And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse? 

No,

No, this can't be happening.

Heechul thought numbly as he waited in the hospital only hearing parts of what the doctor was saying.

"fell....two storeys high......broken arm......34 stiches in his leg.......hit his head........coma" 

No,

This can't be happening, he was dreaming right? Yes that must be it! 

No, this wasn't a dream, because no matter how hard he tried he could not wake up, because he was already awake.

He saw Hankyung body lying peacefully in the hospital bed. the room was silent apart the continous 'beep' signalling his heart beat.

"Hankyung.." He whispered.

"you're going to wake up right?"

"Please Hankyung you have to wake up, hankyung, I'm so sorry, I need you okay? I need to tell you how sorry i am."

"you have to wake up" 

"you have to wake up"

"hankyung..wake up"

"hankyung, wake up!"

"Hankyung wake up! you have to wake up  now!! why wont you wake up!!?? Hankyung!! 

"WAKE UP!! HANKYUNG!!!"

doctors rushed in trying to restrain Heechul as he screamed.

"HANKYUNG, WAKE UP!!"

"Heechul!" Heechul flew up up out of bed, instantly feeling dizzy.

"oh, Heechul!" He loooked up and saw his mother. 

"what happaned?" He asked

"you had a bit of a....fit at the hospital and you fainted when the doctors tried to stop you, your at home now, i have medicine the doctors said.."

"Hankyung, wheres Hankyung?" Heechuls mother was silent and she gave Heechul a sympathetic look.

"Hankyungs at the hospital dear, you know that" 

oh. so it really wasnt a dream.

"okay" Heechuls voice came out a hoarse whisper. 

"Listen, dear take some tiem off school, i  already talked to you teachers, ust untill you feel better okay??

heechul didnt reply. His mother stepped out of his room closing the door. 

hankyung. heechul thought. Oh god, hankyung, your going to wake up right??????

Heechul dreamed that night. he was sitting on a bench at Namson tower, surrounded by the thoasands of padlocks, secured onto the fence, by couples with short sweet love notes written on them. He realised immediatewly it was a dream. Namson tower was never this empty. He had neevr a dreamed felt so ...realistic before. he sat for a while when he heard a voice call out.

"Chul!"
"chullie!"

Heechul turned and caught his breath in shock. was that? no it couldnt be... well it was a dream? 

"Hankyung" Heechul mummered softly staring a his best friend who stood before him in black skinny jeans, navy jacket with sunglasses folded onto his shirt and inky black hair spiked up at the back. His hankyung, nothing like the pale, corspe-like hankyung that lay limp in the hospital. 

"Hankyung, I'm so sor.." Heechul trailed off when he saw hankyungs eyes. Hankyungs eyes were chocolate brown, deep and sincere, gentle and reasurring. This hankyungs eyes were...red? Not bright red, but there was difinelty a tinge. 

Hankyung just smiled "come on, Chullie, lets go" 

That was hankyungs voice. and Hankyungs smile. standing before him was Hankyung he was sure of it. 

" go where?" Heechul said still dazed at the presence of his supposedly bed-ridden friend.

Hankyung smiled. " a walk"

No, heechul thought Hankyung was in hospital, but if it was just a dream why did it seem so ...real??

"okay" He agreed. 

He walked over to Hankyung placing his hand out to touch him, hesitating as though his hand would go straight through.

Hankyung reached up and took his hand gently. soft and warm, like always. 

"lets go"

They walked holding hands down the beautiful trail leaving namson tower. 

"You know iv'e never walked from Namson tower, i always took the lift " Heechul said

Hankyung chuckled softly "but isn't it nice to walk? It's much more peaceful i think"

"yeah, yeah it is" heechul agreed. 

Hankyung walked over to a large beautiful tree. He lifted up to branches covererd in leaves, and ducked under, Heechul followed hesitantly. 

Under the leaves he could see the trunk of the tree and a small table and two chairs, made completely invisible from the path by the overhanging branches. It reminded Heechul of how when he was little he would drape a blanket over chairs and crawl into his self-made fortress. The leaves were the blankets and the branches the chairs. Hankyung sat down at the small wooden chair. Heechul sat opposite him.

"did you put this here" heechul asked gesturing to the table and the teapot that Hankyung was now pouring tea into delicate teacups.

"nope" Hankyung answered pushing the tea towards Heechul.

"then who did?" 

Hankyung just shrugged. Heechul lifted the tea to his mouth and inhaled the steam. 

"its still hot?" He questioned Hankyung. 

"why is there still hot tea when its deserted and no one else is anround?" 

Hankyung shrugged again. Heechul noted he never told Heechul he was dreaming or used that to explain the impossible things happening. 

Heechul blew softly on the steam coming from his cup

"it smells like chocolate!" heechul said delightedly, sipping his tea.

"ow! hot! ahh, it doesnt taste like chocolate, still its really good "  Heechul begun to chat with Hankyung, just like they always had. It was so serene and comfortable, heechul didn't want to wake up. 

"Hey" heechul said suddenly thinking of something "lets go to Han river" 

Hankyung smiled at Heechul before saying "another time" 

Heechul through his hands out to stop him from falling. His hands grabbed onto the bed sheets beside him. Wait, what? he sat up. he was back in his room. where was hankyung? the chocolate scented tea? the little hideaway under the trees? His mum entered the room.

"Heechul your up" she said kindly

"wheres hankyung?" Heechul asked.

His mother hesitated then said "the hospital, you didnt forget what happaned did you? 

"no, not that hankyung"

"what? what are you talking about Heechul?"

Oh, right. Heechul thought coming slowly to his senses. it was just a dream. 

"heechul are you alright?" His mum asked

"yeah, im fine, i just had a dream thats all."

His mother looked at him worriedly. It bothered Heechul they way she stared at him like he was a child that had to be to be carefully spoken to as to not make him cry.

"heechul...just..make sure you dont confuse dreams with reality okay?" she warned.

Heechul nodded, but felt angry aat her. His dreams were the only way he could see his Hankyung, it made him feel better why does she want him to hurt?

That night Heechul dreamed again

He was sitting on the grass right next to the Han river. Hankyung walked up to him and sat down next to him. 

They talked for a while. Heechul enjoyed his company. simply having him next to him made him feel better. During one of there comfortable silences hankyung said,

"Who is anyone else to question your reality? how do they know which is your reality and which is the dream?"

Heechul looked over to hankyung surprised. Hankyung had never mentioned dreams and reality before despite Heechul knowing it was a dream. 

Heechul pondered about what Hankyung had said. Not long after he felt a falling sensation and woke up in his own bed. 

You know, he thought to himself, hankyung has a point. 

Every night Heechul would dream of Hankyung. At first it was just at night but then it was anytime he napped or lay down. He spent more time aslweep then he did awake. every time he would talk to hankyung and they would walk together. every time  he got to see the familiar hankyung that he loved. the familiar inky black hair the cute laugh that he loved and his familiar red tinged eyes.

His mother had decided that he had to go to school. she was getting worried that all he was doing was sleeping. she though school would keep him awake. 

Heechul walked through the cold snow to the figured dressed in black

"kyungie!" He called. Hankyung turned around and flashed a grin. "Chullie!" he called in return. 

"Guess what !" heechul said before contunuinmg without waiting for an answer. "my mum is making me go to school tomorrow, can you believe that? she said i would get atleast a month off! its only been like 3 weeks!"  Hankyung laughed. "oh, poor Chullie will have to go learn something" he replied with fake sympathy.

Heechul shoved shoved him playfully. "ya! you can't talk are you being forced to go to school? I didnt think so" Hankyung just smiled before handing heechul an white chocolate flavoured icecream. 

"you got white-chocolate! these are so hard to find!" Heechul said . and before he could stop himself he added "last time i got red bean instead of white choclate, that was the day..." heechul trailed off. that was the day hankyung fell from the second floor. the day he went into a coma was what Heechul couldnt bring himself to say.

"there is only one real Hankyung" Hankyung said in a soft, barley audible voice "which one is real Chullie?" 

Heechul woke up to the osund of his alarm. He turned it off, annoyed at the interupption of his talk with hankyung. He thought about what Hankyung had said. Which was the real one?the reall hankyung, he though, is the one he sees every day, the one that talks to him and laughs with him, the one with inky black hair and red tinged eyes. thats the real hankyung, not the one lying in the hospital bed. not the one who was going to abandon him for China. No, that is not the real Hankyung.