February 8^th, 2010

It was 3:30 AM. I sat in up in my bed, unable to sleep. A sinking feeling filled my chest when I realized I was alone in my bed. "Kwangyeon?" I questioned to the darkness. Not a sound. Normally he would never leave without telling me. He must be in the bathroom, I silently assured myself. I coaxed myself back into sleep.

I woke up at around 8:30 AM and I looked to my side. “Still not here?” I asked out loud. I reached for my cellphone and dialed his number. When he didn’t answer, I hung up and called again. “Hello?” “Kwangyeon! Where are you?” I yelled into the receiver. “Who is this?” the voice asked. My eyes widened, “You’re not Kwangyeon?” “No I’m Kim Minjun, I got this phone today. Who are you?” I hung up.

I got out of my bed and ran into the living room, empty. I ran to the bathroom, empty. Last I ran into the kitchen and it was also empty, besides a pretty piece of paper on the counter that read;

Chaerin, I’m leaving. I’m no good for you, you’re no good for me. I’ve found someone else. Please don’t look for me, and don’t bother calling. – Kwangyeon.

Just like that?

It was… over?

It was.

May 23^rd, 2013

I stood at the bar, humoring my friends with a laugh or two when the situation called for it. I was just a hollow shell, projecting the image of ‘their CL’. I don’t really like social gatherings and I can’t tell you how many times Bom has dragged me out here with Dara. They say I need to get over him. I always respond with, ‘Who is he?’ But I know damn well who he is.

He walked out of my life without telling me how we weren’t meant for eachother. He said he found someone else, but did he really? I was shaken back into reality by Dara’s hands. “CL, what’s wrong?!” she yelled. I gave her a stern look before speaking, “What are you talking about?” She reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.

I was crying? I asked myself silently as my mouth fell open. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming once I realized their cause. “Kwangyeon,” I said quietly as I ran for the exit. “When did it start raining?” I asked the cold water droplets as they stung my face.

I ran through the streets until I could see my apartment. I was almost sobbing by the time I reached the stairs, A loud wail escaped my lips, but I’m sure no one could hear it in this pouring rain, I threw open the door and fell to my knees in the doorway, slamming my fist on the tile floor. I buried my face in my hands and let myself weep.

After god knows how long, a warm hand touched my shoulder. “Chaerin?” A familiar voice questioned. I turned over to lie on my back to see Kwangyeon’s warm brown eyes, staring right into my own. “K-Kwangyeon?” I stutter. He leaned down and picked me up. He took me into the bedroom we used to share and laid me on the bed, peeling off my drenched clothes and replacing them with my pajamas.

“I’ll be going now, don’t get sick, Noona.”

That was it.

He didn’t hesitate. He walked out again without so much as a ‘goodbye’, or ‘I’m sorry’. Even when I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t understand why he had even come to the apartment in the first place. I needed answers, so I decided to call our mutual friend, Hanbyul.

“Yah! Hanbyul-ssi!” I yelled as I heard the phone click on. “What?” he replied, sounding annoyed. I take a deep breath and begin speaking, “Have you talked to Kwangyeon today?” “Why? You haven’t mentioned his name to me in over a year.” I hum in reply. “He was at my apartment yesterday.”

“Ah,” I heard him say on the other line. “Yeah, he said he was passing by when your door was open. He saw something in the doorway and thought you might be in trouble,” he told me before hushing his friends. “Yah! Hanbyul! I told you to be quiet!” I could hear Kwangyeon yelling in the background. “Gotta go Chaerin, Nice talking to you,” Hanbyul said before he hung up.

Does he really care? I found myself asking and I began to cry again. I texted Hanbyul asking for Kwangyeon’s number. Just don’t tell him you got it from me: 919-723-6293*, was Hanbyul’s response.

I punched the number into my phone and waited for an answer. I heard a click before his voice filled my ears, “K-Kwangyeon?” “God, Chaerin. I told you not to try and call me. What do you think you’re doing?!” He yelled into the receiver, sounding a little more than troubled. “I-I wanted to ask you something,” I said quietly. “Can you meet with me, please? At our secret place?” I heard a hum from the other side. After a few silent moments he sighed. “Yeah, I can. I’ll see you there tonight at 9 PM, okay?” he whispered, hanging up before I could respond.

A smile slid across my face. “I’m so happy!” I squealed, wiping away the tears that stained my cheeks. I took this as a chance to prove that we were meant for each other a chance to tell him how wrong he was.

The day passed by agonizingly slow and I found myself spending most of my time in the café not far from my apartment, sipping on an already cold coffee. It was about 8:30 PM when the barista told me that they were closing up. “Ah yeah, I should be going anyways,” I said with a smiled. “Thank you.”

I walked down the sidewalk until the park came into view. I skipped across the grass and made my way into the trees. I noticed that the flowers we had planted along the walkway had died. They still guided me, but the lack of life in them haunted my thoughts. It doesn’t mean anything, I assured myself.

When she got there, he was already there, sitting on the large rock. She smiled to herself and walked up to the edge of the rock. She cleared to get his attention, “Kwangyeon?” He stood up and turned around, slid down the rock and jumped at the end. He gave of a faint smile. He looked almost sad. “What did you want to ask me, Chaerin?” he asked, all too seriously. She chuckled nervously and her cheeks turned pink.

“Why did you take care of me last night?” I asked, the smile leaving my face. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “I was worried about you. Hanbyul told me how you were doing without me.” I huffed in annoyance, why did he need to in like that? “He said that you’ve been crying often and things aren’t getting better,” he said.

“Why? Why did he tell you that?” I asked, my voice cracking. He sighed again, “I asked him how you were, Chaerin.” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. My vision was blurred and I was almost thankful that I couldn’t make out his face.

“Please say something Chaerin. Tell me why you won’t get over me,” he said.

“Why won’t I get over you?!” I yelled, sadness and anger filling my head

“Let me see, maybe because you were my first and only love for 6 years. You suddenly leave me in the middle of the night and expect me to get over it? I gave you my everything Kwangyeon!” I was yelling between choking sobs. “You were the only one who gave my life meaning. Tell me, do you love her?! The girl you left me for? Or was there even someone else? What makes you think we’re bad for eachother? All I ever did was love you and promise you everything I could. I just wanted you to be the one by my side through everything.”

I fell to my knees and held my face in my hands, I let out a loud cry.

Was this really me?

“Chaerin, I’m sorry,” he said slowly, kneeling down in front of me. He wrapped his arms around me. I screamed and punched his chest, “Don’t touch me! You broke my heart and apologize and think everything will be okay?! This is insane! I only felt whole, happy, at peace when I was with you and that night you threw my whole life into chaos! Tell me why, bastard!”

Hurt filled his face, but I didn’t care at this point. All I wanted to know was why he left me, why he broke my heart. Was that too much to ask?

“I was afraid Chae,” he said, sadness filling his voice, “I was afraid of commitment. I needed time to think about whether or not I truly wanted to be with you. I spent these last two years, beating myself up about it; ask Hanbyul, he’ll tell you. I still love you. I really do.”

He knelt back down and gently wiped the tears from my face. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. When I looked up at him, he began to fade away. I reached for his hand, but there was nothing.

“Please don’t go, Kwangyeon!”

…

I woke up screaming. Kwangyeon shot up by my side and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m not going anywhere Chae. What’s wrong?” I didn’t respond, I just began to cry as I gripped the back of his t-shirt, sobbing uncontrollably.

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Didn't turn out the way I wanted, but whatever. I hope you guys like it! - Seo