Chansung/

I don’t know what I’m doing here.
I should be resting in my dorm or do something good and relatively useful but since I’m already here, I shall share a story about myself as well then.

As the maknae of the group, I hold back a lot.
I just put on this mask where I just satisfy what people expect of me.
When they think of Chansung, they think of this guy eating non-stop, mostly of bananas.
So that’s what I do. I eat like I had been taken hostage for years and eat bananas like I’m a goddamn monkey.
Honestly though, I do this for you guys.
I don’t know how it makes you happy but they’re a couple of people that I personally know that thinks of me eating bananas makes me look cute so I eat bananas.

But really though, it was already said that I was on a banana diet once where I could only eat bananas so what make you all think that I still love bananas after that diet?
Wait, why am I yapping about bananas and food?
No, that’s not the story I want to share.
Since this is where everyone shares their love story, I shall tell mine as well then.

For starters, my story isn’t that interesting.
Its rather sad, really but that’s how my life rolls so I can’t really complain, can i?
Well, before I was an idol, I loved a woman.
I still do.
She was the reason I wanted to be an idol in fact so for those who appreciate me as an entertainer, thank her.

When I was young, I wasn’t this attractive, actually.
In fact, I was real fat.
And I was kindda of an outcast for that.
I have a sister; I hate her when I was young.
She teased me for being fat a lot and she too became the reason I wanted to lose some pounds.
Not really. Not her but her friend, the woman I was in love with.

My sister came back home one day from school and I distinctly remember another girl following her behind.
She told me that the girl was her friend when I asked.
The way her hair danced in the wind and how her smile made me want to smile, it was breathtaking.
And as far as I remember, no one else had made me feel that way other than her.

I called her noona at first but I don’t like it when I keep calling her that because it reminded me that she’s older than I am.
After getting her permission, she allowed me to call her as a friend would and from there, I made my way to try to get her attention.
I worked out, went dieting, did everything I could to look better, in any way, to try to attract her.

It didn’t work.

Even after I lost so much weight, even after so many girls came to me telling me they take interest in me, she still looked at me the same way.
The way she looked at me the first time we met.
It was as if possibilities of her returning the same feelings I have for her back was close to impossible.

And impossible it was.
There was this one day when I felt so encouraged that I ended up confessing to her that I had developed a liking for her.
Nah, not really a liking.
More of sincerely loving her.
As cocky as it sounds, it was true.

“ I love you too, Channie. Just not that way. “

I recalled her saying with a smile.
If she hadn’t smiled, I could’ve sworn, I would’ve just killed myself for even thinking us, me and her, were possible.
How stupid was I right?
I returned that smile back at her but at that moment, my heart was breaking.
My eyes were waiting to tear and I even see my vision stop, as if I suddenly died.

I mean what I said.
I wasn’t exaggerating.
I was a kid when I loved her.
Just barely at the legal age.
And if I knew it would’ve hurt as much as it did, I would’ve never, ever have even consider liking her at all.

I don’t know if now I’m over her, or am I not.
But I don’t want to take chances.
Right now, I have many girls in love with me, I could choose from them.
Most are even prettier than that girl I loved, but I don’t know, this stubborn person I am, I only want her.
I’m such a brat, aren’t i?

That’s my share of this compilations of stories.
My story compares nothing to the rest, mines just a minor.
It’s just about me being rejected by a girl five years my senior.
But I just wanted to write it out and maybe try to make some sense out of this.

Sadly, I can’t.
My life makes no sense. 

*************************************************************************************************************************

Pictures are for your entertainment and are not owned by me.
Tumblr owners, you're amazing.