You opened your eyes in the whiteness of a small room that strongly smelled like disinfectant. A regular ‘Beep! Beep! Beep!’ was starting to get on your nerves, and you tried sitting, wondering where the heck you were. You didn’t manage to. Your body wouldn’t move. You started panicking, but you quickly heard someone open a door. You tried turning your head, but you couldn’t. Too weak…

“Oh my God! You’re awake! Thanks God!”

You recognized that voice. Your mom… Why was she there? Why was she saying that you were awake? It was obvious you were…

*******************

The confusion lingered for a while, but after hearing the explanations several times, you started understanding what had happened to you.

You had had an accident that had almost killed you, damaging your head and your entire left side, breaking your left arm, your left hip, your left leg and a few ribs. You had hit your head pretty hard, and you had stayed unconscious for three whole months. You couldn’t remember any of this. It was probably better like this. You didn’t feel like it was necessary to remember what had happened during the accident. Or else you might be scared of certain things.

“Sweetie, your boyfriend called earlier. He said he’d come over this afternoon to visit you.”

You frowned, hearing your mother’s words. Your… boyfriend? You didn’t have anything that sounded like that.

“Mom… I don’t… have a boyfriend,” you said with difficulty, your jaw being pretty numb since it had also been damaged in the accident and anyway you hadn’t used it in three months.

“What are you saying, sweetie? Kevin is your boyfriend isn’t he? You know, that sweet Kevin Woo. He kept on visiting you while you were unconscious. How long have you two been together…? Four years, I think? Four years and a half? You started going out with him on your fifteenth birthday.”

Your birthday was in October… you were now in April… so she was right about the ‘half’, except that you didn’t have a boyfriend! You frowned some more. Who was this Kevin Woo she kept talking about? You didn’t know anyone named like that. You probably would’ve made fun of his last name a little if you did.

“Mom… I… I don’t have a… boyfriend…” you repeated.

She ended up understanding, with a little help from the doctor.

You had forgotten.

When they explained it to you, you frowned even more, confused. You had lost about five years of social memories in that accident. Since you had known this Kevin guy for less than five years, he had just disappeared from your memories. You did remember your two friends, though. You had met them, or so they said, about two months before you had met this Kevin for the first time, which was why they knew you had lost about five years of social memories.

Speaking of your friends.

They entered your room, as your mom left it to leave you alone with them for a moment, and walked to you, seemingly relieved to see that you were awake. They had changed a lot, hadn’t they? Well, they WERE fifteen years old in your memories… you tried chuckling, but didn’t manage to. It hurt too much to try.

“So, Kevin – the guy you can’t remember, from what the doctor said – called us when he learned about the accident,” your first friend said. “He kept saying it was all his fault…”

“From what I understood, he broke up with you, right?” your second friend asked softly. “The day you had the accident…”

You tried shrugging. Oh, so he wasn’t your boyfriend anymore anyway. So you were right saying you didn’t have a boyfriend. He had nothing to do with you now, had he? Since he had broken up with you, and you couldn’t remember a thing about the dude anyway…

“Oh, dear, look who’s coming,” your first friend sighed, seeing a thin silhouette arrive in the room.

“What do you want with her?” your second friend aggressively asked the new person.

The guy – because it was a guy, though, if he had had long hair, it would’ve been tough to tell – stepped in shyly. He had honey-colored hair that was a bit messy, dark eyes with a little bit of guyliner, a small mouth. He was Asian, kind of tall, maybe something around 1,80m, but he was probably not reaching 130 pounds in weight. He looked like he was barely reaching 120 pounds. Enough to make you feel jealous because you were probably a lot heavier than him.

He was wearing a dark leather jacket, a delicate chain necklace with a small silver cross as a pendant, one earring with a similar silver cross pendant, several thin leather bracelets and tight dark jeans with quite big badass boots. Well, the boots weren’t enough to hide the fact that he was walking on freakin’ toothpicks. Wait, no, not toothpicks. Chopsticks. Yeah, he was Asian, so why not.

He was holding a big teddy bear, half-hiding his face with it now. His eyes were sad. He slowly walked to you, but your friends stopped him before he could come any closer. He didn’t push them away and simply stood there, silent.

“What do you want to do with her, Sunghyun?” your friend repeated in a growl.

“D-Don’t call me that…” he said softly.

His voice was sweet, a bit high-pitched, very soft. Like an angel’s. But it was sad. You felt like you knew this voice very well, but you couldn’t remember anything about this guy. Was he the guy who used to be your boyfriend? But your ex-boyfriend’s name was supposed to be Kevin, wasn’t it? Your friend had just called him Sunghyun…

“You know everyone call me Kevin…” he added.

“Lemme correct that, dickface, your friends call you Kevin! We’re not your friends, and you have nothing to do with that pretty lady who’s in the bed!”

“Please, I just want to see her…”

“ no! You do understand it’s your fault she got into that accident, right? It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been so ing stupid!”

“I-I know… this is why…”

“This is why you’re ing staying away!”

Your other friend sighed. “Okay, that’s enough, kids. Seriously, calm down. Kevin, what are you doing here, for real?”

“I want to see her… give her this teddy bear… she loves teddy bears…”

“Then just give me the teddy bear and off.”

“Eh? But…”

“Listen, she doesn’t remember you. At all.”

“She… doesn’t… remember me…?”

His voice was broken. Surprised. Sad. Desperate. You could see him tremble despite the wall your friends were making between you and the guy. He looked down, biting his lower lip.

“I guess it’s for the best, then… It’s better if she forgets everything… our memories together…”

“Then if you understand that, leave. This is no place for you. Not after what happened.”

“I understand… but I wish to see her one last time…”

Your friends sighed and moved away, leaving the room. The guy approached you and softly handed you the teddy bear. You didn’t take it. If this guy was really Kevin Woo, your ex-boyfriend you didn’t remember a thing about, then you had no reason to accept the present.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake,” he said in a low voice.

“…”

“I… brought this for you. You love teddy bears, so…”

You still didn’t move, just staring at him. He sighed, and put the bear on the bed. His eyes were wet, and he was still trembling. You could see tears rolling down his cheeks, despite the obvious efforts he was doing to keep them in. He laughed a little, wiping them off.

“I wanted to smile and just leave… but I guess I’m not enough of a man to do that…”

“…”

“I… I’ll leave now. I’m sorry for what happened… It’s my fault, I know it is… you’re so careful while driving… you had no reason to have this accident… if I hadn’t…”

He bit his lower lip, strong enough to make it bleed a little.

“If I hadn’t been stupid… it would’ve been okay… you wouldn’t have had to go through this…”

“…”

“Before I leave, though… would you… let me hear your voice? One last time…”

You kept silent. You didn’t want to let him have this pleasure. You were curious about him, you had to admit that, because he was pretty cute and he seemed pretty sweet, but he was your ex-boyfriend, he had been the one to leave you, and so you were pretty sure it was best if you didn’t remember anything about him. Maybe you would eventually talk to him again. But not now. Not when it hurt to talk, or move in general. Not when you probably looked like a half-cooked half-punched to death octopus. Not when you had just started being up again, and you felt too tired to stay awake for too long.

He sighed and nodded softly, forcing on a smile.

“Then… I’ll leave. It’s best if you don’t remember anyway… so… I’ll leave.”

“…”

“Rest well…”

He walked to the door but, before stepping out, he turned to look at you, crying openly now.

“You’ll always be my only one.”

He left, leaving you puzzled and confused. His words. What did they mean? Did he… still love you? If he did, then… what? Why? Why had he broken up…

You closed your eyes, tired. You would think about it another day. For now, your only thoughts were that you were tired, that you needed rest, that you wanted to heal quickly, and that this teddy bear he had given you after holding it in his arms for seemingly quite long smelled like Heaven.

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I should NOT be doing this. I should be doing homework. Haven't done any last night because I started reading photography blogs... ugh, it's bad for me to keep doing this >.<