Remembering
Remember Nothing
-"So she still remembers something" Tiffany said as she looked at Jessica.
-"I don't want to hear that" Jessica said as she looked angered.
-"You don't want to hear, what?" Tiffany said as she looked down.
-"I don't want to explain it to you" Tiffany said as she looked Jessica in the eyes.
-"Why?" Jessica said.
-"Because..." Tiffany said as she trailed off.
-"Because? What? Because you knew her and you didn't tell me anything about it?" Jessica said.
-"Because you've seen me talk to her all this time and you knew for sure that she wouldn't answer me?" She said.
-"The truth is...you already knew she wouldn't answer" Jessica said.
-"That's why you were always so negative about it, that's why you were always telling me to quit" Jessica said.
-"Why? Oh!" Jessica suddenly realized.
-"When I told you if you could talk to her...and you so stubbornly refused...that's why" Jessica said.
-"Yes" Tiffany said.
-"Tell me, how do you know her?" Jessica said.
-"No!" Tiffany said as she left.
-"Damm it!" Jessica said as she kicked the desk.
Jessica sat on Tiffany's desk and looked at the notepad.
She turned the page.
"They say when you die everyone will remember you" She read.
What could've happened that would make one person quit like that?
What had Tiffany done to her? Where did Tiffany fit in the dark and hidden past of Kim Taeyeon?
She did want to understand, but the truth is that she couldn't, simply because you can't understand that which you don't know.
It's as simple as that, and so Jessica could only get more frustrated as Taeyeon's past seemed more distant from her.
It's as if between them was this great chasm that they couldn't cross...neither of them.
And so Jessica knew...she knew that she wasn't going to sleep today, just trying to think of a way to simply save the girl that didn't want to remember anything.
To help the girl that simply wanted to forget. All she wanted was to forget.
"I can help you forget" Jessica read what she herself had wrote on that same notepad.
The truth is that she wasn't so sure that she could do it now.
How could she save Taeyeon? How could you even save someone that doesn't want to be saved?
It's more complicated than it seemed.
Jessica looked at the window behind her.
Night was falling down on the city landscape.
Taeyeon looked through the small hole she called a window...or at least she perceived it as such.
How did she knew that girl? In what part of her past was she? Where? How? When?
Questions she wanted to answer. Things she wanted to remember but the truth is that she doesn't know if she wants to.
Simply because the truth may be too hurtful. Taeyeon put a hand on .
When did she stop talking? Why wouldn't she talk?
The truth is that she isn't even sure, you know? Why she didn't spoke, why she didn't say anything.
All this time Jessica had talked to her, sometimes...she wanted to answer, she wanted to tell her so many things.
But it was just as if she was trapped in her own body, like she was inside a dark room from which she couldn't get out.
Answering Jessica was probably the thing that she wanted to do more on this life and yet she couldn't simply do it.
Maybe even...thank Jessica for all she had done, for trying to save her, for trying to take her out from the hole that she was in.
It frustrated Taeyeon...I mean, not that it showed on her face, her expression as always showed...nothing.
But the truth is that deep inside she was frustrated for not answering, for being unable to do something as simple as that.
It wasn't easy...sometimes. But now...she had tried it 4 times before. You know? To take her own life.
Because all she wanted deep down was to forget and to be remembered, even if Jessica was the only person that would remember her.
She would be happy, all she wanted was for someone to know that she was there that she had tried to live but she couldn't handle all the pressure that was involved in all of it.
Taeyeon thanked the tall girl that had let her stay here...even though she wasn't a mental patient...even though all she had was a depression which was a simple thing compared to the other things that existed in this place.
So many people that were worst than Taeyeon. In worst shape, not only mentally but also physically.
And so as simple as that...all that Tayeon did for now was...lay down on her bed and look at the ceiling, as the rain started to tap her window, small droplets at a time. Something so audible and at the same time so inexistent.
She looked at the ceiling, only the image of that girl from earlier appearing on the pure white ceiling.
Who is she?
What role did she play in Taeyeon's own past?
Does she want to remember her?
Jessica now in her office, sat on the small couch that was more often than less...her bed.
She had a coffee mug on her hand. She looked at the window, the drops of rain now dripping down, making the view of the city landscape...distorted.
As distorted as the thoughts that were passing through her own mind.
So many scenarios that she was imagining between Tiffany and Taeyeon. She was actually imagining how it would be if her family abandoned her...
On which part of Taeyeon's past did Tiffany fit? What was she to Taeyeon? Girlfriend? Friend? Enemy?
Jessica had no idea and neither did Taeyeon.
Jessica had eventually fall asleep, somewhere in the night. Now, the sunlight and the sound and smell of a mug of coffee being placed on her table, awoke her senses.
She opened her eyes. It was Tiffany.
She looked at Tiffany seriously. Tiffany smiled.
-"Are you going to tell me?" Jessica asked.
-"Do I have any other option?" Tiffany said as she sat down across Jessica.
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