Darkness enveloped him and a soft sigh left his lips. I’m tired of fighting. I have no reason to keep fighting. 

It was better this way; so much better. He had no regrets, no last minute desires. 

He only wished that he could see his lover one more time, even though that meant seeing his lovers’ new boyfriend. No, no, it was better this way. A shiver raced down his spine and he wondered at it. He shouldn’t be able to feel anything, at least that’s what all the doctors said, so why is he cold?

Soon his whole body was vibrating as wave upon wave of what felt like ice water ran up and down his spine. He shut his eyes and reached out his hand to a familiar spot on his bed and whimpered softly when he touched nothing but the blanket. The hand that used to be there is now gone, thanks to him. 

I have no reason to keep fighting. 

It was better this way. It was better this way. All he had to do was keep repeating this over and over until his last breath left his body and he would have no regrets. Regrets…. The word played over and over in his mind. He had no regrets; he had no…. regrets. 

A small sob escaped his lips and he let his mind wander where it wanted to go, where it needed to go. He chuckled softly as his mind created the clearest image of his ex more than any photograph could. The image was of him and his lover…ex-lover at the beach. 

He remembered the day so well because it had been totally unexpected. One day his boyfriend had arrived at his office and walked straight into the break room where he, and about 30 other people were having lunch, and he picked him up bridal style and walked out of the building. They got into his car and drove to a small little beach house where they stayed for 5 days getting reacquainted with each other. 

Their lives had been so hectic then that it was hard for them to even find time to kiss each other, let alone anything more physical. It was such an amazing time, but the time that they had spent together would soon be replaced by the worst break-up imaginable. 

He had no reason to keep fighting. 

He didn’t want him to see him this way; thin and frail and weak. He wanted him to remember how he used to be; vibrant and so full of life and energy with a huge smile on his face. He was always smiling. 

Not anymore though, those days were gone. Now pain and frailty were his only companions. He had to break up with him. He loved him to much to let him stay around and watch his body get weaker and weaker until it finally died. He couldn’t fight it this time. He fought the first time and the second time, but the third time…his body just didn’t want to fight anymore. 

The cancer had eaten away at not only his body but also his mind. As much as he looked for joy in the world, he couldn’t find it. All his joy left with a tall boy with dark obsidian eyes. 

The tears were rolling down his cheeks by this time and he let them fall. There was no one here to see them anyway. He felt his heart stutter and his breathing became more and more labored and a soft sigh once again left his lips. 

It really was better this way. 

Just as he felt the world around him beginning to fade he heard a voice at his ear. Who in the world was here? He had told no one of what was happening. He couldn’t make out the words, but the voice sounded so familiar. 
Why did the voice sound so familiar? It must be a dream, why would he be here? It was just a dream. His mind was conjuring up his lovers voice to make his passing easier. 

“I love you, Zitao.” he whispered softly before once again allowing his body to relax and feel like it was floating. “If you love me so ing much don’t you dare leave me. Please, Channie.” 

No. No!! Impossible. He shouldn’t be here. Please don’t let him be here. It’s just a mind trick, only a mind trick. 

His body was floating again he could feel it. It felt like the time he was being carried out of his office building by Tao. A small smile graced his lips. It really was better this way. “Don’t you leave me. Please don’t leave me Channie, we’re almost there.” 

I have always loved Tao’s voice, but not like this, it sounded so broken, so sad. Like it was full of tears. “Don’t cry Tao. It’s better this way. I love you. Wo ai ni.” “Stay with me. Please.” Tao’s voice seemed to be getter further and further away and I reached out a hand to try to hold him to me. I felt strong fingers lace through mine and once again I smiled. 

He’s with me, even if it’s just a dream. “Paging Dr Kats. Paging Dr Kats.” Why does heaven need a PA system? “Dr Kats you’re needed in emergency. Dr Kats you’re needed in emergency.” Ok that’s really annoying. 

“Fight Chanyeol. Fight for me. Fight because I love you. Fight because you love me.” I felt his voice so close to my ear and I smiled. Heaven was going to be a good place to go, Tao was there.

Why was Tao there? 

I cracked my eyes open for the first time and looked around. I was in the hospital and Tao was standing just to the side of me; out of the way of the doctors, but still close enough to see me and for me to see him. 
“It’s nice to see you finally opened your eyes. I’m Doctor Kats and I will be your doctor for your stay in the hospital.” “

Don’t you dare leave me Park Chanyeol. Not again. Don’t you leave me.” The tears were steadily running from his eyes and I hated to see him like that. I reached out my hand to try to get him to come closer, but my IV stopped me. “Try to stay still. He’s still here.” The doctor said as he and the nursing staff continued to hook me up to more Ivs and a heart monitor. I hated seeing him cry. I was the cause of those tears and I needed to make it better.

I found a reason to keep fighting…

A/N" I'm not quite certain why I felt the need to do a story full of angst. Especially since I'm not to big a fan of the genre. But I decided to give it a try. All I could do was a one shot because my brain just refuses to do any more angst than that.

Hope you all like it.