What if we could go back in time?

What if we could take back the things we've said?

What if we could change the choices we've made?

If things were different, I wouldn't be in this awkward situation. Waiting, wondering what if things were different. Hating that out of all the days that I decided not to wear a sweater it had to be today when it started to rain. Trying to avoid those weird glances of by standers as to why I was standing around the corner without a jacket or an umbrella in the rain. "Great," I hissed as the rain started to pour. The rain couldn't have picked a perfect time to ruin my curls that I had worked all morning on.

"Are you lost," an elderly woman asked as she was passing.

"No, just waiting," I grinned assuring her that I knew what I was doing. But what exactly was I doing? I feel like a creeper or some kind of spy as I waited outside of my favorite cafe. Glancing down at my watch I bit my lower lip seeing as I had been standing here in this very spot for the past ten minutes. "Five more minutes," I keep repeating to myself as I feel myself unvoluntarily shiver. A sigh escaped my lips and I saw a small puff evaporate before me, signaling how cold and dumb I am to be doing something as crazy as this.

As the five minutes came and went, I still stand in the rain that won't let up being a freaking loser standing around the corner. "Why isn't he coming out?! He never spends longer than fifteen minutes in the stupid cafe that I introduced him too. He knows that's where I go for lunch on Fridays. He knows that's my spot, and he definitely knows that the daily news is what I read when I come in!" My anger was seething through my teeth as I began to glare at the man who had me waiting out in the freaking cold with no sweater, jacket, or umbrella! What a jerk! Siting there like a priviledged punk without a care reading the newspaper, when I know damn well that he doesn't like to read.

 Finally giving in, I decided that I've waited long enough. Taking a deep breath, I let my feet carry me across the street and into the warm cafe I loved and adored so much. "Good Lord Minzy! You're soaked," Dara squeaked seeing me rush in.

"It's fine really," I lied as I couldn't help but tremble as my body tried to adjust to the shock of sudden warmth.

"Girl go dry yourself up a bit in the restroom and I'll fix up some hot chocolate to go with your regular," Dara suggested as she gave me a look to seriously go fix myself up. Nodding as I trusted her gaze, I quickly shot my gaze to the floor and rushed towards the restroom avoiding the various glances, especially from the man who made this happen to me.

Bursting into the restroom, rushed over to the mirror and gasped. I was a hot mess with my hair wind blown this way and that, makeup running streaks down my face as if I was in a scary movie, and drenched from head to toe. I wanted to cry, seeing it was the first time in a long time since I've been to this favorite cafe of mine. It had taken me long months to finally build up the strength and courage to get myself prettied up for a lunch I so longed and deserved to have, but mother nature decided other wise.

"Get yourself together," I scolded my reflection. "Be a woman and it up! You've made it through worse times than this." Calming my many thoughts an idea came to mind and I locked the restroom shut. Turning on both of the hand dryers, I stripped off all of my clothing, except my undies and wringed them in the sink before throwing them underneath the dryers. Flipping on the sink, I went to work washing off all of my beautiful makeup that took me hours to put on and watched it rinse down the drain in seconds. Reaching into my purse, I grinned at finding a couple of bobby pins. Scrunching up my ruined hair, I pinned my hair up in a rather cute messy bun before throwing on my damp clothing once again. "I guess this will have to do. All natural," I gave myself a half grin before exiting the restroom.

"What in the world," I couldn't help but breath seeing my usual plate siting across from the man who put me in this situation in the first place. I gazed over to the counter to see Dara with a confused look as well. She could only shrug before getting wrapped up with another customer. As if the situation wasn't awkward enough, my stomach grumbled at the sight of my delicious meal. Maybe I'll just sneak over there to grab my plate as he seems so into reading the newspaper.

Creeping over towards my awaiting food, I grinned as I was able to pick up the plate flawlessly to turn and walk away, "What took you so long?" His voice made me freeze in my tracks being caught. "Come have a seat here, I know you're probably wanting to have your same plate with your same seat." The man stood to his feet and gestured to my seat as if he were a gentleman, but I knew better.

"No it's fine, I can sit somewhere else. Don't let me disturb your reading," I tried to execute my escape as I began to walk away again.

"Minzy you know more than anyone else that I don't like to read. Now come over here and take your spot before someone else does," he chuckled as he waved his hands overr my spot as if to becon me.

Weighing out the options, the cafe was small anyway so why not take my favorite spot especially since it had the best view of both the cafe and the streets of Seoul city. Without a word, I walked past him and moved right into my spot. It felt normal and it felt right, but not as much as the food was as it touched my lips, pure bliss. A hum of approval escaped my lips as I closed my eyes to savor the taste. However long I waited was all worth it as I devoured my meal.

"I knew you couldn't stay away for long," a voice echoed in my mind bringing me out of cloud nine. Opening my eyes I was met with a familiar grin that made me feel a bit self conscious.

"Oh gosh," I quickly covered my mouth with a napkin as I chewed up my food in my mouth. "I thought you were leaving?"

He shook his head as he clasped his hands onto the table before me, "No, I was waiting for you."

"Waiting for me? I was waiting for you," I chuckled before a scarfed down the last of my plate.

"You were? Is that what you were doing when you were standing out there like a creeper," he teased.

I coughed in disbelief at what I was hearing, "You mean you saw me standing out there all this time?! You're such a jerk Jiyong!"

"What? I didn't know if you were preparing to see me or planning on escaping. I just didn't think it would take you this long to finally make up your mind," he continued to .

"You're so annoying," I hissed as I began to sip the cup of goodness before me. "You caught me, are you happy," I asked sarcastically.

He paused as if taking my sarcasm seriously, which made things go awkwardly silent between us. Points for me at being so effortlessly awkward. "Are you," he shot back like a bullet right through the heart.

The thoughts of the past couple of months ran through my mind. The pain, the tears, the hurt, the anger...all of it. I had been living in a world of darkness where happiness was something foreign and unheard of. But even if I had been through all of that, I still had made it.

What if I hadn't got out of bed today...

What if I hadn't had the courage to get dress to go out...

What if I hadn't seen Jiyong go into this cafe right before me...

What if it hadn't rained...

What if I hadn't just walked away...

"Honestly...now I am," I admitted.

Jiyong let out a sigh of relief as he gave me that crooked smile I hadn't seen in so long that I could've sworn it was a dream happening at the moment, "So am I."

I don't know what had happened today, except of course it had awkward written all over it. But it was a testament to me that life is full of possiblities. We can go through life thinking about the what ifs and maybes of what would have happened with a certain someone. Yet as we take the chance of following through, our hearts will eventually lead us to what makes us happy. And mine...led me right to my happiness. Here I sit in my favorite cafe, in my favorite seat across my favorite person, the one who makes me happy, Jiyong.  

 

Author's Notes:

Started this idea last year and never really finished it until now. Written and inspired by Sam Smith- Nirvana. I'm totally like in a Sam Smith phase lol. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading.

Please check out my writing contest that I'm hosting if you're interested in writing for either oneshots or chaptered in order to win some prizes. It's called Vivid Dreams, please spread the word to those who also might be interested. C'mon the more Minzy fanfics, the better right? Well at least in my world haha.