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{25}

I felt uncomfortable for the nth time this week. Besides English, Band used to be the class where I knew I could be talkative and easygoing. But now it was really uncomfortable, in more ways than one. With our entire music program preparing for a nationwide competition I was nose deep in complicated sheet music and anxious about what room I would be put in when we had to stay at the hotel. I only hung out with percussionists, who were all guys, and as normal as it was I now had no comfort to room with any girls in our group. Besides the actual music and room arrangements, Wooyoung was starting to become a little annoying. It scared me, because with a lot of people, once someone becomes bothersome everything they do becomes bothersome as well and I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Yes, he was being kind of flirty and polite but that wasn’t who he was. It was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be in that class anymore, but I couldn’t just leave.

“Taeyeon, you done sight reading your part?” Jiyong asked me and I shook my head. Usually Jiyong and I didn’t talk much, but with the trip to California in only another month we had to start communicating. Jiyong was a great percussionist, he could sight read easily, but he was still humble and I really liked the leadership kind of vibe he gave off.

“About, let me just write down note names.” I, on the other hand, could read notes but I didn’t have the ability to know how a song sounded just by looking at it.

“Don’t worry about it, we have a month, you’ll have it down in a week,” Seunghyun insisted and plopped down in a chair. Seunghyun wasn’t as much of a musician as he was an athlete, but he did okay with auxiliary stuff.

“The competition is stressing me out, I’m taking a break,” I groaned and sprawled out in my chair.

“Who’s in your room?” Jonghyun wondered and I looked around, silently grateful that Wooyoung wasn’t at school today.

“I don’t know, I didn’t sign up for a room, so they’re gonna place me somewhere random,” I sighed.

“What if you get stuck somewhere with the es?” Seunghyun asked me and I shrugged. The others didn’t really like the other girls in the Band; honestly, they were kind of loud…and crazy.

“I don’t care, I just want a room, I could just sleep on the floor if I have to,” I sighed.

“Would you seriously?!” Baekhyun raised an eyebrow and I nodded. I didn’t need a bed to sleep on; I could easily take the floor.

“I don’t get why they won’t let you room with us, anyone can see you’re another guy,” Jonghyun sighed and I rolled my eyes.

“They’re afraid of me enslaving you guys, which will happen if we’re all in one room together,” I joked and chuckled as the others flinched slightly.

“Never mind, you’d be a scary roommate,” Jonghyun said and I smiled.

Once the bell sounded I packed up my bag with music and headed for 2^nd period, sliding into step with Jessica. I never knew the blonde always passed by me in the halls before, but she had piano 1^st period so now we talked on our way to class. Even now she still hadn’t gotten over Yuri, but the grief was behind us, she still talked about Yuri only without the sadness in her voice. Not that I minded hearing about my cousin, I just never knew the effect she could have on her. As I listened to Jessica gush about her, I wondered, even if Yuri had been a cheater she still loved her. “Sica, how was my cousin such a big deal in your life?” I asked her and she paused mid speech.

“What’s up with you calling people by the backs of their first name? You and your cousin…” she sighed and bit her lips. I never knew that Yuri called Jessica by that name; it made me feel a bit guilty. “If I took away all of the romantic feelings I had for Yuri, I still would’ve loved her. She became my best friend, she was funny, she enlightened me with things I missed in life. Even if she never confessed, even if I never confessed, she changed me,” Jessica nodded and I hummed softly, soaking it in. She changed you.

“I want that effect on someone,” I mumbled absentmindedly.

“I’m pretty sure you have it, your family, I feel like you guys are the type,” she told me and I shrugged.

“My family’s crazy,” I confessed.

“But the crazy ones stick with you,” she noted. I stopped walking for a second and agreed. She’s not wrong. “I’ll talk to you later; English is on the 2^nd floor.”

“Right, I’ll see you in a bit, Jessica,” I replied and she pursed her lips.

“Call me Sica,” she smiled and I curled me lips upward a little bit. “Later.”

“Later Sica,” I smiled back and before leaving each other we bumped fists. I didn’t like hugging other people besides Tiffany; she was the only one who could still comfortably invade my space.

The second I walked into English there was a black wooden box waiting for me. “Take a piece of paper and don’t you dare look at it until everyone in class has one!” Mr. An shouted so I stuck my hand in, fumbled around, and clenched onto a single piece of paper. ”I’ll tell you about the paper in a minute,” he said and I plopped in my desk, turning around to face Xiumin who also had a fist made.

“Dare you to look,” the latter challenged and I scoffed.

“That’s what rebels do,” I joked and he laughed.

“Right and Kim Taeyeon is no rebel kid,” he smirked and I lunged at his head but of course the former martial arts student dodged it. “Better swing though.”

“Psh, better be, I keep swinging at you, ever since our project,” I said and he smiled mischievously. At the ring of the bell I looked back to the front of the room where Mr. An sat down on a spare desk he had. I almost forgot about my piece of paper.

“There is a famous short story called The Lottery, it’s about a village with about 300 people and they have a yearly lottery. Every head of each household draws a slip of paper out of a black box and they don’t look until everyone has one.” I never knew I would have such an urge to look at my paper, without knowing what to look for. “The person with the black dot on their paper draws out of their whole family. Say there was a family of five; they would put in four blank pieces of paper and the one with the black dot. Then those five draw, and whoever has the black dot, whether it be the father, mother, or child, would be stoned to death.” I gripped my piece of paper until I felt like it might rip. “We’ll keep doing this and see which household survives! I’m even playing!” he held up his own hand for us to see the nits of white paper enclosed. “On the count of three we all check!” I wanted to look now. “One!” I don’t know, the desire of not knowing made me want to look. “Two!” Maybe it was because Mr. An was awakening my unknown competitive drive. “Three!” I slapped down the slip of paper and looked on both sides. No black dot.

“Yes!” I slapped my desk and turned around, expecting Xiumin to also be reaching out his hand, which was there, and we high fived loudly.

“Not dead!” he cheered.

“So who has it?”

“I don’t.”

“Who’s got the black dot?”

“Dammit…”

It was only a game, and yet everyone was so absorbed into not getting the black dot. Mr. An made it sound so suspenseful, like we were really fighting to live in our village of 30 or so people. No one really wanted to lose so early in the game. Once school was over Xiumin and I packed up lazily, elongating the time we had talking, when Tiffany walked in and hugged me from behind. I looked back and smiled at her. “Hey TaeTae, what’d you guys do in English?” she wondered and I turned to Xiumin.

“Uh, we stoned someone today,” he answered.

“What.” Tiffany deadpanned and the both of us laughed.

“It’s a game thing Mr. An’s making us do, person with the black dotted paper is “stoned” to death,” I said briefly and she nodded in understanding.

“Ah, makes sense,” she mumbled and held onto my waist tighter while snuggling her head into my back. My heart thumped loudly as I squirmed in her embrace and hugged her in return. I smiled and kissed her forehead.

“You guys, stop, I’m puking rainbows,” Xiumin fake gagged and I blushed a little bit as I remembered I was just talking to him a minute ago. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Later Xiumin,” I smiled sheepishly and he rolled his eyes while waving. I turned to Tiffany. “Why do you always make it so awkward between me and my other friends?” I asked and she scoffed.

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” she said and I slipped on my heavy backpack. “Where to?”

“Home, I’m tired, Hun,” I sighed and we walked out of the building, down the sidewalk. The sun was hot and bright, causing me to squint. I looked over at Tiffany and immediately a sense of protectiveness washed over me as I saw her denim shorts. Those are way to short…I stopped and took off my button-up that I wore and handed it to her. “Please wrap this around your waist, Fany-ah.”

“Wh—are you serious, Tae?” she sighed and I nodded with all the seriousness I could muster.

“I’m serious, please wrap it around your waist,” I repeated and she groaned but tied the shirt on her waist so it covered her thighs. My muscles relaxed.

“Better?” she asked and I smiled.

“Better,” I replied and we continued walking.

“I don’t understand how you could wear two shirts and jeans in this weather, why aren’t you dying?” she mumbled and I smirked. I had a higher level of heat tolerance than other people, especially people like Tiffany, who easily got uncomfortable.

“It’s not that hot,” I insisted and she rolled her eyes. But honestly part of the reason I always wore pants and (most of the time) long sleeves were because I wasn’t that comfortable with baring my arms or legs around school. With family it was easy, with Tiffany it was easy, but I didn’t like showing off more skin than necessary.

“You should learn to be comfortable with wearing shorts, I’m afraid you’ll get uncomfortable one day and won’t be able to concentrate because you don’t want to take off any clothes,” Tiffany said and slipped her hand into mine as we continued walking.

“I’ll be fine, it just bothers me a little, I don’t want to be looked at that way,” I sighed and fumbled with her fingers.

“Mm, true, neither do I…” she muttered and I smirked. “Still, it’s not like you’re secretly fat or anything, and you’re still exercising at night.” Going into the garage became a habit now, it no longer applied to what mood I was in, I went there.

“It’s just an insecurity thing I can fix later, don’t worry,” I said and we continued walking towards my house. People expected too much since I usually wore long pieces of clothing, I’d rather keep it on than to disappoint or, even worse, excite others. That was just too uncomfortable to even think about.

Once in the safety of my own home, Tiffany gave me back my button up shirt and I ran upstairs to change into something cooler. I kept my t-shirt on but switched my jeans for tan mid-thigh cargo shorts. I ran back downstairs and slid onto the couch next to Tiffany. The TV was one and I trained my eyes to watch, but I could feel the latter’s eyes scanning my body. Now that I thought of it, she always did this the few times I’ve decided to wear short cut clothes around her. I guess now that I know she felt romantic feelings back then made sense, but why was she still looking at me? And for some reason, I knew that she was staring at my legs. The air became stuffy for me and I cleared my throat. Uncomfortable, god dammit I’m uncomfortable. Why can’t the clouds just always stay out?! My arms automatically stretched themselves over the top of the couch and, according to Tiffany, that gave her access to lean her head on my shoulder which caused her arm to lie atop my right thigh. All of a sudden, I wasn’t so uncomfortable anymore. I liked it.