Summer was cold. It was the coldest summer for Oh Sehun. He wasn't alone, nor was he sad. He wasn't happy, either. He was numb. He has his friends and they make him smile, they made him laugh. He hides his numbness, he puts on a happy mask when they're around. Nobody feels it, nobody sensed it but his closest and bestest friend Jongin. Jongin knows Sehun, he lets the younger man be, he knows how it feels. Nobody understands but Jongin. Sehun laughs and Sehun smiles, he jokes and he talks, he pretends that everything is okay. 

But nothing is okay. Not when everything in him is frozen. 

----------------

They were flashes of images, like memories, zapping in and out of Sehun's mind. He tries to remember what he's seen, what they were, but his brain felt like bursting out of his skull when he tries. He couldn't remember those images. He tells Jongin but even Jongin couldn't help. He was truly alone then, and he finds himself looking for that numbness again. Because being numb was more tolerable than being in pain.

----------------

It was in the cold October, that the ice around Sehun's heart began to melt. It began with those brown eyes staring into his, at a diner with ten of their friends. Those brown eyes weren't new, just that Sehun has never find them so sparkled and full of life before. It was the owner of those brown eyes who demanded Sehun to part his lips and taste the delicious chicken held with his chopsticks, when their eyes caught. Sehun forgets how to breathe, forgets how to think. His mouth moved and chewed, and his tongue his dry lips, but his eyes remained on that older but shorter male, who had somehow seemed to be glowing that particular night. 

Those brown eyes caught his several times that night. For the other ten, it was normal, noisy, much like any other dinner. But Sehun could only smile at how lively those eyes were. And when the night ended and the lights went out, it was those eyes that Sehun dreamt of.

Those eyes that belonged to Byun Baekhyun.

----------------

The flashes stopped. Or Sehun just finally managed how to stop them from coming. He merely focused on his hyung, adoring him from afar but acted normal when together. It wasn't awkward or weird; he has long known that he was not normal. He liked girls, but he also likes boys. Jongin knows, Jongin always knows, and Sehun's sure the rest knows too. He is only not sure if Baekhyun is like him. But right now it doesn't matter. He liked watching the older boy from far.

Sehun smiles when Baekhyun talks. He smiles when Baekhyun smiles. He smiles when Baekhyun teases and disturbs their friends. Sehun likes the way his hyung never fails to make someone laugh. He never realize it before, but Baekhyun's never-ending vibrancy amazes the younger male. Baekhyun was never sad. Baekhyun makes people happy. Baekhyun makes him happy.

It was the little things, the smallest things, that Byun Baekhyun does that was enough to make Oh Sehun smile. 

---------------

Baekhyun changed. Or something changed him, Sehun noticed. He no longer smile as brightly, and he talks lesser. There was even a day when he didn't talk at all. It worries Sehun, to see his object of admiration change so drastically. He wants to know why, he wants to be the one to offer Baekhyun a shoulder to lean on. But he was shy and he didn't know how to start. He had never been the one to start a conversation with anyone, especially Baekhyun. But it was Jongin who came, Jongin who patted Sehun on his shoulder and told him to go see Baekhyun. It was always Jongin, his life-savior, his best friend, his brother. Sehun wondered what he would have become if Jongin wasn't there.

So he did much as he was told. He found the older hyung seated on the fence of their porch, staring up at the stars. Sehun was quiet for a long five minutes, watching Baekhyun from the doorway. It was only then that Sehun moved, when he saw Baekhyun's hand raised to wipe his eyes. He took one step, two steps, but the floor creaked and Baekhyun startled, almost falling off the fence. But Sehun was also fast, he caught Baekhyun in time before he falls. It was a moment of silence, the longest three seconds of Sehun's life. Then Baekhyun laughed, a forced one, as he shook his head, mumbling a thank you to the younger male. 

Sehun didn't say anything. Sehun only stared at those pink lips, slightly apart, as those same brown eyes that caught and melted his heart watched him. It was a mutual feeling they both shared, Sehun could feel it. He wasn't alone. He wasn't the only one longing for this. His gaze raise to meet those darker ones, ones that belong to Baekhyun. Those eyes were glassy with tears, and Sehun couldn't bear to see them fall, so he took his hyung's hands, and he wraps his arms around the much smaller body of Baekhyun's. His embrace was welcomed, as Baekhyun let his own arms circle the taller one's back. 

For the rest of the night, Sehun only held Baekhyun, and let him cry on his shoulder.

--------------

Sehun knows now. He knows now why Baekhyun changed. He knows that he is the reason to that change. It broke his heart to know that the older male kills himself mentally for having the same feelings towards Sehun. Baekhyun is afraid, he said. He wants to be perfect, to meet everyone's expectations of him. He hates the fact that his heart is warming everytime he catches Sehun staring. It kills him, Sehun realized, that he, too, wasn't normal, isn't like Chanyeol or Kris or any of their friends. 

And it broke Sehun's heart, that Baekhyun could not accept the possiblity of their new beginning. 

--------------

December is colder than it normally was. Jongin tells Sehun that it will be okay, and Sehun wants to believe his friend. He never said that it is okay. Jongin is like that, he understands. He always understands. But this time Sehun finds it hard to believe Jongin. His heart is frozen again, numb, and empty. He still watches Baekhyun, further than he did before. Baekhyun never caught him anymore, or he just ignored it. He watched as Baekhyun laughed and joked around with his best friend Chanyeol, and Sehun wondered if Baekhyun would have accepted his nature if it was Chanyeol instead of him. He wondered if Baekhyun would cry at night because he didn't want to like Chanyeol but he does, like the way he cried at night beneath the stars because he was having feelings for a boy that is Sehun and not a girl. 

He wondered if Baekhyun ever thought of embracing his true self. 

But Sehun isn't broken, not yet. He still smiles when Baekhyun smiles, still laughs when Baekhyun jokes. 

He is only numb. 

--------------

Jongin tells him to not give up. He tells Sehun that Baekhyun hasn't given up yet. That Baekhyun is still trying to accept himself. But all Sehun sees in Baekhyun was a boy who is too ashamed to be himself, a boy who only wants to please others but not the one he truly wants because of society. 

Christmas is near. Jongin says it should be merry. He says that it would be. Sehun tries to believe that, too. 

--------------

Christmas came. Sehun attempted to find it in him, the happiness he used to know. Christmas should be merry, and alive, not dead like his heart. He watches Baekhyun exchanged gifts with Chanyeol, he watches his hyungs laugh and wish each other merry christmas. He smiles, he laughs, but he couldn't feel anything. Jongin patted his shoulder again. Today is merry, he said. Sehun could only smile. 

Then Baekhyun caught his eyes, and he wanted to look away, not wanting to drown in those brown eyes again, but he couldn't. Once again he was trapped in the older boy's gaze. Baekhyun didn't look away. Baekhyun smiled. And then the object of Sehun's admiration for as old as two months came approaching. Sehun smiled back at his hyung, not bright yet not dull. Then Baekhyun offered his hand, saying they needed to talk. He took that hand, the hand he'd wanted to hold, to squeeze and to caress, and he followed him out into the snow.

---------------

"I like you."  He said.

Sehun stares, lips sealed, speechless. He doesn't know whether he was still in slumber or if he was awake. For a long five seconds, he only looked at Baekhyun, who stared back at him awkwardly, attempting a smile. 

I like you. Were those the words Baekhyun had just said? Sehun wanted it to be, but he was afraid that he was only imagining it.

"I know what I want now, Sehun. I'm not.. perfect, much like I wanted to be. I breathe, I love.. And I can't choose who I love. Love chooses it for me. And it chose you." The shorter male closed their physical distance, and his small hands took Sehun's bigger ones. "Beating myself for being me won't change anything. It definitely won't change the feelings I have for you."

Sehun could feel it, the stretch in his cheeks as his lips formed a smile. A genuine one, after a long time. He squuezes the hands that are in his, and he pulls Baekhyun closer to him, so close that their breaths hit each other's cheeks. He stares longingly at the thin lips that is Baekhyun's and the latter does the same to his. Sehun leans, letting his lips touch Baekhyun's just slightly, to see if he was welcomed, and when he saw that Baekhyun didn't flinch, he deepened the kiss, which was gladly returned. 

It was a cold December. The coldest it had ever been for both Baekhyun and Sehun. But they had each other, and the cold subsides by the warmth that one provide to the other, in each other's arms, with the taste of each other's lips on their own. A beginning that they both would gladly start.

For Sehun, it was a miracle in December. 

A/N: First ever Sebaek fic here. Sorry if it but I think I like it just fine. It's late but Baekhun feels wins fatigue, if you know what I mean. I need more of this ship I swear. [[Hopes there are more Baekhun in the next EXO showtime because we all need that]] Comments will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!