2 years ago

“You think you’re so perfect right? I can see right through you, you’re nothing but cheating !”

I could barely see. The tension, frustration, everything I’ve held back ever since I caught my mother latched onto someone other than my dad at the bonfire in the summertime built up to this very moment. I remember seeing the lust in her eyes as she pulled the unknown man closer and closer to her own body, as if she were filling up her emptiness. The emptiness that my dad couldn’t fill.

“Please, just let me explain-“

I hastily slapped away her hand as soon as she touched my shoulder and stared at her coldly. My mom’s eyes widened in shock and she began rapidly blinking, resisting the tears that were building up in her eyes.  “I gave you your time,” I muttered, pushing past her body and picking up the backpack that I had filled with my belongings earlier. It was evident that my mom’s body was frail, and the sounds of her footsteps stumbling backwards after making contact with my shoulder pained me as well.

My mom’s voice continued to shout after me, begging and pleading me to stay and my footsteps felt heavier as I walked further away from her. That was the last time I heard my mother’s voice.

Present day

He’s cute, I commented on the boy standing a few feet away from me, a drink in his hand while he eyed me from his peripheral vision.

I let out a small scoff, resilient. People like him need to have a little more confidence. I downed the rest of my drink, my eyes locked onto the boy who had his attention not so subtly on me. Setting the glass on top of the counter, I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and approached the boy.

“Hey,” the boy sat up straighter in his seat while I sat on the chair next to him. I flashed him a small smile and ordered myself another drink before continuing. “I haven’t seen you around here before, what’s your name?”

“Jinho, and yours?” he lifted his glass to his lips, his eyes never leaving mine. From up close, Jinho had sharp facial features and thick eyebrows that complimented his small face.

“Sarang,” I replied, scooting my chair closer to his so that my legs were in between his, and Jinho’s knees were now under the hem of my dress.

“That’s an interesting name,” he chuckled, “you’re very cute Sarang.”

My smile faltered from his comment, “you know my mom gave me that name. I wish you knew the amount of days I wanted to get it legally changed to something else. Everytime someone even says my name I cringe. All it does is remind me of her and everything she did to me.” My knuckles began to turn white from the pressure of my grip, and I glanced up to find Jinho leaning slightly further back than before. I did it again, way to go. I sighed, tipping the glass of alcohol into my mouth before speaking again. “You want to get out of here?”

It’s been like this for almost two years now. Two years since I walked out of my own house, away from my mom and two years since I started going to the bar almost every weekend having with well, anyone who was willing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those desperate girls who needs someone to be with them all the time. Actually I’m the exact opposite. I don’t need anyone in my life and my weekly hit ups are usually impulsive. Everytime I say that I don’t want to do the same thing I did last weekend, I end up doing it again anyways. Except maybe a little worse each and every time.

On the other hand, I’m not unhappy either. I have a stable job as a photo journalist and every type of communication I need can be spoken through my pictures. That being said, I wouldn’t say I’m the quiet type either. If you were to ask anyone who knows me either an acquaintance of mine or a long time friend, they wouldn’t know how to describe me. They just haven’t figured me out, and they never will.

Friday nights are always too full in here. I watched the sea of people grow larger and larger by the hour, dancing along to the beat of the club music and getting drunk out of their minds. Why do I find this so entertaining again? I rolled my eyes at the immaturity of some of the people in the club when suddenly a glass of wine splashed all over my thigh and dress.

“Oh god. I’m so sorry, here let me help you out,” a tall man with an empty glass exclaimed, pulling out a handkerchief from the pocket of his jacket. He carefully wiped away the wine, “I wasn’t watching where I was going, I’m sorry,” he apologized again. I examined his face and found him to be quite attractive, his hair gelled up perfectly to frame his face and he was dressed in a classy manner for a club.

“It’s okay,” I assured him, “I haven’t seen you around here before, what’s your name?”

He smiled softly and took a seat next to me, “I’m Taehyun, it’s nice to meet you. Can I ask what your name is?”

“Sarang,” I smiled back while he continued to wipe off the excess wine on my thigh. I could have swore that he purposely ran his handkerchief slowly on the top of my thighs but I really wasn’t going to complain.

“Oh come on,” I heard a deep voice comment from the other side of the bar. I turned my attention towards the voice and found its owner, scoffing towards our direction. He was handsome. More handsome than Taehyun. The man was wearing something much more casual than Taehyun, a white t-shirt along with a pair of black skinny jeans. His hair was messily styled to the one side and his eyes left an impression on me. They were deep and mysterious.

“Do you have something to say?” Taehyun narrowed his eyes towards the other man, shifting in his seat so that he was making direct eye contact with him.

The boy stood up, and made his way towards us before staring directly into my eyes, “you do know this guy is a douche bag right?” His finger pointed towards Taehyun, and his eyes twinkled in amusement.

“Excuse me?” I was appalled by his direct comment although I knew that it was somewhat true. “What does this have to do with you again?”

The boy tilted his head to the side, “That’s the oldest trick in the book man, spilling your glass of wine on a pretty girl’s lap and offering to wipe it off. I mean, she looks like an easy to talk to kind of girl, you could’ve just….I don’t know, maybe said hi?”

“What the ? Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?” Taehyun was fuming, standing up from his chair as well to meet the other boy’s level.

He laughed again and leaned up against the ledge of the counter, “oh I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just telling you how you should’ve done it.”

“Hey, don’t talk about me like you know me,” anger bubbled up within me by the way that he was talking about me.

“I’m not saying I know you,” his voice softened, “but I thought you would know better than to fall for this er’s tricks.”

Suddenly Taehyun threw a punch at the boy’s face, making his lip drip with blood in the process. My heart stopped at the sight of the unknown boy’s pain but instead of fighting back, he scoffed once again before leaving his shot glass on the countertop and leaving the club.

“So you’re planning to go up to Seoul and do what again?”

I poured a cup of coffee for myself and sighed, “I’m going to go take some shots of the mountain near Seoul, and you’re welcome to come if you want Hyeri.”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed a cup for herself, “hey, I’ve been your best friend for basically your entire life. Don’t you think you should at least tell me what your plan is? I know  you’re not the type to do something this organized…You’re usually more of the spontaneous type.”

I had to agree with her on this one, ever since I was young, Hyeri’s parents were close with mine and because of this, she was entitled to become my best friend. She knew everything about my family which made it hard for me at times when I thought about just how much she knows.

“You’re right, but I’m serious this time Hyeri,” I pulled my camera out of its bag and quickly changed the lens on it, “I decided to stay away from the club this weekend for the first time in like…ever.”

Hyeri’s eyes widened, “Promise you’re not lying? This is huge Sarang, you haven’t skipped a single weekend at the club or bar ever since-“

My body tensed and my camera lens felt heavier in my hand, “please Hyeri.” She immediately dropped the subject, knowing the consequences if she didn’t.

“Did he really have to come with us?” I scowled, eyeing Chanyeol in the front seat while Hyeri shrugged her shoulders. Eventually Hyeri agreed to come with me to my trip to Seoul on the condition that Chanyeol would come with us too. Chanyeol was another family friend of mine, however he was different from Hyeri. He lived far away from mine and Hyeri’s families’ which made it hard to see him on a regular basis.

“You know I can hear you right?” his low voice said softly, “And please Sarang, you definitely would have asked me to come anyway. You never go on trips like this without me.”

“Actually Chanyeol, you never go on trips like this without me. I’m literally just letting you tag along because you’re my best friend,” I giggled, pulling my camera out of my bag as soon as the car stopped in front of the mountain.

“Speaking of friends, I actually asked one of my close friends to come with us,” Chanyeol scratched the back of his head sheepishly. I shot him a glare, “but don’t worry! He lives in Seoul anyways so he wouldn’t need a ride back with us or anything…And he’s a good guy, not to mention good looking.” Both Chanyeol and Hyeri wiggled their eyebrows mischievously to which I rolled my eyes.

“Guys, I told you I’m not looking for a stable relationship,” I clicked the new lens into place and began looking around at the mountain. “And besides, I’m not even sure if I want to be with someone at all.”

Hyeri groaned, “do you see what I have to put up with on a daily basis?” Chanyeol nodded in agreement, “we know you’re not looking for anyone right now, but don’t you think eventually you’ll want to settle down with someone? Someone who will take care of you and treat you and love-“

“Don’t we have a mountain to take pictures of?” I quickly changed the subject and began walking up towards the trail.

The view was even more beautiful on the mountain top, the sun shining just above the trees that lined the outskirts of the mountain. The air felt cleaner up here, much cleaner than the club back in Hongdae.

“Sarang are you almost done?” Hyeri panted, her knees wobbling and struggling to keep her standing. “I don’t think Chanyeol and I can take it that much longer,” she pointed towards Chanyeol who was already situated on top of a flat rock, sprawling his long limbs in pain.

I sighed, feeling a little sorry for my friends who were basically half dying while I was having the time of my life. “Okay, yeah I suppose I’m done. Should we start heading back then?” putting the camera back into my bag, I pulled up Chanyeol from the rock and walked over to Hyeri who was furiously trying to get the last couple drops from her water bottle.

“My friend is waiting at the bottom for us,” Chanyeol panted, “I told him I would take Hyeri home and he said he would be willing to drive you home.”

“What! Chanyeol, you know I won’t agree to this,” I glared at him but he just shrugged his shoulder and began walking down the trail.

“He really wants to get to know you Sarang, at least give it a chance,” Chanyeol pleaded. “The man said he’s willing to drive you home. You know that he’s desperate for a chance when he wants to drive out his way for you.”

“Does that really matter? Guys come on, I’m absolutely fine being independent like I am right now. I don’t need anyone to settle down with, or even date for that matter,” I said firmly, walking away from the two.

It was a long walk down the mountain especially when I refused to talk to Chanyeol and Hyeri while they pleaded for me to give this friend of Chanyeol’s a chance. Frustrating only scratches the surface when describing how I was feeling, but by the time we reached the bottom of the mountain, the two of them stayed silent.

“Alright fine Sarang, you don’t have to go home with him but can you at least say hi? He’s a fan of your photos too,” Chanyeol pouted, while Hyeri looked off into the distance with a smile on her face.

“Looks like we’re right on time,” she whispered, turning my body to face the other side while a tall figure made its way towards us.

Hey, that kind of looks like the guy from the bar…Wait…

“We meet again, wine girl.”

The boy looked exactly the same as he did in the bar with his unusually perfect styled hair and casual attire. Seeing his face in broad daylight, I realized that he looked even better without the dark lighting of the club.

Chanyeol grinned at the boy and gave him a tight hug, “I missed you man! We haven’t met up ever since we graduated high school! How have you been?”

“I’ve been good, the boys are still hanging out at the usual place if you want to see them,” he pointed his finger towards the cabin located a little further down the trail.

Chanyeol ‘s eyes widened with excitement, “Can we? I need to tell them some new stories that they missed out on.”

I shook my head firmly, “Chanyeol I really would like to go home now, it’s already getting late! Can’t we visit them another time?”

He sighed, “I suppose you can go home…with him.”

I couldn’t tell you how I got myself to this predicament, or how I even agreed. But here I was, sitting in the front beside the boy from the club while we drove away from Hyeri and Chanyeol who were heading towards the cabin. This is not what I wanted Park Chanyeol.

“So are you going to tell me your name?” the boy broke the silence and glanced over at me.

Yeah right, I’m going to stay silent for the entire ride.

He huffed and turned down the volume on the radio, “Well, my name’s Jongin.”

I didn’t ask you.

He waited for a moment to see if I would respond, but he and I both knew that I was going to do nothing of the sort. I could feel his gaze burning through the side of my face and all I wanted to do was tell him to keep his eyes on the road. The car suddenly jerked to the side, sending my body in the same direction and hitting my ribs against the car door.

“Are you out of your mind?!” I gripped my side and turned to face Jongin who was already facing my direction.

He pulled the car into parking and turned off the engine, “So now you decide to talk?”

“What are you doing! Turn the engine back on, we’re supposed to be going home,” I ignored his question and attempted to reach over to his keys.

Jongin pulled the key out and put it on his left side making them completely unreachable. “You know, my mom told me not to get in a car with strangers,” he let out a small laugh.

“You know me though,” I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes onto his, “now put the car back into ignition before I make you do it myself.”

“Do I know you though? All I did was ask for your name and here you are throwing a fit just because I stopped the car,” he mused while swinging the keys on his finger.

“You’re impeccable,” I groaned, dropping my body onto the back of the seat and turning away from him.

“Actually I’m Jongin, and your name is?”

“Sarang! It’s Sarang, Lim Sarang! There, now will you please just start driving?” I shouted at him while his lips slowly curved up into a small smile. Jongin put the keys back into its place and started the engine.

“That’s all I wanted to know.”

The first twenty minutes were engulfed in silence with the occasional clearing of the throat and shifting in the seats. From time to time, I stole a glance at Jongin who was busy focusing on the road. I took note of his sharp jaw line and his Adam’s apple which shifted up and down as he swallowed, and his eyes had deep folds which didn’t disappear whenever he blinked. He’s good looking, I’ll give him that.

“You know, you’re allowed to talk to me if you want. I don’t bite,” Jongin smiled slightly and looked over at me.

I felt flushed as soon as he said those words and held up a hand to my cheeks to find them burning hot. I’ve never talked to anyone like him while I’m sober…Something about Jongin interested me and urged me to shoot questions at him. Maybe it was the way he let me stay silent for most of the ride. Or maybe it was the way he pretended not to notice whenever I analyzed his facial features from time to time.

I cleared my throat and swallowed before speaking, “How old are you?”

“Twenty two in a month, but I don’t like counting birthdays so I just tell people I’m twenty two,” he shrugged. “How old are you?” Jongin asked in return.

“Twenty,” I felt a little embarrassed to admit my age seeing that Jongin was older than I. “B-But I have an early birthday so I’m practically twenty one.”

He chuckled, “practically you’re twenty Sarang, that’s a good age.” He stayed silent for a moment before speaking again, “wait…if you’re twenty, what were you doing in a club?” Jongin asked suspiciously, raising his eyebrows.

“I have a fake ID,” I admitted, “I only use it when I’m in the mood for letting go and having a stress free night.” I wasn’t lying, it just wasn’t the exact truth.

“Right, but you must have some pretty stressful weeks because I see you there almost every weekend.”

I froze at his statement, “w-well, how about you? Why are you there every weekend?”

He hesitated to answer and raked his fingers through his hair while his other hand gripped the steering wheel even tighter. “Because you’re there.”

“What? What does that have to do with you though?”

Jongin seemed flustered because he refused to speak for a good five minutes and pretended to focus on driving when I knew he was thinking about what to say. “I see the way you handle people and…it’s intriguing,” he suddenly spoke.

“The way I…handle people?” I repeated, shifting my body towards him, “do you want to elaborate on that?”

Jongin bit on his lip but proceeded, “you have this thing that you do. It’s not a bad thing, I just noticed that it happens every time you come to the club.” I stayed silent and waited for him to continue, “the process consists of you showing up at the club. You order a couple drinks to get yourself buzzed enough to be in control of your actions but not in control of your thoughts. And then, you spot a decent looking guy before making your way over to him and starting a conversation. Then you…start talking about  your mom in one way or another and it kind of scares the guy you’re talking to. Just when the guy is about to walk away, you shoot him the question about sleeping with him.”

I was stunned by his analysis, the way that he perfectly described every weekend in a nut shell. On the other hand, I felt nervous, anxious even by how much he knew about me without even knowing my name or anything of the sort. Am I that easy to read?

Jongin sensed my silence when he looked over at me, “I don’t like assuming things but I just…saw it so often that I couldn’t help but think that. Correct me if I’m wrong-“

“You’re right,” I cut him off, “That’s exactly what happens every weekend.” Exposed. That’s the word to describe how I was feeling at that moment. I felt in front of him, readable, and weak. It sickened me.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about yourself,” Jongin began but I cut him off once again.

“My house is right here,” I pointed to a random white building and urged him to pull over to the side. Truthfully, my house was a few blocks away from this one, but I felt that if I didn’t get out of the car now, I’d feel even more suffocated.

I opened the car door quickly and climbed out of the car before Jongin shouted after me, “sarang, are you sure you don’t want me to walk you in?”

I shook my head, “it’s right here, I think I can manage.”

Jongin looked defeated but he nodded, “can you at least…call me when you’re inside?” He pulled out his phone for me to punch in my number but I already began walking away from his car.

“I’m sorry Jongin,” I said softly, my voice already trembling and eyes beginning to water. He caught a glimpse of my tears before I began sprinting towards the next block, away from him. 

A/N: Okay, so I lied a little! It's actually going to be a threeshot story because I think I can add more detail about Sarang and how she lives her life. 

I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter and please subscribe! 

I'll be back with another update soon :)