Whenever I'm excited for something, or even let myself feel excited – so excited that I feel up in the clouds – for even just a second, the world drops a bomb on me as if punishing me and saying, "Never, Erica. You don't deserve happiness."

  "R U EXCITED???!!!?!?!?!?!?!!!! GOT7 IS COMING BACK TODAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"

  Almost choking on my toothpaste with laughter, I shook my head at Seyi's text and shifted to my other foot to reply.

  "They're always sometimes back, Seyi."

  "But this time they won't be departing for somewhere away just a day later again! They're stayiiiinggggg"

  I washed out the toothpaste with my cup and rinsed my toothbrush. "And you can see you-know-who again."

  For a few minutes she didn't reply, so I took the time to change and fold my blanket. Deciding to grab some breakfast at a convenience store today, I snatched my bag, jacket, keys and board.

  Seeing the board gave me a new giddy feeling, because maybe I could see him today again, after almost two months.

  Mark.

  According to the news on the Internet, the boys' plane would arrive a few hours later, and maybe... maybe I could catch them coming back. Maybe.

  If they hadn't forgotten me yet.

  My phone chirped as I locked the door.

 "DON'T WORRY THAT BEAUTIFUL OF YOURS EVIE MARK AND THE KIDS WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO C U AGAIN"

  Heat seared up my face.

 "I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM!"

 "yEAH WHATEVER WOMAN I BET MARK'S BEEN THINKING ABOUT U TOO"

 "Ohmygosh IHU so much, Seyi."

  I could imagine her grinning with both her feet on the desk in front of her when I read her reply. "Have a safe ride to here! C ya in fifteen!"

  Shaking my head, I entered the convenience store and headed for the breakfast section.

  But before I could get to the counter to pay, something caught my eye and froze me cold.

  Unbelieving at first, I walked slowly to the newspaper rack. Even though the copy that caught my eye was tucked between two others that were written in Korean, that particular piece was in English.

  And its headline made me drop my board and bread onto the floor.

  How could I have been so childish, so immature? I was always doing what Mom and Dad wanted me to do, but secretly inside, I wished more that they'd praise me, compliment me for something I really enjoyed doing and had actual talent for. That's what, as I finally realized, pummeled me to run away.

  I wanted them to finally see me, to listen to me and hear what I wanna say, how I feel, and accept my "unordinary hobbies." I wanted them to realize I hated being a puppet, a stoic daughter as boring as wood, and really show me their love and support.

  But no, they didn't do that. Instead they just pretended I was a discarded daughter, someone easily to be replaced.

  Maybe that was the best for dad's company. Kayden had always been more interested in business, in work, in the Dreamcatcher Enterprise. Kayden had always shown more intelligence and sense in this field, while I secretly rebelled every once a week to a night full of lights and rushing wind against my hair.

  Yeah. Maybe it was actually a good decision to run away, letting Mom and Dad realize Kayden was more fit as the next heir than I. This was what I had wanted, right?

  Then why did I feel so sad?

  Why did I feel like I had just been abandoned, not the other way around?

  Crumpling the newspaper in my hands, I tilted my head up to feel the sun on my face. I felt sorry for just walking away from Seyi with just a few words a moment before when she ambushed me again at the entrance, which was another reason for my wanting to cry.

  And so that’s exactly what I did.

  I cried, and cried, and cried so hard on the roof, harder than I ever had since the first day I had arrived at Seoul.

  The tears were just silent trails down my cheeks at first, but then they transformed when a sob made its way out of my throat, and another sob, and soon I turned into nothing but a shaking, pouring ugly mess.

  All the lost I felt, the anger at my own foolishness, the frustration at my selfishness, and fear of never having anything as an anchor now welled up inside of me like a storm, a tornado, tossing and turning and overwhelming me until I couldn't breathe. I knew I was going to drown, that I was going to be dragged underneath all those negative feelings I was having –

  Music. I need music.

  Scrambling for my phone and earphones, I felt something seep inside me. It was a friend I’d rather never have contact with ever again but somehow, it always found its way back to me.

  Numbness. The kind of numbness that invaded one’s heart after heartbreak.

  And longing.

  Oh, Kayden... What would he be thinking by now? I stared at the headline again, the photo of my little brother smeared with my tears. "DreamCatcher Enterprise's new heir? Prospective eldest daughter’s whereabouts remain unspoken of."

  Would he be okay with all this sudden pressure? Would he be hating me right now?

  I picked up my phone, scrolled down the contact book, and stared at a certain number for the millionth time. One tap, and I could talk to Kayden again. If only he picked up.

  If only I had the courage.

  Even as my heart ached to hear his voice again, to see his smile and hear him say 'Erica, you pig. Strengthen up; I know you can! You're my sister I look up to!' But no matter what, I couldn't bring myself to punch 'Dial.'

  I was a coward; I knew that. I was selfish, and now probably Kayden was paying for all the prices. Maybe he hates me already, seething with rage because I left, just like that.

  Was I ready to give up all the achievements I had actually made on my own here, my new life I had dreamed for, just to rid my little brother’s burdens?

  Was I ever going to?

  Swallowing back tears, I promised myself I would go back to my apartment tonight, to finally gather up enough courage, and go online. To read every single piece of news of my family that I left behind. To see what had happened to them after I left. To see if Mom and Dad had said anything about how their irresponsible daughter had left them.

  I had succeeded in stopping the tears from leaking out anymore, until a few minutes later a particular red-head practically conjured up right next to me from thin air.

  To be exact, to-be-brown-head.

  According to Mr. Jeon, it was planned for Mark to change his hair color to brown for their next comeback, and during those days of staring at my phone and secretly cursing myself for never asking Mark for his phone number, I imagined how he would look in brown hair. At first I couldn't really conjure up the image, so Seyi came to me this one day holding a photo-cropped picture of Mark, with brown hair.

  And Oh, My God.

  My heart faltered the moment I saw it.

  But of course I didn't admit that to Seyi. ("Oh shoo, girl. Your acting is so bad it would make my grandpa feel like he should've gotten an Oscar.")

  I would've been lying if I said I didn't miss him. Hell, I even missed Jackson and the other boys. But on the rooftop opening my eyes to him right in front of me, his nose barely brushing against mine, and face so close I could see into the depths of his brown eyes – that was an exaggeration.

  I couldn't even bring myself to stare into his eyes for more than three seconds. He had that effect on me, along with the accelerating of my heartbeat, and feeling like every single move of mine had intensified and turned clumsy.

  Why had I told him about Kayden and Ar? Why had I told him something I had never told anyone else?

  Why, when we both spoke at the same time, did I feel a surge of joy?

  And what was even weirder, was when I told him about Kayden and he told me about his brother, too, I wanted to tell him more. I wanted to tell him more about my little brother I considered my twin because Kayden just understood me so much, to tell him about my life there, to tell him everything.

  Everything, including the truth of who I was.

 "... and you just have that ability, you know? Making people feel so much better?"

  I knew it was true as soon as the words slipped out of my mouth.

  The guy in front of me, who always greeted me with his smiles and ridiculous white teeth and dying love for teasing people, always made me feel better even if he didn't do anything. One sentence from him, and he could make me laugh. One smile, and he could make me want to smile back even if I wanted to cry.

  I knew I was screwed. Because liking someone who was this popular, who was known all around the world and practically making his way up to the superstar ranks with his mates?

  I knew it wouldn't end well.

  But it was as clear as crystal to myself.

  I liked Mark Tuan.

  "You drag everyone down with you, you know?"

  "I never meant – “

  "It's not what or whatnot your intentions were, Erica. It's who you are. You are a person in a rank no one should ever touch. Not even me."

  "Aiden, I'm sorry – “

  "I should've known having anything to do with someone like you would never end well. I should've never even tried playing with you."

  I couldn't talk, couldn't move. "You were just... playing with me?"

  "Even if I was, you ruined my life in ways you can never imagine. You are a poison to everything you touch. I reallly wish I had never met you, Erica."

  Even if I thought I had seen even a tiniest shade of pink on his cheeks, the grin on Mark’s face completely covered it. “I never knew that,” he said.

  “D-don’t flatter yourself, Mark. I was just… just saying.”

  His smile widened. “But I take everything you say seriously, Evie.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’d believe me even if I said the sky is actually yellow and dragons are the evolution of butterflies?”

  “I would,” he replied, laughing along. “And I’d start distancing myself from butterflies because I don’t wanna get burned.”

  “You do know I was just joking – “ I stopped as I watched him laugh even harder, because I know it sounds crazy and cliché but when he smiled? It made him seem as if he radiated of light, and the smile on my face had no intention of disappearing, no matter how hard I tried.

  Suddenly Mark stood up, brushing his pants. “Evie.”

  A tiny spark of panic ignited inside of me. “You’re leaving?”

  “Nope,” he replied. “I wanna take you somewhere.”

  “Is it a cave with fire-breathing butterflies?”

  He laughed again. “Do you wanna know?”

  I scrunched my eyebrows together. “No, I just love going to places without you telling me.”

  “I bet there’s some truth under that sarcasm,” he smiled. “I’ll tell you on one condition.”

  “I don’t throw my blanket at you?” I guessed.

  “You store this number in your phone.” He took out a slip out of his pocket and handed it to me. “My number.”

  My heart skipped several beats as I gently took it. Did he know how badly I had been wanting to ask for his number? And now he was giving it to me?

  “Wha – “

  “Would you like to go now?”

  The smile he was wearing on his face gave me the feeling that I would be in for something very interesting, if only I took his out-stretched hand.

  And I knew I would never turn down any opportunity like this, an opportunity for me to keep on being with him. Even for just a little while.

  Even if I was having feelings for someone who would never possibly return them.

[A/N] Becoz Evie told Mr. Tuan here that we can

and that

LOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CREDITS TO THE OWNER! Hope you guys enjoyed this update, AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!