Part IV:

                Staring at my closet, my friend made a face and began to randomly throw dresses onto the floor. Earlier, I tried to help her decide, but she simply shooed me away and declared that she would do it on her own. If I tried now, she would probably refuse to allow me into my own bedroom. It practically took her hours just to finish my hair. During the entire time all she did was complain about how she couldn’t stand my short hair. It was “too hard” to style because it kept falling out.

                “It’s just a celebration for someone else, Unni. There really isn’t anything fancy about it.”

                “But it’s with all of Hyukjae’s friends. He has to be proud of you!”

                “And being fancy won’t make him more proud of me. He’s already extremely proud of me, even when he’s seen me on my worst days. He’s easily satisfied when it comes to me.” Now that I thought about it, what I said was true. He used every opportunity available to show me off to the world.

                “There might be something wrong with him then. How could he like you on your worst days?” my friend chuckled. Playfully, I took a pillow off of my bed and threw it at her. Offended, the girl turned around, placing her hands on her hips.

                “Guys! He could be arriving any second!” my other friend exclaimed as she entered with my make-up bag in hand. With that, she shoved it into In Na’s hand and forced her way to my closet. “Put something neutral on her. Anything works really, but don’t make her look too flashy,” she instructed as she faced the mess that In Na had started. Pouting, In Na shuffled my way and climbed onto my bed.

                By the time my make-up was finished, both In Na and I sat cris-crossed on my bed, watching Suzy go between three or four dresses. Huffing in frustration, the girl threw them down and turned back to my half-emptied closet. It wasn’t until she rested her hand on a dress I hadn’t seen before that the doorbell rang.

                All three of us froze at the sound, breath catching in our throats. Silence stretched between us for a few minutes until the doorbell rang again. As if was the cue that set everything into action, In Na hopped off of the bed and rushed to the door. Meanwhile, Suzy yanked out the dress and assessed whether or not it would work. As she did so, I got up to shut the door so that I could quickly shred my clothes.

                “Finally,” Suzy sighed in relief, throwing the dress my way. Carefully, I slipped it on while my friend dug through my shoes to find a pair that matched.

                “If only he didn’t arrive so early,” I whispered to myself and pulled out a set of earrings. When Suzy found a pair of shoes that matched, she shoved them my way and looked me over.

                “I like it,” she smiled. Peeking in the mirror, I smiled as well.

                “I think it works.”

                “How long until you’re rea—Omo! It’s beautiful!” In Na exclaimed after poking her head into my room. Forgetting about everything, the girl flung open the door and rushed in to pull me out. “His jaw is going to drop! Come on!”

                With that, the three of us left my room. I had barely stepped out of my room when a gasp broke the air. Perched on the couch with his eyes staring directly at me was Hyukjae. Every movement I made his eyes followed in amazement.

                “You…are gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!” he whispered. Behind my back, my friends twittered to each other. But his looks, his words, everything about it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t the same. If he were to do the same, I’d probably keel over from the millions of butterflies swarming inside of my stomach. I’d probably flush beet red and go change into something simple. It probably would have made my night. Yet not a single butterfly fluttered, there was no hint of pink painting my cheeks, and there wasn’t a good or bad feeling about it. The only part was that it was my first time hearing such words in such a situation.

~*~*~*~*~*~

                The sound of the front door opening and the television clicking on was a clear indicator that he had arrived. Looking at myself in the mirror, I frowned. We were headed to a party hosted by his parents. It was my first time meeting them and I wanted to look the best for them. No matter how hard I tried, though, I just couldn’t make up my mind. My friends were all busy with their own lives, so I had no one to confide in about what look would be the best. Nevertheless, I thought what I finally ended up with was good enough. Trying my best to reassure myself, I scanned my hair for any flyaway pieces before turning to leave.

                “What are you wearing?” Changmin openly scoffed as he took in my simple black dress. Shocked that he would react in such a way, I glanced down at myself in disappointment.

                “You don’t like it?”

                “You look like you’re going to a funeral.” I kept my eyes on the ground as I spun around and moved to change into my second choice. “This is not a casual event, Ji Eun-ah,” the man sighed when I stepped out. Biting back a retort, I went back and changed yet again. This continued until the man finally got up, burst into my room, and picked something out on his own. I was already nearly in tears when it was finally time to leave.

                When we reached the party’s location, I couldn’t help but notice how the women were wearing slightly casual clothing. Their outfits made me feel like I stood out. Shooting Changmin a look, I clutched my handbag and followed him around. After we had greeted three or four people, the man seemed to forget about my existence. His eyes never even looked my way. And when his mother finally appeared with appetizers in hand, it seemed like he felt awkward with me by his side.

                “Who is this?” his mother questioned after the two exchanged warm greetings. A look crossed his face that made him look like he was a deer caught in the headlights. It took him forever to gain control of his emotions and even attempt to say something.

                “She’s a friend of mine,” he muttered.

                “Your girlfriend?” his mother asked, her eyes wide. Did he tell her that he even had someone? The innocent look on her face said that he didn’t. Looking at Changmin once more, I noticed that he was fighting some kind of internal battle.

                “No, just a co-worker,” he finally uttered.

                Upon hearing what passed his lips, a pain jabbed at my heart. It wasn’t until then that I finally realized that people were staring our way, whispering among themselves. Everything was so overwhelming and I wanted out. I wanted to run out as fast as I could before the tears that threatened to pool slipped out.

                “I-I’m sorry, but something just came up,” I quietly said. “It was nice meeting you, though,” I added with a bow. Afterwards, I spun around and quickly made my way out with my head bent.

                The moment I escaped the suffocating building, I pulled my phone out of my handbag to punch in my friend’s number. But my fingers froze when I remembered how my closest friends were too busy. Biting my lip hard, I looked around. Not far off was a taxi just sitting in one spot. Without hesitation, I headed toward it. When I noticed that it was empty, I heaved a sigh of relief and opened the door.

                “Ji Eun!” Changmin’s voice cut through the air. My heart twisted in agony. I couldn’t bear even looking at him. So, I threw myself into the car, shut the door, and spit out the first address that came to mind—my parents’ house. I didn’t even look out the window as the driver pulled away. When we finally arrived, I took a deep breath and stared at the place I once called home.

                “Miss?” the driver prodded. Blinking, I handed over the money and pushed open the door. Once I was inside, I shuffled over to my mother who was washing dishes. Silently, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her warm back. The woman slowly turned around and looked me over.

                “Weren’t you at a party?” she asked, her voice laced with worry.

From her words, the tears I worked hard to suppress slipped down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe what had happened. The man always claimed that he loved me—even after the rocky parts we encountered as of late. He made it seem like I was the only one he cared about, and he always took the opportunity to make it known. Yet he didn’t tell his parents about us. I didn’t announce it to the whole world, but at least my parents knew about our relationship. And to think, he didn’t even utter a word to them. Instead, I was just a co-worker.

                “What did Changmin do this time?” my mother softly inquired. But all I could do was cry. “Oh honey,” my mother cooed and directed me to the table. There, she sat me down and held my hands while I cried. It took a while, but when I finally calmed down she leaned forward, her lips poised with an endless array of questions. “Did you eat?” was all that came out of .

                Shaking my head, I felt a hopeless tear slip down my cheek. Wanly, my mother dropped her hold on my hands. She then shot up and moved to pull out things to prepare a meal for me. All the while, she started to rant about how stupid Changmin was. More times than not, she saw me crying over him and she just wanted him to take responsibility for it. By the time she placed food before me, the front door opened and shut.

                “Why is that silly boy sitting outside?” my father’s voice rang out. Surprised, I glanced at my mother only to see her brow furrowed. The frown displayed on her face seemed that it would become permanent soon. Almost instantly, I sprang up and rushed out of the room before she could even move.

                “Ji Eun!”

                “Oh hello,” my father greeted the moment I burst past him. I didn’t even change out of my slippers. Instead, I padded all the way until I caught sight of Changmin out of the corner of my eye. Stopping, I turned to face him.

                “Ji—”

                “Why are you here?” I snapped.

                “I’m sorry Ji Eun, I—”

                “No, why are you here?”

                “Because you are.”

                “Does that even make sense?” I hissed, the frustration in my heart building up. “You said I was just a friend, just a co-worker. Do friends—co-workers—simply leave their family’s party to come and see the other when they’re upset? Do they think of coming to the other’s parent’s house first? Do they not even dare to ring the doorbell? Do they look as guilty as you right now?” With each question that popped out of my mouth, I could feel the pain building up. “It’s late Oppa. Go home.”

                “But Ji Eun,” the man whispered and stepped forward. In return, I took a step back. I didn’t want him to touch me because if I did, then I would forget the pain. I would forget about what he said. All I would do would be to give into him. Let him hold me. Let him apologize. Let myself forgive him. But I couldn’t.

                “I love you, but you don’t seem to love me in return. You always think of yourself first before any situation. You think of how awkward it would be for you if you suddenly announced to your mother that you were in a relationship. But you just humiliated me, and are you thinking about that, Oppa?” I demanded, tears welling in my eyes.

                “I do—” he tried to reach out.

                “No, stop. We’re just friends, so please, go home.” I then turned around and moved to head back inside.

                “We’re not ‘just friends’, though!” he called out, making me stop in my tracks. “I love you too much for that to be true.”

                “I highly doubt that.”

                “Why do you doubt me? What is making it so that you can’t believe me?”

                “Are you an idiot?” I yelled. “You were the one that didn’t tell your parents. You were the one that told your mother—and everyone she’s acquainted to—that we were just friends. You flat out denied that we were together. You…” At that, the tears began to flow once more. While I stood there, the sobs racking through my body, his hand rested on my shoulder.

                “I’m sorry for saying those words. I didn’t mean them, Ji Eun-ah. I’m sorry for making it so hard for you. But I want you to know that I really do love you. You’ve become my everything. Because of that, I want to be with you as lovers not friends.” Taking a deep breath through my tears, I turned to face him.

                “But will you deny who I am again?” He shook his head. “Will you tell your parents about me?” The question made him freeze, the look on his face indecipherable. “Come back when you’ve told her,” I sighed and finally went back inside.