Sacrifice

I tried.

I tried so hard to pay attention.

To get every dance move right.

I was distracted.

My mind was elsewhere.

How could I even focus on the dance moves when I couldn't stop thinking about 'him'?

"Taemin! This is the fifth time! No more mistakes or you're gong to be here all by yourself practicing until I see that you've got it down pat!"

I bowed, and apologized. 

The music was restarted, yet my eyes couldn't help but wander over to 'him'. 

They were doing it again.

The small touch of the hands, and the secret smiles to each other, I could see it all. 

Why couldn't that be me?

After practice, as I thought, I had to stay behind, and practice the dance moves.

I was released out early when I did the moves just right. 'They' weren't there to distract me.

"Hey bummie, pass that bowl of popcorn beside you," Key handed the bowl to him, and blushed when his lover kissed his cheek, and whispered lowly in his ear: "Saranghae."

I was sandwiched in between Minho and Onew hyung, and Key and Jonghyun were beside Onew on the left side. Key decided that we'd all watch a movie together and eat popcorn, but I didn't want to do none of that. Seeing Key and Jonghyun hyung on the stage was enough.

But Minho convinced me to stay anyway by saying that he would buy me banana milk and who am I to object?

Then, it happened.

Key and Jonghyun began making out, and whispering sweet nothing's to one another. I couldn't take it. I had to get out of there. 

It was tearing me apart.

Before either Onew or Minho hyung could stop and ask me anything, I bolted out of the living room, and into the bathroom making sure to lock it quickly behind me. I fell to the cold, tile floor, and pulled my knees up to my chest, and cried silently to myself.

I wasn't good enough. Key hyung had it all, so what did I have? Nothing. That's right. I was skinny, ugly, and was broken. No one wanted a broken toy.

I wasn't good enough.

Everything I did wasn't good enough.

Why am I even acknowledged?

Do they pity me?

It only made sense that Jonghyun asked manager hyung if Key and I could trade rooms. Jonghyun hyung couldn't stand to see my face. 

Who could?

I reached into my pocket, and pulled out my handy dandy little friend. 

I pulled back the sleeve of my shirt, and stared at the many scars on my arm. The wounds. The bruises. Some didn't heal as well as others. Maybe I went too deep.

I leaned my head back against the door, rose my hand, and slid the razor across my arm quickly. I winced as the tears kept coming. 

Jonghyun...

Why won't you notice me?

What does Key hyung have that I don't?

Am I too skinny?

Am I too annoying?

Am I too ugly?

I'm sorry that I'm not good enough. 

I'm sorry that I'm no Key.

I'm sorry...

I kept on cutting, not noticing just how bad my wounds were getting, and just how deep I was doing it.

I don't care. Why should I? Who did anyway? 

"Tae, you've been in there for a long time. Are you okay?" Minho asked, knocking on the door.

I wanted to answer him, but I felt a painful headache coming along, and my vision began growing blurry. I hazily looked down at my arm to find it covered with blood. I dropped the bloody razor, and closed my eyes back once again.

The pounding at the door kept growing fainter and fainter until it was completely gone. 

Then, when I opened back my eyes, everything was completely white. Then, I heard faint crying. It sounded like Keys...

"We are all gathered here to today to mourn over the death of Lee Taemin, member of SHINee, son of two wonderful parents, and brother of a loving brother. Also, a friend of four caring, friends. He will be dearly missed."

Somehow, I could see everyone wearing all black, and a casket in the middle. . . . . with my name on it.

I was dead. I had killed myself. 

I looked down at my arm to find it clear of any bruises. 

I was free. Free from the pain. From the suffering.

I smiled, but it quickly vanished when I noticed that Key shrugged off Jonghyun who intended to comfort his lover. Key cried into Yunho's chest. Everyone was crying. Why weren't they happy? I was free. I was saved.

I was finally happy.

I floated down beside Jonghyun, and kissed his cheek. I knew he wouldn't be able to feel it, but I've always wanted to do that. 

He put a hand against his cheek, and looked everywhere around him. I giggled, and floated back up into the sky, twirling around. 

I was happy. I was free. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

I was free...

Finally.

I apologize for this. I just sort of wrote how I was feeling and it came out a little more emoish than I had expected. But please do still leave comments, and subscribe~