I'm sick. It seemed as if life was playing on me a cruel and exhausting prank. Why? Because the girl of my dreams, the girl I loved ever since I layed my eyes on her for the first time... has a girlfriend.

Sick joke.

I've been telling myself for the past six years or so she's out of your league, she's straight  surprise! She's gay, but... still out of my league.

Even though it pained me, when she started her relationship I was happy, for her, since my happiness depends completely on either she's happy or not, I could be dying from the pain it caused me to see her love someone else, but if she smiles thruthfully, what else can I ask for? 

The problem, the real problem is that now, that she has as a girlfriend, it's precisely that, an . She was always asking so much of Tiffany, not reciprocating one bit of everything she did for her. As I said, . They were always having love quarrels, dicussions, fights, why would the fight so much? Because that girl wants Tiffany to have with her, and of course Tiffany is not willing to do it, so it always ended up in them fighting.

The disadvantage of being Tiffany's best friend, is the fact that everytime they fought, she came running to me, she always told me everything that happened between them and asked me, every single time. "Should I give up myself to her so she won't be mad anymore?" and every single time it made my blood boil and my heart to break a little bit more Did she love her enough to give her something as precious as her ity just so she won't be mad anymore? I always answered her "If you are not ready, then you aren't, no matter how angry she gets".

Months passed, and the problem was worse. The fights got even more violent and it was almost impossible to calm Tiffany down. "She's just hurting you, leave her" I told her a few times, but she refused, saying she loved her too much to leave her. It felt as if they were stabbing me whenever she said that. She had no idea how her words hurted me, her tears and pain, were also mine.

One day she called, it was weird because she never called me, normally she would've just come over. I could hear her sobbing while she pleadingly asked me to go to her. I inmediatly stood up and ran as if my life depended from it, I have no idea ho long it took me to arrive to her place, but I knew one thing for sure, even though it felt like eternity, It must have been very little time. When she opened the door I nearly broke into tears, she had her lips swollen and her left eye was slightly black.

"What happened, Fany?" I said aproaching her carefully.

"I... accepted, I gave myself to her." I clenched my fist, my knuckles turned white. "But... when it ended... she just... she just stood up, dressed herself and said we were done." Small sobs could be heard and tears started streaming down her face. "When I tried to stop her, she just shook me off and..." The sobs became to hard for her to continue talking and she just pointed towards her face, I bit my lip, containing my own tears. I hugged her and her tears stained my shirt. I couldn't care less about the stains on my shirt, I just wanted her to feel safe in my embrace. "I loved her Tae... I loved her so much and I was just a toy for her." She said once the sobs started to subside. Another stab to my heart. 

I didn't say anything, thoughts roamed through my head as I tried to recall where that girl lived. When I couldn't remember it I asked.

"Where does she lived?" 

"Why?" She asked back.

"I need to talk to that ." I answered, each word was filled with hate.

"Tae... it's not necesary for you to go and-" I cut her off with a glare.

"If you don't tell me where she lives I'll look for her still, she deserves everyword I want to voice out towards her."

She looked scared, but hesitantly she told me the adress. I inmediatly thought of the route I should take and as soon as I had it completely calculated I ran to the place.

I arrived to the place, she was already making out with another girl on the front door, bastard. I aproached her and took her by the collar of her shirt, making her fall flat on her .

She looked angry, but as soon as her eyes laid on me, she smirked shamelessly.

"Go on, hit me, beat me up if you can, but none of that won't change what I did to your dear Tiffany." I wiped off that stupid smirk off her face as I sat on top of her and punched her repeatedly on the face. Soon the girl that was making out with her pulled me away, pulling me by the waist with her arms wrapped around me, that didn't stop me from throwing a kick to the girl that layed on the floor, I kicked her on the stomach. 

She stood up, her face slightly covered in blood, she smirked again, though it seemed pained. 

"I already told you," She turned her face to the side, and spitted some blood. "You can never change what I did, she was mine, mine and only mine. She loved me, she gave herself to me. I must admit she has a great body, I could definetly tap that again, but she was too attached, that made her more like... a burden to me." I elbowed the girl behind me, freeing me from her grip, and as I was about to throw another punch to the girl I heard a strained scream.

"Stop TaeYeon!" I knew who it was, it was Tiffany. I lowered my arm, and the tears finally fell. I started sobbing silently, not being able to take all the pain that filled me then. Her tears and pain, were also mine.

"Come on TaeYeon..." The girl in front of me grinned. "Hit me again... I know you want to..." She punched me in the stomach, leaving me out of breath and making me fall on my knees to the floor. "Weren't you all angry at me a few seconds ago? Weren't you?" She kicked me in the ribs and I... I just stayed there, my anger was there, but there was something that stopped me from standing up. "Hey Tiffany!" She called out. "Want to know why TaeYeon is so mad?" She laughed, laughed at my misery. "You think it's because she's your bestfriend... and I don't doubt it's partly because of that. But what makes her so mad." She chuckled, "Is that the one you love is me, not her, the one you gave yourself to, was me, not her, the name you sighed was mine not hers, she wants you, she loves you, and she would've loved to be in my place, the only difference is that she would've been stupid enough to stay with you." Her laughter echoed in my ears as she kicked me, harder, again. "But you know what TaeYeon?" I lifted my gaze, "For her" She pointed at Tiffany, "You're just a disposable tissue in which she dries her tears, tears she sheds... for me." She attempted to kick me again, but I held her leg in time, she looked weirdly at me as I stood up, still holding her leg, before pushing her and making her fall. I ran away from her and took Tiffany's hand, taking her with me.

We made our way towards her house, I didn't say anything as tears unconciously made her way down my cheeks. We reached her place and I inmediatly made an attempt to leave the place, she took my hand, stopping me.

"Was that true?" She asked, her voice broke a little as she said it.

I didn't say anything, I just smiled sadly at her. She looked intently at me and her lips formed a small 'o' as she realized it was true. It was written all over her face, pity. She didn't want to reject me, she didn't want to break my heart, I could see it in her eyes, but she was oblivious to the fact, that it was already clear to me. She didn't want me.

I turned around, I slowly made my way towards my place, I took very slow steps and I listened carefully to my surroundings, hoping I'd hear her footsteps, that I'd hear her voice calling out to me, any sign that showed that she wanted to stop me and tell me she loved me back.

That sign never came.

...

Weeks had passed ever since that day, Tiffany had made no attempt to contact me, though, my other friends had been quite insistent, Sunny specially.

I could feel how all of them cared for me so much, awfully, for them and for me, the only one I desired cared for me to that extent was her, the only one who hadn't even bothered to contact me.

I loved Tiffany, but Tiffany didn't love me. Tiffany was my life, but she wasn't made for me... then... what's life to me? What am I?

Nothing.

I knew my life, wasn't orth living without her, because she was my life, and if she wasn't with me, at least as friends, I wasn't really living.

I should end it then.

I headed towards the nearest bridge it was not that tall but it was enough, hoping to end my life with a jump. I took out my phone and called Sunny.

"Hello?" The other line went.

"Hey Sunny..."

"What's wrong Taengoo?" She knew me so well, even the tone of my voice could tell her something was off. I started crying, knowing it was selfish of me to do this to them, but I couldn't stop myself, the pain was unbearable. "Taengoo what's going on? Please, answer me!"

"I'm sorry Sunny, I can't take this anymore..." The sound of cars behind me and the cold breese made me shiver slightly,

"Omg, Kim TaeYeon, don't you dare." I could hear her voice breaking, she knew what I meant, I heard a couple of worried voices in the background, then I remembered the girls had planned a movie night for today, so they must be together right now.

"I'm sorry Sunny, I just... my life is not worth living anymore, I just called to say goodbye. You are a great friend, I love you, tell the other girls I loved them all." I said, suddenly I heard Sunny sobbing on the other line.

"Please TaeYeon... don't do this... I.. We can fix this, we all love you, you know we do." I sighed as I just hang up the phone. I kne that if she continued talking I wouldn't do it.

I was on one of the ends of the bridge, hoping that when I fell, I could hit my head with something and die quicker.

I stood on the edge, and breathed in, it didn't scare me anymore... but the sound of Sunny's sobs on the back of my mind haunted me.

"Stop TaeYeon!" I heard a scream, I turned around and saw Sunny, running with the other girls towards me. Tiffany was there, I closed my eyes. I jumped. 

...

A heavy pression on my chest forced me to cough and I opened my eyes, the lights were too strong and I could feel my head throb. For a moment I thought I was dead, until I heard a sob, a too familiar sob.

When my eyes adjusted to my surroundings I noticed Yuri, YoonA and SeoHyun were surrounding me, only in their underwear and completely drenched, from head to toe. I suddenly remembered they are lifeguards. I lifted my head slightly and I saw Sunny cying her eyes out while holding SooYoung, the tallest of us was crying too, the three girls around me wrapped their arms around me as they helped me sit up. 

I'm not dead.

I grimaced. I even at killing myself, great. 

They separated from me and I stood up, holding my throbbing head, my legs felt like jelly but I couldn't care less.

I walked slowly and the girls just stared with teary eyes at me. I reached Sunny and pulled her in a hug.

"I'm sorry." I said, my voice sounded so broken I couldn't even recognice it.

She hugged me so hard, it pained me, literally, I groaned in pain. She just shook her head as her sobbing continued. 

I separated from her, I felt so weak, I closed my eyes for a second and I could feel myself falling to the floor, everything went blank after that.

...

It had been two days ever since I tried to kill myself. The girls took me to the hospital when I out and said I fell while we were joking around in the bridge. When the doctors asked me if it was true, I just nodded, knowing that if I said I tried to kill myself they would lock me up on a crazy house.

I sighed.

Considering my state was rather severe when I got here, they haven't aloud me to recive visits, but the nurses told me there were 8 girls who had been on the waiting room ever since I arrived.

I smiled sadly at the thought.

I regret trying to kill myself.

It was selfish.

It was stupid.

How could I have tried that when they were still there? Still worried. Still loving me.

I felt like crying just by thinking about it.

When they finally let me have visits, I was happy and nervous at the same time. What would I say? What would they say? and most importantly, what would she say? 

They told me they were too much to let them all in at the same time, so they would enter in groups.

The first ones to enter were YoonA, YuRi, Jessica and SeoHyun. 

They all hugged me tight. The only thing I could bring myself to say when they were hugging me was "I'm sorry", no other words came to my head then. 

They all said it was okay, and started talking to me about everything and nothing, avoiding that subject as much as they could. After half hour a nurse came and said their turn was over, once again they hugged me as they said your goodbyes. 

When they stood by the door our maknae turned around and said. 

"Don't ever do that again please, we love you and we need you, you are very important to each one of us, don't forget it." 

I smiled sadly as I saw them walk out. 

The ones who entered where HyoYeon, SooYoung and Sunny, I tried my best to show them a smile as I internally felt slightly dissapointed that Tiffany wasn't there. 

They all hugged me, and I could feel the love that they felt for me. It as heartwarming. SooYoung and HyoYeon let go, but Sunny's arms just tightened their grip on me.

"I feel that if I let go of you this might be a dream." I hugged her tighter at the sound of her words. 

"Don't worry, it was all just a mistake, I was too depressed to think clearly, and I hurted you, all of you." I whispered.

"Yah, let go of my girlfriend Kim TaeYeon" Said SooYoung, trying to lighten up the mood. "She might be short but she's mine."

"and if I want to keep her?" I said trying to joke along.

"She'd make a great pet, don't you think?" Said HyoYeon, their childishness made me smile.

Sunny let go of me and hit Hyo on the shoulder lightly, everything with them went like this.

The 30 minutes passed by too quickly.

"Hurry up girls, you know there's someone left." Said the nurse as the girls said their goodbyes to me.

I couldn't help but get a bit surprised as the last person rushed into the room and wrapped her arms strongly around me, sobs were heard and I could feel her shaking against me.

"Tiffany..." I whispered softly.

"Don't call me that," She said, wiping a few tears away "I'm Fany-ah, am I not?" She finished while separating her face from the crook of her neck.

I looked at her and I was slightly suprised by her pale face, baggy and red puffy eyes. 

"Yes you are Fany-ah," I smiled awkwardly while brushing a few strands of hair and placing them behind her ear, trying to avoid looking directly at her eyes. 

She climbed my bed and laid next to me, cuddling my body.

I felt my heart beat quicken and I silently hoped she wasn't able to hear it. 

"Your heart is beating so fast..." She stated quietly, I mentally slapped myself for being so weak around her. She forced me to turn to my side, facing her and took my hand in hers, leading it to her chest, I blushed and my heart skipped a beat when she placed it on the upperleft side of her chest. 

I widened my eyes.

Her heart was beating as hard and fast as mine.

She smiled sweetly at me, tear tracks still on her face.

I was too stunned to do anything but stare at her wide eyed.

"This two past weeks... had been the worst nightmare of my life... but I didn't know how to aproach, I'm sorry for being a coward but... I was surprised, I mean.. your feelings towards me are no joke, you... ARE in love with me right?" I nodded hesitantluy, "I asked the girls everyday about how you were doing, and even if they told me over and over again I should be the one to ask you that, I didn't, I was afraid of hurting you by doing that, but it seems I hurted you even more by not saying anything...I... that night, I hoped I could see you at Sunny's and was gathering all my courage to talk to you there... but... when Sunny told us what was going on, I panicked, and when I saw you jump.... my heart, I felt as if it shattered into millions of pieces... because I knew and I know that you were depressed because of me, it was my fault you.. you tried to.." She started crying again, and I pulled her towards me in a hug, it was my fault she was feeling like this after all. "I'm sorry I was a coward... but... when you jumped, I had the urge to jump after you, when we got down the bridge and saw you floating lifelessly...." Her voice was breaking and it was difficult to understand her words between her sobbing. "SeoHyun stopped me from jumping and trying to reach you, afer that she, YoonA and Yuri stripped quickly and swam towards you, and when you came in YoonA's and Yuri's hold and SeoHyun was pushing your chest... trying to get the water out of your lungs..." I could see the pain in her eyes, and couldn't help but feel guilty I caused all of that. "I felt that... I felt that if you died... my life wouldn't be worth living, because you are my everything." She breathed in and I couldn't help but expect what she was about to say. "I realized then that I had always been in love with you Tae, I'm sorry we had to go through this for me to realize it." 

I felt my whole being was filled with a blissful feeling, it was so overwhelming I felt like crying, and cry I did. 

"Why are you crying Tae? Are you not happy?" She said as she reached for my face and wiped away my tears, I inmediatly shook my head.

"I'm sorry... It's just... I've been waiting, hoping and wishing to hear those words from you for a very long time... ever since I layed my eyes on you for the first time." I placed my hand on her cheek as I stared lovingly at her, she blushed and smiled back at me.

I stared at her lips as the thought of kissing her appeared on the back of my mind.

"Can I..." I whispered and she looked at me questioningly. "Can I kiss you?" 

Before I could even read her reaction towards my question I felt her lips pressed lightly against my own. The sensations that simple touch sent through my body were unexplainable, it was just perfect.

Two days ago I searched thoughtlessly for a way of finding the end. 

But now, I know I'm not anywhere near the end, since this is just the beggining.