It was time for our day. I took my shower, I combed my hair, put on some light make up, like usual. I tucked my hair behind my ear and I smiled at the mirror. I saw myself in my attire and my outfit. I was just being myself. I part my gaze from the mirror as I put on my shoes. I dusted off my clothes and then I grabbed my bag and my phone. The same usual daily life basis was happening. I went downstairs to eat my breakfast, and when I finished eating I brushed my teeth. I left the empty dishes on the sink, saying to myself that I will wash them later. Because there was only me at this lonely and lifeless house. I took my time staring at the mirror again. I was making sure that I would look my best for the new day today, especially this day.

          I opened the door and I smiled at the sight before me. It was cold and sunny at the same time. I took my first step and as each step I made I cherished it. I want every simple thing that I make would be cherished and will be kept in my heart. Even if it is just small, meaningless things or big ones, it should remembered. Because not everyone is able to do so.

          I stopped at some point and I took in the nice and the cozy breeze. I don’t know what will happen today but this day is so special. I passed by a park where all the kids are playing. They put up some beautiful smiles and warm laughter. I could sense them being like this, I would know that they are enjoying what they are doing.

          A kid approached me and tugged my cloth, I looked down and smiled at the being. He smiled back at me too. “Noona (big sister) is so pretty! Gwiyomi~ (cute)” He singsong.  I smiled again and he smiled back again too. I don’t know why that I am a happy person, I always loved to smile and I would always yearn that someone will smile back at me too. I gasped at the boy that was still holding my cloth. I searched something inside my bag and I found it. I found a chocolate-flavored lollipop.

          “Ah, here dongsaeng (younger brother)” I said as I handed it to him. He gladly accepted it. “Noona should be going now, bye bye! Take care, will ‘ya?” I bid goodbye and lastly I gave off a smile and I walked away.

          “Goodbye noona!” He shouted on my back and I turn and waved my hand.

          I called a cab and I said that I would be going to Kiss&Hug café. The cab took me there and I paid the price. I headed towards the said place. But before I started to walk I saw some familiar figure standing together with a stranger. I shook my head again and I saw that figure with a girl. He was holding hands with her. I felt a pang in my chest. But I didn’t believe what I just saw. So I ignored it. I said to myself that it wasn’t him it was just a picture of my imagination. I kept saying it wasn’t him as I walked to the café.

          5:11 pm

          I waited for about 8 hours at the café only to wait for him and only to celebrate with him. I didn’t even receive some message from him nor calls or a simple ‘Sorry I can’t go I’m busy, don’t wait for me. I love you’ but that was it. He said to me that he would come and he said he wasn’t busy. He said he would be here early. He said he would be right here celerbrating –

          “Ma’am are you okay? You’ve been here since early morning. You don’t look fine. Are you okay Ma’am, can you hea –“

          “I am. I can hear you. Please go. Just get me some cappuccino, Please.” I cut in and he just nodded. He walked away with a caring face. And later on I got my coffee and I started to drink it.

          Maybe my imagination wasn’t any imagination. Maybe it was true. No. It wasn’t. No it will never be. He said he was busy right? He was. He was busy the day before. I finished my coffee before I saw the same figure again. I stood up from pace and I walked out leaving my pay on the desk.

          I opened the door and I run towards the same people I saw earlier. As I went close,  my tears began to fall. I wiped them out but it didn’t leave the said, pained face I had. I wiped them out but the tear-stained cheeks was visible. I took another step and they began to fall all over again. I am supposed to be a happy person. But, this happy person in me had left. All there was this inner me who was caged for years of time and now has come back.

          Now the two people was in front of me. They saw the whole scene I was making. I looked up as I removed my arm that was covering my face. I smiled. “H-hello!” I started as I managed to say in between my sobs. “G-good afternoon! I just w-wanted to say that nice to m-meet y-you!” I said happily, till the sobs continued. “K-kai have a good day to you both! Enjoy your d-date” I said voice crack. Kai stepped closer to me as he reached out his hand to my arm. I move back my arm as his touch was close to my skin.

          “S-suzy! A-are you o-okay?” He asked, concerned.

          I took my step back as I change my facial emotion to a happy, smiling one. He frowned and the girl behind him just stood there.

          “Kai I’m f-fine! G-goodbye!” I said as I ran away from them. I felt Kai was chasing me. I didn’t even know why those words like ‘I’m fine’ and ‘goodbye’. It didn’t even find it’s way to say it out to him and her. I guess this was really goodbye.

          “S-suzy! SUZY!...” Those were the last words  that I heard from him. It hurt me physically and emotionally. Before I noticed it I was hit by a truck. Blood came out from me and my White dress is not a white dress anymore. It became red.

Dear life,

I am leaving this messed up world. I am starting to forget this whole life of a mess. I will forget him. He would just continue to make lies. He would not continue to make surprises because I was already surprised and prepared. Sorry dongsaeng, noona couldn’t come back anymore, I couldn’t give you lollipops anymore. But for sure that noona will be able to take care of you, watch you from above. Keep smiling because I could see you smiling. To Kai, you are such a stupid and a pathetic bad boy! But do you know I have a thing for bad boys? I love you still… even though you said that today..today! you will propose to me. And you know what you just did? You killed me from all that! You made me run away! You made me sad and hurt! How could I smile now? I wore this white dress for you, because you said to me the day before our 4 year anniversary you would marry me! I came prepared Kai! I’m dead and I’m gone. What do you have to do now? I love this white dress. It is a remarkable thing before something so priceless would happen. This happy person is still a happy person. I knew something like this would happen since the beginning of the day. I’m so happy, now that I am truly alive.

I’ll smile for you in this white dress.

Your girl inWhite dress,

Suzy