He held me in his arms in his chilly car, our breath making small clouds of steam but neither of us willing to leave the safety and solitude of that vehicle, and eventually the first morning rays did poke through the sky. There was a fog in the air that hovered just above the pavement, making the entire world seem ethereal and dreamlike. I wanted this moment to be a dream, one I would never have to wake up from, but those golden morning rays brought more than just light to my world, they brought reality as well. “You should go inside,” he whispered, hugging me tight. “Five more minutes please..” I groaned.

He chuckled. “But you still have shows to attend to and I’m leaving for Japan in an hour.” He sighed

He kissed me softly on the lips, and then leaned way over me to unlatch the door. As I got out, he whispered, “I love you,” then he slid over to my side and tilted his head up, wanting me to kiss him again. I nodded and bent down to softly press my lips to his. “I love you.” I said back.

 He smiled, a smile that could melt someone’s heart, something that could reassure me and make me say, “I’m lucky. This man loves me so damn much.”

Then he slid back over, started the car and pulled away.

Yesterday was our 5^th year of being together. Officially, as lovers, and not as fake husband and wife.

We spent the night together, just inside the villa since we cannot go out and reveal to the public our relationship. That would be a big mess. CNBlue’s leader and SNSD’s maknae to be caught dating would create fanwars, which is the main reason we’ve been hiding this long. We went outside, around 3am to drive around the city and just went straight to SNSD’s dorm.

Sadly, that’s how we celebrated our previous anniversaries too.

No luxurious date. Nothing. We’ll just eat dinner, cuddle and normal things lovers do.

I never cared about those things though, as long as I have him and he has me. But being a normal girl that I am, I can’t help but long for a normal relationship.

Our five years has been a routine. We’d have lunch in our apartment frequently, as the days warmed up. He wasn’t the world’s greatest cook or anything, and honestly neither was I, but he’d make us sandwiches and we’d eat them, our backs to the bark, our legs entwined, comfortable and relaxed, and feeling like we’d always been together this way.

During lazy days, we’d cuddle at the couch, watching movies or just close our eyes and enjoy the moment.

I remember the time that we became official. It was on the 28^th of June. Yes, my birthday. And he’s the best present I’ve ever got and I will forever love and treasure.

Our first official date was that Sunday night, when we both had the evening off. We went to Minhyuk appa’s restaurant for dinner. He had the place exclusive for both of us that evening, making sure no fans would see us. He held my hand when he met me at my door and at the end of the evening, kissed my cheek when he took me home. It was such a chaste evening, it nearly shocked me. But even though the physical contact was being restrained, our other emotions were running rampant. There was a lot of eye-gazing and dopey smiles from the both of us.

He didn’t kiss me until our third date, a romantic comedy that he protested

loudly that he didn’t want to see, but it being a standard dating rite of passage, I made him go, and I did notice the slight tears in his eyes at the end. He walked me to my door afterwards and politely asked if he could. I smiled at his attempt to be a modest gentleman and told him yes. He attempted a brief peck of a kiss, and I grabbed his neck and pulled him in for a kiss that left us both gasping for air which also made me feel embarrassed at my sudden outburst of emotion. That made him laugh. Bigtime.

Our relationship was progressing pretty well. Yonghwa was not the perfect boyfriend but he sure make things perfect. His carefree and untroubled self drawn me more to him. His loose and easy grin made me fall for him every single day.

That’s not to say that everything in our relationship was smooth and

untroubled. It wasn’t. We did on occasion have…disagreements. They

were generally started by some woman who likes him and would confess to him even though they were aware of us, dating. Some were celebrities and some were his past flings.

He would also often get jealous of those guys who would outright flirt on me and would shamelessly show that they like me. He even yelled at me once when someone attended one of our shows and asked if we could take a picture together. I agreed, out of respect. Unfortunately, the guy put his arms around my shoulder and posted it on his twitter account. That flared up Jung Yonghwa.

But we made a point of never letting one of us sulk in pain or anger, to talk things out, even if that meant having a two hour powwow inside the car.

It took some time, but we eventually found a balance between friendship,

love and fire. He hugged me whenever he would come home from his overseas trip and kissed me thoroughly whenever I came back from abroad, which embarrassed and delighted me. He stayed close without smothering, and he gave me space without distancing.

We never fail to reassure each other that we were in this together, and we

were being faithful to each other. That somehow had been the reason why we’re happily inlove.

My eonniedeul and “brothers-in-law” told me repeatedly that we look perfect together. There was even a time that Jungshin chingu asked me not to leave their leader, and he made me promise to love his hyung forever. And that they’ve never seen Yonghwa with anyone the way he was with me. I took that to heart, since they’d known him for so long, bad behavior and all.

There were ups and downs but I didn’t care, I had my man and he had me. It took an additional three months, but eventually, he did have all of me.

We took our time, savoring every moment and every sensation.

Our connection was intense and deeply emotional. He muttered things to me while we made love – how beautiful he thought I was, how much he’d missed me, how much he needed me, how empty he’d been, how much he loved me. I couldn’t even speak to tell him I felt the exact same thing, I was too overcome by the emotion in his voice.

We decided, well, he WAS actually the one who decided that we should live together after that precious night.  And so we did.

My reminiscing was cut off when Taeyeon eonnie told me to prepare since we’re about to go to the show venue.

It was a long and tiring day. I almost just wanted to go home but decided to stay longer with my eonniedul knowing it would be empty without him there.

After all our commitments that day, Sunny eonnie had 9 tickets to a concert. I didn’t know what group was going to perform and I didn’t bother asking. Everyone agreed. I’ve missed my eonniedul so much and it was this rare moment that we could spend time with each other since we’re not anymore living together and considering that other members are happily dating as well.

We went to the venue. The venue was not that big for a major concert. Just enough to cater about 2,000 fans. We were seated at the front row. I was surprised to see that a lot of our friends were there to watch the concert too. And fans were slowly arriving and filling up the seats. It was almost starting.

A host appeared on the stage and it was Jinwoon.

“This concert must be something big.” I thought. He looked at our direction and smiled. I smiled back.

I asked Taeyeon eonnie whose concert was that, she told me it was actually not a concert. I found out we were invited to watch a “fake concert” to support Leeteuk oppa’s proposal to her long time girlfriend, Kang Sora who thinks that she was also invited to support someone else’s proposal.

I smiled at the thought. Leeteuk oppa and Sora was the same exact case as my relationship with Yonghwa. We both started and fell inlove in WGM. And now, he’s going to propose to her and sooner or later, they’ll get married. For real.

I was really feeling happy for them because finally, one of their dreams is coming true. They have revealed their relationship last year and they survived the criticisms.

I wonder when this day would come to us. We have not revealed anything yet, although it is an almost open secret in Korea. I am personally ready to tell the whole world about us, but I have never mentioned this to Yonghwa. I know he’s not ready. We have so many plans, for each other, and for our careers that we cannot just disregard.

Jinwoon started. “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, tonight would mark another milestone in the lives of two important people in the industry, who stayed strong and continued to inspire each other, their friends,  and their fans’ lives. Who, amongst all the trials and difficulties they’ve went through, stayed inlove and have believed in each other. And so before we present to you our main stars for the night.. Let us all welcome our first guest performers who will serenade us with their lovely voices, SNSD’s Taeyeon and Jessica!

I surprisingly looked at them since they never mentioned about the duet, Jessica eonnie just winked at me and Taeyeon eonnie smiled reassuringly.

So they came up onstage and before they sing. Each of them gave congratulatory words to the “couple”.

“You have personally inspired me in so many ways, the both of you. The love that grew every single day, that love who keeps you going, I have never seen that to anyone. The respect you have for everyone around you. The success that never got into your heads but instead encouraged you more to strive harder. You have made everyone of us proud here just by being one of your friends. I’ve been praying for this day to come. For the both of you to be completely happy. Thank God, that pabo finally had mustered all the courage to confessed to the lovely lady!” Everyone laughed while I was half crying already by eonnie’s speech, I don’t even know if it was because of her words, or because I was too happy for the couple or because I wish it was US who she was saying those words to.

She continued.. “You both are treasure. Keep the love burning and please please please, grow old with each other. I love you both!” she last said and I don’t know if it was my imagination but she looked at me happily.

I wiped my tears feeling suddenly emotional. How I wish he was here with me to witness this event. I missed him already. Took my phone out and texted him about the concert proposal. He didn’t text back. Must be resting.

It was Jessica eonnie’s turn. She wasn’t starting yet but she was crying already. Half crying, half laughing. Everyone laughed at her and I saw my other 6 eonniedul wiping their tears smiling really happily. So I’m not the only one who’s emotional here, I thought. Hyoyeon eonnie put her shoulders around me and leaned her head on my shoulders and enveloped me with a hug.

“Okaay, I just lost my image of being an Ice Princess. Why the heck am I crying?” she laughed. “Guess I’m just too happy for the two people who’s been really important to me. Just like Taeyeon-ah said, I’ve also been praying for this day to come. And I have high regards to that pabo. You know I am grateful to you, right? For that namja whose knees are shaking right now and whose nervous backstage, I hope you’re still conscious right now. Hahahaha! Don’t worry too much, I'm pretty sure she’ll say YES! But seriously, thank you so much for taking good care of her. For loving her the way no other man can do. For helping her grow up to be the fine lady that she is now. For being there during her lowest times. Words can’t describe how I am thankful towards you.” She wiped her tears before she continued. “I would love to say a lot of things now especially to our lovely lady but I am reserving that for the wedding.” She said and winked. Again I thought that she winked at me.

Jessica and Taeyeon eonnie wow-ed the audience with their rendition of I Love You. They then introduced the next performer, 2AM who coincidentally sang two of Yonghwa’s favorite song which became my  favorite as well. I remember him singing the songs for me during one of those lazy days.

She’s all, she’s all I ever had

She’s the air I breathe

She’s all, she’s all I ever had.

It’s the way she makes me feel

It’s the only thing that’s real

It’s the way she understands.

She’s my lover, she’s my friend.

And when I look into her eyes

It’s the way I feel inside

Like the man I want to be

She’s all I ever need.

*******************

Close your eyes, make a wish

And blow out the candle light

For tonight is just your night

We’re gonna celebrate, all thru the night.

Pour the wine, light the fire

Girl your wish is my command

I submit to your demands

I’ll do anything, girl you need only ask.

*************

Few more artists rendered songs which made the audience all so emotional including me. The last one to perform were Changmin and Kyuhyun oppa. After that, all the lights were turned off for about 5 minutes.

A very beautiful, instrumental was played. I think it’s Leeteuk oppa or someone was on the stage already, playing guitar. We could not see the stage since it was so dark. Then the venue was slowly lighted up with the fans at the back holding a heart lightstick. The scene itself was so breathtakingly beautiful and so touching because of the fans’ participations. They were waving the lightstick in sync with the music playing through the guitar.

Then they started singing. I don’t know if my ears were betraying me coz I think they’re singing Banmal Song. It was so good that I immediately had goosebumps. I was still in daze and confused at the same time on why they’re singing that special song, when the stage curtain was removed and a husky, y voice sang. I almost fainted when I recognize who it was. The stage light slowly revealed that it was really him. My love, my Jung Yonghwa.

He was looking straight to me with full of love, it made my heart flattered and ached positively if that’s even possible.

Geuh deh neun darling

Bam ha neuk byul bit boda ah reum da wuh yo

Neh mam sok gippeun got eh suh ban jjaj guh li neun

Naman eh sarang beet

Geuh del reul sarang heyo darling

Uhn jena neh gyut hae suh beet cheul neh joyo

Meh il bam bara bogo

Bara bwado ahreum dawuh yo

Geuh den nan eh sarang beet

Geuh deh neun lovely

Juh haneul het sal boda noon ea boo shuh yo

Neh mam sik uh doon got gga ji bal geh bee choo neun

Naman eh sarang beet

Geuh deleul sarangheyo lovely

Doo noon eul gam ah bwado geuh deh boy uh yo

Ee luh geh bara bora go

Bara bwado noon eh boo shuh yo

Geuh den nah eh sarang beet.

And well of course, he just have to sing goguma’s anthem for me to burst out crying. Plus everyone in the venue was singing with him during the last part and I was surprise to see that the red heart lightsticks were replaced with yellow ones (my eonnies had each one of them and it was a YongSeo lightstick) while photos of us together during and after WGM were shown on the big screen. I was ecstatic and lost although I somehow already know what was really happening.

Then my parents and his parents appeared out of nowhere, approaching me. The four of them gave me a tight hug. My appa took my hand and led me just below the stage and danced with me for a moment. Afterwards, we went upstage and she gave my hand to Yonghwa. I had my other hand on my mouth because I was too shocked.

He kissed my tears first before kneeling down.

“The love of my life and the president of my heart, Seo Juhyun, I promise to give you the freedom to be the successful girl you always wanted to be. But know this: in this journey, I will hold your hand, I will always be there. So, don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, and all the sacrifices, I will bear.”

My head was in total daze, I can’t move.

“I have always wondered if you parents were thieves. Because it seems to me that they stole the stars and put it in your eyes. You’ve been a beacon of light in my darkest nights.

“And just to let you know I already asked their permission, if I could change your last name to Jung. It would be music to my ears if I hear them call you, Jung Juhyun. It sounds so perfect. And I am pretty much sure that I don’t want anyone else to bear my future children. Hahaha!”

“So, Seo Juhyun, do you agree to be with me forever? And promise that we’ll share every ups and downs? Because I do. I love you. So much. So yea, WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

He smiled sweetly at me, his eyes full of hope and was still kneeling. The lights went off again for some seconds and he stood up, motioned me to look at the audience.

I could not contain it any longer. It was so overwhelming. I felt like I was really in a concert with the fans’ participation and projects.

There I saw the fans holding the YS lightsticks forming “SAY YES PLS”.

“I love you too. And yes, let’s grow old together”

There was a deafening claps from everyone and the audience was shouting

“YongSeo Yeongwonhi” and the fanprojects didn’t stop there.

Each one of them were holding paper banners that says.

“2400 DAYS OF WAITING IS OVER. GO-GU-MA!”

And lastly, a huge tarpauline from the upperbox venue was shown. It was a photo of us together, with the words “YongSeo couple.. THEY’LL GET MARRIED!”

Everything was so magical. He kissed me infront of everyone and I saw loyal gogumas crying and hugging each other. It was not indeed just a journey of us. But a journey of the people who believed in us all those years. Who endured the wait and the bashing they received from the antis. The fans who made us strong and made us believe that we will be accepted in time. Yonghwa hugged me with tears of happiness in his eyes.

He silenced the audience.

“Thank you everyone who came here even with such short notice. To all of our friends, thank you so much, I owe you a lot. To my parents and Hyun’s parents, thank you for the blessings you’ve given to us. I love you.

To my boices, I promised that I’ll be there. That’ll never change. Thank you for being with me all throughout.

To you my dear gogumas, I’m sorry if it took so long. I know the pains you’ve went through and I am really grateful for all of you who stood up for us. To you who never lost faith and made this ship sailing. Thank you so much.” He said and bowed.

He gave the mic to me and I honestly didn’t know what to say. I just cried. So he hugged me again.

“Eomma, Appa! Wake up! I’m hungry.” A voice woke up me up from my dream. The dream I had for the past 5 years everytime we’re celebrating our anniversary. I smiled. And one was because of my favorite dream. The magical thing that happened 5 years ago. Two was because of the man next to me and was still hugging me. The man whom I drawn all my strength from. The man I love and will love for the rest of my life. And lastly because of the lovely girl we have, Jung Hana. The gift we had 2 years after our wedding. She made our lives colorful. I cannot ask for anything else…

*******************

HAPPPY ADVANCE 4^TH ANNIVERSARY URI YONGSEO!

CHEERS TO MORE YEARS OF SPAZZING GOGUMAS!

LET’S STAY STRONG AND KEEP THE SHIP SAILING!

Just to share with you a piece of what I am feeling right now. I’m hurt. With all those foul words today. Being attached to YongSeo is somehow not healthy but I cannot just get off from this ship. I have loved this fandom. So yea, I’m staying strong. I feel really bad that I cried. LOL (is this even normal?) and this was suppose to be posted tomorrow, but I changed my mind. I hope somehow this lightens up the bad mood we had earlier. (you know what I mean right?)

Let’s live up to this hashtag, #OnlyHappyThings4YongSeo

Gogumas jjang!!

"I promise to give you the freedom to be the successful girl you always wanted to be. But know this: in this journey, I will hold your hand, I will always be there. So, don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, and all the sacrifices, I will bear.” ---- Drew Arellano to Iya Villania