Kim Kibum didn't know much about love.

He had never had a girlfriend before, and he never actually wanted someone in particular to be his girlfriend.

He had kissed one of his friends who had a crush on him once, when he was in high school. Although it was a nice feeling to be kissed, Kibum had not been really into it. He figured it was because he didn't feel anything more than friendship toward that girl.

When Key thought about it, wasn't it very ironic that he sang about love all the time while he didn't even know himself how it felt to be in love? He was even surprised that he could put emotions into his singing when he had never experienced such a thing.

Sometimes he wondered if there was something wrong with him. He was almost nineteen, shouldn't he have already had at least a little crush? He knew that the other members had all already been in love. Minho had told him about a person he had liked a bit after they debuted (he didn't give details, thought), and he knew Onew had started dating a noona who worked as an assistant in their company the year before, before they broke up because of the pressure of keeping their relationship a secret. And seeing how Onew acted after they stopped seeing each other, he really, really, liked that girl.

(Even now, Key sometimes caught him zoning out, looking like his mind was elsewhere. But when the others would ask if he was okay, the older boy would quickly brush them off with one of his bright-as-the-sun smile. Key had a feeling that it was fake...).

Of course, Jonghyun had have countless girlfriends since middle school and he liked brag a lot about it. But that didn't mean he had feelings for them. Even baby Taemin had been dating in secret (Kibum had been so shocked when he found condoms in the teenager's stuff. Lots of condoms).

So, being the only one without experience, he felt kind of worried.

Kim Kibum didn't know much about love. Maybe that's why he didn't realize immediately when he finally fell in love.

(Or maybe it's because he he didn't want that kind of love.)

He didn't understand why he had felt so upset when he had heard about Jonghyun dating Shin Sekyung. He just put his feeling of being betrayed on the fact that he had learned about it on stupid tabloids instead of hearing it from the mouth of his best friend.

He didn't understand why he felt like crying so often. He blamed it on the stress he had gained from promoting Lucifer.

He thought he was so jealous every time Jonghyun left the dorm, singing happily to himself whith this dumb smile on his lips, to go on a date with his girlfriend because the older man didn't spend any time with the rest of the group any more.

However, he didn't find any explanation as to why he sometimes had to hold back his tears when he sang. He had no reason to explain why he cried watching romance movies, and why he felt on the verge of puking that one time when he saw them kissing in the hallway of their dorms.

And most of all, he had no freaking reason for those dreams he started having every night. Those dreams that had Key wake up panting and sweating, or sometimes crying (once he had even woken up with a big wet stain on his pajama pants). Jonghyun was in every single one of those dreams. He was the center of them all.

Of course Key wasn't a complete idiot, and he soon admitted to himself the real reason of all his problems.

After all this time wishing and waiting for love, it had finally happened.

Kim Kibum was in love.

He could now put real, authentic feelings into his songs. He knew what it felt like to have his heart broken like Onew, and to have to hide his feeling like Minho did.

He finally knew what it felt like, and he hated every part of it.