One day I’ve seen that cold eyes becomes so gentle..

I love it. I’m falling in love.

 

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-Hakyeon POV-

I spent my whole time with something useless. That’s what people thinks I’m but for me this is my life. I spent my day everyday to see what that he is doing. What he is did for living in this life.

I’m happy.

His name is Taekwoon, Jung Taekwoon. But he is may really likes if peoples call him with Leo because of his personality. But for me he still Jung Taekwoon. Peoples that I’ve known have such a gentle heart behind his hawk eyes. The nice guy when he play around with kids or animal. Cute and adorable boy.

I’m falling for him.

Since that day. Since I’ve seen his personalities and can’t take my eyes off him. Since three years ago. This is my one sided love. He is my first love.

Jung Taekwoon.

 

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“Hi Taekwoon!”

No answers. He just peek me a little then continuing write something on his notes.

“Did you have lunch?”

No answer again. So silent.

“Did you know someone have talk to you right now?”

“……”

“Did you have so many assignment?”

“……”

“Have you eaten?”

“…..”

“Let me help you. I’ve already done my assignment.”

“Go! You disturbed me.” He said that with very cold tone without even look at me.

I just have a bitter smile on him.

 

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“Hakyeon, did you not tired to disturbed him? He isn’t a human, you know. He isn’t a human, he is stone..”

“You can’t said like that, Jaehwan. You just don’t know him..”

“Did you thought that you really know him? Are you kidding me?”

Jaehwan sighed. He is my best friend. I used to be with him for ten years. He is really understand me. Like the other side of me. I really love him like my brother.

“Stop it Hakyeon, it just hurt you. Leo isn’t have any feeling for you, you know?”

I sighed.

“Jaehwan, you just can’t see what I see..”

“But I am realistic, Cha Hakyeon!”

“Shall we have fights about this?”

“…..”

“No. I knew you always be my side. You’ll belongs to me, right?”

Jaehwan just keep silent.

I knew it hard for him. To see myself hurt just hurting him. Because he really loves me. Because he don’t want me to be hurt by other.

“Whatever you want, Haekyeon. I’ll always be by yourside.”

I smiled.

 

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“Taekwoon..”

“…..”

“Taekwoon..”

“…..”

“Taek—“

“Can you just stop disturbing me, Cha Hakyeon?”

“Am I really disturbing you, Taekwoon?”

“Go away. I don’t want my mood getting more bad because of seeing your face!”

Taekwoon really cold-hearted. But it just made me more loves him. It made me really want to broke up his great wall on his heart. I want to melted that iced. I just believed that I can make him fall for me, fall in love with me.

One day, Jung Taekwoon may love Cha Hakyeon.

 

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I never tired to chased after him. I never be tired to always be with him. Taekwoon may said that I’ve disturbed him. But sometimes he let me to stay by him side. He allow me to be by him side.

For me it very pleasant because I really loved him. Never mind if this supposed to be my one-sided love. Never mind for me if he never have same feeling as me.

But isn’t love to be so beautiful if two persons can loved each other? Belongs to each other?

I sent so many letters for him, sent him a short message, never stop to called him just want to talk to him but he never answered. I knew I do it for nothing but its all that I want. I want to be visible for him. Not invisible as he never know me.

Taekwoon always run away from me but I always can found him. I feel that myself understand him so much. I have an obsession over him.

Cha hakyeon have an obsession over Jung Taekwoon.

And there is one thing that peoples never knew about me. I hurt myself as my self-harm to hold this hurt. To hold my broken hearted.

With it I’m not really feel that’s so hurts although my heart was broken apart. It can’t compares with how much I really loves Jung Taekwoon.

 

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“I love you..”

Finally I’ve said it to Taekwoon. I confess him.

He just stare at me with his cold gaze.

Taekwoon avoids me and supposed to leave me alone.

“Why not you answer it? Where do you go?”

Taekwoon faced me then.

“Shall I?”

I hold my breath. He have really cold tone.

“Y-you at least give an answer..”

“Who do you think you are?”

“M-me.. what do you mean?”

“Whatever its not important. You might know what is my answer. Good bye..”

I just silent when he leaves me. I’m so hurt and my tears fall down to my cheeks when Taekwoon gone.

My feeling just wasted. These three years just nothing. Taekwoon’s hate me.

 

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-Taekwoon POV-

Finally I found my peacefulness. I can fully concentrate to my assignment with no one disturbed me everyday. So peaceful.

He never disturb me again. He never comes around me again since that time. Seems that he knows really well that I’ve already rejected him. That’s better than when he keep disturb me everyday. I really hate it.

But I feel something different in myself. I feel like..a little bit lonely. I don’t have any idea but I couldn’t understand myself. But I think, I little bit needs he’s presence.

I need Cha Hakyeon.

Oh my god, am I crazy now? Why I must need him? I feel a bit..lonely. I never like him even I thought that his presence really disturb me.

But I feel so sorry. I have a guilty over him. I must not treat him like that, not act like that. Am I hurt him?

I never have to think he is exist.

But now I miss him.

I really hope Hakyeon be here right now.

 

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-Author POV-

Jaehwan not understand what was wrong with his friend. Hakyeon that currently seen, not as a long-familiar hakyeon. Hakyeon more subdued and not cheerful as usual. His smile more on a forced smile.

Hakyeon actually behave as usual except that he lost some sense and spirit. Hakyeon lose the spirit of life. Whatever he has done is never true. He was like losing his balance.

Jaehwan and Hakyeon walked into the garden of their campus. And in that moment he saw it. Hakyeon and Jaehwan are looking right to Taekwoon which is currently sitting quietly under a tree.

They walked through Taekwoon. Jaehwan like want to open his mouth, but he did not do it because Hakyeon not looked at all towards Taekwoon. Jaehwan feel there must be something wrong between them.

Hakyeon trying to hold back the tears that do not fall off when looking Taekwoon. He did not want to be weak and defeated by his own feelings. Hakyeon really hurt by Taekwoon’s rejection.

Taekwoon noticed. He knows it. He knows Hakyeon was walking towards him. He was ready when hakyeon be admonished as it once was, but he was wrong. Hakyeon just walk through it. Without the slightest turn towards him.

Taekwoon feel there is something wrong with him. He felt a tightening in his chest. Tightness because Hakyeon not care about him.

"Hakyeon, are you okay?" Jaehwan asked him when they sit in their class.

 

Hakyeon just nodded his head without intending to answer.

"You're not okay .." continued Jaehwan.

"I'm fine Lee Jaehwan. Do not worry."

"You're not fine, Cha Hakyeon. Tell me what happened between you and Leo."

"This is not the right time, Jaehwan."

"All right. I will wait until the time comes. You have to tell me."

Hakyeon smiled

 

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Taekwoon sure he saw Hakyeon sitting not far from him. And he believes Hakyeon saw when he entered the library. But Hakyeon doesn’t care. He continued his reading.

Taekwoon took a seat not far from Hakyeon. Where once he would like to stay away from Hakyeon, but this time he didn’t have any idea why he wanted to see Hakyeon close.

Hakyeon know Taekwoon sitting not far from him. Hakyeon wanted to hug him from behind this time, but he refrained. He's afraid of getting hurt further if doing so. Moreover, after Taekwoon rejected outright.

Hakyeon daydreaming. He did not even realize that Taekwoon has stared him intensely.

Taekwoon examine every angle of Hakyeon’s self. Taekwoon never know if hakyeon have a dazzling dark skin, cute face, sweet smile and beautiful eyes. Taekwoon didn’t know because he never looked at him directly.

Hakyeon rolled up his sleeves when Taekwoon looked away. Hakyeon then continued his reverie. Taekwoon then looked towards hakyeon again and something surprised him.
He was surprised to see a lot of scars on Hakyeon’s arms. Unusual cuts. Scars as a result of Hakyeon’s self-harm.

 

Taekwoon hold his breath. He did not think  that Hakyeon will do that. Hurt himself. Self-harming.

 
But for what reason? Taekwoon thought. And when he looked again, hakyeon already disappeared from his view.

 

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It's been three days Cha Hakyeon not go to college. Jaehwan bit worried his friend, but Hakyeon said that he was fine. However Jaehwan know, Hakyeon is not okay.

Hakyeon locked herself in the house after seeing Taekwoon in the library. Hakyeon even not know why he did it but see figure of Taekwoon only hurt him. They are so close that day but could not reach it at all, he did not dare even to see him.

Hakyeon getting hurt himself to bear the pain of his love for Taekwoon. He knows he was stupid, but this is to prevent suicide. Although he himself is dead slowly due to his wounds that never heal.

 

He believes he still has a chance before he ended it all. Before he killed his feelings.

Hakyeon still want to meet Taekwoon.

 
In three days, hakyeon prepare his heart. He was preparing to meet Taekwoon again and expressed his feelings again to Taekwoon. Hakyeon still have confidence that Taekwoon will reciprocate his feelings. That Taekwoon like him too.

 

Taekwoon always been around him lately and Hakyeon noticed. Hakyeon realize that Taekwoon look for him. But he's still convincing himself. Hakyeon do not want to get hurt too deep, but he's happy. He was pleased Taekwoon look after him.

 
Although hakyeon not so sure, but this is really getting his hopes up. The hope for still loving  taekwoon and taekwoon do the same.

And hakyeon going back to reveal his feeling. Hakyeon will take all the risks that will occur later. For the love of Taekwoon. For the sake of things intended to have since the first.

 

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Taekwoon-ah .. Can we meet in the park behind the school at 1pm later?
I want to talk to you ... for a moment, I beg
-Hakyeon-


Taekwoon find the memo at his locker when his courses completed. he just looked at the paper flatly, expressionless. Taekwoon not understand why hakyeon want to see him again, but he felt his heart pounding.

Taekwoon trying to guess and think about the answer.

He was not ready to hear Hakyeon’s confessions. He still felt his hesitate. He was afraid to accept the reality. Taekwoon feel coward. He did not dare to say the truth to Hakyeon.

 

About his heart.

About himself without knowing that he had fallen in love with hakyeon.

On the latter he wanted hakyeon near him again.

 

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It's been almost a half hour Hakyeon has waited. It is the month of December and the day was so cold. Even it started snowing. Of all the seasons, winter is the seasons that Hakyeon much not like. Because no one has warmed his heart and himself.

Hakyeon heart was beating very fast. This is his last chance. It will be the last for him to meet Taekwoon. After this will be a reality that he must be received. Are taekwoon will accept or reject it again.

Taekwoon figure emerged five minutes later with a thick jacket and long scarf. Hakyeon could not read his expression. However, hakyeon has estimated this not a good thing for him.

 

"Are you coming? Thank you Taekwoon .. "

Taekwoon not answer, made hakyeon’s heart pounding so fast.

 
"There are things I want to tell you .."

"......"

 
"I ... I ..."

"Hurry said, did you know it cold?!"

"O-okay. I want to say it again .. "

"What?"

Hakyeon feel his courage lost somewhere. But he should. He should tell Taekwoon.

 

"Jung Taekwoon, I love you. I love you so much .. I .. "

"Is that what you're want to say in this cold weather? You made me freeze just to hear the statement of your love again. "

"Is-is that so? I'm sorry .. "

Taekwoon turned around.

"You .."

"I hate you, Cha Hakyeon."

And the tears falls down  hakyeon’s cold cheek. Taekwoon then leave Hakyeon without looking back at all. Without even know that today Hakyeon’s heart had been shattered along with his entire life.

 

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It has been two months.

Now is the 14th of February, the day on which the couples making love. Express feelings to each other. But not for Jung Taekwoon. Taekwoon feel there is something wrong with him. He is so lonely.

Taekwoon looking for him again. Looking for Hakyeon’s figure who never appears. Looking for Hakyeon’s figure that he never seen again. With all of the guilt on hakyeon. Taekwoon want to apologize to hakyeon. What he said was so nasty.

He did not mean to reject hakyeon that time. But look at Hakyeon’s smiling face that look like a fool when he appears, after a half hour wait made Taekwoon feel upset. Taekwoon just want hakyeon mad at him. Not smiling at him like that hakyeon that time.

 

And finally unknowingly taekwoon said it. Without realizing it he says that he hates hakyeon. He wants to change it, but he was afraid to do so. He was scared to look at hakyeon’s face. He could not see the Hakyeon’s hurt expression.

But this time he regret hakyeon never appeared again. Hakyeon like disappeared in space. But no one knows. No one wants to tell him.

And Taekwoon remembered Jaehwan.

Lee Jaehwan, Hakyeon’s bestfriend.

 
Taekwoon determined to meet him.

 

But before taekwoon rise to carry out his plan, a person standing in front of him. Someone with a face so wanted to kill him.

Lee Jaehwan.

 
"Oh you .."

 
"I swear I'll kill Jung Taekwoon. You ing bastard .. "

"I do not have any problem with you .."

"I swear to God if I had not promised to hakyeon, I have to drown you to the bottom of the hell right now!"

 

"You want to make a trouble with me?"

"Totally useless, jerk. This is, I'm just going to deliver this .. "

Jaehwan s an envelope at Taekwoon and he immediately accepted.

 
"Make sure you prepare yourself to go into the deepest hell after this, Jung Taekwoon. It will be the last day to enjoy your life that is full of selfishness.. "

Jaehwan then leave Taekwoon after giving one punch on Taekwoon’s face. That’s for hakyeon. Everything for Hakyeon.

Tears then falling down heavily on Jaehwan’s cheek when he already away from taekwoon.

 

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Taekwoon run very fast towards an apartment. He immediately left his campus right after reading the letter given by jaehwan. Letters deposited by Hakyeon to him. Letters which then determines the continuation of his life.

He sped fast. Taekwoon cursed inwardly why Hakyeon’s apartment residence are so far away from their campus. He drove the car wiping away tears. Tears have flooded his face this time.

Taekwoon immediately ran so fast to the Hakyeon’s apartment when he arrived. He did not even want to wait for the elevator and straight up the stairs to Hakyeon’s apartment. Taekwoon gasping breath, but he did not care. The only thing he cares about right now is only Hakyeon. His Cha Hakyeon.

 

Hakyeon’s apartment door was unlocked when he arrived. Taekwoon can see the place was very messy. And taekwoon did not feel any signs of life. His heart beats five times faster. His heart was restless.

Taekwoon open all the doors in the apartment to find hakyeon. He wants to meet hakyeon urgently. He wants to hug and said that he loved hakyeon. He wants to make hakyeon as his.

Taekwoon reach until the last room of the apartment which is Hakyeon’s room. Taekwoon tried to open it but the room was locked.

"Hakyeon! Cha Hakyeon open the door! It's me, it's me Taekwoon .. "

knock knock knock! Knock knock knock!

 
Taekwoon knocked loudly on the door but got no answer.

 

"Hakyeon! Hakyeon please open the door. I want to see you! open the door! " Taekwoon shouted.

There is no answer at all and then taekwoon decided to forcibly open the room door hakyeon.

 
With a strong kick taekwoon Hakyeon successfully opened the door.

And taekwoon shocked by the scene in front of him. Welling tears flowed freely.

"Cha hakyeon.. Cha hakyeon.. " he shouted.

 
What is Taekwoon had seen completely destroy him. Taekwoon wanted to crash his body right now onto a train.

 

Taekwoon found the lifeless body of Hakyeon. Hakyeon’s body hanging in his room with a rope wrapped around his neck. Blood splattered on the floor, under the hanging body of Hakyeon.
Hakyeon has suicide. He hanged himself. Hakyeon has suicide ten minutes before Taekwoon has arrived at the his apartment with the worst appearance of him over the years. He was killed along with his feelings and his heart wound himself. Hakyeon leave this world. Leaving Taekwoon that crying hysterically with a guilty feelings right now.

"CHA HAKYEON DON’T GO PLEASE!! I LOVE YOU, CHA HAKYEON!! I LOVE YOU!!"

 

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Dear Taekwoon ..
How are you today? Are you okay? Did you done everything’s well?
I'm sorry because sending this letter to you.
I really shameless huh? Hahaha .. You've turned me down but I still send this letters to you. But never mind, I just write a letter, do not bother you.
There are things that I want to convey to you. I should told you directly, but I just deliver my letter.  So coward.
I'm sorry ..
I'm sorry about my feelings for you ..
I'm sorry that I have to forced myself so much towards you because of my love..I know when you told me that you hate me I should stop . I should not bother you anymore . But my heart can not take it . I love you too much .
I'm so pity, right ? But yeah, its me. I did this just for you because I only love you .
I love you for the last three years since the first time I saw your lovely gaze towards animal and kids. You would not know it right? I've been wanting to say it but you never gave me a chance.
It's okay , I can say it now by this letter. Hehehe.
And when you receive this letter from Jaehwan , I've already dying . I'm deciding what I have to do with my life after this . Should I leave or keep enduring this pain forever..
The day when you say you hate me , then you've already killed me . You’ve killed my heart .
What is life without you as my reason to still alive, Taekwoon? I've already lost my love and my life . I miss you . You are my only reason to live and loving someone. Only you.
Taekwoon I'm really sorry, please forgive my selfishness.
I just wanted to say goodbye to you , with it as a good-bye letter .
Good-bye , Jung Taekwoon . Goodbye my love .
I will always love you. Eternally.
-Cha Hakyeon-

 

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a/n : Buuuhh finally i posted it! i've written it two months ago and yeah finally i make it. sorry for bad grammar because i dont use english often. and sorry for the lack story.

thanks for subcribing and commenting! love you <3