How can he be so happy? Doesn’t he know what he’s doing to me?

~~

His girlfriend sent me a picture of him, that ; she knew that I liked him way before she came into the picture. I, I just didn’t know what to do when we actually talked, I couldn’t form sentences. But I always told myself that I would tell him, I never did. Then she came along and they got together, my friend and I have classes with her and we see her constantly flirting with other guys. Not like I could tell him, after she started dating him he grew distant. First it was one worded answers then depleting time to walk to class together after lunch then to nothing. In fact, they make-out more than they talk.

Whatever, I’m drunk. You might be thinking, why am I drunk? So the burning feeling of alcohol soothes the pain in my heart. I’ve been drunk before but this time I felt like I needed to let some feelings out instead of just dancing; I marched to my roommate’s room and shook her awake, “What, What?” she mumbled rubbing her eyes.

“Take me to, to his place!” I demanded shaking her some more.

“Are you drunk? When did you get the booze?” she asked grabbing my shoulders to keep me still. She stood and pushed me on her bed, “You clearly aren’t thinking straight so you stay her and sober up and I’ll sleep in your room.” I sprung back up, “What do you mean I’m not thinking straight? Take me to his place or I’ll drive there myself!” I hiccupped in her face.

“Fine, fine, go wash your face and brush your teeth or something!” she pushed me into the bathroom. It was starting to feel hot so I washed my face with cold water and gurgled mouthwash.

She had taken me there, to his apartment at two in the morning. I smiled and waved her off, when she drove off. Yes great friend, leave your drunken friend at her crush’s house, what could go wrong? Don’t worry; she’ll be around the corner.

I turned around and walked to his front door and started banging on it. “Open up! I have something to tell you!” I shouted I hit the door one last time before resting my head on my fist while leaning on the door. “Who-?” the door suddenly swung open causing me to fall onto him, “Wha-?”

My eyes widened and my cheeks flared as I stared at his perfect demeanor. White long sleeve and red fleece pants, his hair was unruly with the angelic sleepy face with his eyes half-open in danger of closing, “What are you doing here? It’s like two in the morning.” He looked at me as I scrambled off of him, “I-um, that is, I mean…” I stammered.

“Did you drink? You smell like alcohol.” He said, leaning over with a concerned expression. I took a deep breath and sipped my liquor from a straw; hey I never said I would stop. “You shouldn’t be drinking anymore.” He said trying to prying my drink out of my hands. The burning sensation filled my heart and stomach, and the familiar high started to take over.

“You-you know why I’m here?” I began to slur as I took another sip.

“Because you’re drunk?” he asked.

“No, because I like you.” I replied.

“I like you too.”

“You don’t get it.” I rolled my head, “You never got it, even when I dropped hints like bombs.” I looked at him square in the eye, “I like you, and I’m not shy, I stammer, I run away, I break into cold sweat because you, you are an . You can’t see that there’s this nice innocent girl who won’t look at anyone but you since middle school. In fact, you know what you did? You went ahead and started dating that, that because she was cute.” I stumbled; he took my arm and dragged me inside.

“Don’t call her a .” He glared.

“‘Don’t call her a .’ I can call her what I want to!” Sip. “In fact, I had to tell you what I’ve been seeing and been told. You know, you know, did you know that she flirts with other guys?” I glared at him with my drunken state, “Oh yeah, she flirts she talks and gets up to their faces real close like this.” I take a step toward him until we’re practically breathing on each other, staring at each other’s eyes.

“But can you tell? No, because she’s a two-faced .” I said the last few words with sharp endings for emphasis. “You’re too good for her.” As I took a step back letting my head hang, “You deserve better.” I mumbled.

“So did you expect me to run-” I cut him off.

“No!” I yelled, “No, no, no, no,” I clutched my head and squatted, “I didn’t want any of that. I want you to be happy, I want you to not be lied to.” I raised my head at him with slightly watery eyes, “I didn’t want you to date me, I don’t want any of it I just want you to be happy.

I admit that I was jealous at first, and then I saw that you smiled a lot. Remember that haiku I wrote in high school? ‘His smile so bright, when my life is oh so dim, he is my candle.’ That was for you.” I shifted my weight until I sat on the floor and leaned on the wall, “But did you noticed? Noooooo, even when everyone asked me who it was for and I blatantly looked at you.”

I brought up my knees and hugged them, “I hate you. Doing all those things to me, smiling, helping me, and asking me to dance at prom. You made my heart pound and flustered.”

My heart started to ache, the familiar pain that made my chest cave in to avoid being touched by the pain and tears rolled off my face. “God I feel stupid now.” I stood up, “Well while I’m still an emotional wreck I might as well do something stupid.” I took a step closer to him and kissed him, hard almost like my life depended on it. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer.

After what seems like a long time in heaven I let go and turned around. “W-wait, you’re leaving?” he asked. Without looking back I just opened the door and stepped out. “Thanks for letting me talk to you. Sorry I’ve been a bother.” I murmured. I closed the door and walked to the curb texting my roommate to come pick me up. I sat and began to bawl, I inhaled shaky breaths and sobbed loudly, I finally let the pain touch where it hurt the most.

~~~

Hey Hey! Well, I haven't posted anything in a while >_< but this is one of those things that popped up a while ago but I never really got down to posting it. But you know what ? I have this stupid writer's block that won't go away. then i started to try to get back in touch with my creative side, I started to pick the pens, oil pastels, markers and such like i did in high school first then i started to do simple creative writing examples. For example, I would have those flashes of inspriation so i would write them quickly before i forget. Then eventually i sstarted to read all, and i mean ALL, of my works. Even the ones i didn't post, like Chances or Princess Charming (both aren't one shots) there were other ones i wrote that were, honestly, borderlining the things i usually write (cute and dramactic-ish) and sort of going toward a more... mature, but it was just kissing. I'm thinking about posting that one actually. I'm working on one now, I posted one earlier this year then i read it over and it was terrible so i took it off (it was terrible because i forced myself to write it).

Fellow writers, you know that when you have to force yourself to write something it won't be good.