I’m trying to smile brightly but
I don’t like it
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2

I’m trying to sing but
No one is listening
I’m not pretty, I’m not beautiful
Oh oh oh oh x 2

Why am I this ugly
What must I do for me to be able to smile brightly like you?

I’m getting angry again, why can’t I ever be perfect
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror

Don’t look at me, I hate this feeling right now
I want to hide away somewhere, I want to escape
This world is full of lies

 I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

Don’t tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you

 Don’t force me to talk, I’m not right for you
The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me

Don’t come closer, I don’t even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere, I want to shout out
This world is full of lies

 I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

All alone
I’m all alone x 2

There is no such thing as warmth
There is no one by my side

All alone
I’m all alone x 2
I’m always alone

There’s no such thing as warmth
Next to my side, there’s not even anyone to embrace me

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be prety
Don’t lie to my face tellin’ me I’m pretty

I think I’m ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I wanna be pretty I wanna be pretty
Don’t lie to my face cuz I know I’m ugly

 

I cry as I see my reflection on the mirror. How can I face everyone now? Why mama had to tell everyone about us? He doesn't have any feeling left for me now that he's dating other girl. Mama doesn't even know I forgave him long before after I found out his affair. Since when she became a very "caring" mother? Telling everyone George two-timed me? How dare you mama?             

Call me an Idiot, but I love him with all my heart. He was my first man, I gave him everything. My love, my heart, myself... Now that we're over, I can't forget how we used to promise each other we're going to love each other forever. I maybe a fool, but I trust him since I believe he's the one.            

As I open my diary, I can't help but start reading the first entry when we start dating.

"... I can't believe it! He finally asking me out! Oh my God! Am i dreaming right now ? After all this year I've been admiring him, I finally got a chance to become his girlfriend. It must be my lucky day! And it's my birthday too! How great is that?..." 

( August 11th, 2011)

And our first kiss we shared together.

"... We spend our time in my house since he hasn't tell his family about me. I tried to bring this matter to him, but he stopped me before I can talk. The way he kissed me made my heart pounding so hard. Noone ever made my body responded like this. It must be his ability that defeated me...."

(December 25th, 2011)

And how we spent our first night together.

"... He caressed me carefully, probably afraid I'm gonna leave him. I couldn't resist his touches and his kisses. I'm fully his. As we're making love, I can feel that he is the one, my man..."

(December 31st,2011)

I often questioned myself am I really not worthy for him. Distance pulled us apart. Because all my schedule often forced me to leave him alone in Taiwan, I can't blame him trying to find other "best friend". I was lonely too, but I tried to be faithful to him. Never once I accept other man's invitation of having more intimate relationship. His past promises was enough to make me stay faithful and cherish our memories together.

I remember he was so possesive and always jealous at all my male friends. Once, he was angry because I got message from an unknown male and it caused him to delete all my contact numbers and messages. I couldn't be angry at him eventhough I found him really childish sometimes. He'll getting drunk just to make me angry and fight with him. But who can withstand his charm? He is such a beautiful man.

My wrist catchs my attention as I remember what I was doing that day after he broke up with me. I know I'm an idiot since I didn't realize I grabbed a cutter and started to cut my wrist. I didn't try to kill my self, just trying to release my anger and sadness. It left some deep scars and it hasn't completely healed. Papa was the one who found me and brought me to the hospital. Papa... the one I believe really love me, not my mama. He made me promised him not to do any stupid action since it hurts him. He cried while hugging and comforting me. I realized that time Papa is really old now. I shouldn't make him worry.

I wipe my tears and and collect all the items that I got from him. Our photos, his gifts, and my diary, and burn it all. Let it be our memories then. Time to move on and face the reality. 

#3 message received

From: Owodog 英那屁(Ying Na Pi)

"吴硬卷(Wu Ying Juan), when will you go out? It's been so long I haven't met you..

Let's meet up, okay? Me and my boys miss our cute sister!!!!!

call me!!!

PS: Lolli says Gukkkk"

 

From: Kenji 吴克帬(Wu Ke Qun)

"鬼姐( Gui Jie) call me! I want to see you NOW!

A.S.A.P"

 

I better call them since they probably worry about me, as expected of my bestfriends. 

 

From: George 

"鬼，對不起"