A Beautiful Good Bye

 

I spread my arms out wide, enjoying the calming winds that brushed by my bare arms. My fingers wiggled around, unable to touch anything but the air. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the clean, summer air. If I closed my eyes, I could almost transport myself back to the window seat by the train, sharing a conversation with him.

It was another summer. Freedom.

I am free.

 

I met him when it was the summer after high school. My parents agreed to let me travel back to my hometown before leaving to America for college. Instead of flying to the nearest airport near my hometown, I chose to take the train. It would take me ten days to reach home, as I will be making stops along the way whenever I felt like it.

It has been the third day already. I sat near the window, wiping the foggy window free of water condensation that gathered during the night. Rows and rows of trees flew by. I smiled. It was ni-

"It is nice to be outside of the city, right?"

I turned my head back from the window, surprised to see a young man standing by the window, his hand also stretched out of the window to feel the cool summer morning air.

"This seat is not taken, right?" I nodded, and he sat down across from me. One of the things I loved about riding trains is the seats by the window. People come and go on these seats and chat happily with strangers as if it was the most natural thing to do.

"Do you also like the morning air?" I asked the man. He smiled, showing a row of white teeth. His eyes were covered by a pair of dark sunglasses, giving him a mysterious aura.

"In Seoul, we never have enough time to rest and take time to appreciate summer. I had been trapped inside sweaty training rooms for the past three summers. It is quite a shame, really, as summer is my favorite season. I took this train just to feel the summer air each morning."

I looked up at him, astonished to find someone who took this train for the same reason as I did.

"Really? Summer is my favorite season, too."

The man replied with a teasing tone, "Is it because school is out?"

I grinned sheepishly, admitting that it is one of the reasons why I love summer so much.

We chatted like that for a while before his phone rang for the tenth time. The man finally pulled out his phone, read the name that popped up, frowned, and pulled out the battery.

"Why didn't you pick up the call? That must be the tenth time that person called you."

He smiled at me again, a hint of sadness showing.

"I don't want to deal with it now. After all, I am on vacation like you, right?"

I nodded. Suddenly curious, I asked.

"Hey, what is your name? Maybe I can meet up with you again tomorrow."

The guy stood up and straightened his shirt. Quite formally, he introduced himself as Hyunwoo, a college student as a freelancing singer.

"What is it with the sunglasses thought?"

"...I just like it." With that, he grinned at me one last time before leaving the car.

"See you again later, princess."

I waved a good bye at him, sticking my tongue out. Until tomorrow then...

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"Without you there is no paradise~" I opened my eyes to see the same guy from yesterday finishing the line of song for me.

"Do you know Infinite?" I questioned.

Hyunwoo chuckled, whispering something under his breath.

"...Yes, I know them quite well."

I sighed, preparing to start my rant.

"It is such a shame that Nam Woohyun decided to leave the band. He was my favorite of the seven members. In high school, Infinite had been all I had for entertainment."

"Really? Were they that important to you?"

I nodded confidently. "Without them, I would not be here today."

Hyunwoo threw his head back and laughed.

"I never thought that you would be the type to chase after idol groups, princess. Considering someone who is able to say so much about quantum physics from the last time we met. I had pegged you as an avid listener of bands like Nell or Garnet Crow."

I shrugged, admitting defeat. "Infinite had such spirit and their songs carried so many meanings in them. They are hard workers and are willing to do whatever it takes them to reach the top. They were my role models in life."

His eyebrows shot up.

"Role models? From idol groups?"

"Yeah. Why? Do you not listen to SNSD?"

Hyunwoo chuckled, throwing his hands up in defense "Guilty as charged. My friend knows the whole dance routine from head to toe."

"Tsk tsk, you boys..."

Another day passes quickly before I realized that I had missed two stops of the train while talking to Hyunwoo. Even though I have just met him, I felt an immediate connection to him, as if I had seen him somewhere before.

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"What do you see?" Hyunwoo pushed the half full cup of water in front of my face.

"Er...a cup with water?" I replied, confused.

He shook head from side to side.

"Nope. Is it full? Empty?"

"Of course it is half full. Why?"

"I predict that...you are an optimistic person, right?"

I snorted. "That question is so clichéd that I am surprised that you even asked me this."

"But you seem like a cheerful person."

I paused, deciding to tell this stranger of my story. After we step off this train, we will never meet each other again, right?

"What do you see?" I asked Hyunwoo, giving him a view of the back of my left hand.

"Er...I already know I am pessimistic so why ask me this que- AW!"

He rubbed his head on the spot I had just slapped. Pouting and jumping in place, he cried.

"Princess! That is a bit too much!"

"Dummy. I just asked what you can see, not to ask you the water question." I rolled my eyes, surprised that he is so gullible.

"Oh! Er...I see a beautiful hand and a...thing." He pointed to my scar.

I nodded "I told you before that I would only be the person I am today because of Infinite, right?"

"...yes."

"Well, I made this scar myself with my nails. I had this whole depression stage when I was in school and used knives to cut myself. My parents were pressuring me to be the best, and everything started to crash down. I felt as if I was useless, and that I deserved punishment. I'm sorry...Is it...too much for you to listen to?"

"No, keep going."

"So when I discovered Kpop, I was happy to have something that can distract me from all the depressed and suicide things."

"...really?" He looked at me with a pitiful look in his eyes. I continued.

"But I wouldn't say that it saved my life. It was the boy bands that taught me to never give up."

"...never give up?"

"Yes" I answered. "Never give up. Whoever gives up is a coward, and I hate cowards who shy away from their fears instead of facing them face on."

He nodded, clearly thinking about something. The man asked, "What if nothing works out?"

"Then learn to accept the cold hard truth."

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The next time I found Hyunwoo was when he called me from his sleeping compartment. Since it is kind of sketchy to enter a guy's room at midnight, I had asked him to meet me at our usual window.

Minutes later, I regretted ever telling him to come.

Hyunwoo was wrapped in blankets and clothes, very much like a human burrito. His head was hot and his nose wouldn't stop running.

"Wow. Long time no see and you already got sick?"

"Urgh." He sneezed. "I stayed up too late yesterday writing a song for my friend, and now I am like this."

"Let me guess. You opened the window by your bed and fell asleep without closing it."

Hyunwoo groaned, nodding in agreement.

"Princess, you are like my third mom. Stop nagging already~ Just let me rest for a bit."

"Hyunwoo-sshi, I think it is better for you to go back to bed since- YAH!"

He collapsed/tripped/fell into my bed and fainted.

Sighing, I pushed the man onto my bed and removed the blankets from his body. I tucked him in a fresh blanket and started to wipe off the sweat gathering on his forehead, soaking his black bangs. After debating for a while, I decided to take off his sunglasses to wipe his sweat.

I gingerly removed his sunglasses for the first time and placed it on the table for better access to his face.

I saw a Nam Woohyun lying in my bed.

I shot up from where I was sitting and rubbed my eyes. Pinched my arms. Kicked myself.

Yupp. It is Nam Woohyun.

No wonder he was so familiar. My Hyunwoo. How had I been so stupid?

 

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"Princess? Want to get me some water? I'm...thirsty."

I silently handed Woohyun a bottle of water, refusing to look at him in the eyes.

"Thanks, but can you... open it for me? My hands are shaking..."

I sighed, taking the bottle away from his hands and twisted the cap open. Only after gulping down several sips of water did he realize that his usual sunglasses were missing.

"...I..."

"...Finish that water and go back to your cabin Hyunwoo, I mean, Nam Woohyun-sshi."

He looked at me guiltily, like a puppy being scolded.

"I...didn't mean to..."

"All this time" I said angrily, "you have been lying to me. All this time, you have been hiding from the world. Is it that hard to tell me who you are?"

"...I am really sorry."

Tears were about to fall from my eyes, whether from joy or anger I do not know.

"...Go for now. I...don't want to see a coward. I am so disappointed in you, and I believe that I am not the only Inspirit that feels this way."

Woohyun got up from my bed and was about to leave when he turned around and gave me a journal from his bag.

"Read this...I will meet you at the usual spot when you are ready to talk."

I took the black notebook silently; retreating to the bed he had just left and buried my face in the white pillow.

 

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Song of the day: Super Junior's Dead at Heart

                I feel as if I am dead at heart. Today was another performance of Man in Love, and I was stupid enough to tie my shoelace in the middle of the broadcast. Articles already came out, scolding of Infinite's unprofessionalism, and it is all because of me.

                Sunggyu hyung got really mad at me after the show. The managers, too, especially after the articles came out. One thing that comforts me is that the Inspirits found it funny, so at least I am safe there.

                I...really tried hard. Am I really that stupid as they told me? Am I really worthless? Aish my back needs massage again...

 

Song of the day: TVXQ's Picture of You

                People said that hard work will eventually pay off. Where is my reward? After suffering through so much dance practice, why do I have to go through vocal lessons at midnight? Yet I have to smile for the Inspirits even though my body is slowly killing me.

                It is going to be summer soon. I might be able to get a few days off to take the train. Sadly, this is the only thought that is keeping me going each day. The train trip, and the promise of summer.

 

Page after page, I read Woohyun's diary for the next two days. Idol life was a lot harsher than I had thought. The life they are living...it is a miracle that none of them had collapsed yet.

Woohyun...is still suffering because of his back. This idiot, not listening to his parents and not resting well.

My Woohyun, the idol I had worshipped, is not superhuman. In fact, he is just a human being who works extremely hard.

I located the newest entry and began reading. As soon as I finished, I grabbed the infinity necklace and the blue hourglass and stuffed them into my pockets. I sprinted through the cabins to the window seat, desperately looking for Woohyun.

Song of the day: f(x)'s Goodbye Summer

                I am done. This trip might be my last. I...don't think I can do this anymore. Summer...is not working its magic.

                I finally made a friend this summer, and I gave her the nickname Princess. She is...everything that summer is. Flawed, relaxed, yet perfect. Listening to her talk is better than anything I could ever wish for.

                But good job Nam Woohyun, you managed to mess up again. Now she hates me, because I had crashed the image she had of her hardworking idols.

                I...am done with life.

 

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"STOP!!!"

"...what are you doing here, Princess? Get off and go somewhere safe."

I climbed the last rung of the ladder and crawled onto the top of the train. The night's cool air flew by, threatening my hair to fall from its loose ponytail.

"I am not..pant pant...leaving here until you leave with me."

Woohyun gave me a sad smile, the same one he wore when he announced through his last selca the day before he left Infinite. That smile had broken my heart, and this time, I am determined to fix it.

"You are not worthless. We are here to support you. Come back again."

His eyes were glassy as he asked me "Isn't it too late?"  

I shook my head, reaching my hand out to grab his.

"You," I said firmly, "are not alone."

Woohyun just looked at me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small hourglass, my infinity necklace falling from my pocket without notice.

"Here is a present I wanted to give you."

He took it from my hand and turned it upside down, watching the moon's light flickering off the shining blue sand.

"Why?"

"Because there is always a second chance."

I took the hourglass and flipped it.

"You can always reset what you have done before. As time passes, people will forget about your mistakes. Because to me, Infinite and Inspirits, without you there is really no paradise."

"...Thank you, Princess."

I cracked a smile, relieved that I had changed his mind. Tugging on our hands, I started to step off the top of the train.

"One more thing, Princess."

"What?"

Woohyun grabbed me in for a hug, his head resting on my shoulders. I can feel him slowly relaxing, his breaths slowing down.

We stayed like that for a while. Before he pulled apart, he whispered in my ears.

"Thank you."

 

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We stepped off the train together. Woohyun donned his sunglasses again as he stepped into the parking lot, looking for the black van that will take him back to the Infinite dorm.

I smiled as a man stumbled out of the van, grasping Woohyun in a tight hug.

"NAM WOOHYUN WE HAVE BEEN SO WORRIED YOU BASTARD! HOW CAN YOU REALLY QUIT LIKE THAT HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GO-"

"Shut up Sunggyu-hyung!" Woohyun laughed as he hugged the leader back. "You are being more embarrassing than usual."

"...I was just worried..."

Woohyun laughed again, his eyes crinkling into the eye smile I love so much.

"Let's go, everybody is waiting in the hotel."

Woohyun turned around to face me. His hands reached out to wipe off the tears that fell unconsciously from my eyes.

"Princess, I will be going now."

I nodded, smiling for him one last time.

"Live well, Hyungwoo-sshi. Don't sleep with the window open and remember to take care of your back."

"I know...aish so annoying." Woohyun complained, although his face showed no sign of annoyance.

"Since you gave me a present, I will give you three in return."

"What is i-it?" my voice finally trembling as it came to me that he is really leaving.

He handed me the journal from last time.

"Read it well and goodbye, Princess!" With one last smile, he climbed into the black van and disappeared from my sight.

I opened the black journal, laughing to myself that the me from high school will probably be spazzing about getting a whole notebook of signature from The Nam Woohyun.

Nothing has changed since I last saw it, but there was one last entry.

 

Song of the day: Infinite's In the Summer

                Princess, thank you for saving me. Just as I have been your role model before, you are now mine. This summer...has been hard. Thank you for everything.

               This journal's songs of the days is the first present, and the envelope the second. Come find me for the third present, Princess.

 

Taped to the last page is a small envelope addressed to My Summer Princess. The envelope was a ticket to Infinite's One Great Step concert in San Jose.

 

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It was the day of the concert. The chilly November air was what my hand felt when I stretched my hand outside from the car window.

"I...am going to you."

In the last few months, a lot of things has changed. I started my college in MIT and came home for the weekend and the concert. Why waste a perfectly good seat to see Infinite?

Woohyun joined Infinite again after we parted ways at the train station. The company covered his absence with a story about treating his back, stating that the Twitter post was written impulsively and that he never meant to quit in the first place.

Infinite released the Destiny mini album, and a signed copy was mysteriously sent to my dorm, addressed to Ms. Princess. The same handwriting from the journal was on a piece of post it attached to the album.

Come find me.

 

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"Hello everyone! We are Infinite!"

Infinite greeted the screaming crowd in the San Jose event center with their cutely accented English.

"I am Infinite's leader, Sunggyu!"

"I am Jang Dongwoo, nice to meet you!"

"Hello I am L."

"I say Ho, you say-" The crowd screamed "YA!"

"I am Sungyeol!"

"I am Infinte's youngest, Sungjong!"

I turned my eyes on the last member to introduce himself. Somehow, through the thick crowd, he was able to spot me and grinned at me.

"I am Hyunwoo, I mean, Nam Woohyun. I am Infinite's main vocal and I love summer."

"Pabo." I mouthed to him. He grinned, sticking his tongue out and making bunny ears that made the girls around me scream with happiness.

The concert went on smoothly, and it was the portion of the concert for Woohyun to propose to a random fan.

His eyes found mine again, and he walked confidently from the stage to where I was at the edge of the pit.

"Enjoying the concert so far, Princess?"

I smirked, "You need to practice your handwriting, Hyunwoo-sshi. What if I couldn't read the note and miss the concert?"

We grinned at each other and he knelt down in front of me. Instead of the standard ring he used for other fans, he pulled out a bigger box and showed me a silver and diamond version of the infinity necklace I had dropped the night on the top of the train.

"Thank you Princess. You are my paradise."

 

 

 

A/N

I don't know why I wrote this, but summer is my favorite season. The songs in Woohyun's journal are some of my favorite songs, so everyone please check them out!