Everywhere Eunhong looked, there were boys. She couldn't see any girls anywhere, which was discouraging, but not enough to make her give up, at least not right away. She knew she was good, and not because she memorized the raps of all her favorites (and there were a lot). She knew she was good because she'd been listening to all of the other contestants and most of them couldn't string two sentences together that made sense. Sure, maybe they sounded good, but what's the point of rapping if it just sounds good. Maybe if she didn't know what they were saying, but she did.

She smoothed her hands down the sides of her shirt, glad she went for jeans instead of the skirt her mum had wanted her to wear. She tugged her snapback off, ran a hand through her hair and then put it back on. She itched to sing, but she was also nervous. She knew she couldn't be the only girl here, but she'd watched previous years of this show and knew that girls never made it far. But maybe someone watching would notice her. In the end, that's why she was here. When she'd filled out the questionnaire, she'd mentioned the lack of women and how she didn't expect to get very far, but that it wouldn't stop her.

She watched as the judges, famous rappers who left her a little starstruck, made their way down her row. And then they were in front of her. She felt her palms sweat a little and then, when asked, she started to rap. With her eyes closed, she rapped about rapping, about being a woman. About fighting against what everyone thought she should do versus what she wanted to do. When she stopped singing, eyes open, she realized that the room was quiet and everyone was watching her.

The blush crept up on her cheeks and she pulled her hat off, letting her hair, short though it was, hide her face a little. When she lifted her gaze, the judge was looking at her, impressed. He called over the other judge and they talked and then she passed the first around. She could hear mumbling around her, but she decided to tune it out. She listened a bit, to some of the others after her, but the high of getting through the first round was too much and she couldn't focus.

The next round was a week later and she had to rap alone again. This time there were more judges and fewer contestants. She rapped about being a good daughter, about fighting with her siblings, about her good relationship with her parents. She didn't get to the part where she'd written about how hard it was for her to get boys to like her, because everyone was intimidated by the tall skinny girl who loved hip hop. Later she'd look back and think that was for the best. She passed again.

The third round, they paired her up with the only other girl. They worked together, ing about the unfairness of the whole thing. Their song was about rebelling against the patriarchy, about equal treatment for women. Things that Eunhong and the girl she worked with would never talk about, but had no problems rapping about. After their performance, it was clear, Eunhong thought, that it had mostly gone over the heads of the judges. One of them, a woman, gave Eunhong a nod and she'd breathed a small sigh of relief because at least someone understood.

When they asked who wrote the track, her partner had said it was Eunhong, though she'd helped. It was then, Eunhong realized, that she knew this was as far as she'd get. She forced a smile, even though she wanted to cry. They asked her about her idols and she talked about rappers who spoke of social justice and events in the real world. They asked what she hoped to gain by being on the show and she decided to be honest. She explained, the same way she had on their application, that she felt there weren't enough women rappers. That she wanted to change that.

She could feel everyone's eyes on her and she forced herself to go on. She said she thought the show was ridiculous for putting the only two women together. The judges, save the woman, looked taken aback and Eunhong had just shrugged. When they asked her who she'd pick, between herself and the other girl, Eunhong had countered back, asking if they meant herself or who she thought the judges were going to pick. She glanced at the female judge, who was hiding a smile, and that gave her confidence.

Either, they'd asked her. She said that obviously she wanted to advance, but she knew she was too much of a liability for their show. She said she knew they'd pick the other girl, which was fine because she was good. And when the judges did pick the other girl, Eunhong hugged her tight. They left together, both of them crying now, not caring that they were on tv. They could hear the strains of the next contestants behind them as they walked into the main interview area. The cameras were up in their faces, asking who won, Eunhong pointed to the girl next to her.

They asked them both what they thought and the girl said she thought the results were ist, that Eunhong was obviously better. Eunhong butted in and said that, no, it was fine and that she would be watching at home, rooting for her partner. Once the cameras were off, interviewing someone else, they exchanged numbers and hugged again. Eunhong wished her the best of luck and then it was time for her to leave. She grabbed her jacket and stepped outside, into the twilight.

Before she could even cry, her phone rang. It was one of her friends, the one who knew she was meant to be finished by now. Their conversation was short and Eunhong agreed to go out for drinks. They did it again the night the episode aired. Eunhong didn't want to watch, but her friend DVR'd it and watched it the next day. She called, angry and bitter and Eunhong agreed to go out, just to get her to stop talking about the show. They went to a couple of clubs, but the music, mostly electronica, wasn't the comfort that it usually was.

They were going to head home when Eunhong got a text. She looked at her phone, it was from an acquaintance of hers, a rapper she knew. He'd let her use his studio to record a demo for the tv show. He said there was a gig he was going to be part of and wanted to know if she'd like to come. She texted back that sure, she would. He replied with the address and she asked her friend if she wanted to go. In the end, Eunhong went alone. Her friend had class the next day, Eunhong didn't.

She took the train, wish she was wearing something other than her clubbing clothes. She felt exposed, but figured it'd be okay. The gig was bound to be filled with other women, she'd seen the list of rappers. Hopefully she'd fit right in and no one would notice. Except she was in heels, which made her even taller. As she sat on the train, another friend, from school, texted her and told her that there were articles about her. She debated reading them on her phone, but before she could, she arrived at her stop. She got off and briefly wished for her Nikes and a pair of jeans and thought about turning around and going home, but she was already here.

Her acquaintance texted her, wondering if she was there or not. She said she was almost at the club. He told her to give her name at the front and he'd find her. The bouncer didn't look at her face as much as he looked at her legs. She shoved her ID at him and when he saw her name, he let her pass, much to the chagrin of the people in line. She swore she heard someone calling out her stage name, but she figured she was imagining things. Once inside, she knew she'd been right about one thing, there were certainly a lot of girls. But everything else, she was wrong about.

She looked down at herself, her high heels, the skirt, her tight shirt. She shoved her ID back into the pocket of her skirt and was grateful it was longer than the mini her friend had wanted her to wear when they went out clubbing. But it was still too short. She stuck out like a sore thumb, and worst of all, people were staring at her. She saw her acquaintance from across the room as he pushed his way to the crowd. She appreciated the fact that after he took her in, he stared at her face and not her legs, or even her chest. He took her wrist without a word and pulled her through the crowd and then to the tiny backstage area. It was full of people, mostly guys and a couple of girls, probably girlfriends, but she recognized one singer from a show she'd been to. Here, too, she stuck out. She wrapped her arms around herself and wished she were shorter, dressed differently, something.

Her acquaintance was just about to introduce her when two people, both guys, burst into the room. One of them was really excited, the other was less amused. The taller of the two, with the look of annoyance on his face, caught her eye, obviously recognized her and it looked like an apology crossed his face, which she didn't understand. Until the other guy, his friend, started talking.

"Everyone's talking about this chick, they think it's that Zelo girl from the tv show." The guy went on. The taller one, the one that Eunhong sort of thought might be cute, punched his friend in the shoulder.

"Daehyun, shut it." He said, his voice vaguely familiar to Eunhong.

"Why'd you hit me?" The guy, Daehyun, said. His voice was a mix of annoyed and excited. "But, seriously, did anyone see her? I can't believe she's here! I mean, it was totally obvious why she lost, that girl she was up against was way cuter."

Eunhong could feel everyone's eyes on her now. She felt her own eyes prickle with tears and she knew she had to leave. She heard her acquaintance calling her name, but she didn't answer. She just turned toward the door, pushing past the guy named Daehyun and his taller friend. Taller, but not as tall as her, she thought bitterly. As the door swung shut behind her, she thought she heard someone say her name again, her stage name. But she just kept walking until she found the exit into the alley behind the club. She'd been here before, she knew this is where some of the artists went to smoke and chat, between sets. But it was empty now.

She pulled out her phone, thought about calling a cab or even one of her friends, to come pick her up. But she couldn't stop the tears. She sat on an overturned crate, hoping that no one would come out. She buried her face in her arms and let herself cry. She thought about the way everyone had looked at her; it made her feel dirty and she hated herself, a little. For her choice of clothes, for going on the tv show. For thinking she could rap as good as all those men. She took a shaky breath, but couldn't stop the tears.

Then she heard the door open and before she even had a chance to leave, someone was talking to her. The voice was deep and she turned around before she could stop herself. It was the taller guy, the one friends the named Daehyun who'd reminded her of all her failings.

He opened his mouth, then shut it. He shrugged out of his jacket and offered it to her. She stood, looking at him in surprise.

"You look …" He stopped, trailing off.

"Like a hooker?" She said before she could stop herself.

He shook his head. "I was going to say cold, but that's not right."

"I feel ." She whispered, without knowing why. And then she pulled his jacket on, zipping it up. She felt better almost immediately and hated herself for it.

The guy, who still hadn't introduced himself, tipped another crate over and sat down. "I'm sorry." He said after she'd sat back down again.

She smoothed her skirt, wish it covered her knees. "It's not your fault."

"I tried to tell him you were back there, but he didn't listen. He's such a --." He stopped and made a face.

"An ." Eunhong finished.

The guy smiled slightly. "Yeah, he is that." He went quiet and then looked over at her. "I'm Yongguk." He held out his hand.

She unfolded her arms and shook his hand. "Eunhong." She replied, she wanted to smile, but didn't. "Are you performing tonight?"

Yongguk, it was nice to have a name for him she thought, shook his head. "No. I'm …" He stopped and shrugged. "I'm only here because I'm friends with Daehyun." And then he looked over at her. "How'd you know I wasn't just a fan?"

This time she did smile. "I saw you, once. You were at a show I went to with some friends."

He returned her smile. "In the interest of transparency, I did watch you on tv." Her smile faded a little and she could tell he noticed. She didn't say anything and he went on. "I thought you were better than everyone else. Your lyrics …" He waved his hand. "I wish they'd've picked you."

She felt herself blush and had to look away. She pulled his coat tighter around herself, tugging up at the collar, even though it couldn't cover her face.

"But they didn't. And now …" She said, looking down at her knees.

"Their loss." He said with such sincerity that she had to look over at him. He wasn't looking at her, but instead at the wall.

"Mine, too."

Yongguk's head turned toward her at her words. "You're far too good for that show." He replied, his voice soft and again, sincere.

"No one wants me, though." She said, then realized how it sounded and sighed.

Yongguk didn't seem to notice, though. "Their loss, too. You're really good." He stopped and looked over at her. "Have to ever released anything?"

She shook her head. "I don't have access to a studio. I'm just a student."

Yongguk studied her face and she struggled not to blush and look away. "I've got, I mean, my company. I could probably get you some time, if you wanted."

She opened and then shut it. "I don't …"

Yongguk went on when he realized she wasn't going to. "I … I do a bit of DJing, in case you needed, I don't know, assistance or something."

She studied him and wondered why he was so nervous. She chewed on her bottom lip, stared at her hands and then back over at him. "You sure it's okay?"

He nodded and then pulled out his phone. He pressed a few buttons and then handed his phone to her. "That's the address of the studio."

She took the phone and then stood up, reaching into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out her phone. She copied down the address and then, on a whim, went to his contacts and added her number. Then, still standing, she handed his phone back. She didn't want to, but she watched him look at his phone and then up at her. The grin seemed to fill his face and it made her stomach twist in a way she forgot it ever felt. She felt like she was blushing to the tips of her toes.

"I've got a show." He started, looking up at her. "Next weekend." He stood, then fiddled with his phone.

Hers beeped and she looked at it. "Those are the details. Will you come?"

She looked at it, noticed that it was a Saturday and she knew she was free. "Yeah, okay."

His phone buzzed before he could answer and a look of annoyance crossed his face. He sighed. "Daehyun's so needy, ugh. I gotta go."

She started to take off his coat, but he held up a hand. "It's okay, keep it." He said.

"But I'm leaving …" She said, he held up his hand again.

"Give it to me next weekend. And we'll sort out a date for you to come into the studio, too." He smiled at her, that wide grin that showed his gums and made her heart twist, too.

"Okay." She replied. She shoved her phone into the pocket and then watched him walk back into the building. She stared at the closed door for a long time before she finally walk to the metro and returned to her flat.

The week passed in a blur. Some of the other students from her class knew about the show, but most didn't, including her teachers. She only wore jeans and hoodies, thankful the weather was chilly. But by the end of the week, she was nervous. She hadn't heard from Yongguk at all and was beginning to think the whole thing was a dream.

It was early Saturday morning and she was half-awake, curled up in bed. Her phone buzzed and she turned to answer it, only to realize it was a text. She half-sat up and read it. It was from Yongguk, wondering if she was going to be at his gig tonight. She slid out of bed, phone clutched in her hand and walked into the kitchen. She put the kettle on and then look at the door of her flat, where Yongguk's coat was hanging.

Her phone buzzed again. Another text. This one was an apology for not texting her earlier. He's misplaced his phone, the text said, and only found it when Daehyun sat on it. She bit back a giggle and decided that yes, she would go. And that she'd always planned to go, if she was honest. She texted him back, telling him she was glad that Daehyun hadn't ruined his phone and that yes, she would be there. He texted her back with a big emoji smile and she could almost see his real smile.

She did her laundry and other chores, then spent far too much time trying to figure out what to wear. She chose jeans and one of her clubbing shirts. Tennis shoes, no high heels, even though she knew she'd still be taller than everyone. She thought about bringing a hoodie, but instead slipped into Yongguk's jacket. She was just getting ready to leave when her phone buzzed again. Another text from Yongguk, telling her her name was on the guestlist. She texted him back to tell him she was on her way.

She didn't hear from him again until she got off the metro at the stop for the club. He told her to find him backstage when she arrived. She almost got in line with everyone else, but decided at the least second to see if it was true, that he'd put her on the guestlist. She strode up to the bouncer, who checked her ID and waved her in. She didn't look back to see if people were watching her, she knew they were. But unlike last time, she was sure they didn't know who she was. She'd styled her hair differently and she was in jeans. She looked like herself, only better and more comfortable.

The security by the backstage just asked her for her name, then he opened the door. The noise of the crowd dropped to a low hum as the door closed behind her. She was in a corridor and couldn't figure out which way to go. She pulled out her phone, about to text Yongguk, when she heard her name. She looked up and saw Yongguk standing at the other end of the short hall.

"You're here." He said a smile spreading across his face.

She couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah, hi." She paused and then. "I brought your coat."

"Keep it, you look good in it." He said, with another grin.

She blushed as she followed Yongguk into a room. It was empty. She perched on one of the stools and watched as he filled with his shirt.

"Are you nervous?" She asked, shoving her phone back in the pocket of the jacket.

He glanced over at her and shrugged. "Kind of." He tucked and untucked his shirt, but not fully.

She slid off the stool and walked over to him, pulling out part of his shirt that was still caught in the waistband of his pants. "You look nice." She said, taking a step away from him. She was still far too close, but he didn't seem to mind.

"You think?" He replied, smoothing his hands down the front of his shirt.

"Yeah." She took another step away. She pulled her phone out of the jacket and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans. The room was warm, or maybe being so close to Yongguk was making her too warm. She slipped out of the jacket and draped it over a chair. When she turned back to him, she saw him watching her in the mirror.

"You look nice, too." He said, turning toward her.

"Yeah?" She said and she shivered, but not because she was cold.

There was a tiny part of her that wanted Yongguk to bridge the distance between them and kiss her. That part was actually pretty big, she realized. But then the door opened and Daehyun charged into the room. He didn't even look at her. Yongguk looked more than a little annoyed and he glance at her over Daehyun's head. The apology she remembered from the week before was on his face again.

Eventually Daehyun stopped talking, but by this time Eunhong was back to sitting on the stool. She was playing with her phone. Daehyun turned to leave and she could feel it when he saw her. She looked up and watched as he glanced at Yongguk and then back at her.

"Are you …" He started, but Yongguk cut him off.

"This is Eunhong, she's a friend." He said, flashing a smile at her when Daehyun was staring at her. She returned the smile when he looked away.

He left a few minutes later, confused or annoyed, she couldn't tell. Yongguk crossed over to her, almost touching but not quite. She slid off the stool and look at him, he was almost the same height and the difference didn't seem too big, now that they were standing so close.

Yongguk cleared his throat. "I was wondering." He started, then stopped.

"Yeah?" She asked.

She could tell he was blushing and it made her smile a little. "If you'd … would you like to go to dinner with me?"

But then his words sunk in and she looked at him, surprised. "Dinner?"

"If you don't want to, it's okay." He started back away but she reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt.

"No. I mean, yes, I want to go to dinner with you." She replied softly.