✆Review for B2UTYSONELOVER
Heart Attack Graphic Shop ft.Chanyeol [CLOSED]♚ Review ♚
Note: Its UniDeerPanda working on your review! Firstly I haven't yet read the story, Il give a score on the title first...
ok, I've read 8 chapters so far and I'm now finished with the review.
B2UTYSONELOVER
I Hear Your Voice
❦Title : (7/7)
In my personal opinion, it’s an interesting title and it also relates to the story,
❦Foreword / Description : (6/7)
Not so easy to analyse but other than that, the description is well-written,
❦ Vocabulary/Grammar (14 /15)
The writing is really complex and detailed. Although it seems like there were no mistakes, I’ve spotted some mistakes here and there, most of them were in the second chapter but I won’t mention them all. (Red ones are yours)
why on earth she is crying?
Why on earth is she crying?
she disappears into the thin air with hazy smokes linger around her without prior notice.
‘’ " " " " " " ’’ ’’ hazy smokes which lingers around her/ hazy smokes lingering around her.
“Of course, doc! I miss my house and go to school.”
“Of course doc! I miss my home and going to school,”
Lu Han suddenly bursts into massive laughter, making him stop to explain about details.
Lu Han suddenly bursts into massive laughter, making him to stop explaining about the details.
And instead of repeating the same word again eg. Grimace why not use scowl, wince etc.
❦ Plot: Originality & Entertainment (15/15)
By far of most stories I read, this one was definitely original.
❦ Characters (15/15)
Many characters were involved yet you’ve executed each individual very well, especially through speech.
❦ Flow (3/3)
Nothing wrong in particular, It wasn’t rushed. I like how you elaborated the story. Chapter after chapter, Luhan develops a sense of tragedy, well written!
❦ Neatness (3/3)
Nothing wrong, it's all neat.
❦ Total Score ( 48/ 50 ) ---> ( 98/ 100 )
Overall you deserve a perfect score, you have a few alternates towards the grammar, you did very well and hopefully you'll gain more likings for your story in the nearer future.
-Unideerpanda
Extra notes: Very sorry for the slow service from the shop, the staff is having their end of year exams and its really pressurizing TT
Withought your needs we wouldn't be .. here.. ? For now operation success!
Have a good day :D
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