"Does he..."

 

"Does he what?"

 

"Does he know..."

 

"Sorry, I don't understand," Sanghyuk enjoyed teasing her mother, mostly because no matter how comfortable she was with Sanghyuk she always walked on eggshells with her words. Sanghyuk was fairly thick skinned; she didn't get offended easily. Her mother acted like she would say something wrong by saying the truth and Sanghyuk found this rather hilarious. 

 

"Does your date know about..."

 

"My tragic lack of a ? Yes, he does," Sanghyuk blinked her eyes after her mother had applied a finishing coat of mascara. Sanghyuk knew how to do her own makeup, but for an occasion such as this he called on the expertise of the woman who'd been doing it for years longer than Sanghyuk had even been alive. Sanghyuk was already in the dress that she and Hongbin had picked out and her sister had finished clipping her hair into a half up-do ten minutes ago. A glance at the clock told her that Hongbin would arrive to get her in fifteen minutes. Knowing Hongbin told her that he was probably driving circles around the block not wanting to be too early and rush her. She threw him a text saying that she was ready whenever and sure enough he was knocking on the front door not two minutes

later. 

 

"Ah," Sanghyuk stood up and swirled around her mother who had bolted to the door at the sound, "I'll get it."

 

"Right, okay," she stepped back, though not too far and couldn't seem to stand still. 

 

"Hey," Sanghyuk smiled as she opened the door to Hongbin who looked even more ravishing than he did in the department store. 

 

"Hey yourself," Hongbin sighed. His lips were parted and his eyes roamed over Sanghyuk before settling on her face. He looked awestruck, unable to form any more words let alone close his mouth or walk forward. 

 

"Come in, mom wants pictures," Sanghyuk said shyly and moved aside a bit. 

 

"You look astonishing," Hongbin managed, blinking to clear his mind and focus on something besides how incredibly gorgeous Sanghyuk looked. It wasn't that he didn't find her beautiful on a daily basis (and consistently let her know just that) but that this look highlighted everything Hongbin already adored. He stepped in after she mumbled her thanks. 

 

"Miss Han," Hongbin greeted her politely with a slight bow and smile before he extended his hand, "Hongbin."

 

"Please to meet you, Hongbin," she couldn't contain her joy as she shook Hongbin's hand. Hongbin was expecting this as Sanghyuk frequently spoke about how excited her got at the mere mention of the dance and how Sanghyuk would be attending it with a date. 

"We really have to go," Sanghyuk tugged on Hongbin's sleeve. 

 

"Picture!" Sanghyuk's mother chirped and urged them together. They stood in the classic pre-dance pose with Hongbin's arm around Sanghyuk's shoulder and Sanghyuk holding Hongbin's waist, both smiling earnestly as their picture was taken. Hongbin lingered a moment when Sanghyuk's mother lowered the camera. She spoke in her motherly tone with a hand on her hip, "Hongbin, you seem like a nice boy but I still expect her home by eleven and-"

 

"Mom!"

 

"Alright, just text me occasionally so I don't chew my nails off worrying about you," she gave Sanghyuk a crooked smile and rubbed her arm. 

 

"Will do," Sanghyuk nodded. 

 

Hongbin drove them to the dance in his parents car which was undeniably nice and much better than walking even though the distance was completely walkable. Sanghyuk had to frequently remind him to keep his eyes on the rode or they'd never arrive alive but Hongbin's gaze constantly ventured to the passenger's seat. For the sake of not veering off the road Sanghyuk wound up taking Hongbin's hand between the armrests and squeezing it whenever his lack of focus posed a threat to their safety. 

 

"Wait," Hongbin said as he pulled into the venues parking lot. It wasn't at their school, but rather in the party room of a catering restaurant. Sanghyuk was relieved because she'd been expecting the worse for this dance and anything embarrassing that happened she could leave there and not see reminders of on a daily basis. Hongbin had told her that everything would be fine and she needed to be optimistic. Sanghyuk wished she could believe Hongbin but he was coming from an already open mindset that, though they should, not everyone was fortunate enough to posses. Hongbin his top row of teeth and looked at Sanghyuk, "I didn't want to say much in front of your family but, goddamn, you are gorgeous."

 

"No, I'm just-"

 

"Stop that," Hongbin said playfully. Sanghyuk had retracted her hand back into the pillowy fabric of her skirt so Hongbin fetched it again, "I'll keep saying it until you believe it."

 

Sanghyuk was smiling a bit, more out of amusement as to why Hongbin would insist on lying to her than due to the actual flattery, "I might just have to punch you."

 

"Go ahead, punch me. Then I can say I've been punched by the most beautiful girl on the planet," Hongbin said with a wide Hongbin-smile. 

 

Sanghyuk made an uncomfortable shrill of a noise that had Hongbin laughing as she got out of the car. Still a little wobbly in her heels, Sanghyuk was only to the front of the car before Hongbin was out and meeting her there. They did a side stepping back and forth as Sanghyuk tried to get around Hongbin before she was laughing just as loud as he was and she gave up. Hand on her hip and forced down smile on her lips, Sanghyuk raised her brows at Hongbin, "We're going to be late."

 

"Fashionably late," Hongbin waved off with a shrug. 

 

"Again with the fashion," Sanghyuk teased. 

 

"Sanghyuk," Hongbin stopped, smile fading to a more serious though not upset look. He stood still a few feet away from her with his fingers fidgeting in front of him and eyes uncharacteristically unsure. 

 

"Yeah?" Sanghyuk's voice came off equally as soft. They playful atmosphere had settled into something more daunting. They weren't the only ones in the parking lot, kids bustling in as they arrived around them, but since none of them payed the two any mind it sure felt like they were. 

 

Hongbin stepped forward, hesitantly once as he tested the waters then again. He touched Sanghyuk's arm, sending shivers down her spine, before following it down to her hand. After bringing it up Hongbin watched their fingers lace together at eye level. He was biting his cheek, words in his chest that he couldn't seem to make come out of his mouth. Sanghyuk understood though, or at least she hoped she did when she managed a weak, "Go ahead."

 

So Hongbin did. One final baby step forward and he was kissing Sanghyuk. She almost giggled at how lost he seemed, lips pressing hard before he caught himself and retreated back to slow movements. Sanghyuk really shouldn't have found this so amusing as she was equally as flustered as Hongbin. Mostly she just let herself be kissed, feeling where Hongbin's lips ended and where his teeth pressed from behind them. In a word his lips were lovely, just as full and wonderful feeling as they were looking. They were a mess, though, hands shaking while they looked for something to hold and breathing laughs at each other when pleased noises escaped. Eventually they fell into a rhythm that though it didn't make the kiss any less electric, it did help in providing a clear mind that allowed them to get over the fact that it was truly happening and enjoy it completely. They broke away when Sanghyuk felt a Hongbin-smile against her lips. 

 

"We could just stay out here until the dance is over," Hongbin suggested, hands resting just above where Sanghyuk's dress flared out. 

Sanghyuk wouldn't mind that at all, but she knew people who might, "We have to go in."

 

"Fine," Hongbin sighed. He cocked his head sideways to smile and with one last promptly shut down proclamation of Sanghyuk's beauty, they followed them crowd of people inside. 

 

It was pretty inside. The lights were off save for dim lights that bounced off the crystal chandelier to create an elegant atmosphere. Tables were lined with soft drinks and snacks. Tables parted way to make a dance floor that was filled with done up girls and teenaged boys that looked out of place in their semiformal wear. They certainly did not look as handsome as Hongbin, nor did they own their appearance the way he did. These were boys who wore sweatpants and stained shirts to school. Hongbin was a different kind of boy, Sanghyuk realized. He carried a sophistication that at their age was hard to come by. 

 

"What?" Hongbin asked down at Sanghyuk who'd been staring at him. 

 

"You have lipgloss on your mouth," Sanghyuk lied, swiping away invisible gloss from his lips with her thumb. 

 

"There is nowhere I'd rather your lipgloss to be," Hongbin said into Sanghyuk's ear over the music. 

 

They spent most of the night with the other two couples that they were friends with, breaking apart when the music slowed down and gathering to sing song lyrics when it picked up. Jaehwan was, as promised, pinkalicious, and Hakyeon and Taekwoon coordinated. Wonsik hadn't made it into a dress but she looked sharp nonetheless. Sanghyuk couldn't help but steal glances at Taekwoon during the slow songs. Seeing the boy who hardly ever spoke giggle and hold Hakyeon, completely taken by the other boy was heart warming. It was the same way Jaehwan and Wonsik were looking at each other, rocking back and forth. Sanghyuk returned back to herself and looked up to find Hongbin looking at her with that same familiar gaze. She smiled at him before his face disappeared behind her hair and they danced close for a while. 

 

 

"So," Wonsik teetered on the heels of her flat shoes and smiled with half of , "I know you're not into parties but-"

 

"I want to go," Sanghyuk said quickly. She was giddy on sugary pop and music and dancing and Hongbin, not wanting the night to end. She pulled on Hongbin's sleeve, a tactic for gaining his attention she relied heavily on, "Come with me?"

 

"Of course," Hongbin pulled Sanghyuk under his arm and kissed the top of her head. Wonsik and Jaehwan wore matching looks of happiness for Sanghyuk, the blush on her cheeks, and the genuine smile on her hips. 

 

 

Hakyeon was incredibly drunk, slung over Taekwoon's lap on a love seat in the corner of the crowded basement of one of their classmates house. Sanghyuk had texted her mother saying that she'd be sleeping at Jaehwan's, which wasn't completely a lie. She would be going to Jaehwan's after the party. The party was a minor detail and what her mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her. It was a strange environment, drunk and sober people mingling in their semiformal wear though there was nothing even partially formal about doing shots straight from a mickey of vodka. That's what Hakyeon had been doing, hence why Sanghyuk and Hongbin were having so much fun with him. 

 

"Hakyeon, did you finish the essay for english?" Hongbin asked with his head turned to the side to make it balanced with Hakyeon's. 

 

" me in the seven times with a cactus-" Taekwoon shivered, "-I reeeeeeally need to get on that," Hakyeon slurred and threw his head back. 

 

Sanghyuk didn't even try not to laugh at him, "Tell Hongbin about the pinecone thing you told me in tenth grade."

 

Hakyeon started making this loud unattractive noise that vaguely resembled a laugh before looking at Hongbin with unfocused eyes, "Never put a pinecone in your . Do you want to know why?"

 

"Not really, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

 

"Well," Hakyeon raised a finger. Taekwoon had already rolled his eyes and started shaking his head, "If you put a pinecone in the comfortable way, you'll have to pull it out the wrong way and all the little hard pinecone flaps will come up and that would ing hurt."

"My god," Hongbin's face was contorted in a pained disgust. 

 

"There you have it," Sanghyuk was unphased by the mental image as she'd already heard it countless times, "Hakyeon, tell us about Taekwoon."

 

"My baby," Hakyeon shrieked. He sat un in Taekwoon's lap and smiled at his boyfriend like he'd forgotten where he was. He began the side of his face, "So beautiful. So nice. So lovely. I love him. I love you, baby."

 

"I love you," Taekwoon said softly and kissed Hakyeon quickly. 

 

"Hakyeon's wasted, what a surprise," Wonsik said as she wiggled onto the couch beside Sanghyuk. She offered both Sanghyuk and Hongbin a can of beer. Hongbin didn't accept his util Sanghyuk did. 

 

They spent a couple hours drinking a little and kissing a lot, laughing at their intoxicated classmates and scowling at the smokers. It was relaxing under Hongbin's arm and exciting all at once because Sanghyuk was always one turn of her head away from Hongbin's lips. He'd walked her to Jaehwan's house and let Wonsik drive him home after giving her a last proper kiss in the crisp night air, one that would linger on Sanghyuk's lips as she fell asleep on Jaehwan's bed. 

 

"He really likes you," Jaehwan said in the darkness of her bedroom. 

 

"I really like him."

 

"We're all so happy for you, Sanghyuk."

 

"I know."

 

"Good."

 

 

Her mother had told her that she didn't believe in social networking. Sanghyuk countered this by saying that it was very real and pretending that something didn't exist didn't make it any less real. Her mother had laughed and went on to explain that she didn't like them rather than not believing in them. Her reasoning behind it was the kind of reasoning one would expect to hear from a mother. Her opinion was supporting mainly by the fact that A) it gave typically unfiltered children a platform to voice their opinion while hiding behind their computer and B) relationships could surely be better upheld by face to face conversation and contact. Typical mother's reasoning. 

 

Sanghyuk didn't understand this until she was met with it first hand. Hongbin called her first, Jaehwan and Taekwoon both chiming in with text messages while she was on the phone with him. No matter the means of communication they all delivered the same message: Don't go online, someone has been messaging all of us. They're just stupid. 

 

Like a child being told not to peak at Christmas gifts, Sanghyuk fired up her computer. 

 

The account didn't have a name, or at least not a proper identity. It was a series of numbers with a grey man as a display picture so Sanghyuk was struck with confusion when her messages showed that she'd received seventeen from the account. They all followed the same structure. 

 

Does your boyfriend know you have a ?

 

Stop pretending you're a girl, you aren't fooling anyone. 

 

You're a tranny or a . Either way it's ing gross. 

 

Sanghyuk didn't know why she kept scrolling down the rest of the messages. Even when tears slid down her cheeks she didn't stop reading, finger rolling mechanically over the mouse, blinking to clear her blurred vision. In a way it felt like self inflicted pain. She didn't have to keep reading but she did because a part of her would always believe that there was truth in the words. Her phone kept making noises. Her friends were still texting her, Hongbin still trying to call her. Sanghyuk robotically answered the phone, "Hello?"

 

"Baby, listen. I don't know what they said to you but they're ing stupid and backwards."

 

Backwards. Sanghyuk remembered her mother calling her father backwards the night he left after similar words came out of his mouth. Sanghyuk didn't quiet realize she'd been reading in her father's voice, eyes scanning over words that had already stabbed her ones with the phone to her ear. 

 

"Sanghyuk? Are you there?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I'm coming over."

 

Sanghyuk would have argued but the line went dead and in all honesty she wasn't up for arguing. 

 

Jaehwan arrived before Hongbin, not asking before entering but just assuming she could. Of course she could, and Sanghyuk welcomed her with open arms. She sobbed audibly for the first when when Jaehwan's arms wrapped around her. It gave her perspective and somewhat of a clear head. Having been consumed with thoughts of how wrong and disgusting her mere existence was, Jaehwan opened up a new train of thought. 

 

Jaehwan was a lot of things. She was far too obsessed with the colour pink and glitter to be healthy. She was loud laughter and lipstick and a great listener and an even better talker. Jaehwan made a lot of stupid jokes but she also spouted compliments whenever she could. There were a few things that Jaehwan was distinctly not. She was not disgusting or wrong. Above all Jaehwan was certainly not a boy. Sanghyuk decided that, as she stained Jaehwan's pink shirt with mascara, that she wasn't any of those negative things either.

Jaehwan spoke when Sanghyuk stopped crying in favour of sipping in short breaths, "Are you okay?"

 

"I love you," Sanghyuk said. It was on her mind and her thoughts were unclear so she just kind of spoke. 

 

"I love you too," Jaehwan Sanghyuk's hair a few times before leaning away and swiped black streaks off of the other girl's cheeks with her thumbs, "and so does Wonsik and Hakyeon and Taekwoon. I'd bet money that Hongbin does, too. It's super hard hearing that stuff for the first time, believe me, we've all been there. I'd be lying to say it'll be the last. But them for not understanding and them for their backwards thinking."

 

More with the backwards. Sanghyuk almost laughed, "Thank you."

 

"Yeah," Jaehwan smiled at her through tears of her own. 

 

"Hyukkie," Taekwoon burst through her front door and used the nickname only Jaehwan ever did. Taekwoon was reserved but above all else he was protective. He marched across the main space of Sanghyuk's house and pulled her into a too-tight hug, "I'm tracking this rat bastards IP address and I'm going to find them and kick the living out of them. Pick your punishment, I'll do whatever. Nobody talks to my ing friends like that, I swear to god-"

 

"Easy, you're suffocating her," Hakyeon tapped on Taekwoon's arm. 

 

"Oh, sorry," Taekwoon smoothed down Sanghyuk's hair and smiled weakly at her, "Are you okay?"

 

Sanghyuk nodded. She figured there couldn't be that much wrong with her if when upset her house could be almost instantaneously filled with people who wanted to change that. It was surprising to her how fast her mindset could shift from self hatred to hatred towards whoever sent the messages. From a wonder as to what was wrong with herself to what was wrong with this other person. Sanghyuk sniffled and dried her cheeks with her sleeve, "I'm okay. They don't understand. That's fine. Not everyone is going to understand." Sanghyuk thought it was eery how much she sounded like her mother. 

 

"Dude, dude, dude," Wonsik came to a halt the same way a speeding car might. She had a thing about calling people dude. 

 

"I'm okay," Sanghyuk giggled into her sleeve. 

 

Wonsik pushed back her hair and replaced her cap over it before letting out a puff of air. She checked Sanghyuk over as though the damage could be seen physically and nodded to confirm that all was well, "Well damn, so you are."

 

"I love you," Sanghyuk didn't care how weak she looked. She loved each one of her friends and fully intended on making them aware of it. Sanghyuk hugged Wonsik and walked around in her embrace to look at Taekwoon and Hakyeon, "and I love you two and I'm sorry people are mean to all of us."

 

"Group hug," Jaehwan declared and latched onto Sanghyuk's back. Taekwoon and Hakyeon followed until Sanghyuk was smushed in the center arms and warm bodies. 

 

"Can I join?" a small voice came from outside the cluster. 

 

"Oh ," Wonsik mumbled into Sanghyuk's shoulder, "I told him to wait outside because Jaehwan has a thing about me seeing her cry and I didn't know-yeah man, bring it in."

 

Hongbin stared on the outside and was shuffled to the inside so that when they all broke away he was standing in front of Sanghyuk. He fiddled with his fingers and frowned, "I know I can't fix everyone else but-"

 

"Shh. Do you hear that?" Silence. Sanghyuk grinned, "That's how much of a I give about anyone so close minded as to send those messages. My family loves me, so do my friends and boyfriend. I'm fine, I promise."

 

"Boyfriend," Hongbin tried in his mouth and Sanghyuk clued in that they really hadn't made anything official. He smiled, "I like that."

 

"So do I."