I saw him for the first time.

He was standing in a crowd of people,

The front of his hair flopped slightly, covering his eyes.

But i still saw those brown eyes of his.

So full of life; so full of care.

So human.

That was when i saw him for the first time.

He spoke to me for the first time.

He bumped into me in the middle of the hall,

He turned shyly and said in a quiet voice "sorry",

His lips curved, forming a sheepish smile.

I didn't get to say anything as he had vanished in the sea of people,

Like a ghost, he was gone.

That was when he first talked to me.

I went up to him for the first time.

He was sitting alone in the cafeteria; head down, earphones in.

I stood by the long rectangular table and tried to speak.

To my dismay, no words came out.

But he had noticed and he had looked up.

He smiled and managed a "Hello".

That was when I first approached him.

He kissed me for the first time.

It had been 5 months since we had been friends.

We were walking down the street,

Night so dark; only illuminated by the street lamps.

I had accidentally stepped on my untied shoelace and almost tripped, causing him to laugh.

I hit him in the ribs playfully and he held onto my arms.

He stared into my eyes and smiled.

He slowly lowered his head and connected our lips.

I did not know how to respond as i had never been kissed nor had i ever kissed anyone.

But that was the day he had kissed me.

I told him I loved him for the first time.

We were on the bed, staring at each other.

We were analyzing each others faces; trying to remember every single detail.

I thought of the first time I saw him; how he looked so cold and he always looked so angry.

But he was nothing like that.

His eyes told a story.

Those brown eyes had showed that he cared and he was honest,

He was pure in my eyes and reminded me of the colour white.

He reminded me of white snow and angels and the twinkling lights in the sky.

He reminded me of everything that was beautiful in life.

With those thoughts roaming in my mind, I said those words.

He smiled and placed his forehead against mine as I drifted off to sleep.

But not before I heard him say the same words to me.

That was when I said I loved him.

But with all of that, I did not get one last important thing back.

It was not the fact that I did not get a proposal from him, which i did not.

Not the fact that i did not get to wear a wedding dress and see him at the end of the aisle, waiting for me.

Not the fact that he did not get to hold our child in his arms, as he left way before that could have happened.

None of that was what i was longing for and never got back,

What i wanted was a goodbye,

I never got a goodbye.

I saw his face for the last time.

His body cold, eyes shut.

I wanted to lay my head down on his chest and hear his heart beat,

I wanted him to hold me for one last time and to inhale his scent,

I wanted to see him smile as I thought there was nothing more beautiful than that smile of his,

But i could not do any of those things anymore.

A tear rolled down my cheek and i forced a smile, as he would not have wanted me to be sad.

I leaned in closer to his lifeless body and placed a single kiss on his forehead.

Before pulling away, I unsealed my lips to tell him that i love him, present tense.

That was the day i said my goodbye,

The day i was back to being alone.

The day my lullaby ended.