It was not that long when these two started acting like this. In that crowded stage, the two exchanged stares unintentionally. It might be like five seconds when they felt this should stop.

 

            “Hyung, do you want to drink bubble tea with me?”

            “Sure!”

            “Oh my god! My stomach started twisting again.”

            “Kyungsoo-Ah, don’t act like that!”

            Sweet laughter exploded to Luhan and Sehun and did not even care if they drink the said beverage in every moment. Bubble tea was the one that keeping them together.

            That was their past… not their present.

 

            They won the biggest award for tonight, a  very amazing moment for both of them and their other members. They beat their seniors that even them, could not believe that was possible. Those seniors even stayed and proudly joint them till the ending.

            After their encore stage, the artists of one company left one by one. Luhan started walking to the backstage whilst Sehun secretly followed him with his eyes. He silently went after his hyung, not long ago, the older though not moving a muscle, shooed him away with a slight glare.

 

            “Happy birthday, Sehun! Sorry if we can’t come to your birthday. And, gosh! You’re growing so fast!”

            “Thanks, Hyung. I miss you and the others.”

            “Don’t worry. We will drink bubble tea together once I’m back!”

            “I’ll be waiting for your comeback. Saranghae.”

            “Saranghae, Maknae.”

 

            It felt like yesterday when they had this phone conversation for EXO’s youngest. Now, he was dumbfounded to Luhan as they faced each other inside the backstage.

            “Are you following me, Sehun?” The older has a cold tone when Sehun was asked with that question.

            “Hyung―”

            “I told you to keep your distance with me.” Luhan stopped looking at him, turning his face instead as the same time he exhaled heavily.

            “I can’t!”

            “You should.” Luhan strictly said without glancing back to their youngest before he continued going away.

            Sehun was left with a scarred heart, biting his lips in frustration. If he could only forget all their shared memories… if he could only… if he could…

 

            Months ago, when ‘Showtime’ was just starting to be filmed, the group was having a fun time together. They were not aware that was how everything started.

            “You really look so feminine.” Suho said, folding the camera’s screen after shooting Luhan for their new show. “None of us can deny it.”

            “Didn’t I tell you… NO?!? Why can’t you understand that?” Luhan is beginning to turn his serious mode on. With the last words he said, the tone was higher than the usual.

            Suho stopped teasing the older. He was smiling nervously and seemed to have a big sweat on his head. He did not continue on nagging Luhan but another person exchanged for this role.

            “Are you going to say you’re the manliest again among all of us?” Chen joined their not-so-pleasant conversation and just adding more gasoline in it. “Come on! Don’t be so ridiculous!”

            Luhan straightened his leather jacket in anger, making the two surprised. Suho knew it was not a good idea to make him pissed off after all.

            “I’ll prove you, you’re WRONG.” He firmly said. Chen, who was stunned by Luhan before, smirked at him.

            “Really? How could you be manly if you’re not even straight?” This younger seemed not to be moved by his hyung easily, Luhan on the other hand could not help but to provide him a puzzled face. Whilst they were at the center of this tense conversation at the corridor, Sehun was coming near them without them noticing.

             “I’m not getting you.” Luhan looked at Chen with a clueless face. Suho and the other Korean exchanged stare in surprise because of his behavior.

            “What are you saying? Aren’t you and Sehun…” Luhan then laughed when he fully understood what he meant.

            “Kim Jongdae, are you out of your mind? Sehun is never been my boyfriend.”

            His two listeners in front of him were shocked not just because of his words but also the person behind him. His wonder never stopped, he also became curious of what Suho and Chen been looking there with their widened eyes. He turned around and finally he knew what the reason for this behavior was.

             “Luhan, I guess me and Jongdae needs to go.” Chen agreed with Suho, leaving the two behind as abrupt as they could.

            They walked away while blamed each other in making Luhan mad and possible reason for another argument with Sehun. The Chinese Singer could not hear their conversation anymore because they were getting far; he just looked at the reason his identity had been questioned with his cold looking eyes.

            Sehun heard it all; still, he was thinking Luhan said that in order to get rid of the two. He managed to smile a little at his hyung which is a very seldom item you could get to this youngster; yet, that is not enough to eased the burning feel Luhan had inside him. He rolled his eyes before leaving the kid in the center of the corridor.

            That is the only time Sehun sensed Luhan was really not acting right. He asked himself if the older meant what he said a little while ago. Before Luhan completely got distant to him, Sehun pulled him on his wrist.

            “Let go, Sehun.” Luhan shook his hand off from him, getting puzzled more when those doe eyes glared at him.

            “Don’t tell me.” Sehun walked forward to him but he kept being farther as he stepped backward. “You really mean what you said.”

 

            Luhan chose to put his attention on the floor than looking Sehun’s face. But he changed his mind; he looked at him straight in sync with the smirk on his lips. “Of course. What do you think?”

            The youngest was shocked but he continued believing this was another joke from Luhan and chuckled.

            “Can’t you see how serious I am?” Luhan gritted his teeth and his voice was rising again. If this nymph like creature started acting like this, all of s knew how terrorizing it is, Sehun was aware of that as well.

            Luhan could not constantly do this expression, by only seeing his Maknae getting teary, he calmed down.

            “From now on, don’t come closer to me because they thought we are gays.” He said after he loosened his anger.

            The kid’s face showed how he thought the older’s request was impossible to do. His breathing started getting faster as if he was nearly losing some air.

            “But, aren’t we, Hyung?” Luhan almost cursed if he hadn’t controlled himself.

            “NO! Sehun, if you are, I’m not. If you think WE ARE IN RELATIONSHIP because of THAT, NO WE ARE NOT. There’s no US and we have NEVER been an ITEM to begin with.”

            This was heartbreaking but Sehun was really in good hiding what he really felt. He chuckled again tiredly.

            “Then, perhaps we are dating.”

            “Dating? Sehun, we are just going out, like brothers not lovers.” Sehun was speechless of those words that were as sharp and cold as blizzards. Luhan resumed walking away, both of them knew that this would result to nothing so good if they continued this conversation. They were at the center of the hallway when that was happening; it was possible to get worse and resulted to a scandal. Thankfully, no one was there to witness this drama.

 

            Since then, Luhan and Xiumin always became together more and they seldom seen along with a different member. Sehun tried his best, to forget about the singer whom he was just delusional that he was his boyfriend. Tao, Lay, or Chanyeol was always there to accompany him. He was a bit happy; yet, he was happier if Luhan was on their position instead.

            They talked sometimes but somewhat short. After it, awkward air was blooming so they both stayed away from one another as soon as possible.

            It was impossible that their members could not notice their sudden change of treating each other.  Luhan would explain that it was best to interact to the same age to him and mature like Xiumin. Sehun needed to be parted with him, for the boy to learn being independent and to act as an adult too. The youngest, though this gave him pain, agreed to that reason.

 

            There was only one who had the courage to confront Luhan about his behavior for the past few days. Chanyeol, who was close to both of Sehun and Luhan could not take the cold atmosphere surrounding between them. He thought of this as a childish act and not the mature and manly his older brother kept n insisting.

            He invited him to talk to the singer personally inside his room, which Luhan openly accepted. Chanyeol sat on his bed while Luhan was standing near the window.

            “Tell me, you don’t really mean to get separated with Sehun, do you?” The boy had a faint smirk on his lips when he asked this question.

            The older looked at him sternly then chose to stare on his feet instead. “How could you be so sure?”

            The taller scratched his nape before he answered still with a smile on his lips. “I know you, Hyung. You are doing this because a lot of people kept saying you’re as pretty as a girl which you don’t really like. You even more become one because you’re the girl between you and Sehun. So, you chose to hangout recently with Minseok-Hyung because he looks girly to and way much shorter to you. And, you want to be the man of the relationship.”

            Luhan rolled his eyes whilst he sighed. Chanyeol was really lively even with his speech. On the other end, the boy gave him a don’t-you-dare-tell-me-I’m-wrong-with-my-conclusion look.

            “Chanyeol, stop reading fanfics about our group. Look what happened to you.” Chanyeol’s shoulder seemed to fell with his hyung’s response.

            “Hyung, you are simply hurting yourself and Sehun.” The taller insisted.   “If I’m not right with why you are acting like this, act like a brother at least and not like you’re allergic with our Maknae.”

            “Hyung.”  The center of their conversation entered Chanyeol’s room giving an awkward air to them. They did not know if he heard what they have been talking but he seemed he did not.

            “Y-yes, Sehun.” Chanyeol gulped as he stood up. Sehun and Luhan could not help but to look each other. Luhan was the first one to remove the eye contact and Sehun focused his staring at his tall Hyung instead.

            “Joonmyun-Hyung asked you to buy us meal for dinner.”

            Chanyeol grinned at him, placed his hand on the youngest’s shoulder. “Sure.” He was so gallant these days and it was okay for him to buy some foods because he had his own projects.

            “I’ll go with you, Chanyeol.” Luhan left the window and came forward to them. Sehun suddenly glared at him, took the hand of tallest among them from his shoulder and hold it. The eldest took the Chanyeol’s other free hand while chuckling.

            “Joonmyun-Hyung asked me to say this because he wanted me to go with Chanyeol-Hyung.”

            Luhan frowned at him and let go of the boy they were battling with.

            “It’s up to you Chanyeol if you want to go with him or with me.” Luhan sat on Chanyeol’s bed before he folded his arms on his chest.

            Chanyeol did not know what to do with these two, they were both his special friends and both of them wanted to go with him. He exhaled again whilst shifting gazes to Luhan and Sehun.

            “Why don’t you guys be the one to buy us dinner?” He resorted.

            “But, you are the one asked by our Leader because you have the money,” Suprisingly for Sehun, who was so devoted to Luhan, disagreed to his idea. Chanyeol had one more options just to push what he wanted to happen. If this will not work, he did not know anymore.

            “Here.” He pulled his wallet from his pocket and took fat cash from it. “You just need my money, right? Now go.”

            Whether they liked it or not, the two surrendered and did what was needed to do.

 

            They walked on the cold night of December without initiating any conversation. In the middle of their way, Sehun could not help but to keep on glancing on his hyung who was in front of him. Luhan could feel his glances that he turned back but the boy quickly shifted his look on the bags they were carrying.

            When they were almost at their dorm’s building, Sehun called Luhan, finally the one who broke the silence. They both stopped from walking, it seemed Luhan would lend a time to listen to what he was about to say. Leaning back with an emotionless face, the older was waiting for what him to talk again.

            “Saranghae.” They boy looked at him with passion and Luhan, he was surprised for this sudden confession. Sehun smiled at him then walked away heading to the door of the building.

 

            Luhan was left taken aback of that one word the boy left. He ghostly chuckled, did not know if he was annoyed because Sehun left him without letting him responded. What would he be replying anyway? He shook his head and continued walking all by himself.

 

            The cold wind kept on breezing between them. Sehun seemed to get used to it and move on. His other member had their peace as well by seeing that he was okay. On the other end, Luhan was clandestinely watching him from afar. The youngest was doing the same thing but more obvious and could not be define as secretive. Fans even had evidence that Sehun’s eyes were only focusing on Luhan. They posted it online, not aware there was a boundary built with these two EXO members. For Luhan, they only captured him having a fun time with Xiumin.

 

            At the night for the award show, this was one of the moments Luhan placed his attention again to their maknae. The singer looked at him with satisfaction as there was a smile plastered on his lips. The boy felt his stare but he did not know it was him. When he found out who this person is; they were unaware that both of them were smiling to each other.

            Luhan loosed this curve on his lips, from the distance, whilst looking straightly to the younger’s orbs. He said these words in his mind, ‘I’m sorry, Sehun-Ah. Sometimes, people are meant to fall in love, but are not meant to be together.’

 

 

            After the ceremony, the boys went back to their dorm tired yet happy. They would surely have a peaceful rest. Not all of them though, Sehun stayed awake and chose to sit on the cold floor behind their dorm’s sofa, curling himself. Soon after, he cried quietly with all his heartaches. It was midnight and everyone was on their each-owned-dreamland. This was the first time he shed his tears from the day Luhan broke his heart; he finally gave in to his emotion that he had been keeping all this while. No one knew about it and thought he was fine. He did not want anyone to see this that he hide on the darkest part of their place.

            Every night, crying in the darkness became Sehun’s habit. Since EXO was currently out of promotions, he chose to sleep at day and wept with tears in the evening when everyone else was at their slumber. One of those nights, he forced to calm himself and stood from where he was hiding. He put his coat on and left the dorm.

 

            The next morning, Luhan woke up when he heard panicking noises outside his room. As he came out, s were glaring at him. Kris came forward to the singer and pulled the collar of his pajama up.

            “Look what you have done!” Kris angrily said to Luhan and as if he would soon eat him alive.

            Luhan was shock at the same time wondering why he needed to have this as breakfast.

            “Hyung!” Chanyeol tried to take Kris’ grip from Luhan’s collar. There was no way that eldest of the three could not notice the wet eyes of the younger rapper.

            “What is going on, Chanyeol?” He asked.

 

            When the boy answered him, flashes of memories, showed to him.

 

            “Hyung, stop this foolishness!”

            “I’m sorry, Sehun-ah.”

 

            He was snapped back to reality as Kris tightened his grasp on him, Chanyeol did not stop peeling off these hands to his other hyung.

            “You heartless guy! Sehun, is gravely injured because of you!” The tallest pushed Luhan on the wall. Because of it, D.O. helped Chanyeol from stopping him.

            “Kris, that’s enough!” Suho who was nearly at the exit shouted. He looked so anxious as well. “We need to go now. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, take care of your Luhan-Hyung.”

            Kris released him from his hold and walked forward to his co-leader. He did not forget to give one more glare to the person he almost beat. The other members came forward the door and also giving the same look as Kris’. Luhan fell down the floor after whilse his face was unreadable.

            The three members stayed with him. Before they left, Suho stared at one of the members that would remain.

            “I’ll be staying here with Luhan and the rest.” Xiumin said, sitting at the sofa and observing his other three members who were now at the floor.

            Suho nodded, being the last one to leave the dorm, he closed the door.

 

            “Don’t blame yourself.” Kyungsoo said as he placed his hand on his shoulder. “Sehun went out last night and rode Manager-Hyung’s motorcycle. He got into an accident when he clashed with a passing truck.”

            “Don’t you want to go there and check him?” Chanyeol asked. The older looked at him with no expression at all.

            They know what that meant and this was confirmed when he shook his head in refuse.

            “God!” Chanyeol stood up, kicking the wall at the same time. His deep loud voice had almost divided the house into half. “Hyung, when are going to stop this childishness? Don’t you feel bad for him?”

            “He does not need me.” He said coldly said making the others dumbfounded. “He have all of you, I know he does not need me.”

            “Argh!” Chanyeol was disappointed and did not know what to do with his hyung anymore. He started glaring at Luhan too. The tallest in the room should have let Kris pounded him because he was thinking the same thing now. He could have hit Luhan’s head on the wall if his conscience was not bothering him.

            “Chanyeol, let’s leave Hyung alone for now, ok?” D.O. stood up to rubbed Chanyeol’s back and calmed him. The boy who decided to avoid looking on Luhan’s direction was breathing heavily. It took a while before it eased when he let Kyungsoo took him to his room.

 

            Luhan’s expression seemed to be eaten by his guilt as he was left with his best friend at the living room. Staring at the window, Xiumin on the other hand was composed. They chose be quiet for a moment before Xiumin broke it.

            “Everyone is currently angry with you, Luhan.” The singer faced him worriedly. “I’m also against the way you treat our Maknae but… I can’t turn my back just like they did because I can’t leave you behind.”

            Luhan rose from the floor to sit with him on the couch. Xiumin smiled on him brightly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Luhan steer of gazing on him when a tear fall from his eye. They became silent again after that. Xiumin did not force Luhan to talk so he settled getting quiet as well.

 

            Days, weeks, a month passed, the members went back and forth from the hospital to their dorm. Not all of them could stay with Sehun who was still under coma so they divided themselves in batches. None of those groupings included Luhan. They did not forced him to be part of this and let him decide if he wanted to go or not at the hospital.

            Luhan could barely think because his thoughts were fighting inside him. He wanted to visit Sehun but he was afraid. Afraid of what? He did not even know what he was afraid of. With this, he kept his silence, locked himself in his room and s hardly saw him out from there.

            Luhan did not want to be left ignorant of Sehun’s status in the hospital. He was eavesdropping behind his door to get update of their magnae’s condition. Luckily, there were chances they were talking about it; might be, they meant it so he would know.

            The singer was happy hearing good news that Sehun’s pulse rates were good; he did not have difficulties with breathing, his organs were working normally and he did not have major bone injuries. Sad, that the boy was still unconscious though. s could not help but to wish Luhan to visit him. It was possible that he was the only person their maknae was waiting for. Luhan felt he did not have the strength to see Sehun yet in his condition. As an alternative of his absence on Sehun’s side, he did not stop praying for Sehun to wake up.

 

            With one of the time Luhan prayed, he was not aware he got fallen asleep. As he awake, he sensed there was nobody on their dorm other than him.

            ‘Maybe, they are all in the hospital.’ His thoughts.

            On this day, he would like to check Sehun for the first time. He wore a vivid blue shirt, white pants and sprayed on a fruity perfume. He wanted to appear so bright when he was going to meet their maknae that he would show up like this. He even bought baby’s breath with the color similar to his shirt.

 

            He was glad as he was informed by the nurse that Sehun was transferred from the ICU to a private room a few days ago. He slowly walked forward to Sehun’s room, still thinking what ’s reaction to his visit. Would they be happy to see him? Or, would they be angry that all this time, this was the only moment he would show his face? He shook off those ideas and continued heading to his destination.

            When he opened the door, wonder floated to his mind. The room was empty, blanket was neatly intact on the bed as if no one had ever use it.

 

            “Luhan-ge.” He leaned back, only to see a serious looking Lay behind him. “What are you doing here?”

            “Yixing.” He blinked his eyes. “Where is Sehun? Where are the others?”

            The younger shifted his gaze down the floor before he looked the person in front of him again. “I’m actually checking if we left something here.”

            “Did Sehun finally awaken and the hospital released him?” He was surprise with Lay’s reply by a slow shake of his head.

            “Everyone is at the morgue right now. They are waiting for Sehun’s to be out from there.”

            Luhan could not believe of his news. He dropped the bouquet of flowers he was holding and gripped both of his arms firmly. “You got to be kidding me.”

            Lay’s eyes began getting wet of tears. He looked up to stop those liquids from coming out but fell dramatically on his eyes.

            “NO~!!!” Luhan let go his dongsaeng from his hold, he almost collapsed on the floor if Chanyeol did not support him. “What have I done?”

            A wave of tears initiated from his sight, Lay hugged him, and joined him with his weeping. They plunged to a never ending cry while embracing each other tightly.

           Luhan kept on talking in his native language, saying all the regrets he had for Sehun, and whimpering at the same time. Lay sympathize him with Chinese too. They exchanged words until Luhan felt dizzy from crying and fainted.

 

            Luhan woke up from that, still with tears from his eyes. Lay must had brought him home and changed him to his pajama again. He wiped his eyes unexpectedly glanced at his desk watch. The singer was shock and felt Goosebumps as he looked the time was the same when he woke up this morning. His watch must be broken. On the second thought, it was possible that everything that happened was a dream. The more to his surprise when the clothes he wore was folded on his drawer as if he did not take them from there. The dorm was cleared of s same like before.

            He rushed to hospital again to know if everything was just part of his illusion. The similar event happened. The nurse informed him about Sehun’s room. The strange thing there was that lady should have know that the patient inside that room was dead. Luhan insisted himself to go, only to confirm if he was just dreaming or not.

            The singer saw an identical view of what he saw before. The room was empty.

            “Luhan-ge.” This time, Lay was not the first member he would saw from there.

            “Tao!” He held both shoulders of his dongsaeng with firm and swapped their position. “Where is Sehun? Where are the others?” The younger, shifted his gaze to the floor. Before he answered, Luhan blocked him. “Huang Zhitao!”

            “Sehun was in his therapy while the others were on their each separate project right now.” The Youngest Chinese cried. Luhan was not expecting his answer but this seemed to be good. This was better.

            He put down his hands on his side, still with a quizzical face. “What?”

            “We are sorry that we did not tell you about Sehun’s awakening.” Tao bowed at him apologetically.  “And, we actually intended to talk that his still in comatose at the front of your door simply to force you coming here. He regained his consciousness about a week ago. But nothing more…” He put his hand on Luhan’s shoulder. “Everyone will be happy now that you’re here.”

            Luhan hissed and blushed in shame. He was a little mad too because s tricked him just to come there. Finally, he chuckled because he was at fault too.

            “Please say my apology for the rest of the gang.” Scratching his nape, he smiled brightly to the younger. “I’ve been such an a** for a while now.”

            “Hyung, it’s ok. We understand how you feel. Let’s forget all the chaotic happenings and move forward. What do you think?”

            “Sure, Tao.” The pair gave a five to each other. Luhan pouted when Tao ruined his hair after.

            “Do you want me to bring you to Sehun?” Luhan’s deer like eyes widen a bit with his offer. “He’s been looking for you all this time.”

            While Tao was waiting for the response of the older, a boy wearing a patient’s outfit with a crutch supporting his arm was coming inside the room without their concern.

            “I don’t think this is the right to see him?” Luhan shook his head slowly with a solemn looking face.

            “What are you saying? You’re already here and―” Tao could not continue talking when he saw the person intruding in the room. He patted his hyung’s shoulder with a smile on his lips. “I better leave you guys.”

            Tao made Luhan bewildered when he was starting to get off from his spot, the older got stunned after learning the reason for his action. The younger Chinese closed the door parting the pair that just looking each other with still expression. Sehun was serious but his eyes seemed shining with longing for Luhan. The latter could not extend his gaze from his maknae, placing his focus on different direction instead.

            “You’ve come.” Luhan’s eyes looked straightly to Sehun again; he chuckled faintly and gently scratched his nape.

            “Yeah.” He did not expect the next thing that would between them. The younger with a cold looking face was the same warm boy that was looking only for him for comfort.

            Sehun hugged him, pressing Luhan’s head on his chest and tightly grasped him inside his arms. Luhan was shocked but he let the boy did this to him.

            “I miss you.” Sehun squeezed the older more now with a simple curve on his lips. “Please, Hyung.  Let me embrace you just today.”

            The younger had his wish granted, Luhan answered him with a hugged and could not hide his emotion when a tear fall from his eye.

            “No, Sehun.” The said boy looked at him straight, thinking he would be rejected again. He seemed wrong, just seeing his hyung with those glasses like eyes.

            “Hyung.” Luhan could not still glance at him longer.

            He smiled after he bit his lips and said. “If you want, you can do this everytime even… forever.”

            “Hyung.” Sehun’s embrace became tighter that Luhan could not almost breathe. Luhan endured it and did not let go of the taller.

            “Saranghe, Maknae.”

            At the time they were getting comfortable with each other again, Sehun started to shine that made Luhan flabbergasted and had a short gasp. The boy told him the same thing but it was mouthed. Slowly, Sehun completely formed as a white figure. He turned into a pile of feathers, spread out, and became glittering dust.

            Luhan did not know what happened but he fall on to his knees and cry.

            ‘This is another dream. Did you really leave me, Sehun?’

 

 

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