She doesn’t sleep. Instead she runs through the conversation again and again in her head; the movie reel stutters to a stop when she is too exhausted to continue. It feels only like a few minutes and then her alarm is blaring again. Minyoung opens a bleary eye, contemplates calling in sick, then decides she is better than this.

Minyoung smells the automatic coffee maker and smiles, there are still little joys in life. Like, her coffee machine that starts at 6 o’clock sharp and her shower that always run hot so she can afford to spend just a few extra minutes just letting the warm water embrace her, washing away the exhaustion. She is ready to head out of the door by eight. For a moment, Minyoung hesitates. She doesn’t know if – but she inhales deeply and turns the knob.

“Hi,” Jonghyun is there. She wonders how he manages to look so put together in just a crisp white button up (that’s not even tucked in) and some grey slacks. There are only a few visible signs that he had spent the night like her – probably unable to sleep, mind continues to run through their first meeting up until their recent breakup.

She is grateful for make-up and hopes she doesn’t show any signs of the night before. “Hello.”

“I’ve brought coffee,” Jonghyun walks with her down to the subway station again.

“I’ve got some,” She holds up her travel mug. “I made extra so I could bring it with me.”

“Look, about the night before…”

“Completely unprofessional,” Minyoung finishes for him. “I’m sorry. Good luck with your interview today.”

“Stop.” Jonghyun looks like he wants to superglue her to the ground just so she’d stay still. She can see his veins twitching. “Stop. Why do you always have to do this? Be like this?”

“Like what?”

“This,” He gestures to her whole person, “Guarded.”

“I thought you weren’t into labels?”

Minyoung side steps him before he can reply. She thinks it’s better this way – she’d rather always have the last word. She remembers the time Jonghyun had made her speechless, a time when he could always make her breathless, mind searching for vowels and consonants that were constantly slipping away; it was a more naïve time, a time when she believed in happily ever after.

“Please don’t throw tea at my authors,” Kibum says, pushing up his glasses. There is a weird expression on his face, something between amusement and long suffering. Minyoung thinks amusement is winning out.

“It didn’t hit him,” She defends herself with a shrug. “He looks fine this morning. I just wanted to let you know, because you said you wanted to know where we stand.”

Kibum sighs, “Because you guys are complicated. I wanted to reassign you but you both refused.”

“I’m starting to regret that decision.”

But her boss doesn’t seem to sympathize, “Well. I’ll see what I can do but until then, I want you to keep reporting to me.”

“I don’t see how this is necessary.”

“Because I want know when and if you’re tempted to burn his manuscript.”

Minyoung grins, “Don’t worry. You’ll know.”

Kibum is something more like a friend and less like a boss. She knows he would never fire her over personal matters. It doesn’t concern him what happens to her and Jonghyun; it only matters when her performance drops or if there is a decrease in Jonghyun’s book sales.

It was Kibum who promoted her from assistant to editor; and she knows it wasn’t because of her connection to Jonghyun, it was because he knew she could do good work. Minyoung happens to like her job and she works hard at it. Whatever she has with Kim Jonghyun is over and she needs to stop dwelling on it and move on.

Moving on is probably a lot easier if she has some distance, Minyoung thinks, as Jonghyun sits across from her during one of her meetings for his upcoming book. But she thinks she does a good job of not splashing tea on him again when he gives her one of those infuriating smirks and disagree with most of her suggestions just because he can.

“I don’t think this part right here needs these corrections. I think it flows better without this added passage.”

Minyoung wonders if she can somehow staple his head and make it look like an accident. “It’s your decision.”

“But aren’t you my editor?”

“I’ve already given you my opinion. You can publish as is or add my corrections; it’s up to you.”

Kibum mutters a low, “Fireeee.”

“What?” Jonghyun says, “What’s on fire?”

“Nothing yet,” Kibum replies, “Look. I agree with Minyoung. This passage does need something – a better transition, I don’t know. You’re the eloquent one, give me words.”

Jonghyun scoffs, “Fine.”

Minyoung cheers internally because she knows that Jonghyun had agreed all along. Even with his pride, he would not let his story suffer because he wants a rise out of her.

They leave the office together. More like Jonghyun lingers around until Minyoung has to choice but to leave together with him. The train isn’t crowded at this time so they can thankfully grab seats near the door. When they exit the station, the sun is already down.

Jonghyun hasn’t said anything the whole time. Minyoung is glad but she knows he is planning something; maybe some big soliloquy or something. Kim Jonghyun can get anywhere with words.

“I’m not going to apologize again,” He breaks the silence when Minyoung gets to her door.

“I am not expecting anymore apologies,” She says quietly, more to her door than to him. “I told you, it’s my fault. I am still going through some things but that’s for me to deal with. I know you’re sorry.”

“I don’t want to make excuses, I am sorry. But nothing I say will justify what has been done.” Jonghyun continues as if she had not just spoken. “I don’t want to take anything back. I’ve never regretted anything when it comes to us and I don’t want to start now.”

“I’m glad,” Minyoung doesn’t want to fight. Not anymore.

Jonghyun looks so serious, it makes her want to laugh because he still doesn’t get it. “I just want us to go back to normal.”

He still doesn’t get it.

“We can’t,” Minyoung almost pities him. “We can’t because I regret everything we’ve ever had.”

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