it got worse at night when paranoid darkness crawled into his veins. he'd tug his blanket closer to his thinning bones, push his sweaty head into his stale pillow and turn onto his side in instinct, looking across the room and junhong's blonde head to the recently vacant bed. it'd make his head and heart and eyes hurt and then he'd close them, trying to even out his breathing so he wouldn't wake up anyone else, and dream of daehyun. he'd dream of nights like these where he'd look across the room and  have glistening eyes staring back, wrinkles youngjae knew were there even in the darkness turning up as he smiled.