Do you know what loneliness is? True loneliness?

No? Well then imagine hell. Did you do it? How do you see it? Do you see fire and destruction? Most people do. They see misery. They see what everyone sees because they have other people there to tell them what to see.

I don’t. Do you know what I see? I see nothing. I see my life.

I see the runt of the pack that doesn’t have a pack anymore. I see a wolf that has to live his life alone because he isn’t worthy of his pack. Because he was banned from it. Chased away.

You think you know what loneliness is? Well you don’t.

You have to live my life to know what true loneliness is. You need to lose your mate because you weren’t strong enough to protect him. You need to lose your pack because you aren’t worthy to be in it.

You need to lose everything and feel this big void in your chest before you can say that you understand what loneliness is. Because you have no idea.

I was an alpha once. One above all others. Then I was a runt. And now I’m nothing. Simply nothing. That’s hell. There is nothing worse than being nothing. Being alone.

They fought me. They won. I have scars to prove it. Bite and claw marks covering my whole body as a daily reminder of what I lost.

And all I am now is a lone wolf limping through the forests. I don’t even remember how to shift back to my human form. Don’t know what I look like anyway. It has been years. And I doubt I’m strong enough to do it anymore.

I was strong once.

Now I’m weak. Now I’m nothing. Haven’t had any contact with anyone for years.

How is it to have someone there? How is it to have people surrounding you? I can’t remember. It all seems like a dream.

The happiness. The companionship. It’s all just a distant dream. I don’t even remember how it was. It must have been nice. That wolf was strong. That wolf bared his scares with pride.

I do it with shame. There is nothing to be proud about these scares. They are ugly. They are not a sign of battles won. They are a sign of a battle lost. Of a battle that took my eye. That broke my legs. That left me weak and broken. That left me lonely. Without a pack. Forever without a pack.

That’s what loneliness is. Loneliness is death. I wish I died then. I wish I can do it now. Sadly I have enough pride left in me to not fall that low.

So I just keep limping through this hell.

I’ll keep limping until the sweet release of death finally comes. Until I can reunite with my mate again. I wish I can still remember how he looks like. But I can’t. I can’t remember anything about him. I can’t remember anything anymore.

I lost everything. I have nothing.

And that’s what loneliness is.

Loneliness is nothing.