warning: intense swearing (or intense in my category LOL) and a somehow "violent" Onew 

note: bold sentences indicates intense feelings

It wasn't so complicated back then. I wish i hadn't realized it. I wish everything would be the same as back then. Things have turned so complicated that i myself don't know how to fix it.

We've arrived at the dorm. Once we entered the dorm, Onew hyung just snapped.

"HYUNG!"

Everything happened so fast and all i could comprehend is that i'm sprawled on the floor with a hurting jaw. Minho was holding Onew hyung's arms, restraining him. Kibum was beside me checking my bruised jaw.

"Let go of me, Minho. I'm gonna hurt that bastard!" Onew hyung looked so mad and in rage but Minho stayed firm.

"Hyung. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." I can't find the words to say how sorry i am for hurting Taemin earlier. I didn't mean for that to happen but it was my fault.

"SORRY?? SORRY!?!! YOU EXPECT ME TO BLOODY FORGIVE YOU JUST BY SAYING SORRY?! IN FRONT OF THE FANS, KIM JONGHYUN. IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE. I TOLD YOU TO RESTRAIN YOURSELF!"

 I can't say anything anymore. I just--

"STAND UP, KIM JONGHYUN. Let go, Minho. I won't punch him anymore."

I stood up and faced Onew hyung, waiting for him to strike me again. Instead he clutched my collar and held me against the wall. I can see veins throbbing in his forehead.

"YOU WILL ANSWER ME, KIM JONGHYUN. JUST TELL ME WHAT THE ING PROBLEM IS. THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING DAMMIT." I was shocked to see tears falling from his eyes. Onew hyung was crying. He let go of my collar but he still held me against the wall with his arms around my neck and fist into the wall.

"Just tell me dammit. I'm doing everything i can to keep this family together the least you can do is cooperate with me. Can't you see it, Jonghyun? We're losing Taemin. He's pulling away from us. But i don't want to lose him so we're going to fix this now. Starting from you telling me what the real problem is." Onew hyung was pleading. His eyes were begging.

But can i really? Can i really tell them? I don't want them to hate me. But i don't want to lose Taemin.

"Please..."

"Jonhyun hyung. Please just tell us." Kibum pried Onew hyungs arm on my neck and hugged him.

"I...Taemin...he's..." i don't really know how to start. I am not even certain i should tell them. Because i know everything will be different after i tell them.

"So its really Taemin? I could ask manager hyungnim to switch the rooms or maybe temporarily put Taemin on Exo's dorm until you've calmed down. Until you can talk to him."

"No! Hyung, you don't understand! Taemin, he's..i'm actuall---"

"THEN MAKE ME ING UNDERSTAND, JONGHYUN! HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND IF YOU WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING?!! YOU'RE JUST---"

"I ING LOVE LEE TAEMIN, OKAY?!!"

All three of them were surprised by my sudden outburst. The three of them just stood there gaping at me.

"You, what did you say?" Kibum found his voice first.

"I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Lee Taemin." Admitting it loudly just brings it to a new perspective. Tears i have been holding off ever since fell down endlessly. I was shaking. I fell down on my knees, sobbing.

I'm in love with Lee Taemin. Yes. I am a man in love with another man.

The realization just hit the other members and Minho immediately knelt down beside me, hugging me. I leaned on him, endless tears still falling.

"I understand hyung. Just cry it all out. I'm here for you." Minho said ad he pats my back.

"Y-you don't u-understand. I'm in love with another man. One of my bestfriends nonetheless. It’s so hard to see him and talk to him everyday knowing he will never be mine. To sleep next to him. He just trustingly sleeps beside me not knowing these complex feelings i feel for him. He's so close, Minho. So close. But i can't grab him. I can't make him mine. It hurts so bad. So bad that i just did everything to stop what i feel for him. I pick fights with him every day so he'll get angry with me and not stay close to me anymore. Because being close to him hurts. Seeing him smile at me so warmly brings back the strong urge to possess him. To mark him as mine. It’s all his fault. He makes me feel this way." I said brokenly. Minho held me more tightly.

"Jonghyun. If you only told us earlier, we would've tried to understand."

"Would you really, hyung? Would you? Won't you feel conscious of me? Knowing that i have attraction to other men? Won't you feel disgusted that i want to do intimate things with another man? Saying it is much easier than actually doing it." I glanced up to hyung and saw him looking down at me with compassionate eyes.

"Do you know how it feels like to see Taemin go around hugging other men when i can't hug him because i'm afraid of what i'll do if i touch him? No you don’t, hyung. You don't know and you won't ever understand how it feels. I knew from the very start that the feelings i have for Taemin is different from a brother's love. I knew how complicated it would be but i still indulged myself on being with him."

"Hyung, what are you gonna do now?" Kibum asked as he helps me stand up. I've already composed myself and i'm ready to face their anger.

"Aren't you angry with me for being selfish? For almost destroying the bond we have? Because of these feelings i have for Taemin." If they tell me to leave the group, i will.

"Jonghyun, i'm sorry for not realizing it sooner. But no, i'm not angry with you. I do understand. These feelings, what are you planning on doing with them?" 

"I don't honestly know what to do. I didn't mean to hurt Taemin earlier. I just got fraustrated and jealous because he wouldn't look at me. He just can't see me. It's always Jongin, Jongin and Jongin. I feel so confused. I want to end this feelings i have for him but at the same time everytime i see him i fall even deeper." I'm so damn fraustrated. But now that i've admitted it, i felt a little better. And that these guys seem to have accepted me.

"So hyung, are you gonna confess?" Minho asked as if nothing in that statement was wrong. My eyes widen at the sudden thought of confessing.

"Confess?! Are you kidding me, Choi Minho? Because i swear its not funny."

"Yeah, i think you should, hyung. What, you're just gonna bury your feelings then? How cowardly is that?" Kibum asked, mocking me.

I am amazed in how these guys reacted. They reacted like nothing was wrong with this situation.

"Guys, understand this, I am a guy who loves another guy. In case you haven't noticed, something is definitely wrong there. And you expect me to confess?!"

"No matter what you decide to do never forget that you have us behind you. But promise me, Kim Jonghyun, that you will never hurt Taemin again. When he comes back apologize to him." Onew hyung said sternly.

"Hyung, i did those things to protect myself. I was hurting."

"You drove Taemin away just to protect yourself. But did you think of how Taemin would feel? You made us feel that Taemin took advantage of us and it made us doubt him. And i can tell that it broke him. Did you see how he reacted from how you treat him? I tried to talk to him but he always avoid me. He's drifting away from all of us because you want to avoid getting hurt. So apologize to him. We will too. Stop being a coward and face him." Onew hyung said.

I want to. I really do. But it's not that easy. No. Its not easy at all. 

What did you think about that, guys?

whew! That was a bit intense. omo Jonghyun's a coward doncha think, guys? sigh. But let's think of his situation too, ne? 

Thank you, guys, for reading , commenting and subscribing! I really appreciate it. It brings me so much happiness omo *o*  :)))

P.S. btw, i'll upload a TaeKai oneshot, i hope you guys can check it out! i'd appreciate it if you do! 

P.P.S. here's the link Together with the Wind