[2 years ago]

  After two knocks on the door, I opened it and peered inside. “Having bad dreams again?”

  A groan was followed by the sound of bed sheets being ruffled. “Nightmares, Erica. They're called nightmares.”

  Walking to my brother's bedside and sitting down, I shook my head. "Nope, I refuse to believe that bad dreams are always nightmares. Nightmares are when the things you are most scared of torture you, but bad dreams are when the things you've done, the bad things you've hidden come and haunt you."

  “To some extent, sis, that’s the same. And no, I am not having a debate with you at,” he squinted at the shining red digits on his left, “3:07 in the morning.”

  I smiled. “Brain exercise, K.”

  “What are you doing staying up so late, anyway?” He asked.

  “I was thinking about your offer.”

  My brother sighed and tilted his head, his smooth black hair unveiling his eyes that shined with a matureness you could rarely see in a teenager's eyes. “I was just mad, E – “

  I shook my head. “Did you forget about that lesson we had together? Only when people are angry do they really speak out their true thoughts and feelings. I... understand what position we're in now, and you were right.”

  Kayden didn't say anything for a moment. Suddenly, he sat up straight in his bed and wrapped his hand around my wrist. "It's alright, E. Hey, hey, whatever it is, it's alright."

  That was my brother. That was my younger brother, just one year younger than me, who could always know that I had just cried, who could always know that something bad had happened to me and I was mentally blaming myself for everything again, who always never asked 'what happened' but skipped right to the comforting part. That was my brother who understood things even I couldn't, who let me climb into his bed and lie my head on his shoulder because he was already out-growing me, who put his arm around me and held me as I cried again over some skateboard jerk and made me feel like I was safe, that I was home.

  That was my Kayden.

  Ever since I'd met her, I'd never heard Kim Seyi complain about being tired, or even just seem tired. Never. Not when she just had merely three hours of sleep, not when she had just done an impossible workload of training; not even when she had just finished three hours of acting class, two hours of dancing, two hours of martial arts, and one hour of Soft Skills class, all back to back.

  “NO! FREAKING! WAY!”

  “Seyi, please sit down-" I was starting to panic.

  “YOU'VE GOTTA BE JOKING! You must be because that's the only reasonable explanation right now!”

  “Please stop jumping-“

  “I swear,” Seyi dragged the last word out divaishly, “if you are joking, Evie, I will never forgive you.”

  I facepalmed myself. “Why would you think I'm joking?”

  “BECAUSE!” She shouted, but thank god she finally decided to sit down (and squirm.) “It just sounds so... so unreal! Like ohmygod, Mark Tuan taking you out on a little date? Ohmygod. Mark Tuan texting you? Ohmygod. Mark Tuan's texts? Oh. My. God!”

  “Ok, stop.” I held up my hand. “First off, Seyi, it wasn't a 'date' for goodness sake, it just... wasn’t. Second, legitimately it was me who texted him first, so well, yeah. And third, you've never even seen his texts – “

  “But according to the way you told me about your cute little text convo, I mean, like he even babbles! Ohmygod? That's not what we all think he is like, you know? Everyone thinks he's a guy who has his style,"

  "He does have style – “

  "composes himself really well,"

  “I think he does – “

  “And doesn't stammer much or babble around girls or swoon girls by taking them to his own secret tree house or be just so... playful!”

  I was blushing mad, because Seyi made it all seem like I had just gone on a date with an amazing guy. “Well, he just is, okay. Maybe everyone else just doesn't make enough effort to actually understand him, and you must've also noticed he doesn't get much screen time so fans don't know, either.” Clearing my throat, I stood up, walked to the closet, and took my board out. “Come to think of it, it’s really such a loss. People should see this side of him more.”

  When I turned around, Seyi was smiling, and not smiling in an oh-you-two-sneaky-lovebirds way but more in a genuine, my-child-has-grown-up-and-I'm-so-proud way.

  “What?” I could feel my face heating up again.

  Her smile grew. “Nothing.” Then she burst into laughter when she saw the look I gave her. “Okay, okay! It's just, you two seem to be really happy together, and you really understand the real him, and he's breaking down your walls. I'm happy for you, Evie. Really happy."

  "Nooooooo, you are not getting that idea, Seyi, we're not even together – “

  “But you like him! And ninety-nine percent he likes you, too! Jeez,” she pouted as she gobbled me up in a hug and bid me goodnight, opening the exit door for me. “What's so wrong about you admitting that, Evie?”

  Because I have everything to lose, or nothing at all?

  Because I am hiding a secret so huge it could threaten everything I have come to love here?

  What are you so afraid of, Erica?

  Jinyoung was abnormally quiet the next night, and it was starting to scare me.

  “J… Jinyoung-ssi?”

  He answered without looking up from his notebook. “Hm?”

  ‘It was your turn to play this demo on the keyboard thirty minutes ago but you seem to be so fascinated by your notebook you haven’t even noticed me playing random keys that sound like a chicken being strangled’ was what I wanted to reply, but I bit my tongue. I wouldn’t have hesitated to say that in front of Mark or Seyi or Jackson, but with Jinyoung…

  “Are you okay?”

  Were we already best friends to the point that we could share our thoughts with each other? Or were we still at the awkward stage? I thought our relationship had progressed because there had been a few weeks where he used to joke around and make me laugh, and he would flash his eye-smile when I laughed. But then their schedule got so hectic, and they went to Japan, and were just so... busy.

  Jinyoung finally seemed to have his mind and soul in this room with him for the first time this evening. Slowly, he lifted his head up to me, him sitting in a chair, me standing next to the keyboard. For a long moment, he stared at me as if he were a detective and I were a mystery he was trying to solve, and it was a moment where I couldn’t tear my gaze away from his because I saw something, something that felt wrong to be there in his eyes that you could fall into just staring at.

  An image of another boy flashed in my mind, and I jolted back just slightly, but enough for him to notice.

  “Evie-ah, can I ask you something?”

  “O-of course, Jinyoung-ssi – “

  “Jinyoung, Evie. If not oppa, then just Jinyoung.” I heard the faint tease in his voice, and I was so relieved that I almost slumped into the chair across from him.

  “Jinyoung,” I imitated playfully, because I was not feeling the sudden seriousness floating in the air, and smiled, trying to lighten up the mood. “What do you want to ask me?”

  “What do you think of two people fighting over someone else?”

  Completely caught off guard, I couldn’t do anything but stutter. “F-f-f-fight?”

  “Say,” he his lips, choosing his words carefully. “two guys are friends. Really best friends. And they like the same girl. Of course, both haven’t told each other they like the same girl, but one just knows that his friend likes the same girl he does, and… and what should he do?”

  Breathing heavily, I said, “I’m not a great person at love advices – “

  “Please, Evie. I just want to hear your opinion.”

  I looked at him tentatively, stunned by his serious expression. Was he asking me for advice on lyrics for a song? Or was he really… asking me because it was something that was happening to him? I decided to go with the former, because thinking of it as the latter made me feel like I was invading a personal, more sensitive area of his which I had no right to touch.

  “I would want the boy to tell his friend,” I replied after taking a deep breath. “Then instead of fighting and turning on each other, ruining their once precious friendship, I would want them to have a friendly competition. Like… like both fight for the girl’s heart, but also supporting each other. I don’t… I really, really don’t like it when a friendship is ruined just because of love and jealousy.”

  “So you think that they should have a healthy, friendly and supportive competition, and one should congratulate the other when he wins in the end?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t really say it’s ‘healthy,’ but… yes.” I looked down to the ring on my finger. “That’s what love is about, you know? Finding someone who completes you where you’re lacking. Of one of the two different boys, one would stand out more for her, that would make her feel more complete.”

  Jinyoung hadn’t stopped studying me. “That is a very rare thing you are wanting,” he gently said.

  I gulped. “I-I mean, thinking in a writer’s perspective for lyrics, that’s the theme I’d be going for. We are talking about a new theme for a new song, right?”

  When I looked up again at him, his face was emotionless. “Of course,” he replied finally, with a reassuring smile, but somehow it felt like the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

  “I-I’m sorry if I’m suddenly being all poetic and sensitive – “ I apologized.

  He stopped me. “Don’t be, Evie. I like it when you’re being like this. It’s like you’re talking to me deep from your heart. I can see what Mr. Jeon saw in you, and why he is very fond of you.” He smiled.

  “He is not fond of me,” I denied. “He even refused to help me store some ice cream in his fridge at the office!”

  At this, Jinyoung laughed, and it was a genuine laugh I hadn’t heard from him for a long time. It made me smile and feel relieved, because I knew that I hadn’t lost a friend.

  At least not yet.

  When I stepped out of the room after the session with Jinyoung, I almost had a heart attack.

  “So, I was thinking – “

  “Ohmygosh!” I couldn’t help but jump, and all my things fell to the floor. But I just stood there, stunned, because he was just standing there by the door as if my previous thinking of him made him materialize right in front of me. “Mark?!”

  He was smiling, his smile so big I would’ve wanted to smack it off his face had I not felt so flustered and – secretly – thrilled to see him there. “Hi Evie,” he said as he tilted his head.

  “You’re not even supposed to be in this area!” I whisper-yelled, looking right and left down the hallways.

  “No one was around, so it’s fine,” Mark whisper-yelled back, then bursted into laughter. “And I wanted to see you.”

  At that moment, I could feel all my blood rushing to my head, so I felt warm and dizzy and I was very sure I heard the last part wrong. “W-w-w-w-what?”

  “Nothing.” Mark bent down to pick up my stuff, and automatically, I bent down too because how could I let a superstar like him pick up the things I stupidly dropped to the floor? “Nice to see you, too, Evie," he teased.

  My face was still warm, but the light-headness was fading. “T-thank you, Mark,” I said.

  He lifted his head, and it made my heart stop. Our faces were just inches away, and one of my hands was so close to his I could feel his warmth – no our hands did not touch like in kdramas, but it was close. He in a quick breath – or was that me? I couldn’t be sure because I was busy losing myself in his eyes, those eyes that held a universe of things he’d ever learned and knew, questions he’d always been holding, and curiosity to everything else waiting to be explored by him.

  I saw him – no, I felt him lean toward me. I saw his gaze drop down from my eyes to somewhere else on my face, and suddenly I panicked. I jerked back so hard that one of my shoes slipped due to the piece of paper under it, and I fell back right on my .

  Nothing happened for a moment, and then everything happened at the same time. Pain jolted up inside my body, I heard Mark laugh, and I felt the biggest feeling of embarrassment ever.

  “I – “ I scrambled around, trying to get up, but then I felt someone’s arms around me and they pulled me up. When I stood up, I found myself looking back into Mark’s eyes again.

  “Are you hurt in any way?” He asked, his gaze over my shoulder, on my knees. Maybe he was too shy to examine my , I concluded. I would be, too, if it were him that land on his . (Oh but I’m sure Seyi would’ve loved to look.)

  “N-no,” I replied as I got out of his grasp and turned around, the sudden coldness slightly catching me off guard. “Well, not physically. I mean, maybe a little mentally...”

  An end of his mouth turned upward. “I didn’t laugh too hard.”

  “Well thank you now that makes me feel just so much better.”

  He laughed, and handed me my things. “If it were the boys, I would’ve laughed so hard you’d see me lying on the floor already.”

  I studied him. “But…?”

  “But not if it were you.” His hand lingered on a piece of paper he was handing to me. “It’s not nice to laugh at a lady before asking if she’s okay.”

  I tried to ponder over that. “So… that means you can laugh now?” He thinks I'm a lady?!

  He grinned. “If I do, you’d feel even more embarrassed.”

  I groaned. “So was that your mission today? Operation Make-Evie-Embarrassed?”

  “Of course not." He sounded playfully hurt that I said that. "I said I was waiting for you. I was wondering… well, I could walk you to Mr. Jeon’s office.”

  I started. “How did you know he wants me to see him?” How did he know I had just received a text from Mr. Jeon?

  “I just know,” he replied, the smile on his face my favorite one – the one he always wore when he was truly enjoying something. “Now come on, I don’t want to get caught. And you don't want to make him wait.”

  And I just couldn’t say no to him.

  Mr. Jeon had called me to his office because he wanted to give me my schedule for the next month, since it was the last week of September. I was surprised when he told me that my time holing myself in my Writing Room was going to be ‘gigantically’ reduced, and even more when he told me I was going to spend more time with other artists. He must've known I would try to refuse because I was afraid of being exposed to too many people. He even looked ready to hear my refusal, but then he looked like he had a heart attack (he wouldn't have been the only one that day) when I said ‘okay.’

  “What’s with the sudden change?” He asked, seemingly happy that I agreed.

  The image of Mark and feeling of his warmth when he was walking beside me popped up inside my head, and with a shrug I looked away. “It’s… someone’s giving me courage, I guess. Making me want to try new things.”

  And again, only when I said that out loud did I realize it was true. Spending more and more time with Mark made me look forward to our next meetings, be excited for our next secret trips… it was a thrill that wasn’t supposed to happen, but when it did they made me feel alive. He made me feel alive.

  “Well then, I am very happy for you, Evie,” Mr. Jeon said. “Because you’ll be needing that courage when you go to California next month.”

  [A/N] THIS STORY ALMOST HAS 100 SUBS OMG I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH ;;;;;;;  As I promised, another update before Thanksgiving! Woohoo! How are you all spending Thanksgiving? I'm going to Las Vegas with friends, but I hope you all can be able to spend time with your families since mine is living overseas now and I miss them :') Anyways, thank you, every one of you, and hope you enjoy this new chapter! (TBH I couldn't believe myself when I reread the JINYOUNG-ASKED-EVIE-ABOUT-LOVE part hahaha I was like 'Woah, did I really just write that? LOL)

  AND OMG HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD THE BOYS' NEW ALBUM AND SEEN THEIR COMEBACK STAGE AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I JUST O<----------< BYE I AM SO DONE WITH THEM BYEEEEEEEEEEE. HAJIMA HAJI HAJI HAJI HAJIMAAAAAAA~~~