December 22, 2013; Tokyo, Japan.

Being a member of YG’s newest idol group, Jinwoo knew – and was constantly reminded by a certain dongsaeng – that he needed to start wearing more fashionable clothes, but he really wished he had worn his warm hoodie jacket today, instead of his leather jacket.
He was freezing.

On the bright side, today was probably one of the only sunny days that he had spent in Japan, since most of the previous days had been really cloudy. The sun shone brilliantly for the first time in what felt like weeks, its rays reflecting off the snow crystals that loosely lined the sidewalks of Tokyo. However, it was still very cold, with light snow floating through the air and chilly winds sweeping through the streets, hitting his face at unpleasant angles.

Jinwoo wanted to go back to the hotel. Today was one of their rare days of freedom, the last day before they flew back to Korea again, and all he wanted to do was snuggle up in his hotel bed with hot chocolate and a few Japanese dramas. Nevertheless, he found himself walking on the streets, all alone in the freezing cold, all because he had missed the opportunity to buy a Christmas present for Seungyoon a few weeks ago.

He had already bought and wrapped the presents of the three others – a new watch for Seunghoon, a cute anime-themed notebook for Mino to use as a proper diary, and a couple of Japanese calligraphy brushes that he thought Taehyun would like – but he had to set time aside to buy a proper present for Seungyoon because well, Seungyoon was special. He thought he would have been able to get something during his venture to the Tokyo Tower, but after wasting three hours on what could have been a ten-minute trip, the last thing he had time to do was search for the souvenir shop there.

Jinwoo let out a deep sigh.

Why did Seungyoonie even make him wear his expensive leather jacket today? It’s not like anything special was happening today. Winner TV wasn’t filming today, and their next Dome Tour opening wasn’t happening for another two weeks, so there weren’t any rehearsals going on either. Jinwoo didn’t understand why Seungyoon was so celebrity-minded, nor did he understand why he always allowed himself to succumb to his dongsaeng’s nagging.

What did it even matter if Seungyoon thought that his patterned windbreaker was “gross”? It wasn’t as if his flowery, grandma pants were any better. Moreover, the only reason he was even out here in the first place was because he was getting a present for this bastard. Who was he to tell him what he should or shouldn’t wear?

A sudden gust of wind blew his cap off of his head, causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

Jinwoo sighed once again.

Amidst the bustling streets of Harajuku, filled with people young and old who were also shopping for Christmas gifts, Jinwoo frantically chased his cap, which finally landed in front of the door of a little souvenir shop. Panting breathlessly, he picked up his cap and opened the door of the shop, upon which he heard the twinkling of windchimes. He stepped inside the store, still slightly out of breath. “Finally some warmth,” he thought, as he bowed a greeting to the shopkeeper and walked through the first aisle.

The store was extravagantly decorated, with red and green Christmas lights lining all the walls and shelves and little snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. Jinwoo scanned the shelves for possible gifts he could buy, but sadly, nothing really caught his eye for a while. Sure, there were lots of pretty items and cute figurines that would look great placed around the dorm room that he shares with Yoon – which to be perfectly honest, looked really plain compared to those of the other three, and could use lots of decorating – but everything was so stereotypically holiday. Santa hats, elf figurines, little sleigh toys – it was all so ordinary, much too ordinary for an extraordinary boy like Kang Seungyoon.
Just as he was about to leave the aisle, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye – a mini snowglobe that was sitting at the edge of one of the shelves. It was a really nicely crafted snowglobe, with its base painted red, the words “Merry Christmas” spelled out in shimmering gold letters, and a tiny snowman standing in the middle.

Seungyoon had given him a snowglobe last year.

Jinwoo lifted the snowglobe and gave it a slight shake, watching the little glitter snowflakes surround the snowman.

* * *
December 22nd; 2012;

The only trainee who stayed at the dorms during the holidays, Jinwoo had just come back to the dorm after six hours of dance practice. Seungyoon should have been on a train to Busan by now.

Jinwoo entered his bedroom and found a red present box on the desk by his bed, sitting next to a pot of ramen that had somehow already being cooked. Too distracted by the present box to notice the food at all, he opened it to find a snowglobe and a letter, written in Seungyoon’s elegant handwriting.

First of all, I still can’t believe you decided not to go back to Imjado for the holidays. You’re a jerk, you know that?

It’s not like he was fazed by these words anymore. Jinwoo had heard this all before, from the countless arguments that he had gotten into with Seungyoon over issues about practice.

Seungyoon was so young, so talented, so loved by people already…he just didn’t understand.

How did you become so consumed by the need to consistently improve your skills that you’ve forgotten about the meaning of the holidays, and all the people around you who care about you and your health? You’re so driven by work that you’ve become so selfish. Think about your family who wants to see you, who hasn’t seen you for a long time. How do you think they feel?

Jinwoo rolled his eyes. He was used to Seungyoon’s nagging by now, to be honest. Seungyoon was the only dongsaeng who was allowed to talk to him like this.

Honestly, when I first heard that you would be trapping yourself here in the practice rooms over the break, I was so upset that I didn’t even want to get you a Christmas present anymore, but then I realized that the act of not getting you a gift wouldn’t make much of an impact compared to all the other that we’ve been through this year. I still don’t forgive you for not giving yourself a break, but because you have been a really great hyung and friend to me despite the past two years which were filled with hardship, this was the least I could do.

The best thing I could afford was this snowglobe.

It isn’t much, I guess, but I swear I have a really good reason for why I decided to give you this present. Well, first of all, I'm broke, and you know that. Second, you see the middle of the snowglobe? That’s a reindeer. You look like a deer. Self-explanatory.

Jinwoo scoffed. When he wasn’t nagging, Seungyoon could be really obnoxiously adorable.

I know that you haven’t been feeling all that great about life lately, and I keep telling you this yet I still feel like you don’t believe me, but hyung…you’re honestly not alone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the late-night conversations that we’ve been having lately. You know, the ones where we discuss our future, our debut, and whether all of this is really worth it, and end up getting all depressed. I feel like the reindeer in the globe kind of represents you, and me, and the rest of us all. We’re all here, trapped within an environment that’s starting to feel more empty and meaningless day by day. Every day when we walk into that building, we are physically and emotionally surrounded by our dreams and our ambitions that exist right in front of us, in the music that projects through our voices, the dances that carry through our muscles; everything, reflected in the large mirrors of practice rooms that we (you, in particular) have made inescapable. Our dreams, which are so transparent and tangible, yet seem so superficial because of the constant glass wall that separates us from fantasy and reality.

Jinwoo felt himself choking up. Seungyoon had always been ridiculously mature for his age.

Even with all its obstacles, you see that smile on the reindeer’s face? I hope that hyung will be able to smile like that too. You’ve made it so far, hyung. Think about all the practice you’ve done, and all the individuals who were cut from this company, just to reserve a spot for you.

A single tear rolled down his cheek.

You’re strong, hyung. Just like that reindeer in the middle of the snowglobe, standing by itself, in the bitterness of its cold world. The reindeer may look alone, but he has eight other reindeer brothers who will support him through a long and tough night spent pulling Santa's sleigh, and you have me, and the rest of your trainee brothers who will be with you all throughout our own journey towards our inevitable debut. And I know you probably won’t listen to me, but please, use Christmas as a chance to give yourself some space and relax. Trust me, you need it.

I promise that by next Christmas, we will have broken through the walls of our own snowglobe, and life will be much better for the both of us.

(Just don’t actually break the snowglobe I got for you, because I spent money on that.)
Take it easy, hyung.

I love you~

- Seungyoonie


Breaking down into sobs, Jinwoo suddenly became overwhelmed with flashbacks of the past two years, as he thought of all the sleepless nights that Seungyoon spent composing songs on his guitar, testing chord progression after chord progression for hours on end until his hands turned red. He remembers Seungyoon’s tears after the first dance evaluation, the time that his hands had become so bruised that his guitar almost got confiscated from him, the bone-crushing hugs that they had given each other the night when two of their best trainee friends were eliminated from Project A.

It was in that moment that Jinwoo finally started to believe what Seungyoon had been saying to him this whole time. Even on this day, when he was the only trainee still left in this dorm for the holidays, he wasn’t alone. He was never alone, because everything about Seungyoon – his smile, his words, his beautiful voice, his mere existence – had provided him with all the warmth, comfort and love that he had needed for these past few years.

Seungyoon was the reason he was still here, Seungyoon was all that mattered – and Jinwoo had never realized just how thankful he was for him until he realized that he would be spending Christmas without him.




Admist his sniffles, Jinwoo felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey.”

He turned around to find Seungyoon standing right there, backpack in one hand and tissue in the other.

“Here,” he said, as he wiped the tears from the face of a very confused Jinwoo.

“Don’t you have a train to catch?”

“Lost my train ticket. I swear I had it in my wallet, but when I arrived at the train station and tried to look for it, it was gone.” Seungyoon said, a little bit too casually.

He dropped his heavy backpack onto the ground with a huge thump, and flung his body onto his bed. “Called my mom and told her I would meet up with her another time. Guess I’ll be spending Christmas here, hyung.” Seungyoon gave a careless smile, as if he hadn’t just missed his only chance to finally see his mom again after a year of living away. Jinwoo was so dumbfounded that his tears had stopped.

“You lost your ticket?” He stared at him with an incredulous expression.

Seungyoon just laughed. “Hey, can I have some of that ramen? I’m really hungry, and just so you know, I was the one that cooked it.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Why are you looking at me like that, hyung? Come on, do you really want to spend Christmas alone? You should be thanking me. I’m basically the beacon of light to the dull and lonely life you choose to live.”

“I hate you.” Jinwoo muttered.

And yet, what Seungyoon said was absolutely true.

“You’ll hate me even more when I tell all the trainees that my letter made you cry.”

And then his dongsaeng burst into laughter – that insane, high-pitched giggle that he always reserved for when he was alone with Jinwoo, and Jinwoo finally felt himself relaxing into a smile.

Maybe this Christmas wouldn’t so much after all.

* * *
“Hyung! What are you doing here?”

Jinwoo snapped out of his thoughts, and there he was again, right in front of him, a huge goofy smile plastered to his face. Somehow, this boy seemed to have a knack for appearing in front of Jinwoo whenever he least expected it.

“Oh, you came too?”

“I came to buy you a Christmas present. Look at these!”

From behind his back, Seungyoon pulled out a headband with a pair of attached reindeer antlers, and placed it on his hyung’s head. “Look, it suits you, hyung! Hey, can I take a picture? It would be a great addition to the fancafe. I think the fans will like it. Did you know that they’ve started calling you a deer, too?” Seungyoon grinned proudly, still celebrity-minded as ever, as he pulled out his phone.

Jinwoo stood there in silence for a moment, taking in the happy expression on Seungyoon’s face. Things had changed so much since a year ago, when they spent Christmas in that cold trainee dorm.

Trainees came, trainees went.
Most of their closest friends eliminated, just like that.
Years of hard work gone to waste.
Tears. Stress. Fights.
Project A became Team A.
The new kid became leader.
More stress. More fights.
WIN happened.
Winner happened.
The first tears of happiness that they had cried in three years.

And yet, there were a few things that never changed, like the creases that formed at the corners of Seungyoon’s eyes whenever he smiled.
“I’m just kidding, I’m obviously going to get you something better than these reindeer antlers,” Seungyoon giggled as he finished taking the picture and put his phone away, breaking what felt like a long silence.

Seungyoon definitely wasn’t innocent – he had been through way too much to have been left unscarred – but his pure heart, his unwavering hope and his positive outlook on life had pulled Jinwoo out of some of the darkest moments in his life.

“It’s okay…” Jinwoo looked back at Seungyoon, right into his eyes. “You already kept your promise, and that’s a good enough gift for me.”

“What promise?”

“Remember the letter you wrote to me a year ago?”

Seungyoon paused for a moment, and after realizing what Jinwoo was talking about, looked up again and smiled that same beautiful smile that he had never lost. “Well, my promise couldn’t have been fulfilled without hyung's hard work, right?” he said as he pulled his hyung – his Jinwoo – into a tight embrace.

“Merry Christmas, Jinwoo-hyung.”

***
December 25th, 2012; 

While searching through the small trashbin in the living room for a receipt that he had accidentally thrown out, Jinwoo found a piece of paper at the bottom of the bin.

“Gangseo-District, Busan. Saturday, December 22nd 2012. 2:15 pm.”

Seungyoon had thrown out his train ticket.

***
December 25th, 2013; 

Jinwoo finally found the perfect gift for Seungyoon – a miniature music box in the shape of an acoustic guitar. All he had to do was turn a knob and he would hear the gentle and innocent melodies of Christmas songs. Maybe now he could spare his hands a few more callouses.
“Don’t worry hyung, when we unwrap the presents, I’ll make sure to pretend I didn’t know what you were getting me.”

Seungyoon grinned, as he fixed Jinwoo’s slightly lopsided tie, ready to attend their first Christmas party with the YG Family, the family that they had now become a part of, together.