IU stood on one side of the partially dark room, watching everyone else have fun. Usually she’d be one running around and jumping in one of those fun parties, but tonight she didn’t feel like it. Not without her best friend there anyway.

Amber Liu. The only person that meant the world to IU was taken away by the verdict forces. The sheriff pulling her out of the front door said she was instable—ill-minded, to be exact. IU refused to believe any of it. Amber was very sane. Her every word made sense to IU. She’d never spoken the evil, but IU would admit Amber was a little bit emotional behind her cool masquerade. She’d chosen the tomboy style as to deceive others from her vulnerable truth. Only IU knew that kind of information though, so Amber, literally, didn’t make any sense to any person other than IU.

IU too, thought that Amber was the only other person that knew her as well as she knew herself. She meant the world to her—Amber was so, very precious; IU would never let go. The thought made her chest hurt.

IU ran a furious hand through her already tousled hair and huffed a breath, leaning against the glass window, and sticking her forehead to the cool glass. Someone came right up behind her and blew air onto her exposed cheek. She acknowledged the action and rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Eunhyuk-ssi, please leave me alone, I don’t wish to talk to anybody right now,” she said.

Eunhyuk stood quiet beside her for a few seconds and then proceeded to hand her a drink. She shook her head and continued to look out the window, “No oppa, I don’t wish to bang. You know how I feel about doing things like that without consulting with Amber first.”

Eunhyuk scoffed, but again, didn’t say anything, just sipped on his liquor. At his scoff, IU turned to glare at her elder friend, eyeing him very closely as he gulped down the mildly appealing, pink liquid. Eunhyuk set the cup on the table next to the windowsill and turned around, heading for the exit without any words. “This guy…” IU scoffed, shaking her head. She then walked outside the darker room, and into the brighter living room area.     

In the living room, her mother was sitting at an armchair with her glasses on and her favorite book in hands. She paused to look at her daughter, sliding the eye-glasses down the bridge of her nose to get a better look at her daughter’s outlandish outfit. The woman sat up and set her book aside, not caring if she’d clasped it close without bookmarking the page she’d been reading, or double checking its number.

“IU, honey, why are you wearing your New Year dress on such a quiet night? And those heels…” the woman sneaked a glance at the calendar, trying to remember if there was any event she may have forgotten by mistake. She couldn’t remember having any event worthy of having her teen daughter jump into such a tight, glittery dress; putting on a similarly shimmery pair of elegant heels.

IU smiled at her mother and then gave her a little spin to look, as if asking her mom ‘What do you think? Aren’t I beautiful?’ Her mom stayed dumbfounded, unable to produce a sound, she straightened her posture and waited for IU to say something. IU huffed a breath and approached her mother slowly. Her mom listened to the clanking of the heels as she watched her daughter come closer.

“Why mom? Have you been sleeping all night? You didn’t hear all the noises out here! The music was breaking our house in half,” she heaved a tired breath and brought a hand up to massage her stressed out temples. “I’m glad you sent them all away, my head was beginning to hurt anyway from their loudness. We shouldn’t have hosted the party in our house this time, next time please say no. I won’t hold it against you, mommy, okay?” Her mother couldn’t say anything to that. She couldn’t even produce an action—she just stared at her only daughter.

“Eunhyuk oppa left, right?” IU looked over her shoulder once more, Eunhyuk was nowhere in sight. She sighed out of appreciation. “Gosh, I’m glad he left early. Usually, I have to drag him all the way out to the front yard. I’m surprised he actually knew the way on his own, mom, isn’t it surprising!” she laughed alone.

Her attention was captured when she heard her mother’s breath hitch. With a small pout she turned to observe her mother. “Is something wrong, mom? You seem like you’re going to cry. Are you hurt somewhere?” Her mom shook her head and continued to stare at her. IU was bugged out because her mother stared. She didn’t like it when people stared at her. Her mother was no exception. So IU let out an annoyed growl and asked her mother not to keep staring at her. “Why are you acting that way?” she asked her mother who was crying openly now, her tears coming out in streams.

“Mother, what’s wrong. Can you please tell me? I’m begging you to tell me.” She was concerned now, shaking her mother as if to shake the words out of her. Her mother jerked away in fury. “Yah, IU-yah! I can’t believe you’re making this up. I can’t believe it. I won’t, ever!” She yelled out as she pushed away from her daughter. IU was confused; she never went after her mom because, obviously, the lady was jerking away from her touch. She continued, “You keep talking about those friends and Eunhyuk, when you don’t know any guy by such a name. IU, there is no Eunhyuk. There are no friends who come over and party here. I have never seen anyone come into this house except for you and your father. You can’t be seeing things. You can’t be hallucinating, IU. You just can’t!”

“What do you mean there is no Eunhyuk, mother? He was just there a few minutes ago. He was drinking from the new rose-liquor you bought last month. His glass is still in there, on the table, by the window. Go check it for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Her mother shook her head. “Mother, you can’t say stuff like that. Are you trying to say I’m crazy!” IU’s tone went beyond recognition in her madness. She scoffed and threw a cushion at her mom, “then call an asylum if you dare. Do the same thing you did to Amber. You are the one who took her away not the sheriff. You called on her, and I can’t forgive you, even if I tried! And believe me, mom, I’ve tried.”

“I did. She was crazy. She was turning you into one too. How could I not do that, IU?” her mom said in a half-yell. Mrs. Lee massaged the temples of her head, “Amber is schizophrenic, honey. Meaning, she has two personalities—maybe more, I’m not sure. That day I called the forces on her is because her mom was pleading for help, I happened to be watching from the kitchen’s window.”

“Amber came down, her long hair was gone and she had garden scissors in her hands. I was scared for her mother, Yiyun-ie. She was screaming for help; I got her help,” she shrugged, trying to register her heroism at that time. IU didn’t blink, so her mother continued. “When the police came, Amber was from waist under, claiming she had a male organ which she obviously did not. The rest, you remember.”  

But what IU had registered out of all of that was that… Amber was real—at least she wasn’t just another image in her mind. IU smiled big, and then grabbed onto her mother’s hands. Her mom froze at the change of attitude. “Take me to her, mother. I want to see her, take me, please.” The smile never left IU’s angelic face. Her mother nodded as tears washed off her sorrowful heart.   

Insane. Locked away with no one visiting her. Amber did not want to live anymore. She was feeling bitter… fearful, and pretty much alone in her own world. Nothing had changed over the years, and Amber was slowly giving up on everything. Months… Years… Who knows how long it had been since someone she actually knew paid her a visit. It was always the same doctor, and his personal nurse, all the damn time.  

“Amber, take your medications on time, please. Bad things can happen when you don’t, sweetie.” Nurse Dara Park said as she kept following Amber around. She had been for twelve minutes now. Amber still refused to swallow what’s in the tiny, plastic cup. She looked extremely bored and neutral, looking out the window, eyeing the big, branchy tree.

The nurse sighed and took the seat across from Amber’s by the window, looking down at the same view. Just as her seat creaked under her weight, Amber spoke. “How long has it been? Since I’ve been here, I mean? How much time passed already?” She watched Dara open and close , struggling to find an answer to her question. “You have to answer me, Dara-noona. I can’t remember.”

Dara sighed at the odd addressing. She’d thought Amber was completely cured, but obviously, the girl still thought of herself as a boy. A soft smile danced on Dara’s lips as she got up and approached Amber, sitting on the armset of her chair. “Take the medicine first and I’ll answer all your questions, oh?”

Like the good boy Amber was, she took the medicine. Chewing it under her teeth and cringing at its taste. She liked chewing it because it reminded her of the taste of her life—bitter and revolting.

Dara handed her a plastic bottle of water which Amber refused to take with a shake of head. The nurse set the bottle back down on the table and looped an arm over Amber’s shoulders, at the exposed skin soothingly. “Who am I?” Amber started asking—it was the question Dara had heard the most, yet never knew what answer she should give. The patient was schizophrenic. This is not the first time she’d forgotten her name. Dara knew Amber’d remember it eventually, but she liked to remind her herself—it brought them closer, the way Dara saw it.

“Amber. Your name is Amber Josephine Liu, honey.”

“How old am I?”

“You’re twenty-one, darling. Born on the eighteenth of September, Los Angeles, California.”

“I’m American?” Dara shook her head, “Taiwanese-American. Your family moved to Korea when you were younger, and you lived here, practically, all your life. I don’t even know if you can speak Taiwanese.”

“I can’t,” Amber confirmed. Dara nodded and continued to over her skin, “You have one sister, called Jackie.” She bent down and kissed the top of Amber’s head. “If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll take my leave. Other patients need me.”

Amber turned in her loose clasp, looking the nurse in the eye, “Why am I here? Where’s my family? Why doesn’t anyone visit me? It’s always youyouyou, all the damn time. Where’s everybody else? I had friends, you know. Many, many friends! ”   

“I’m sure you did, Amber. Such a sweet person like you must’ve had a great group of friends.”

“Dara,” Amber almost yelled. She inhaled a quick breath and then regained her composure, “Dara-noona… I’ve been good for a long time. Can you please take me back to the medium security area? I’ve been in high security for a long time. There’s no need to isolate me, I won’t hurt anyone again. I Promise.”

“Amber,” Dara breathed her name. “That’s something I can decide, my dear. I’ve already opposed Dr. Lee’s decision once and asked him to unstrap you from bed. I even went abroad with my request to take you to the garden once a week. I don’t know if I can ask that of him now, he’s been greatly generous to both of us, Amber. I don’t think he’ll listen to me this time. Perhaps you should talk to him yourself.”

Amber shook her head. “The doctor is sneaky. He keeps on asking me weird questions and bases his decisions according to my answers. Don’t think I’m stupid, noona. Me talking to him will never get me out of here. It’ll make him put a damn locket on my door, instead.”

“Not when you say the right answers, darling.”

Amber raised her head to get a better look at Dara. “What right answers, noona?”

“Firstly, stop calling me noona, use unnie instead. Secondly, try not telling him you’re a man. He doesn’t want men around the female patients in the medium security area. So try telling him you’re a girl too, he’ll believe you.” The nurse winked at the dumbfounded Amber, and then her heels and left.

The patient nodded to her faded reflection on the window’s glass. “From now on, I’ll try my best to be a girl. I’m not saying it won’t be weird, but I’ll have to try. If I want to breathe again, I have to try.”

“Amber Josephine Liu, you have a visitor. Please step into the visiting room.” The speakers on the wall echoed through the halls of the institution. A few minutes later, Amber was escorted to the visiting room. She was then left alone with one guard and the three people who had come to visit her.

Amber looked from one face to another, trying to recognize the paleness she knew she’d seen before.

“Hello, Amber.” The tiny voice traveled into the quiet room. Amber’s tongue was cat-bitten. She could not reply, just passively nodded with agape. She couldn’t believe that she’d finally had a visitor. Alas, three faces she didn’t recognize; an old guy, a woman, and a young lady. Amber was not sure where had she seen the young woman before, but she looked extremely familiar. With some mental effort, Amber tried to remember her name.

“You’re still as handsome as you’ve ever been.”

Handsome. Amber raised her head up to meet the girl’s eyes. There’s only one person in this world who called her handsome—the only person ever to acknowledge Amber’s true gender. “IU?” Amber breathed, coming closer to the smaller woman. IU nodded, taking a step forward as well. The guard on the door did too, as he was keeping an alert eye on each action the two girls did.

“How are you feeling?” IU asked as she observed Amder’s every exposed part. She noticed a couple of scars marring her once flawless skin. She made a mental note to ask about them later. Right then, she cared more about the old friend she’d missed so bad.

The silence enveloped them for a long moment, and then was finally broken when Amber replied, “Pretty chilly. It’s always chilly when you’re wearing such clothes.” She gestured to her hospital gown. What happened next was a shock to everyone in the room, but Amber. The young woman had thrown her arms around Amber, providing her warmth and shelter once again.

The guard was alert he charged forward and pulled Amber away from her visitor. “Mr. Lee we said no physical contact. Please control your daughter!” the guard said. Amber glared at him and shrugged his hands off her. She ignored the hand coming back to catch her, and went back to stand by her friend.

“I’m mad at you” Amber told her. “You haven’t visited me before.”

IU pointed at her parents, “They wouldn’t let me come.”

Amber looked at them skeptically, but kept speaking only to IU, “And what had changed so suddenly?”

IU bit her lips and looked at the guard. He instantly looked away from her, pretending not to be listening. IU narrowed the space between her and Amber and whispered breathily in her ear. “They think I’m crazy. They’ll put me here with you. Don’t worry, we’ll get to be together again. I love you, Amber, and I won’t let you go again.”

Amber turned to look IU in the eye. Her expression completely unreadable. She looked IU from head to toe cynically, before shooting her a disgusted spit. Everyone was stoned at the reaction. They watched as Amber’s expression turned bitter as she glared at IU which led Mrs. Lee to quickly question, “What’s wrong Amber? What has IU done to you to deserve such a treatment?”

Amber looked at them, quiet, unfazed and a little angrier. “Your daughter is in love with me. I don’t do girls like her—sick girls. She’s totally sick. I can see her crazed, unfocused eyes, ma’am.” Amber turned her head briefly to get a glimpse of IU’s face. She shook her head in disgust, “You just came back to use me, huh? You know I’m a guy and you’re planning to use my body or else you’d expose my secret to the doctors—tell them to put me back into the high security. I won’t allow this.”

Her quick gaze instantly fell on a small vase on the stool by the door. In the next second Amber was grabbing IU by the hair, dragging her towards the stool. In a blink of an eye, they atmosphere had gone chaotic, with more than just one scream. The guard barely had any time to catch the schizo before she’d had time to hurt her visitor. Unfortunateness led IU to trip and fall over, hurting her head against the stool.

Amber freaked out when saw the blood. Her blood-paranoia came back, hitting her in waves. She screamed as the scenes of her dad’s murder played against her vision. The amount of blood she’d seen and smelt were enough to cause her nausea to kick in. Turning around in the guard’s grip, Amber vomited all over the furniture. Mr. and Mrs. Lee took an involuntary step backwards. They still called for help as loud as their voices could yell.

The next day felt like forever again. Amber was back to the highly secured room. Strapped back to bed. Her vision had gone blurry from too much crying. She didn’t know why she was crying, even more, she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t stop crying.

Her sobs were getting louder, and Dara had to come into her room for a fifth time to make sure Amber was, at least, physically okay. She perched on the bed and touched Amber’s forehead, taking it back immediately when Amber started throwing her head left and right manically. “Hushhush, Amber’s it’s me. Dara-noona. I won’t hurt you, calm down.”

“Noona?” her voice was broken from too much crying. Dara bent down and hugged her torso as she cuddled her body next to Amber’s. The action seemed to have calmed the patient down lots, because Amber was no longer screaming and crying. She was only breathing heavily and inhaling the sweet aroma from Dara’s shampoo from time to time.

“Why did you do that to her, Amber? I thought you said you wanted visitors.”

Amber shook her head slightly, and Dara felt the movement by just resting her head on Amber’s chest. “I didn’t want to hurt her. It wasn’t me.”

Schizophrenia, again. Dara thought, scribbling a mental note so she could inform Dr. Lee later. “Um. Who was it then?” she interrogated. Amber’s tone went considerably huskier as she whispered in reply, “the vulture-eyed girl—the one that looks like me. Umber—I’ve told you about her before. She has a black heart. A black everything. She always makes trouble and then sticks me in her place to get the punishment instead. She’s the reason, I lost daddy, remember?” Dara nodded slightly. Amber continued, “She’s the one who attacked IU. And she’s the goddamn reason I’m in this place. Bounded to this very bed. I hate her!” she finished with a scream. She then kept repeating the words, “I hate her” over and over, until Dara was forced to preach again.

“Where were you then when Umber showed up and grabbed IU?”

Amber was quiet for a moment, considering the question, before she answered. “My memories.”

“You were in your memories?” Dara asked to confirm. She lifted her head off Amber’s chest, and slowly straightened up so she was sitting up right. She fumbled with the stuff in the nightstand’s drawer, beside Amber’s bed, and through the corner of her eyes, she watched Amber nod a confirmation.

Nostalgia. Thought Dara with a sad smile. She made another mental note to deliver to her doctor.

“Is something going to happen to me?” Amber finally questioned when her concern became too much. Dara smiled at her, but said nothing. “noona?” Amber said, pleadingly.

“The girl was hurt badly. She’s had a concussion. Do you know what that means, Amber?”

Amber shook her head. Dara smiled again, this time apologetically. “It’s better if you did not. I wouldn’t want to think of the consequences if this girl really died.” Truth is, dead or not, Dara knew that it was a matter of time before they asylum decided to send Amber away. They’d release her. They’d put her pain and everyone else’s away. She was too much of a jeopardy—a hazard on two legs. She’d killed and threatened to do it again over and over. No one would be able to monitor Amber forever.

Dara knew that day would come, eventually, and it did…

Two days from now, Amber would be given an air-filled injection that would surely kill her. Dara’s going to be the one giving it to her, since Amber trusts her the most out of all nurses. Dara tries not to think about it but she does, all the time…

With yet another fake smile, Dara placed one hand underneath Amber’s head and raised it slightly. “Here, honey, take your medication. You cannot not take it on time, no matter how sad you are.”

Without any resistance, Amber chewed on the tiny, bitter pill, taking a moment to remember the bitterness of her life, before she asked for water.   

[A/N]: Reached the end? please drop a comment/upvote. Tell me what do you think of it.