I have always had problems with my body image, ever since I was a teenager, and although it had left me for some time, I was now thinking my body just wasn’t right… Are 21 year olds supposed to be this self-conscious? I thought we were supposed to find new self-confidence at this age.

I stare at myself in the mirror of the change room, the dress I was trying on not wanting to zip up any further, and imagine myself about five inches smaller than I already was.

I was only a hundred and eighty pounds, and at 5’8”, I knew this was a healthy weight… but why did it seem like everyone else around me was only around a hundred and fifty pounds or less?

“Nuna, is it on?” a familiar voice asks from outside the changing room.

I pull myself out of my thoughts, letting my eyes fall to the floor in an attempt to silence my inner demons.

“Nae… but I don’t like it,” I tell him loudly through the door.

“What? But you said you loved-”

“Daehyun, it’s too short… My height is a bit of a problem sometimes,” I pretend to laugh, hoping he would understand.

“Ah, okay… Maybe next time.”

I pull it off hastily; hanging it back on the wooden hanger and making it look absolutely perfect as it taunted me. With a small sigh, I pull my skinny jeans back on, adjusting the baggy pink and white polka dot sweater to cloak my body. My black flats are on my feet quickly and with an adjustment to my black ribbon headband, I am stepping from the dressing room to stare at my boyfriend.

Daehyun is leaning against the wall by the door with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s dressed in his usual modest attire; a pair of black pants, white V-neck and a pale jean button up to keep his arms warm. He gives me a bright smile which helps to distract me from my thoughts.

“Shall we go?” I ask with eagerness.

“Sure… You don’t want to keep looking, nuna?” Daehyun asks with sincerity.

I shake my head, my shoulder length hair brushing against my cheeks for a moment.

“I think I’m good,” I tell him while reaching forward to grab at his hand.

He nods, letting his hand link with mine and guiding me forward from the change rooms.

 

“Ah, ddeokbokki! Let’s have that for lunch, Taylor-ssi!” Daehyun exclaims, yanking me towards a vendor in the market we were wondering.

He orders and the smell has me gulping, the look of it enticing as my stomach growls for me to take a bite.

“But… I’m making beef later?” I say meekly.

“Yeah, but we both love ddeokbokki,” Daehyun laughs.

He gives the vendor a thank-you before taking the container holding one of my favourite foods.

Although it had been a week since our shopping escapade, my mind ignored my growling stomach as I told myself to cut my food intake in half… I was determined to look as pretty as the mannequins that wore the clothing I admired.

“Nuna, here,” Daehyun says, once again pulling me from my thoughts. He’s extended his hand to my mouth with a toothpick holding the delicious treat.

I look at it hesitantly before taking the piece in my mouth, chewing it slowly, making sure to enjoy it.

While I do so, I watch him take a few bites of it… Sometimes I was jealous of him; no matter how much he ate, he never seemed to gain weight. He was the envy of both men and women everywhere.

He brings the toothpick forward again, ushering me to take a bite.

“I’m full.”

“You’ve had one bite… Do you not like it?”

I smile, “No, it’s delicious, Daehyun-ah… I just don’t want any more right now.”

His eyebrows furrow and suddenly his eyes are scrutinizing my face as I try my best to ignore the smell coming from the food.

“Is there something wrong? You’ve been acting different for almost a week now?” He asks, his dialect sliding its way into his tone.

My smile stays and I try my best to brush off his question.

“No, no, no… My stomach has been feeling uneasy lately,” I reply with, hoping he would take the bait to move onto another topic.

Daehyun’s eyes widen momentarily, “Do you need to go to a doctor? Are you going to be okay? Can I do-”

I put my lips on his quickly, silencing him with a kiss.

I pull away after a minute, looking around us momentarily to see if anyone had been watching.

“I’ll be fine, you worrywart.”

He laughs a bit, holding his elbow out so I can take it. I slide an arm through the small space, enjoying the warmth his body gave my cold skin.

The beef sizzles in the pan, the sauce giving off a tantalizing scent as I cook our dinner.

We had made our way to his apartment, as per usual, and as he showered I decided to start dinner. The smell was drifting through my nostrils and it was become incredibly difficult to ignore eating any of it.

Being an experienced cook, I had a habit of grabbing bits here and there while the food was being prepared, enjoying the flavour of whatever I chose to make.

When the rice maker dings, I pull a single bowl form the cupboard, getting Daehyun’s food ready by piling the rice into the bowl. I take the beef mixed with the curry out of the pan, putting a few heaping’s on his rice.

I put it on the counter and call his name, waiting for him to come and take it.

“Daehyun-ah, the food is done!”

“Oh, delicious,” I hear him say as he wanders from the bathroom to the kitchen.

I look to him when I hear the pit-pat of his feet come into the kitchen; he’s wearing a loose pair of grey sweatpants, accompanied by a white t-shirt, a towel draped over his soaked hair.

I push the bowl to him, taking a moment to open the drawer to grab a pair of dark black chopsticks.

“Enjoy!”

He stares at the bowl and then quickly averts his eyes to my face. I have a frozen smile painted across my lips and as I become nervous, I turn away to click the stove top off. I keep my vision on the pot in front of me, hoping he would leave me to my thoughts and enjoy his meal.

“Nuna… What’s wrong?” Daehyun mumbles with concern.

“I had some while you were showering, so don’t worry about me eating or not,” I tell him.

“Nuna-”

“Really, Daehyun… I’m not hungry.”

It’s quiet for what feels like eternity before he speaks, his Busan accent suddenly coming out as he speaks.

“I never asked if you had eaten or not.”

I mouth an ‘oh’ before attempting to answer, but once again his words are stopping me.

“Nuna, what’s going on here?” Daehyun asks, his feet moving him closer to my back, “You’ve been refusing to eat anything and everything.”

“No, I’m-”

“Don’t you think I notice when your habits change? I’ve noticed you push away over half a meal, claiming you’re full… But how anyone can eat half of a small portion and really be full. So, what’s really going on here?”

I feel tears brim my lids as I try to find a response to his words… How do I convey that I think I’m fat?

“Taylor, tell me… please,” he pleads as his hands come into contact with my hips.

I feel a few tears leave my eyes, making pathways down my cheeks and finally dripping from my chin.

“That dress didn’t fit… I always fit their clothes and suddenly it was too small.”

I sniffle quietly, lifting my hands to my face to wipe away the salt water on my warm cheeks.

“I must be getting bigger than I thought… All the years from before just hit me and suddenly I was thinking I’m too big. I’m huge and maybe I should loose thirty pounds. Would that be so bad?”

His hands move across my stomach and he pulls my back against his chest, resting his chin on my collarbones.

“It would be… You’re beautiful to me. You always have been, and no matter how wide your hips get, I’ll find you just as beautiful. Besides… you’re cute when you eat,” Daehyun tells me with sincerity, kissing the skin underneath my ear in an attempt to comfort me.

I give a soft chuckle, wiping away the last few trickles of my tears.

“So, why don’t we eat the curry you made, and later we can go get frozen yogurt?” He breathes against my ear, kissing my earlobe.

I giggle at the tingling sensation, nodding in agreement, “Okay.”

I feel him smile as his mouth rests against my collarbone, but his head jolts up afterwards, his arms tensing.

“Also, we’re not shopping there anymore.”

I turn my head to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“They made you like this, and I’m not one for supporting body shaming… especially when it’s yours.”

I peck his cheek, feeling my heart warm at his concern.

“Daehyunie… I love you.”

He smiles brightly at me, not letting me go.

“And I love you, nuna.”

 

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Just a fluffy one shot I felt like writing ~ Enjoy :D