*At Namsan Tower*

"Oppa, can we go make a lock?"
You asked cheekily and Luhan laughed.

"Arasso arasso!" Luhan brought a gold lock engraved with the words "Forever and Always - _____ <3 루한"

He smiled as your eyes widened. "YAH OPPA!"

You opened you bag and took out a silver locket with handwritten words. "Till forever ends. - ______ & 루哥"

You both stared at the locket and burst into laughter. "We. Are. So. Compatible." Luhan burst out between laughs and when you both cooled down, you two signed the back of the locks.

Locking them both at the same time, he snapped a picture of you two with a polaroid and shoved it into his pocket. "Oppa give it to me! I want it!" You cried aloud and Luhan laughed. "Nope this time i'm keeping it!"

You pouted and then he took his phone and snapped a picture of the two of you pointing at the locks. "Happy?" He smiled as he sent it to you.

"Very." He tiptoed and pecked his cheek and ran away quickly, laughing loudly.

"YAH PABO!" 

_____

*2 Weeks later*
You smiled at the scrapbook you had painstakingly made for Luhan. It contained all the polaroids you both had taken over your 1 year relationship and tomorrow was the anniversary. You wrote captions below every polaroid remembered each moment they were taken.

**You sneaked in and stole my first kiss while taking this one you cunning little beast! >:( ** You loved that picture the most.

You fell asleep with the smile on your face, sure tomorrow would be the beat day of your life. But for some reason, your heart felt heavy...

_____

You skipped into school, bag slung over your shoulder and the precious book inside of it. 

"Op—" You yelled about to fling yourself to Luhan when you stopped short.

Luhan had pressed a freshman girl against the teachers' table and was kissing her. He froze and turned to look at you. The girl looked around in confusion.

"Lu... Han?" You choked out. The breath caught in your throat halfway as the book in your hands fluttered to the ground. The tears gathered quickly and dropped down your smooth cheek. Followed by others. He took a step forward. "_____-ah. I can explai—" Thats all you heard until you turned around and ran out. Slamming the door to your secret classroom with him. 

People stared at you as the tears fell freely now and your bag swung against your back. You escaped into the toilet where you finally broke down again and cried. Your heart hurt a lot. It was beating abnormally again.

A million questions flooded your mind.
"Were you not good enough?"
"Was he getting tired of you?"
"Were you too boring?"
"Too plain?"
Maybe it was because you were slow. You didn't initiate the kisses, you seldom hugged him. Maybe it was the skinship.

Or maybe it was just you. 

You knew you weren't pretty or anything. You knew that he was always too good for you. The door to the toilet opened a group of girls walked in. You only heard their voices. "So Luhan dumped her?"
"I dont know? She was crying."
"Finally. I thought he would never come to his senses!" Your heart felt like it was stabbed and you gasped for air.

The sentence replayed in your mind and you froze. They kept talking and you helf your tears in. When they left, you cried again. And the words pierced through your head over again. 

_____

You ran home and skipped school. Slamming the door shut. You tossed your bag to the bed and your phone fell out. Light flashing.

"Lulu oppa" Calling.

You denied the call and saw 104 Missed calls from him. You looked at your messy desk and the memories of the scrap book came back. 

The cut outs. The stickers. The markers. All still sprawled across the table. You got up and swiped everything to the side in a fit of frustration. The screen of your phone lit up again and you blocked him.

*Unnie, what happened?? Call me asap!* From Eunji unnie. Your best friend.

*Please pick up my calls. I can explain!*
Was the most recent message from Luhan. It triggered a nerve and tears came back up. 'Yeah. You want a clean break don't you.' You thought bitterly and laughed. So much for forever and always.

That night, you cried yourself to sleep clutching the remainings of your heart.

_____

You peeled open you swollen eyes groggily.

And then dragged yourself out of bed. The doorbell was ringing over and over again. You ignored it and took a bath. Your bloodshot eyes and frail body reminded you of yesterday. Your knees felt week again and you walked to the front door. You pushed it open slightly and saw Luhan with his head in his hands and he was crying. He looked up and tried to open the door but your eyes widened and shut the door. Locking it quickly.

His hair was messy. He had eyebags. Bloodshot eyes. He was still wearing his uniform. 

You shut your eyes and cried again, your back to the door. 

"Can you hear me out?" Luhan whispered through the door.

You didn't say anything.

"I know you're there. Sigh. I'm at fault. I was dared to kiss Ji Yeon. I was trying to be proud and i just pecked her. She said it didn't count and forced me to kiss her... In that way. I..." You didn't hear the rest as you walked away and flopped yourself onto the bed and cried. Again.

_____

For the next month, you avoided him. Your friends protected you from him. You don't know why but you just couldn't face him. He opened up old wounds and applied alcohol on them. He finally stopped 3 weeks later. The day after that, you had a scheduled trip to Namsan Tower. You felt a pang when you reached the tall over. You friends crowded around you and you all followed the mini tour group up. You saw a group of people at a part of the lockets. When you went closer for a look, you saw the 2 locks placed by you and Luhan. But there was a polaroid attached to it and a new lock was placed on it. It was the polaroid of us that day. Written at the bottom was, "Locked by the guy who broke her heart and she is the only one with the key to mine."

Girls cooed at it until they realised who was in the photo. Your eyes widened and tears gathered by your eyes. You your heel and you came face to face with Luhan. "Can i talk to you?" He asked. Voice raspy and tired. You fought your emotions down and walked past him. Shoulder knocking his. You acted like it was nothing but the fire from that small touch burned and stayed. That touch however, meant the world to Luhan. 

You ran off towards the busy street. Tears blurring your eyesight. You dashed across the street and heard horns behind you. Suddenly, a loud horn honked and tyres screeched to a stop before the painful sound of imapct sounded. You turned behind in shock and your eyes widened. The driver had run out and saw the body. Your whole life froze and your heart shattered again. You felt a tug on your hand and then turned to see a breathless and wide eyed Luhan. "Kwenchana?" He asked.

You pushed his arm off and slapped his chest repeatedly as the tears gathered again. "I THOUGHT YOU GOT HIT. I THOUGHT YOU DIED. DO YOU KNOW HOW I FELT?!" You screeched and he looked shocked.

"Yah..."

"MY HEART JUS—"

Luhan pulled you into a hug and your shouting ceased. "I'm sorry. For everything" Luhan whispered and you cried into his shirt, gripping the fabric.

_____

"Can we try again? Have a second chance?" Luhan asked, hope gleaming in his eyes.

You tried to say yes. You really did. But you couldn't. "I'm sorry but... I can't." 

He looked crushed as you said that. Taking a step back, you bowed your head down. "I'll wait. However long it takes." He said, voice full of conviction.

_____

Of course, you ran away. You were already at the brink of your breaking point. You ran to a cafe and had a really good cry.

The owner called a cab to bring you back home and you thanked her amidst tears.

_____

It had been a week since it happened. Luhan had tried everything. From courting you again, to simply talking. You didn't want to but your heart just told you to steer clear. 

One day after school, you were walking back home when you received a call from your umma and appa. They told you that they couldn't come back and visit you this month either. It was already something you got used to. You hadn't seen them in a year. They didn't know about your cardio problems or anything. You had a weak heart but it had worsened thanks to Seoul. Your doctor told you that you could collapse at any moment.

Then you met Luhan. You lived your life to the fullest.

You felt the tears b and your heart beat faster. It stinged and you choked. You kept walking and you rummaged for your inhaler but you knew it wouldn't help. You couldn't find it as your vision out and you heard that all too familiar voice call out. "_____-AH!"

_______

You lay in the hospital bed as Luhan clutched your hand. "Please..." He kept chanting. 

The doctor came in earlier and told him that you probably wouldn't pull through. He had been holding onto your hand for the past hours. Your heart rate had slowed, the beats getting shorter.

You heard everything. Even though you wanted to peel your eyes open and pull Luhan into a hug, you couldn't. You heard everything he said. Drifting in and out of consciousness and found Luhan's hand still clasping onto yours. 

"Wake up.. Please.. It's all my fault... Luhan tears fell again for the fifth time that evening. You wanted to just reach out but that force was still holding you down. You screamed inwardly and the light in front of you seemed to get brighter. 

Your heartbeat stopped. They said in the last seconds while your body still had some oxygen left, your brain would recount all the moments in your life. Like the phrase 'My life flashed before my eyes.' You saw Luhan and you meeting in the classroom after school. You saw the time Luhan first kissed you. You saw the both of you at Namsan. You saw the scrapbook. 

Your vision got blurry as the light got brighter. You heard Luhan shouting. You felt his grip on your hand get tighter. You heard shuffling of footsteps and then Luhan crying again. Whispering "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." Over again.

You didn't have the chance to say goodbye. You didn't have the chance to tell him you loved him too. It was too late for regrets. 

"I. Love. You." Was the last thing you thought before the light took you.

_____

Luhan stumbled home. The doctor had forced him to go home and he had to. He limped into his room. There was a letter on the desk.

Tears clouded his eyes as the familiar handwriting was written across it.

' Luhan,

Mian. I didn't tell you about my sickness till now but i will tell you now. I have a cardio diesease and i could die any moment. I never told you because i was scared you'd leave or something. Haha... Childish aniya? But anyway... I wanted to tell you.. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for making my life fuller and everything. Keke i'm no good with words but i can tell you.. SARANGHAEYO!'

The scrapbook that he had left behind was placed on the table wrapped carefully in clear plastic. He hadn't seen it and he opened it. Reading every page and scutinising every polaroid and memory.

The words I LOVE YOU were sprawled at the back of the book in small font. 

'Can you count how many times i said that? Keke

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!'

365. Three hundred and sixty-five times were the times you wrote. One for each day.