outside, I neglected my own health. But the doctors said that my sickness could be healed if I could ease my mind and let that horrible thought go.

Yes, Zhang Yixing's disappearance was too much for me to handle. I've never confessed to him, but deep down inside, I loved him more than I loved myself.

 

"...... Aera? Are you there?" Kris's voice shocked me.

"Yes?"

"We're here since two minutes ago, when you're busy with your thoughts or something." Kris said. "Shin Aera, if you keep thinking of Yixing, I'd have no more options than to force you to join therapy and to ban you from dancing." Kris's voice was rough and stern.

Ugh, threats. "Okay, okay. I wasn't thinking of him, I was just tired."

"Liar." Kris leaned back to take the bouquet of flowers from the back seat and went out from the car as I followed him into the graveyard.

 

We stopped at Yixing's grave and Kris puts down the flowers. The stone was carved beautifully, Zhang Yixing. Kris prayed and all I'm doing is standing still. I looked at the grave as my eyes watered.

I will not cry..... I won't cry..... I won't........ I'm a strong girl, I won't cry...... I clenched my fists as my prayed, hoping that my tears won't fall to the ground.

"Aera?"

"H-Hmm?" My voice was shaky, like I was crying.

"I know I had been hard on you before, but you may cry if you want to. You don't need to hold back your tears like that." Kris sighed.

"C-Can you l-leave us alone?" I asked.

"Sure, I'll be waiting in the car." Kris smiled a wry smile.

"N-No need. I'll just take the bus home." I faked a smile.

"Are you sure? Will you be okay?" Kris puts his hand on my shoulder as he examined my face that was holding back Niagara Falls from falling down my eyes.

I nodded. "Okay then." Kris sighed, "Call me when you get home okay?" I nodded again.

"Ah, by the way, Yixing said something before he passed. I just remembered.... Sorry?" Kris said.

"What is it?"

"I don't understand, but he said 'ten steps to the front, five steps to the left, and three steps to the front'. I don't think it's important so I forgot about it."

What does it mean? I thought. "It's okay." I faked a smile.

Kris left me alone with Yixing, and I spent the day sitting beside his grave, blankly staring at the sky.

 

I won't cry, not in front of Yixing. Not now. I repeated in my mind. So I took a deep breath and prayed with a smile on my face. "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread, forgive us our debts...." My voice shakes the moment I said those lines.

Have I really forgiven the person who killed Yixing? It was an accident, but can I forgive that person? No, I haven't....... But if Yixing was me, I believe he would forgive that person, no matter how bad he or she had hurt me. "As we forgive our debtors."

I sigh as I continue, "God, if you're hearing my prayers, please take care of Zhang Yixing in heaven. I hope he'll rest in peace and could have all the happiness in the world. And please, tell him the words I've never had the chance to say before...... I love you, Zhang Yixing. Amen." I opened my eyes and tears came out from my mind.

 

I didn't go home later at night. I went to Yixing's apartment. I made up my mind, I'll forget the moment we've spent together, I'll forget every sweet words he had said to me, I'll forget Zhang Yixing. Today will be the last day I'll step on this room.

I took off my shoes and went inside. I could smell vanilla; Yixing's usual cologne. I took a deep breath as I looked around. A huge family portrait was hung at the living room. I stared at it, at Yixing.

How much I missed his face, his smile, his dimple, his scent, his lips, his dance moves, him. I missed him so bad even though it had only been 5 days. "One last dance, and I'm not going to dance anymore." I said as I played a soft music from my phone.

It was the same music Yixing played on our first dance together. I remembered it so well, how our body danced together, how the rhythm makes my heart pound, how steady he made me feel.

 

I raised my hand, pretending that Yixing was really there, dancing along with me. I spun around and arched my back, with much difficulty, I pulled myself up on my own. Without someone steadying me, dancing along with me, I can't do much even with my eyes open. I reached out both my hands and imagined Yixing's soft hands going down my waist and spun around one more time.

I leaned to the wall, pretending that the wall was Yixing's body and touched the wall with the back of my hand as I pushed myself away from it. I pushed myself down as I arched a perfect C, and I pulled myself again. It was too difficult, I can't do this. But I must try. For my last dance.

I fall halfway to the ground, but I pulled myself up again, I lift up my right leg, holding it up slowly as I tried to keep my balance. I pushed my leg down and tried lift my other leg up as I reached out my hands. It was hard since no one was steadying me.

I jumped, lifting my right leg, leaving my left leg and twirled. The song came to an end and I leaned back against the wall as a tear fell from my eye. I don't want to stop dancing. I don't want to forget Yixing. I want to dance with him.

I fell to the ground as I cried. "Why should he die instead of me? I can't live like this! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't dance without remembering what Yixing did to me." I cried, "I don't want to see, I hate my eyes! Why can't I trade my eyes with Yixing's life? Why must he die the moment I got my eyes? I hate them, I hate them!" I said as I hit both my eyes carelessly.

Pain stabbed me in the eye, like in a second or later, blood will come out from my eyes. "I want Yixing back, I just want Yixing back! I don't need to see, I'm better off blind. Please, please just make Yixing come back!" I shrieked as I covered my face with my hands.

 

Then out of nowhere I heard a sound, a creaking sound. Slowly, I got up and went towards that sound. I was feeling kinda scared as I carefully went to the isolated room located at the end of the hallway. "H-Hello? I-Is anyone there?" I asked, but my tone was filled with fear.

"H-Hello?" I asked again.

I've never been into this room because I'd never dared too. This place seems isolated somehow and it spooked me. I hesitated to come in or not, but then I remembered the promise I made to never come here anymore, so why not find out what's inside?

I held the door handle and hesitated for a few seconds. Then I recovered from my cowardice and opened the door boldly.

 

There was nothing inside, but a big box, lying on the ground, covered in a white cloth. I walked up and pulled the cloth down, exposing the box. "SA" was written on the box, and I have no idea what that means.

The creaking sound was from the window that was blown open somehow. Maybe it's because of the cold and strong wind tonight. I closed the window before opening the box.

I opened the box and inside was a DVD player, and a bunch of CDs. Curious, I plugged in the DVD player to the TV in the living room and played one of the CDs there.

 

The image in front of me shocked me. It was............. Me.

 

It was a video of me, dancing. When I was still blind, when I thought I was alone in the dance room. How? How can Yixing get this video of me?

You have no idea how much I know about you. Yixing's word echoed around my head. I've been watching you. So that's what he meant. I just didn't know that he'd capture it on film.

I spent the rest of the night watching the CDs inside. It was full of me, and my dance moves. I can't believe him, he even got a video of me literally embarrassing myself as I made some strange annoying sounds with my . You know what I mean.

It brightens up my mood. I was feeling better to know that Yixing cared for me like that. There was only one CD left, I turned it on, eager to know what was behind it.

 

But this time, it was the complete opposite. It made me feel depressed and down again. It's Yixing. And the date shows 10 September. The awful date when a very important person to me got hit by a car, and died. The date shows my birthday.

I saw Yixing's pale body, helplessly laying on the bed with a bunch of pillows to help him sit up. He smiled at the camera. And it made my heart go numb, tears in my eyes.

"Hi Aera." He tried his best to smile at me. "If you've seen this video, it means you've seen all the videos I secretly took of you." Yixing tried to laugh, but it just ended with him, coughing blood. I heart ached and I flinched the moment I saw that.

I wanted to jump into the screen and just hug him tight, kiss him on the lips, saying the words I've never gotten the chance to say before. I love you Yixing. Like that.

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." He said, but his pale face and rough voice makes it impossible to believe that he's fine.

 

"I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful month I've spent with you, and sorry if I've made some mistakes to you before. I've been thinking about the words I said to you the moment we actually spoke to each other. When I said that I'd trade my eyes for you." Yixing sighed, "You know I won't be able to continue my life in this world for long, and it's a waste if my eyes are thrown out just like that. So I've been thinking to donate them to you."

My heart sank. Don't tell me.

These pair of eyes are Yixing's.

"If you're watching this it means my eyes are successfully donated to you and you're finally happy that your final wish has been granted." No, I'm not happy. I'm miserable. If only I can't see, I won't be able to see you, buried underneath the ground.

"Now that I've granted your last wish, will you please grant mine?" Anything for you, Yixing.

"Please don't cry." Yixing forced a smile. "I imagined you crying the moment I leave this world and it just made my heart ache. So my last wish is for you to keep that bright and gorgeous smile of yours and to dance to your heart's content." I can't do that. Not without you in my life.

"Don't think that I'm not by your side, I'm always watching you, and I'll keep watching you from heaven. I'll always be by your side." Liar, you're never here for me.

"And please don't cry." How can I not cry seeing your disappearance?

"Because those eyes are also my eyes. If you cry, it means I'll cry as well. If your bright smile went up your eyes, it means I'm smiling too. You won't make my life miserable in heaven my crying all my tears out would you?" Yixing.............

"I know you won't. I know you'll survive well without me. Find someone better than me okay? Someone who wouldn't leave you alone. Someone who cares about you as much as I do. Someone who's willing to trade his life for you to see again." Who? Who can I love besides you, you moron?

"And remember this Shin Aera. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow. I will always love you." Yixing smiled. "I love you." I love you too.

 

April 17, 2013

 

Joon sniffed as he took a tissue and wiped his teary eyes. “And then? What happened?”

Aera sighed, “Well, I got frustrated and mad at first. So I started crying, and that cries turn into muffled, desperate scream, and those screams turn into shrieks. But then I remembered what Yixing said to me, I mustn’t cry. All I could do to make him happy is to keep my bright smile high up. And from that day onwards, I started seeing things differently. No longer was I desperate and lonely, I was simply happy, to know that Yixing is always by my side, watching and protecting me secretly. Then I looked back when I was blind. Exactly nothing had changed. I was blind, but he was beside me. I’m able to see, but he’s nowhere near me. Sad isn’t it?”

Aera walked to the window, staring at the sky with her smile. She sighed and gave Joon a wry smile. “You better wipe those tears of yours and get some drink, or you’ll die from exhaustion and dehydration.”

“I get it ‘mam.” Joon sniffed again and got up to take his drink.

 

Aera played an upbeat music from the stereo. “We’re using this for your solo performance.”

“Isn’t this song suitable for couple dances? I don’t think solo dances are suitable for this music.” Joon protested. “Ah, why don’t you be my dance partner Ms. Shin?” Joon asked politely.

“You know it’s against the rules for the instructor to dance along.” Aera chuckled, “Besides, I’m better off doing solo dances than couple ones.”

“And why is that?”

“No one can compare to Zhang Yixing.” Aera answered bluntly. “My dance partner is Yixing, and will only be Zhang Yixing. That’s the reason I turned down all of the couple performances.”

“Stay strong Ms. Shin, your lovely student is always here for you.” Joon joked, but then he looked at Aera’s hurt face and sighed. “Do you miss him?”

Aera sighed and stared at the sky again, picturing Yixing’s face. “Every day.”

 

Then with a smile, Aera turned to look at Joon. “Now, you better learn these moves fast. Start off by walking proudly, and then you arc your back like this......”

Now you know a boy names Zhang Yixing, whose love is strong enough to sacrifice his eyes for me. I’m too scared to look at his photos, cause it’ll only bring back the horrible, yet beautiful memories. I’ve never seen him in real life; he has only lived in my memories.

“And then you do this.” Aera said, as she danced along with the music, as if she’s telling her story all over again with the lyrics; I cannot take your whispering. I wanna dance without you.

Me and Yixing? We’re in a very very very long distance relationship right now. Don’t think that our relationship is over. We may not be able to see each other, but we’re able to communicate by our dances, the music, and the rhythm. Cause every time I dance, I always dance a couple dance, imagining Yixing as my dance partner.

Yixing and I? We will always love each other, even though we’re in different world, our love will grow stronger and stronger each day. Until the time comes, when I’ll be able to join him in the new world.

 

    

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