I sighed deeply while doing what I had to do, searching for a job on the internet.

Everything in my life seemed like it wasn't getting anywhere.

 

My eyes were all red from crying and they were burning.

 

Where's the exit out of this life?

 

I'm trying so hard, but I feel like I failing at each step I make.

Should I quit this life?

Should I quit it right now?

By myself?

 

But I don't see a good point of doing it. Not like this.

I just want to try to keep this last bit of a hope up, even if it’s just for a little longer.

 

Everything I had fell apart. My job. My career. My family. And basically my life. Why do I feel so stupid and not useful at times.

 

I couldn't help myself but to cry.

 

I cried my eyes out, I cried my heart out.

 

My parents died in a car crash just a few months ago. I was broken. And then….

 

Then my own brother did a suicide.

 

How do you think that felt….

 

Maybe like a thousand knives trying to find their ways through me.

 

Why me, god? Aren’t there many other people on this world who are trying to ruin their lives?

But me here, who’s trying to succeed and trying to make something out of my life….why do I need to go through this much pain?

 

 

 

I was lying on my bed when I heard the front door open and close again soon after.

 

»I'm home« a voice yelled through the apartment. I heard the key being put on the kitchen counter.

 

I suddenly stopped sobbing and got myself up. I ran toward the room where the voice came from and jumped to the guy’s embrace while letting out another sob.

 

»I missed you« I cried again with my head buried into his neck and my hands around it.

He lifted me up and hugged me tightly while I hugged his waist with my legs.

 

»I missed you too babe« He looked at me at pecked my lips. »How are you feeling?« he asked me softly. And then he saw my messed up face. My make up was most probably everywhere on my exhausted, pale face.

 

Another tear slipped down my cheek as I burst into another episode of crying.

 

I jumped out of his embrace and ran into the bathroom, locking myself in.

 

»Babe?« His voice spoke out confusedly and worriedly.

 

I cried hysterically and couldn’t calm down myself. I slipped down leaning onto the doors and hugged my knees.

 

He started banging against the door yelling

“Babe? Open up, please.” He said

 

“What the hell happened?” he asked concerned

 

»Le-leave me al-alone. Not n-now, p-please« I sobbed out hardly being able to speak.

 

»What's wrong…talk to me baby« he said trying to open the door again, but failed.

 

I remained silent for a next few moments.

 

»Talk to me, god dammit!!« he yelled through the doors obviously concerned.

 

»I got fired« I whispered. Bursting into cry again.

 

»I lost my job Jae….« I said a bit louder. “I keep getting things that means most to me taken away” I cried harder

 

»Oh baby. I'm sorry…I’m so sorry« he said softly, but sadly.

 

»Open up, please« He said knocking on the door continuously.

 

»Why is this happening to me Jae? Why?« I spoke out through tears.

 

»What have I ever done to deserve this?« I let out another sob while wondering myself. A million of questions were running through my mind at that moment.

 

»Baby, it's not your fault. It has never been. Stop blaming yourself for everything, please« He pleaded sadly. According to his voice, I could hear he was scared. He was scared for me.

 

I remained silent. Only my sobs were heard.

 

“Babe?” I couldn’t answer.

 

“Babe, come on. Answer me” He spoke again.

 

“Don’t do something stupid. You hear me?!” He was on the edge of the tears. He started to bang on the doors again.

 

Great, now I’m hurting him. Why am I in this ? Why am I hurting the others and why am I getting hurt constantly?

 

I slowly got up and unlocked the doors. I stepped out and immediately got hugged tightly by a pair of strong warm arms. 

 

Jaejoong.

 

I needed this hug so much right now. I hugged him back crying badly in his arms.

 

“Everything is going to be alright, you hear me?” he said my head. He pulled away from the embrace and cupped my face. His eyes were watery and there were wet tracks on each side of his face.

 

“Don’t you dare to do this ever again” he said with his voice cracking.

 

“Alright?” he said breaking the hug as I nodded  “You scared me here” he said holding on to my shoulders

“I’m sorry” I whispered at him.

 

»Come here« He sighed and pulled me into his arms again.

 

He always knew how to calm me down. He was there for me when my parents died and he was there at my brother’s death.

 

The next thing I knew was that I lost the floor beneath my feet as he lifted me up bridal style and carried me over to the bed.

 

He laid me down and got himself next to me pulling me closer to him.

I rested my head onto his chest and interviewed my fingers with his.

 

His chin rested on my head and my leg wrapped his leg.

 

It felt comfortable even though I was still sobbing a little.

 

We were lying like this in silence for a few minutes before he spoke.

 

“Do you want tell me what’s happening to you lately? What’s wrong?” he softly said.

I didn’t move a muscle.

 

“Baby, I’m just worried about you, that’s all” he spoke again with the same tone as earlier and my hair.

“Thank you” was all I could say

“For …what?” he asked confused trying to look at my face but our position at the moment was not suited for him to do that.

“For everything” I spoke again pausing a little.

“I love you Jae” I spoke quietly and sincerely as another tear escaped my eye.

“Oh baby. I love you to. You know that” He said as pecked my forehead and my hair gently. “So much…” I heard a whisper.

I smiled and closed my eyes slowly drifting to sleep as I felt a headache coming from all the crying.

He is the main reason why I’m still holding on.

 

It’s all because of you, Kim Jaejoong.

You are the main reason why I don't want to lose my faith just yet.

Thank you, Jae. Thank you for keeping me so strong my love!

 

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Not going to continue. I just felt a bit sad today, i don't even know why though... But it's true about Jaejoong being my main support to keep going. Always! Well anyways, I just hope you liked it :D COMMENTS AND SUBSCRIPTIONS APPRECIATED!

twitter; please follow me @eyaaaxx LOVEYOUALLMYBABES ;*