Its been 3 months since he lost his battle to the dreaded cancer. Gone one day after he was born. Its spring now. The cold winter has left and spring has come back taking over the cold and replacing it with the warmth that i love. The green leaves are growing back on the tree and the smell of spring filled my nose as the flowers bloom rapidly around seoul city. Everything looks and sound the same but why does it feels different this year?

Because he is not by my side anymore. I miss him. Lee Seung Hyun, i miss you.

Imagine my shock when i found out he was diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to cry but i can't. My heart was aching as though someone stabbed me a thousand times. Out of the millions and billions of people in the world. I kept asking god "Why? Why him? Why must you steal the man that i have been searching for all these years ? " I was devastated but i put on a strong front. For him.

There was still hope that he would recover. Even if the chances are low there is still that chance. For now, let's just live our lives as though it will end anytime. I told myself repeatedly.

We lived life as usual. Producing music, singing and dancing but we took more time off to spend time together as a couple and of course for his chemotherapy. Living each day to the fullest as though the world is going to end or should i say as though MY world is going to end.

We went bungee jumping, theme park till it closes , night shopping at dongdaemun taking silly pictures at photo booths, cuddling up at night watching movies and watching the sunset and the sunrise together.

We were sitting side by side in front of the car just like a typical drama scene. He was lying on my lap taking a nap as i waited for the sunrise. "Seung hyun... Seungri ah.. Stay strong.. I will be your guardian angel.. Don't leave me alone… Please don’t go… " i whispered quietly before giving him a light kiss on his lips to wake him up to watch the sunrise that we have been waiting to see the whole night. We cuddled up as we watched the warm sun rise shine lightly on earth breathing life to the cold earth.

Day by day i watched in agony as he slept more and more. He lost so much weight that his cheekbones were protruding obviously from his face and his dark circles became extremely obvious. He ate very little usually just playing with the food on his plate but he kept his smile assuring me everything was alright although deep in his eyes i could see the pain he is going through and it breaks my heart into pieces every single time. Why can’t i share the pain with him?

On the Second of December, he collapsed while practising.

He was admitted into the hospital and i spend my whole day there talking to him about anything and everything under the sun. We practised our duet that Teddy oppa and Jiyong oppa wrote for us. It was beautiful but time was running out. He look so fragile as the days past and I was worried. No. He can't leave me now. He won't leave me today. I told myself repeatedly. Call it woman 6th sense but i could feel it. Time was running out and i'm desperate. Very.

12th december, his family and yg family came over to the hospital to celebrate his birthday. He was so weak tha