The room was dark.  The television blinked. The deafening buzz of the speaker from the box was overwhelming.  

“Choi Seunghyun, also known as T.O.P from BIGBANG, has recently passed away from a car accident.  Police claim that this incident was a hit and run and the department are doing everything in their power to find the other driver…”

The sofa enveloped me, me in, and I felt I was falling into a black hole.  I pulled my eyes away from the television.  It’s only a dream.  I close my eyes.  Open them.  Close them again.  Then open them one more time.
The television still stays, blaring out the aftermath of the accident.

I pulled my eyes away from the television, scanning the walls where our pictures hang; the ones where we were so happy, the ones where we were crying, and the ones where we were just…together.  

I stood up, unaware of what I wanted to do, or expected myself to do.  I stumbled into our room and touch the spot where he used to sleep.  

“I love you.”

“I love you, too”.

The feeling, the smell…was sickening.
The room felt hot, packed, constricted.  I needed to get out.  I needed to be free.
I opened the door to our balcony. His favorite spot.

“What are you doing there?”
He chuckles as I sit down on his lap.
“Well, with you in my way, I can’t write my lyrics can I?” He embraces me tightly, and I melt under his touch.

I step out into the cold, my feet burning in each step, my hair flying.

I looked out into the dark.  The city lights still on, still functioning, still alive.  

I grabbed hold of the bar.  The void inside of me sparked momentarily when the sharp ridges stabbed my palm.

A streak falls down my cheek.  Only then did I know that what I was feeling was pain.  Grief.  Sadness.  Alone.

The sky felt inviting.  Maybe it was him.  It had to be him.  He looked down with that warm smile of his. The one where it only came out when he was with me.

I climbed up on top of the fence, closer to my love.  I needed to get closer.

There he was, beckoning me to come back to him.

The only connection I had to this world was my hands holding on to the bar.   Nothing was in between me and him.  All I needed to do is let go, and then I will see him again.

The ice-cold air penetrated through my clothes, hitting me to the very core. The wind whipped nastily, drawing me out farther to my soulmate.

I never want to be alone again.

I never want him to leave.

I want to be united.

 “This has just been reported that the woman who has jumped off the balcony from the 20th story of Admission Apartments has been identified as the recently deceased BIGBANG’s TOP’s wife.  Witnesses say that after hearing about the death of her husband, she never came back to her normal self.  And so, she took her life, on this very day.”

I will be with you, forever.

I am reunited.

The television went on blinking.