TAEYEON - SET ME FREE

It was September, but it was only the beginning. I can hear the sound of the rain hitting against the window with a soft pitter-patter sound. I sit in my homeroom classroom alone, waiting for lunch to end. It was quiet, the most quiet it has ever been for me. No one was inside the room except for me. They all were probably in the canteen with people that like them, while here I am, my head on my desk with earbuds in but with no music is on. I closed my eyes, trying to get a good nap and hoped that time will pass by faster. But maybe time passed by too fast because by the time I shut my eyes, the classroom door slammed open and my classmates rushed inside, getting ready for our next lesson. People’s foot bumped against the chair of my leg a few times, making me grow annoyed. They didn’t apologize only because they didn’t know I was there.

The teacher came in and started to call roll just in case students escaped during lunch. Of course, the teacher skipped my name. “Did not I call anyone’s name?” the teacher asked, looking around the classroom. I raised my hand, low yet high, but enough for him to see. “Alright then, let’s start our lesson.” Ignored, once again. But I’m fine with it, really. This isn’t the first time anyway. My days would end quickly if I just continue to stay silent. I expect to live my life to not understood or noticed by anyone. All alone.

School came again the next day and the skies were clear with bright colors of warm blue and yellow, which meant that during art class, we were going to go outside to experience last moment of summer that we have left. My classmates all ran out the door and down the stairs to the garden behind our school with their sketch pads and pencils, I was the last to leave. While everyone ahead of me ran, I walked with my head hanging low, taking small steps toward the stairs. Once I was outside, everyone was in their places that they seemed most comfortable in. Under the shady trees, with the newly planted flowers, freshly cut green grass, or near the small pond. I stood at the doors, trying to look for a place to be at. I thought that maybe people would actually invite me into their small little groups, but as I passed by them, none of them glanced in my way. I walked deeper into the garden until I found the place where I was most comfortable in.

I heard my teacher scolding the other students about wandering too far into the garden and told them to come back. But I didn’t hear my name so I guess I don’t have to. Sitting down on a flat rock, I stared at the garden before me. The flowers were all sorted by colors and types, the trees were made as boundaries so that students wouldn’t leave the school grounds, even the fountain in the middle of the garden was surrounded with bright colors. Glancing to my left side, I found a single yellow rose. My brows rose when I realized that it wasn’t with the rest of the roses that were around the fountain. The yellow rose just stood there with no other flowers around it. It was like me. We are the forgotten roses.

. ♡ .

Autumn came and the garden behind our luxurious school was starting to lose it’s vivid colors and wilt to the side, waiting for winter to hit them. The green leaves from the trees were all gone and turned into shades of red, orange, or brown. It seemed like the whole school was on cleaning duty. Half of the school was either inside the school or outside. I was outside, raking the leaves by myself while others were raking leaves into piles, letting idiots jump into them and make a mess again. Truthfully, I wasn’t assigned to do any chores in the school. When the teacher took roll while telling my classmates what their job was for the day, I was skipped. Happens every day so I just did what I wanted.

I raked the leaves that were deep into the garden and minded my own business. A sigh escaped from my lips as I stared at the little pile of leaves that I had raked up. Not much process so, I’ll just leave it alone and roam around the garden. Yeah. I set my rake down and started to walk deeper into the garden. My eyes were set upon a wilted flower that still bloomed out beautifully. It was the forgotten rose. I was confused to why it still had its bright colors when its brothers and sisters’ colors were dying. That flower was truly just one of a kind. I wished I was like it.

. ♡ .

Winter came and the white stuff decided to follow it, covering the school grounds with inches of snow. The garden was barely visible after a blizzard hit. We were on winter break and three quarters of the school were gone to visit their families, while I stayed in my school dorm, waiting for Christmas to pass quickly. I hated Christmas to be honest. The holiday was cheerful and colorful and all, but it didn’t seem to fit with me. I understand that if I went home to visit my family for the holidays, I would be happy and crap like all of my schoolmates. But the reason that I stayed back was because I wasn’t supposed to go back home. My family wasn’t going to miss me anyway, it’s not like they even remember me anyway. I wasn’t forced to go to this boarding school either. I came here to be alone. That’s my reason for being here. Besides, I didn’t want to be a nuisance.

The remaining students that didn’t go home were put on shoveling duty for the garden. I was glad because that was the place I wanted to go to. When I started shoveling the sidewalks of the garden, I heard laughter of schoolmates as they threw snowballs and built snowmen and snow angels. Even people were about to spend the Christmas break happily without family here, I thought. Goodness, I just wanted the cold winter to end. I shoveled my way towards the lone rose in the back, finding it dead and almost crushed by the cold snow. A sigh emerged from me and I truly hoped that it would come back during spring. I bent down to dig the snow away from the brown plant. It would come back for spring, I just knew it. But we were still the lone ones of the garden full of roses.

Soon it was the day before Valentine’s Day, another holiday that I would stayed in my dorm for. I really disliked it. The air was just filled with forbidden love and happiness. I overheard about someone saying that they wished to have someone to be their valentine and that being single was depressing. But I thought the opposite. What’s so bad about being single anyway? Being single feels amazing and you have no controlling people in your lives and you won’t get hurt by love anyway. I knew I was lying though. But why was Valentine’s Day a holiday?

I went to the canteen to get dinner and found a huge line at the doors. The school was selling “French Kisses” at the doors for secret admirers that wanted to give their valentines a card and fifty cent worth candies. The student council would deliver them tomorrow on Valentine’s Day. Maybe I could buy a “French Kiss” and send it to myself. But why should I? I bet my valentine would be ignored and not given to. It would be a waste of money to be honest. I shall not be looking forward to Valentine’s Day.

I woke up to a soft knocking on my door the next morning. I guess whoever knocked on the door just wanted me to wake up or maybe went to the wrong room because as soon as I sat up in my bed, the knocking stopped. I sat in bed for a while and groaned, remembering that it was Valentine’s Day. Yep, I was going to leave my dorm only for food and to shower, but I will not walk around the campus to see people being all lovey dovey. Finally deciding to leave my bed, I headed towards the door and opened it. A single yellow rose was in front of my door, waiting for me with a note tied to its stem. I blinked in confusion. Whoever put the rose here, must have put it at the wrong door. Maybe I should give it to the rightful owner or throw it away. I bent down to pick up the thornless, bloomed rose and read the card.

‘To: the one of a kind, Luhan ♡ Happy Valentine’s Day.
From: the one who will be there for you.’

I stared at the card. How did the person know my name? How did they know I existed? Whoever it was that got me the rose, knew that “French Kisses” were .

. ♡ .

Winter passed by quick, just as I wanted it to. Spring came back with its vivid colors and sunshine. To celebrate spring’s comeback, art class decided to take a trip to the garden once again. I of course, went to the usual spot. A rare smile stretched across my face as I found that the yellow rose was getting ready to start again as it was in its rosebud. I found no other plants that spring to be planted around that lonely rose, I felt bad to be honest. A pretty living thing shouldn’t be living life by itself like me, it should be with another. Two is better than one.

I did nothing during the art class outside and found myself actually watching the rose, waiting for it to blossom. If anyone knew I existed would have thought I was a psycho to be sitting in the same place and staring at a flower. I wouldn’t care anyway. To be honest, I am jealous of the yellow rose because it is able to come back to life after dying, while I had died too long ago and yet I’m still not alive. When it was time for me to leave, I felt loneliness hit me again. But it was okay because I will be able to see it again.

The next day, art class was out in the garden again. My classmates went to the same places that they were at the day before. I hurried myself towards the back of the garden, finding my yellow rose. But when I got there, I didn’t see it. I searched around in the back, thinking that I could have gone to the wrong area or maybe it was removed because when I went there, I saw two roses. I sighed and looked at the same area again, looking closer. It was the same flower that was there before and this was the same place that I had been visiting, but where did the other yellow flower come from? The new one was younger than the other, and there was a note attached to the stem.

‘I told you that I will be there for you.’

I was flabbergasted. It was the same person who sent me the rose.

. ♡ .

Spring ended too fast for me and summer vacation was coming soon. Honestly, I did not want to go back home. I wanted to stay in the dorm that I have been living in for the past three years. But I had to go home. I found it stupid how I suddenly grew attached to two yellow roses in such short time. Maybe it was because I was happy with them. But sometimes flowers had to leave a while before coming back, if that made sense. I only had a day left until I would head back home. I was surprised to find that the principal still knew I was a student at the school. Truthfully, she was the only person in the school who knew my existence. There was a soft knocking on my door again that made me stop myself from packing. I froze for a moment, waiting for the knock to come again, but it didn’t. Walking to the door, I opened it to find a note stuck onto my door.

‘I will continue to be there for you once we get back. No matter what people say to you, don’t listen to them. You’re not less than them. And you are not the problem. Have a safe trip home.’

For the first time in my three years of being in this boarding school, I had never been that happy. There was someone, even for me, someone who wanted to understand me. There is someone.

. ♡ .

Summer was stressful. I was on the plane back to the country of where I went to school and I was emotionally eager to go back. I tried my best to ignore the fact that I was less than the people I was compared to in my family back at home. I tried to think that I wasn’t the problem. I tried to think of the mysterious person and my two roses that were waiting for me. But what hit me the most during my summer vacation was my parents telling me to be more open toward people. But to me, openness is a word that has no meaning to me.

When I arrived back at the school and back in my dorm, I was happy to start classes again the next day, especially art class. The knocking came back at my door, and I hurried to open the door, hoping that I would be able to see who had been knocking on my door for the past year. I found no one but a single yellow rose again in front of my door.

‘Welcome back. ♡ You were missed. Truly.’

A rare smile of mine was back. I was missed. I’m happy. But I wished to meet the stranger. Maybe not now, but someday.

The night passed quickly and I hurried to class the following morning. I was glad to find that art was going to be the first period from now on. The class spread around the garden and I hurried to my usual spot, finding the two beautiful yellow flowers blossomed and happy. Yellow roses are now my favorite flowers.

. ♡ .

Autumn came and I started to sigh more as I realized that it wasn’t long until I won’t see the two beautiful yellow flowers for the next few months because of the cold, icy weather. I tried to spend as much time with them during September and half of October. But I didn’t feel lonely whenever I left them anymore because I started to find more and more of these yellow flowers and lovely notes in front of my door after hearing the soft knocking. I called this mysterious person “The Knocker” since I had no idea who the heck the person was, and I was still wishing to see the person who has made my days bright and happier each day.

Christmas came in a snap and my hatred for Christmas was soon coming back until I heard that soft knocking on my door again except it was knocked once more before ending. I opened the door to yet again, find no one out there. But I did find a box and a yellow flower in front of my door. “Merry Christmas,” was what it said on the sticker of the box. I was starting to like Christmas more and more. I walked back inside my room with the things in my arms and I set the box on my desk, gently pulling the taped edges off of the wrapping paper, scared of tearing it. I opened the lid and found a teddy bear with a Christmas hat on, a pink rose in its hands. A card was underneath it and I picked up the bear to read the card.

‘I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas, Luhan. I also hope you enjoy these yellow roses. You really love them, I see. I’m glad. But I am not glad to tell you that maybe I wasn’t the one who will be there for you forever. I will soon leave this school after winter break is done with, but that means that you will no longer receive yellow roses from me. It saddens me to tell you the truth. I have never thought that I would be the one to watch over you. I always thought that it could be someone else. I am happy to see that you smile more often. Is it because of me? I do not want to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave someone like you here in this selfish school. I don’t want you to think that you to be lonely anymore. I am sorry that we never got the chance to meet and speak, but we have seen each other a lot more than you think.

This is my last rose for you. A pink one in fact. It is a thank you rose. Thank you for letting me be your guardian angel. I enjoyed seeing your happy smiles, and I hope you continue to smile.

Merry Christmas, Luhan. And farewell.

– Yours.

P.S. I have been liking you for a long time.’

I didn’t know if I should be sad or not. But something inside made my heart ache, but there was something that was trying to pull my heart together. I cannot smile, but I want to. I cannot not cry, but I must. No one will leave me comforting letters and flowers at my door anymore. I cried.

. ♡ .

Spring came quickly and for the first time, I was not happy when I sat at my usual place in the garden. The young yellow rose had died. I was sad. The person who I longed to meet was no longer here, the rose that was here to keep my rose company was gone. My happiness was gone. The lone yellow rose and I were now back to being the forgotten roses.

My existence continued to be invisible as time passed. Nothing had changed. Everything had gone back to the same after the mysterious person had left. I should have seen this happening. I was so pathetic.

. ♡ .

‘You are not pathetic. You are worthwhile.’

My eyes stared at the note for a while. Who was this? It cannot possible be the same person that gave me letters last time. But earlier I had heard that soft knocking on my door, then I heard it again and there was another note..

‘I am back. ♡ Smile for me please.’

I did. For the whole week I did. The dead young, yellow rose was replaced with another, making my smile broaden. I am happy again. But I realized that the yellow roses haven’t been coming recently.

Graduation for me was coming and I was sad that I will never come back to this place anymore to see my two roses grow continuously. For the past three months, I had been receiving thirteen roses of different colors of each month: white, pink, then yellow. I only kept the flowers for a month, ending up throwing them the next when I received thirteen more. It felt as if my room could have become the school’s garden if I continued to keep all the roses in my room. The thought of the stranger made me ask myself if I will meet they at graduation. I really want to.

. ♡ .

For the first time in a while, I finally heard my name being called from a teacher. When I walked up the stage to receive my diploma, I realized that there were smiles on people’s faces and not weird ones that made people question who the hell I was. Maybe I did exist in these people’s lives. I smiled back at them and their smile widen. Sitting with my classmates, they began talking to me and asking me about how I never talked to them. I was going to answer that they never really spoken to me until they began say that they tried and I would never listen or looked up.

I was the problem.

. ♡ .

I entered my empty dorm to retrieve my last luggage. I was ready for college already. Seoul, here I come. When I entered, I found eleven red roses on my desk with a note, then it hit me. It was officially going to be the last time I receive roses and notes from that person. It was weird of me to say, but I admit that I began developing feelings for the “secret admirer” as time passed. It was stupid of me to fall in love with someone that I never met in person with. I read the last note that I will ever read from the stranger.

It was blank.

I had raised brows and flipped the card back to front over and over again. Then I heard someone clearing their throat behind me. I turned and I shouldn’t have because I realized that I had seen a handsome person standing in front of me that I seem to not remove my eyes from. Is this love?

“I love you,” they said, making my eyes widen. “I’m sorry that you had to wait to officially meet me on our graduation. But lucky us because we will actually live in the same city.” A smile crept onto their face and they seemed sort of uncomfortable with it. I like them even more now. They held out a yellow rose and said, “You had never been alone. You were never a nuisance.”

They had told me that they liked me. They had been trying to understand me. I want to reciprocate.

“What is your name?” I asked.

The person rubbed the back of their neck shyly, “Sehun. Oh Sehun.”

A small smile spread across my face, making his smile widen to a grin. “I love you, too.” I didn’t care if we haven’t had a conversation together or if we were just starting off as strangers, all I cared was that there was someone who cared about me and loved me and I want to do the same for them. “I like you a lot, Oh Sehun. Thank you.”

I tried. i truly enjoy writing . maybe i'll do it again for you guys. o u o
so. the roses had meanings to them:
 

Rose meanings

Yellow roses - “I care,” friendship, promise of a new beginning, welcome back, remember me
White roses - Innocence, silence, “I am worthy of you”
Pink roses - appreciation, “Thank you,” admiration, “Please believe me”
Red roses - courage, “I love you,” congratulations, “Job well done”

single rose - represents extreme love
eleven roses - they are truly and deeply loved
thirteen roses - indicate a secret admirer

( credit. [ x ] )

and this poem was my second inspiration.

Yellow rose of friendship,
Blooms just like the sun.
Full of hopes and dreams,
When a new day has come.

A bond of truth and honesty,
Two people can really share.
That’s because the yellow rose,
Tells you how much I care.

A heart that’s always open,
To listen and to understand.
Without passing judgment,
or making any demands.

Someone to support you,
and believe in all you do.
Has your back at anytime,
Because I do love you.

Words written from my heart,
About the yellow rose you see.
You’re my friend until the end,
A friendship you and me.

    – Kym Erickson