Cheesy Pickup Lines

For about a week now, Zitao has been getting cards and notes with stupid and cheesy pickup lines. He still hasn’t figured out who gives them to him. He’s asked every member and all of them acted clueless. When he showed Jongdae a few of the letters, he just laughed and walked away. Zitao didn’t know if that would have been classified as suspicious, or just Jongdae’s level of done with Zitao and his antics.

But honestly, the cards are really stupid. He just keeps getting them, every morning and every night. Zitao has a growing suspicion that this is a group prank. But then again, he can’t think of anyone who would be have enough time to write all of these. In three different languages to boot. At first, Zitao thought that it was Yifan, since they were written in the three languages that Yifan knew, but he’s since scratched the duizhang off of his list. The elder might be stupid, but Zitao knows that Yifan has a thing for another member. Three of them, to be exact. It also helped that one of the cards said:

“Kris hyung has a lot of things that are his style. But I know one thing; you’re MY style.”

Yifan doesn’t refer to himself as Kris unless on stage. In fact, rarely anyone refers to him as Kris save for a few of the members. So Zitao managed to narrowed it down to three or four people; Minseok, Baekhyun, Sehun, and Jongdae.

When he wakes up in the morning, he finds another card sitting on his side table. He looks over at the beds on either side of him. Both boys seem to be still sound asleep. And since one of them is Sehun and Zitao knows that Sehun likes his sleep. Sehun is off of the list then. He sighs and opens the card, only to groan at the cheesy pickup line it contains. Only this time there are two.

“Is your dad a baker? Because you have nice buns.”

“Did you sit in a pile of sugar? ‘Cause you have a pretty sweet .”

Who likes Zitao’s ? Minseok has mentioned that Zitao had a good but once. But has said nothing else since about it. Plus, Minseok, while he’s immature when he’s with Lu Han, can be pretty mature otherwise. How is this so hard? Zitao is sure he knows the handwriting of all of his hyungs. And he knows that this handwriting is from the band. He just can’t decipher whose.

“Jongdae-hyung, I got another card today.” Zitao complained, since Jongdae happens to be the first person Zitao sees.

“Oh? What did it say this time?” Jongdae inquires.

“There were two pickup lines this time.” Zitao says. “And both had to do with my .”

Jongdae bursts into laughing. “Your ? Oh, God, whoever this is, he is really hilarious. What were they?”

Zitao frowns. “Do I have to read them?”

“If you don’t want to.” Jongdae replies. “But you know. You shouldn’t frown. You never know who could be falling for your smile.”

“What did you say?” Zitao asks, raising his eyebrows.

“What? I was just telling you not to frown…” Jongdae responds innocently.

Zitao sighs and stands up. “I’m so done with you.”

Jongdae watches Zitao walk away. He smiles deviously. Indeed, Zitao does have a nice .

By now, Zitao has told everyone about today’s pickup lines. Even friends he’s made from other bands. They all laughed. Zitao is getting fed up of getting no response. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. What’s going to happen then? What if the person who sends him the cards isn’t the person he wants to be his Valentine? He would feel guilty for rejecting them. It’s the end of the day, so Zitao already expects another card on his table or something.

Jongdae is in his room practicing his Mandarin. Everyone else is asleep. Despite it being night time, Zitao wants to take a shower. Since Jongdae is the only one awake, he risks asking Jongdae, even though the vocalist always rejects his offers and pleads. He knocks on Jongdae’s door lightly so he doesn’t wake up any of the others in his room who are sleeping.

“Come in, Zitao.” Jongdae’s voice is hard to hear, as it’s a whisper.

Zitao opens the door. “Hyung…I know you don’t like to, but…will you shower with me? It’s late and I don’t want to do it alone…And everyone else is asleep…”

Jongdae, surprisingly, smiles. “Sure. I’ll be there in a second. You can just wait for me in the bathroom.”

After the shower, Zitao went into his room to see another cheesy pickup line card on his bed. What the heck? Who is giving him these? Everyone is asleep and Jongdae showered with him. As confused and annoyed by these cards Zitao was, he walked over to his bed and picked it up. Now there were three. What? Could the writer not decide on one?

“Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin’”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”

“Are you exothermic? Because you make me hot.”

Zitao is unsure how to feel about these. The last one, he has to admit, is pretty clever. Once again, Zitao is confused as to who this might be. Maybe it is Sehun after all. Maybe he woke up once Zitao left and put the letter on his bed. Whatever. Zitao’s just going to go to sleep. He’s tired. Maybe everything will be revealed tomorrow.

It’s the next morning. Valentine’s Day. Thank God they’re not doing anything today. Zitao wakes up. There’s nothing on his table yet. Maybe the person is still asleep? Or just forgot. Or…

“Hi, Tao.” Jongdae’s voice nearly scared the crap out of him. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Thanks. You too.”

Jongdae peeks over Zitao’s shoulder. “No card today?”

“Nope.” Zitao replies.

“That’s because I wanted to give these ones personally.” Jongdae says smiling angelically. “If I had a rose for every time I thought about you, I’d be walking in a rose garden forever.”

“W-what…?” Zitao stammers.

“You’re so beautiful you give the sun a reason to shine.” Jongdae smiles again as he steps forward. Zitao blushes and Jongdae smiles even brighter.  “You’re lips look a little lonely…do you want me to change that?”

Zitao stares at Jongdae long and hard. He has so much to process. It was Jongdae. All along it was Jongdae. That’s why he would laugh. Because he wrote them and found it amusing hearing Zitao say it. Jongdae looks at Zitao expectantly.

“What?” Zitao asks.

“So? What do you say?”

“Say to what?”

“To being my Valentine.”

Zitao blinks. “Y-you…you want me to be your Valentine…?”

Jongdae nods. “Why do you think I wrote all those pickup lines? It took me like hours to find ones that were true to you.”

“You…picked these out…to fit me?” Zitao asks.

“Karate/martial arts? Check. Nice ? Check. Nice body? Check.” Jongdae responds. “So yup. Every pickup line I chose was so it fit specifically to you.”

“W-why…?”

“Because I love you.”

“You…you what?”

“I love you.”

Zitao pauses. He looks at Jongdae for a second then kisses the shorter. “I—I love you too.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Valentine.” Jongdae smiles and leans up to kiss Zitao again. “Now the next thing I’ll ask you…is will you be my boyfriend?”

Zitao grins. “Of course. But by the way, I hope you’ll be expecting pickup lines on White Day from me.”

Jongdae laughs. “Okay, Taozi.” He kisses the taller again.

Word count: 1,270

A/N: Yeahh another Taochen fic~ It was fun finding pickup lines for this. I added one I made up myself, too. xD (I should never make up my own pickup lines...)

I hope you all enjoyed this, and be sure for another one on White Day! :D