How do you go back to being a part of someone’s life that you walked away from? Is love really sweeter the second time around? As I ponder on these thoughts, my eyes landed on a recent headline. It felt as if lightning struck me and I can’t breathe. I felt that twang in my heart and the pain hurt so bad I thought I was going to collapse. It looks like I may never know the answers to my question. He’s getting married, and this time it’s not going to be me (not that our marriage was real in the first place).

It’s all your fault, Seo Joohyun. You let him go and pushed him far too many times and now, it’s too late. I wanted to cry, scream, and just vent out my messed up feelings to whoever else passes by. Instead, I sat down on the cold park bench and bowed my head. I wish I could cry but my tears won’t even come out. I closed my eyes and let the memories flow.

I was 20, he was 22. I belonged in the nation’s girl group, and he was a struggling rookie. Our agencies thought it would be of our best interest to stick us in some variety show to gain exposure – me for myself, and him, for his band. I did my best to convince myself that it was just another job. But how can I differentiate reality from fantasy when every action of his says otherwise?

With each smile, song, photo book, and even the simplest gesture, he tore down the walls safeguarding my heart. Step by step, he brought me out of my shell. He made me want to become a better person, take on new challenges, and for once, let go of this image I hold on so dear. I was young, naïve, and scared. How do I know if what we have is something real? It was that night in Niigata, Japan when things changed and I put an end to everything.

It’s been months since our virtual marriage ended when we got a call from the network that we are to have a special stage in Japan. We had to sing the Banmal Song. I tried my best to conceal my emotions and deliver a professional performance but it’s these damn eyes that gave it away. I was headed to our van when he caught up with me.

“Hyun…Seo Joohyun…I love you. I know I’m risking a lot, but please, before you leave, hear me out. I went on that show just for the exposure it could give to our band. How was I supposed to know that I was going to fall in love? I thought it was nothing, but then you turned out to be a part of my everything. I didn’t contact you since we ended because I wanted to give you space and time to think about what I wrote in that card. I’m risking everything just to ask you and whatever your answer will be, I’ll respect that. Seo Joohyun, will you be my girlfriend?”

I should’ve said yes. I should’ve abandoned my doubts and fears. I should’ve followed my heart. Instead, I apologized and asked him not to contact me again. I thought I was doing this for us, for our careers and our fans. I was stupid. I still am.

I clutched the paper in my hand and re-read the title for a thousandth time.

JUNG YONGHWA RELEASED FROM ARMY & REVEALED TO BE GETTING MARRIED THIS COMING SPRING

I know I shouldn’t torture myself anymore but the stubborn me wanted to know. Who is this girl? What does she look like? Is she older or younger? An idol? An actress? A non-celebrity? I searched through the articles and my heart broke once more. There were a lot of pictures of him going on dates with this girl but her face was covered most of the time. He looked happy. That cheek-bursting smile I thought that was only meant for me. Being the masochist that I am, I read through the articles and found out that he’s known the girl way back when he was a trainee. Reports say he has been in love with her for a long time. Was it also during the time he was ‘married’ to me? Those tears decided that it was time to fall. I felt hurt and betrayed. I read the comments and fans speculated that the girl is someone with the initials J.S.Y. I thought long and hard and couldn’t remember someone from the industry with such initials. Must be his first love or someone from his town.

The snow continued to fall and I don’t know if fate was mocking me or anything but the wind blew and there were flowers petals that came along with it. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I was THIS close to crying my heart out and making a fool out of myself in public when I heard someone call my name.

“Hyun?”

That voice. I quickly wiped my tears and fixed my hair. I can’t let him see me look like a mess. It took me an eternity before I turned around to face him.

“Hey.”

“How have you been?”

Miserable. Heartbroken. Lonely. Desperate. Still in love with you.

“Just getting by.”

“I see.”

I can’t stand here any longer and act as if everything’s ok. I had to say something and run back to the confines of my car.

“I heard about your engagement. Congratulations!”

I tried my best to sound happy but I knew he could tell that my voice was breaking. I gave him the most unconvincing smile and extended my hand. He frowned and didn’t even bother shaking my hand. Feeling humiliated, I withdrew and just stood there awkwardly.

“Uh, that’s all. I guess I should get going.”

I turned around and was going to walk away when I heard him say,

“WAIT!”

He caught up and before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me again. He looked like a lost and nervous child. He was shuffling his feet, scratched the back of his head, and finally, gave me that forlorn look as he asked quietly,

“Aren’t you going to fight for me?”

Can I? Hell, I want to, but it was game over when you proposed to her.

“What is there left to fight for?”

He laughed bitterly.

“You’re still as stubborn Seo Joohyun.”

I ignored his comment and walked away. I felt my tears threatening to fall when I heard him say,

“FINE! Then you wouldn’t care if I give this ring to some other girl? Have it your way!”
               

What ring is he talking about?! Didn’t he already proposed to J.S.Y.?! I ran away, hoping he’d come after me, but when I realized he wasn’t, I stopped. It’s pointless. He really is over you. He has moved on. I cried bitterly as I dragged my feet towards my car. My tears blurred my vision and I knew I looked like a lunatic as I frustratingly searched my purse for my keys. I didn’t even bother looking up until such time I found what I was looking for. I was going to unlock my car only to find someone blocking the door. I looked up and saw him. Jung Yonghwa. The faint cascade of the yellow light created this illusion that he was glowing. I stood there, mouth opened, and obviously horrified. I took a quick glance through my car’s window and saw my messy hair and smudged makeup. Great.

I didn’t dare make a move as he walked closer to where I stood. He fixed my hair, wiped my tears, and held my face in his palm. Then he did the thing I expect the least – he smiled. That damn cheek-bursting smile he knew I always fell for. I felt my heart beat fast and he laughed.

“Aigoo. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Oppa is sorry. Come here.”

I cried harder as I felt him wrap his arms around me in a warm embrace. He held me closer and I basked in his scent. If only he could be mine and not hers. That’s when I was brought back to reality. I tore away from his hug and gathered up the courage to say the words I should’ve said a long time ago.

“Please don’t marry her oppa. I love you! It’s always been you. I tried hard to move on but I never could. You’re my first and last love oppa, so please, please don’t leave me. I’m sorry for hurting you before. I was young, naïve, and this whole love thing scared me. I thought I did the right thing by letting you go but now I regret it. I  regret walking away from you every single night since it happened. I can’t live without you oppa. please. I know I’m being selfish but I can’t stand by any longer and watch you promise to spend the rest of your life with another girl. Jung Yonghwa oppa, Yonghwa-yah, saranghae.”

“Nado saranghae, Seo Joohyun. You don’t know how long I waited to hear you say that.”

Wait, what?! I didn’t expect this. But isn’t this what you wanted?

                “But…but what about her?”

                Pabo! Why bring her up when he’s telling you now that he loves you too?!

                “Who?” he asked looking confused.

                “Her. The girl you’re marrying. J.S.Y.”

                SHUT UP! NO!!! He’s going to remember everything and might leave you! I looked at him. He shook his head, took a deep breath, and….LAUGHED. Like, rolling on the floor laughing. Now I was the one confused and annoyed. What the hell?

                When he has recovered from whatever it is that he was laughing at, he pinched my cheeks.

                “Aigoo. How can you be so cute? As expected, you really are different, Joohyun-ah.”

                Huh? I was baffled, annoyed, and completely clueless that I didn’t notice him taking something from his pocket and then he got down on one knee. Wait…he’s not? He’s not going to…? What? Is? Happening?!

                He looked up at me again and smiled.

                “Seo Joohyun, I’m only going to get married if you Just Say Yes.”

                He emphasized the first letter of the last 3 words he just said. OH MY GOSH. I didn’t bother stopping my tears from flowing. How could I be such a fool? He loves me. Jung Yonghwa loves me. The love of my life is kneeling before me now and asking me to marry him. KYAAAAA! Amidst the sobs and all that emotion I nodded and finally answered,

                “YES!”

                He didn’t get the time to react as 13 people came out from nowhere and talked all at once.

                “FINALLY!” (ALL)

                “Oh my gosh took you long enough!” (Jessica)

                “Do you know how long we waited to hear that simple answer?! 5 freaking hours!” (Lee Joon)

                “I feel like my shoulder is going to give up from operating that stupid snow machine!” (Jungshin)

                “What about me? I was the one who had to fan those damn petals just to create that effect Yonghwa hyung wanted!” (Minhyuk)

                “Hello! You guys could’ve handed it to me but I’m the one who got stuck operating this electric fan for the wind effect!” (Hyoyeon)

                “Was it really that hard to ask her the standard ‘will you marry me?’ Yah, Seohyunnie, do you know how many times he kept asking us if that’ just say yes’ line was cool?!” (Taeyeon)

                “Not only that, but unnie, do you know how many of those fake accounts we had to create just to leave a comment on every article about the JSY thing?!” (Krystal)

                “I’m the one who suffered a lot here! It was so embarrassing having to pose as his fake girlfriend. Ugh! Yuck! Just because I’m the shortest and easiest one to hide up in bundles of ugly clothes.” (Sunny)

                “He’s been staring at you like a maniac since you stepped out of the dorm!” (Jonghyun)

                “We kept telling him to just go and tell you everything but no, he had to force us to print fake newspapers and put these ridiculous articles up in that random stall!” (Sooyoung)

                “All the while you sat on the bench he was like, ‘do I look ok?’ ‘should I go tell her?’ ‘what if she hates me?’ and blah blah blah!” (Yuri)

                “When you were talking to each other, we thought he’d finally push through with the proposal but then he became a choding and just let you walk away!” (Yoona)
               

                “When you were out of sight, he ran back to us and told us to relocate these props to the parking lot so that when you come to find your car, you’d see him in some random pose he thinks is cool and whatever.” (Tiffany)

                WHAT?! I turned to Yong oppa who was clearly miffed that his chance to react as an overjoyed boyfriend turned fiancé has been swept under the rug.

                “YAH! You could’ve at least let me jump and carry her as i screamed hooray! She said yes! couldn’t you have waited a little longer?!”

                “NO! Do you have any idea how freaking cold it is!” (ALL)

                I held up my hand and glared at Yonghwa oppa.

                “You planned this?! how could you! This isn’t how I imagined my confession would be like. I looked like a mess!”

                “You took almost a decade imagining that and I can’t wait any longer. I’m sorry, ok? Anyway, the point is, you still said yes and we’re going to get married this spring. Hahaha!”

                “How can you be so sure I was going to say yes?! didn’t you threaten to give the ring to some other girl just a few minutes ago?!”

                He laughed again and embraced me.

                “Aigoo. I said I’d only give the ring, I never mentioned me being a part of the package. Besides, the other girl would’ve been any one of your sisters or your mother. I’d hand the ring to them and ask them to give it to you. there’s no one else who owns this (points to the ring on my finger) and this (points to his heart) other than you.”

                I smiled so much and brought his face to mine and kissed him. I didn’t care who was there and where we were. All I know is that nothing could be more perfect than having the man you love promise you his forever.

                “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! THE END!” (Jungshin, Jessica, Minhyuk, Krystal)

                “Ok guys our work here is done. Time to pack up!” (Taeyeon, Tiffany, Lee Joon, Sunny)

                “Who wants to go grab some coffee?” (Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, Yoona, Yuri, Jonghyun)

END.

Author’s Note:

Random & crazy. LOL. Still hope it made you smile. And yes, it’s not a yongseo fic without Team YS right? Can’t just leave them out. Hahaha!

The original title of this oneshot was Say Yes but when I searched through AFF & found a dozen other fics with the same title, I just abbreviated it. haha!

thanks for reading!