When Everything Has Been Erased In The Passing Of Time

Seoul 2022

They arrived at the funeral parlor close to midnight after taking a cab straight from the airport. They both agreed that even though the flight was long they would go to the hotel later because it was more imperative for them to see their grieving friend rather than seek their own comfort. Their friend needed them more and they knew that they should not delay their meeting.

“Kyungsoo-yah, are you going to be fine, baby?” Kris asked the man standing beside him quietly.

“Yeah, I’m going to be fine. Thank you for being so understanding about this ge” Kyungsoo answered softly and looked up to the tall man, a small smile gracing his generous mouth.

“Okay then, let’s do this. Suho needs us. Tao texted saying Baek and him are accompanying Suho in the room, so we can just go and meet them there” Kris informed.

He grasped firmly the smaller hand and started walking but stopped his stride when he noticed Kyungsoo was not moving.

“Soo?”

Kyungsoo looked up and he could see the myriads of emotions playing on the younger’s face belying the answer he gave him earlier. Kris should have known better than to believe when the man said he was fine.

It was Suho after all.

He would just need to wait and be patient.

“Does he know we’re here? … Does he know I’m here?” Kris heard his partner asked.

Kris smiled assuringly and squeezed the hand in his large ones softly.

“Yes, he knows that you and I are here. Are we going in? You know that I’ll always be here for you”

They looked at each other’s face, one seeking for courage and the other giving a promise. Once an unspoken understanding was reached between the two men, both of them started walking inside, warm hands holding each other tightly.

Seoul 2016

“Soo, I should be going now. Kai would come back soon from practice” Suho whispered as he slowly extricate himself from their tangled mess.

Kyungsoo hated when Suho had to leave his bed because he was afraid being caught by Kai or any of the other members. They had just spent the last couple of hours immersed in their own world where there was no boundary between them. There were no Suho the leader and Kyungsoo the vocalist in those hours. There were only Suho the lover and Kyungsoo the beloved, a pair of beating hearts that melted into one burned by the fires of passion, lust and most importantly love. The love that was felt in their hearts and sometimes intimately during stolen times just like the present but never in the open.

Kyungsoo wanted to pull the beautiful man close and never let him go because that warmth belonged to him and he wanted to defy the secrecy that Suho imposed on their relationship but alas he had to let him go.

It was not the other members could not guess what was happening behind the closed and locked door but they respected the leader’s privacy too much to in or made any comments even jokingly. In return, Suho never messed in their love life unless they come to him for help. His relationship with Suho was one of secrecy and stolen times. But Kyungsoo understood it all too well because this was  part and parcel of being in a famous idol group.

His heart hurt, yes and he shed a few tears because being in love should be liberating but instead it has restricted him in displaying what he felt, what he wanted and maybe even what he needed in the open. It was bad enough that they had to closet themselves off from the rest of the world but not being able to be open with their own group members was even worst. Kyungsoo was sure that their friends would not judge them too much because if they did, they would have not kept quiet all these time.

He would love to have Suho for himself longer but the proper and responsible leader of EXO-K has a lot riding on his shoulders and he didn’t want to be one that plagued him with another problem. For now he would just give in to his lover’s request.

“Alright, hyung … I love you” Kyungsoo said before he felt the warmth from Suho’s body seeped away, leaving him cold and alone in his bed. He wanted to cry.

Seoul 2022

“Ge!” Tao said when he saw Kris standing at the threshold of the room. The lanky boy stood up gingerly as not to disturb a sleeping Baek, who was curled up next to him, head on a small throw pillow. The soft look that came across the tired young man when he softly arranged the pillow for the sleeping figure was not missed by the ex-duizhang.

Kris couldn’t help but smile because out of all the members in the group, the pair was the most unlikely pair to come together or maybe not. His smile became wider when he remembered about the man behind him because they were also might be called as an unlikely pair. As dainty as Baek to Tao’s height, Kris also could say the same to  Kyungsoo and him.

Maybe tall people like them have a certain affinity for cute, petite, huggable and cuddly partners. Maybe tall people like them like to be able to engulf their partner whole in their embrace, to secure them within their hold and to shield them from whatever bad things out there.

Maybe they were born just to do that.

“Tao. How are you?” Kris asked as he shook hands with Tao.

“Fine. Where’s Kyungsoo hyung?” queried the young man.

Hearing his name mentioned, Kyungsoo stepped out from Kris’ back and waved a small wave to Tao.

“Ahh! Hyung … I missed you” Tao said as he opened his arms expecting a hug from his adorable hyung.

Kyungsoo obliged. He missed Tao too.

“Where’s Suho?” Kris asked.

“He …” Tao started

“He’s here, Kris” a very familiar voice  answered.

The three of them turned to look at the source.

Seoul 2017

“You know you can talk to me about anything, Soo” Kris said.

Kyungsoo came last night to talk to him about his troubles and Kris knew it was about Suho even before the vocalist could form words to express his feelings. It hurt Kris to see Kyungsoo in such a state because he has a soft spot for the big-eyed young man. There were so many reasons for him to like Kyungsoo more than the others. The young man brought out the best of him without him even knowing it.

He prefers to see Kyungsoo heart-shaped smiles on his lips rather than to see them bruised from the amount the petite man worrying over them. Those beautiful eyes were red and nearly swollen shut by the amount of crying Kyungsoo did since he arrived. He came knocking at M’s dorm door a little over midnight asking for Kris. He was surprised at the urgency of Luhan’s voice when he told Kris that Kyungsoo was looking for him.

A bad feeling came over him and the feeling doubled when he saw Kyungsoo’s pale stricken face. He looked like he would fall and faint any time soon and Kris could see the slight trembling of the small body in front of him. Something really bad had happened. Without thinking, he scooped Kyungsoo in his arms and took him into his room, locked the doors and laid the mess that was Kyungsoo on his bed. He sat down at the edge of his bed and waited.

“Hold me, ge” Kyungsoo said.

The broken plea was enough to make him join the younger on his bed, gathering the trembling body into his, pushing softly the chestnut hair into his chest so that he could whisper soothing words into the sobbing man’s  ears.

Kris could not help notice how Kyungsoo fits him very well despite their height differences as if the younger was the missing puzzle he was trying to find all this time. He tightened his hold and wished he could just absorb the pain he could feel radiating from the man. The hold was only slightly loosen after he was sure Kyungsoo was asleep, all wrung out by the upheaval.

He liked the feel of Kyungsoo’s small hands laced with his and never missed any opportunity to hold them when they presented themselves. He savored those times and held them close to his heart because he knew that Kyungsoo belongs to Suho and he swore that he would stomp whatever feelings he has for the younger to keep them at bay. He promised himself to be always there for Kyungsoo and even Suho if they need him. They were his friends, his brothers.

But then times like these happened, when those feelings wanted to break free to the surface and run amok out in the open. He wanted to hold Kyungsoo close and tell him that whatever it was troubling him, this duizhang will always be there.

“What happened, Soo?” he gently prodded again when what seemed like an eternity has passed.

Kyungsoo was now sitting with his legs folded on his bed and he was facing the opposite wall. Kris knew he had decided to tell him what was wrong when the man took a huge gulp of air as if he was going to drown if he didn’t and exhaled loudly.

The tears that were threatening to fall again finally fell from those large troubled pools, making their way across pale cheeks down to the edge of the chin. Those crystal tears became steady streams and it was evident that Kyungsoo wanted to stay something but was struggling by the way his chest rose and fell. Kris waited another eternity before getting his answer.

“Suho hyung is leaving us. He’s …” a sob escaped from Kyungsoo.

Kris put his hand on the ones that were torturing the hem of Kyungsoo’s shirt.

“He’s getting married” and with that Kris knew Kyungsoo was broken.

He didn’t know whether it was true or not; he would find the truth about it later, but his Kyungsoo needed more than just words now. So, Kris pulled the smaller onto his lap and hugged him closer. He could feel Kyungsoo’s arms went around his waist in attempt to get closer and let him do so. That was what Kris was made  for; he was made to comfort this man and he wished he could do more. So, he kissed the top of Kyungsoo’s head and placed his large hand on the side of the younger’s head, pushing it slowly so that Kyungsoo was leaning on his wide chest. Kris then scooted himself near the headboard so he could lean on it comfortably.