I could hear nothing but faint footsteps on the painfully silent hallway in the north wing of the school. I ambled towards the library when my heart gradually starts to beat faster as I opened the door. I could recognize him without any difficulty by his bewitching and sleek-like hair alone. Heck, we’ve never even uttered a single word to each other but I found him interesting for some reason. He’s very distant to others, it’s almost like there’s a vigorous and titanic wall that separates him from the whole world. He shuts himself in an eerie and murky place which makes me want to, I guess, approach him even more. Weird, isn’t it?

I went to where he was and took a glance at his beautifully carved face. His milky white skin that seems so smooth gave me the urge to caress his face. His hair is even silkier than mine which certainly plastered the heck out of me. I tried to reach my hand to his face when I suddenly felt a tight grip on my wrist. What the hell?

“What are you doing?” His cold, conniving eyes stared fiercely straight into my eyes which sent shivers all throughout my body. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to—” I tried to renegotiate a plea with him but he suddenly stood up and walked farther away from me neglecting everything. Wow, my first conversation with him turned out to be such a big failure. Sweet.

The rain was pouring dreadfully hard when the bell that indicates the dismissal of the classes rang. There he was again, his back figure, dripping wet. He was looking at the dim sky with a blank expression on his face. I subconsciously removed my coat and ran towards him to place it on his back. His face went flabbergasted.

“Are you stupid?!” I hissed, breathless. He leafed through my frail petite body, from head to toe, which left me feeling perplexed. He rolled his eyes, “Who’s the stupid one here?” He removed the coat from his back and gave it back to me. “Cover your body, it’s too nasty.” Shoot! That’s when I realized that my underwear was showing through my currently-transparent-like uniform. Good thing I was wearing my sleeveless undershirt underneath, though.

“S-shut up!” I felt my cheeks burning as I halted my gaze from him.

“What are the both of you doing here?” We both turned to the direction where the voice came from discovering nothing but a teacher walking towards us. “Is this a new form of bullying, Luhan? You’ve got some nerve.” His gaze changed into something... indescribable, I presume. “Shut up, idiotic teacher.” A dim smile arose on his face for a moment which tightened up my chest. “So, he could still talk cheerfully like that, huh?” I told myself with a hazy voice. Something close to jealousy struck me, he obviously likes her.

She blipped the nape of his neck pouting her lips like an exasperated girlfriend throwing tantrums, “I’m still your teacher and you’re still my student, Luhan.” She eyed my body, from head to toe, again. God, why do people like to stare at my body that much? I know my figure’s great and all but- Okay, I’m kidding.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Her words startled my sleeping soul. Sure, some part of me wanted to let others get the wrong idea that we’re together but he, probably, hates it. I suddenly felt Luhan grab my shoulder and pulled me next to him, “And what if she is?” He started interrogating her. Wow, using me to make her jealous, huh? I should be flushed with anger right now but why am I feeling whimsical instead? This is getting out of hand. Damn it.

The teacher’s face lightened, “Wow, is that so?” Her eyes looked happy, similar to a mother’s. Luhan’s expression fell off, her face turned to my direction and muttered, “Please, make him happy as much as possible.” I was lost for words; I couldn’t follow the events that were happening right before me. “We don’t need it” Luhan retorted and dragged us away from her, his eyes glistening with discomfort.

“You’re hurting me, Luhan” He was ignorant of my words and continued to walk instead, tightening his grip around my wrist even more. “Luhan!” Surprised of my words, he faced towards my direction. “Finally, you can see me” I thought to myself. His face suddenly looked blanched, weak, defenseless. In a spur of moment, his surroundings became dark and to my dismay, he fainted.

I felt something touch my hair waking me up seeing nothing but Luhan’s beautiful face. Sometimes, I just can’t help but adore him. I could even stare at Luhan the whole day without getting tired. And yes, I didn’t bluff. “Oh, you’re awake now?” I said as I yawned, tired from all the mess that has been happening around me lately. “I’m sorry, ” That caught me off-guard; it was the first time he called my name. His voice calling my name made me believe about the idiom— “butterflies in the stomach”

Silence surrounded the entire room for approximately one and a half minutes. It was the kind of silence that wasn’t awkward, but it was the comfortable one. “Say…” Luhan evoked with much austerity in his voice. “Do you like me?” I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know what life was going to feel like when it finally did.

Negative emotions such as fear, frustration, anxiety and negativity swirled up in my mind. When that sick feeling deep down in my stomach started rising again, I felt a lump in my throat, unable to say anything. Noticing my perception, he tried to laugh it off with a joke “I was kidding, okay?” He rebutted. I stared at him in silence. There were so many things I wanted to say like, “What if I did like you? What if I say I feel really intoxicated whenever you're around?” Thoughts flow through my head in an effortless stream, “I’m hopeless” I muttered.

“Stop staring or you’ll seriously fall for me, creepy girl”

And that’s when it hit me,

I fell for him.

The weather felt so nice, basking in warm sunshine. And there he was, at the end room of the north wing in the school. I would always encounter him here all alone by himself like a lone wolf ready to devour anyone who tries to get close to him, and I, so far has been the only one who had mustered up the courage to get close to him consistently trying to get along with him as much as possible. I can’t help it. I couldn’t get him out of my mind these past few months. I guess my interest turned into a whole new level. I was never interested in guys, nor in love, until I met this guy I have no chance with.

“You’re here again?” Luhan asked like it was already a daily basis with me visiting him here. As a matter of fact, I’m daunting myself with my own behavior, but there’s something within me that didn’t want to let him spend a day alone. I didn’t want him to be alone, alone in that dark and somber place with no one to talk to. I want him to see things in a different light, if possible, with me.“Isn’t it obvious?” I mocked.

A sarcastic laugh came out of his beautiful lips that I’ve always longed for. “Funny” He added as he rolled his eyes. A chuckle came out of my lips, “Luhan, close your eyes” He turned to my direction with so much inquisitiveness in his look

“And what makes you think that I would do everything you tell me?”

“Will you please just do it?”

Sneering, I punched him with a soft emphasis in my fist. He rolled his eyes and did what I told him to do. I took out a mini cupcake that I arranged for him. Today’s his birthday and I wanted to celebrate it with him to make this day a little bit memorable for him. “Now open it” He slowly opened his pair of pale hazel brown eyes that looked so extravagant the moment you place your eyes on it. My heart started beating faster that it made me stutter.

“H-happy birthday, idiotic Luhan!” I gazed at him with a smile on my face trying to greet him with a blazing voice. Luhan was lost for words, dumbfounded. A faint smile slowly starts to carve on his face which made me feel ecstatic. “Oh, yeah, it’s my birthday” He paused and looked deeply into my eyes “And you’re the one who remembered it… You really do like me after all, don’t you?” He bantered subconsciously wearing his pretty smile he’s always good at. His smile was like a crescent moon that could only be seen once in a blue moon. “Whatever, well, here’s for my second gift” I added gleefully. I pulled his hands closer to mine and handed him over two tickets. Luhan looked at me with a bizarre expression, undoubtedly puzzled, “What am I going to do with these?” He asked. “It’s a ticket that gives you the right to make me do anything for you!” I told him cheerfully making a victory sign. I just can’t get tired of this, can I?

Luhan grinned, an evil smile on his lips “Anything?” Shivers ran down my spine as he looked straight into my eyes with those dominating eyes that made me freeze right in an instant. “Then give me your body” He pulled my back closer to him making my heart beat faster. I felt like I was in another dimension full of torment. Just what did I do in my past life to make me suffer like this? My cheeks were burning red out of embarrassment “W-what are you talking about?” I retorted. Luhan let out a big laugh.

“You should have seen your face!” He couldn’t stop himself from laughing; patting his hand on his tummy “It was ridiculous! Hahaha!” I sneered trying to hide my embarrassment. Damn this guy.

“Shut up” I punched him vigorously trying to make him stop “Okay, I’m sorry, but I was serious” His face turned deliberate, “Oh, I’m not falling for that kind of crap twice” I was about to walk away when he grasped my wrist “I’m serious, Kate” My heart started to beat faster. God, why does he have the ability to make me feel like this? I was mentally pulling my hair to get back to my senses.

“Go on a date with me”

“Sure. Wait, what?”

I arrived 15 minutes earlier than the appointed time finding him sitting on a spot where we were supposed to meet. Aghast, thinking of a reason why he came earlier than I did. Luhan in his casual outfit made my heart unexpectedly start to race or pound. He looks like a fictional character that came out to life. My thoughts were in chaos.

Two tall scary guys tried to block me as I tried to approach Luhan, “Oh, not this time” I muttered to myself as I annoyingly rolled my two eyes “Hey, you look like you’re alone. Want to hang out with these two older brothers of yours?” I smirked raising my eyebrow, “Who says about being alone?” I intensely glared at him “And you’re a bother instead of a brother, monkey” I wasn’t scared of them, but I tried to compose myself as much as I could. If we weren’t in a place like this, they’d actually be lying inside a coffin right now.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be such a wench” A hand grabbed his wrist before he could even place his arms on my shoulder. “Hands off my girl” Luhan was profoundly glaring at the man, his cold dark eyes gazing from the void fixed on the man’s eyes with an electrifying intensity. The latter scoffed pulling his hands away from Luhan’s grip and wandered away from us leaving the two of us alone with an awkward atmosphere.

“Let’s go” He held my hand and carried me to a place unknown. It was too exquisite that it carried all my troubles away. The whole city was visible to my eyes all the way up here. “It’s beautiful” I complimented the place “But what are we doing here?” I asked him, puzzled. “I promised a certain someone to bring the most important girl in my life here” He looked at me directly into my eyes, leaving me dumbfounded, unable to think. “I’m sorry, Kate” And before I knew it, his lips touched my forehead.

I couldn’t sleep a wink for two days because of what happened. His words kept on ringing in my mind making my breath feel heavy. Did I hear it right? Perhaps, everything was just a dream? I nervously walked towards the library and took a heavy breath before entering the room meeting nothing but a strong wind.

There was no single soul found in the room.

He wasn’t there.

I walked closer to his spot finding a piece of letter delivered to my name. Curious, I opened it with a questioning look in my eyes, “It’s from Luhan” I muttered to myself. It’s his handwriting, I’m sure of it. I couldn’t help but admire each and every single thing about this guy. He made me feel every existing feeling in this world. But for some reason, my heart felt bulky.

I started to read the letter.

“Dear Kate,

            By the time you’re reading this, I’m probably gone. Forever, that is. Will you promise me one thing before proceeding to read this letter? Don’t cry for me, Kate. Please, don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry and it would just pain me if you shed your tears for me. I hid it from you because I know you’d sulk a lot if I told you about my situation. I’m actually sick, I have a brain cancer and I just found about my condition a year and a half ago. Unfortunately, I only had a year to live—”

I was there, stunned, reading the letter he made for me. I didn’t know what to react, I felt numb. Everything felt so surreal, this can’t be happening, there’s no way this is happening, right?

“—My parents had been caught in an accident when I was a kid. Cliché, isn’t it? Since then, I used to think that life didn’t really matter. Why does life matter anyway? Remember where I took you out for our first date? I told you I made a promise to a certain someone that I’d bring my most important girl in my life there, didn’t I? I made that promise to my mother and that’s where my mom and dad met. I’m happy you’re the one I took—”

And there it was, my tears were continuously streaming down my face. My fists clenched. My heart felt heavy, really heavy. I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing.

I want you back, Luhan. Please tell me this is all just a joke.

“—When I started to like you, I began to value my life again wishing and praying that I could spend my lifetime with you. I’d give up everything just to be with you. But, you were too dense to realize that, you know? Just kidding. I was really happy when someone mistook you as my girlfriend. I wish you really were, though. And when someone tried to hit on you, my dark side was switched on leading me to a scary person I was. I’m sorry for letting you see that side of me; it’s just that I couldn’t bear the thought that someone besides me is touching you with a carefree attitude—”

You’re the dense one, you idiot. Why didn’t you take an action? Why did you have to take all the burden by yourself? Why do you have to suffer alone?

My tears were persistently trying to come out of my eyes as I bit my lips

“—It’s really amazing how you could stand beside me when no one dared to do so. Thank you for staying by my side, for making me feel loved, for making me feel someone truly cared for me. It’s a shame that I can’t spend another day with you, that I can’t wait for you right here in this spot, shame that I can’t confess properly, shame that I can’t have silly dates with you, shame that I can’t express my feelings for you, hug you, and kiss you—”

I’m the one who should be thanking you, Luhan. Thank you for being my first love, thank you for letting me in your life.

I wiped my tears and tried to force a smile, but I couldn’t. The pain was unbearable, it was hard. It felt like half of my life was taken away from me. The warmth that you gently gave to me will live in my heart forever. I love you, Luhan.

“—Remember your gift for me? Here’s my second order, idiotic Kate.

Smile. And have a happy life with someone else. I’ll be watching you from above.

I love you, Kate.”

            I felt the wind blow gently on my face whispering blandly in my ears, I knew it was him. I’ve been getting the perception in my chest like something, something really agonizing, is squeezing my heart. It was painful, so excruciating. I looked up at the sky as I pretended that I’m looking at his pale hazel brown eyes that made my heart flutter every time it made contact with my eyes. I carved a smile into my face as tears escaped my eyes and whispered,

“Goodbye, Luhan.”