If there was one person Kiseop could always rely on, it was Kevin. Kevin never pressured him to talk, which most of the time, he didn't want to. Kevin was never moody and wouldn't pick and choose which times he had enough patience for Kiseop. Kevin was always patient. Always kind.

Sometimes Kiseop wondered why he always had such bad luck to fall in love with someone who would never see him that way. It would have been easier to fall in love with Kevin, he often admits to himself. Even though Kevin wouldn't return the feelings either, it just would be easy to deal with since Kevin isn't moody.

Not like Jaeseop. Kiseop never could figure that one out. But he soaked up every bit of attention he could from what Jaeseop was willing to give him. For a while, he was starting to believe that maybe Jaeseop could love him.

First, even before AJ had joined U-KISS, it was Kevin. Kiseop couldn't say he was surprised, really. Everyone fell in love with Kevin at one point of anything. He was dainty and pretty in ways that Kiseop wasn't. It had always been something Kiseop was secretly jealous of.

Even when Kevin would make it almost painful to watch Jaeseop chase after him, AJ remained stuck on him. Kiseop remembered thinking it was sweet, how he could be so dedicated to one person. That thought was the beginning. It turned from 'he treats Kevin so special, it's sweet' to 'it would be sweet if he would treat me that way.'

The first time he had thought it, Kiseop froze. It wasn't like it came as a shock he was pining after another man. That realization came long before with a certain former member. It was just that... it was Jaeseop. And at that moment, Jaeseop was handing off a few pages for Kiseop to look over after covering Kevin with his jacket as he slept curled up on the couch at the studio. Kiseop looked up at AJ in blank confusion.

“I want you to sing this with me. A duet.” He proposed.

At first, Kiseop had been flattered that he had been chosen to sing a song with. Well, until he read over the lyrics and understood what they had meant.

Jaeseop didn't really want Kiseop to sing the song with. He was just a substitute for Kevin. But, Kiseop agreed anyway because he's Kiseop and he can't be mean like that.

The duet and stages afterward had all gone smoothly. Kiseop had even managed to convince himself to not let himself fall too deep into the song. Not to feel too much.

And then... The gentle cupping of Jaeseop's hand at the back of his neck. The of his thumb against pale cheekbones as if wiping a tear. Jaeseop's deep gaze into his own as he sung.

Kiseop lost. His heart was won over by the one man who would probably never love him. And maybe Kiseop would have had a chance were it not for Kevin.

It was what felt like years later that Jaeseop had finally broken down to Kiseop about his unrequited love. Kiseop had held him, letting him vent and cry angry, frustrated tears into his shoulder. That's all Jaeseop ever showed when it came to Kevin. Anger at himself and frustration of not being able to do it right.

Kiseop whispered words of comfort in between gentle runs of his fingers through AJ's hair. Even if Jaeseop only ever gave these moments to Kiseop, he would be happy. This was the side Kiseop was sure only he got to see. And he treasured it close to his chest, never speaking a words of these meetings. They were theirs and theirs alone.

The second of these moments came not even a week later. Jaeseop lamented a tender touch of Kevin's before he seemed to snap back to reality and push AJ away. Jaeseop asked questions Kiseop couldn't answer without betraying Kevin's trust. Kiseop just... Listened. And remained like a hard rock against a thrashing shoreline.

And a month after that, Jaeseop came again, this time with a different intent. Earlier that day, Kevin and Kiseop had gotten a little too close during fan service. Needless to say, he had come in angry. With each harsh word thrown at him, Kiseop remained silent, letting AJ vent. He made no move to hold Jaeseop, or try to calm him down. Kiseop knew neither of those was what he had needed.

And when Jaeseop had left, the door slamming shut behind him, Kiseop kept his head hung low, fighting tears.

"You love him, don't you...?" A soft voice asked, appearing from nowhere. Kiseop could only blink up at Kevin, his unshed tears dissipating in surprise. With Kiseop's questioning eyes, Kevin elaborated. "Jaeseop... You love him, don't you? It's obvious with how you look at him... And how you treat him. How you accept the way he treats you." Kevin slowly sat beside Kiseop, waiting for anything to confirm his suspicion.

"As long as I can be beside him, it's enough." He repeated the words he had been chanting to himself what what seemed like years out loud to himself.

Kiseop hadn't realized he was crying until Kevin was saying his name softly, wiping his tears.

That was the first time Kiseop had cried over Jaeseop. And it wasn't the last.

He cried when AJ had told them the news of him going to Columbia University. He cried the last concert they had together as seven. He cried at the airport. He cried that night. But he never let Jaeseop know. He never let anyone know except that one time in front of Kevin.

A week after Jaeseop had arrived in Columbia, Jaeseop had caught Kiseop with a phone call right as he was getting ready for dance practice. It was almost midnight for Jaeseop.

It was when Jaeseop had disclosed part of the reason why he had chosen such a far away college. To get over Kevin. He was going to be a new man, Jaeseop promised, and wouldn't keep hanging on to someone who wouldn't ever love him.

Kiseop would have taken AJ's advice to himself had it not been for the ridiculous swelling of hope in his chest. Kiseop began to count the days practically up to the minute before AJ came back. Maybe it would be his chance. Maybe Jaeseop could love him after all.

He soon found hope to be as dangerous as blood in a shark tank. Even one drop could tear you to pieces.

Kiseop hadn't know how much Jaeseop and Eli had kept in touch. It was much more than Kiseop had heard from Jaeseop, he later found out. They shared funny stories about being in the states. They conversed in English together. They... Grew to be best friends.

And suddenly, it was Eli that AJ was doing duets with. Eli that Jaeseop would smile at so tenderly. And Kiseop still listened when AJ was having a bad day with Eli. Or if they fought. And it was Kiseop who was yelled at when Eli had gotten too close.

Kevin was there a lot more for when Kiseop cried. Or maybe it was just because Kiseop was crying so much more. Like when Jaeseop announced he would be rooming with Eli from then on. He had given the formal excuse that it was because he and Eli could work on the raps together easier. But Kiseop wasn't an idiot.

"I admire you, Seoppie..." Kevin spoke softly as he comforted Kiseop one night after Jaeseop had ranted to Kiseop once more about how enamored he was with the second rapper. "You stay by his side even though it hurts. Even though... He won't appreciate it. How do you do it...?"

"I love him..." Was Kiseop's only answer, eyes fixated on his hands clenched tight in his lap. "And I support him."

And then U-BEAT happened. Kiseop yet again felt tossed to the side. He burned silently with jealousy, his fragile heart withering with each stab of lost hope.

But he still remained the sturdy rock to Jaeseop's stormy shores.

And then AJ was going back to college. At first, Kiseop was upset. Then, once Jaeseop confessed he would be a better man, this time for Eli, Kiseop was a bit relieved. He could use the five months to let himself drift from Jaeseop.

He wanted to finally let go after years and years of pinning and hurting. He didn't want to love AJ anymore. He couldn't.

The rocks as the shoreline were eroding away.

When Kiseop had made this announcement to Kevin, Kevin was proud of Kiseop. He had told him that it was an important step on the path to finding a love way more deserving of him. Kiseop was too kindhearted and loyal to be treated like AJ had been.

Kiseop, finally, could admit that it was true. So, he drifted. He went out with friends every chance he got. Talked with all the other idols he never really got a chance to, made more friends outside of U-KISS.

He had met Jaehyo backstage at a show filming, and through him he got to know Block B. Particularly B-Bomb. Or, Minhyuk. They had a lot in common, Kiseop found. Well... Not a lot of little quirks or habits, but a lot of interest. Like photography and being the 'selca king' of their group. And dancing, too. Kiseop found himself meeting Minhyuk for rehearsals whenever he was free for the dance group 'All Eyes On Me'. He was labeled the honorary member without actually being a member.

They traded secrets and tips on dancing and more. Kiseop found what it felt like to be with the right person. To smile genuinely and even if Minhyuk liked his coffee bitter and black, his kisses were sweet even after drinking it.

Their first time physically together was all Kiseop had ever wanted. He was kissed and pampered. Minhyuk wanted him just as much as Kiseop wanted Minhyuk. To be wanted was a feeling Kiseop had forgotten. It made his heart swell and burst and he came with a small sob of joy into Minhyuk's neck.

Five months passed like nothing. And not only was U-KISS planning on a Korean comeback, but they were also anticipating Jaeseop's return.

Kiseop barely noticed how him and AJ hadn't talked as much. But Jaeseop had. His conversations with Eli turned more to Kiseop and what he was doing. Eli, who as advised by Kevin for some strange reason, never mentioned Minhyuk.

So, when Kiseop brought Minhyuk along to the airport, Jaeseop was bewildered. Especially at the arm draped over Kiseop's shoulder so casually but at the same time so possessively.

Only five months and it seemed everything had changed. Jaeseop felt the heavy weight of disappointment sink into his chest for an inexplicable reason.

"You thought you would move on to Kiseop next, didn't you?" Kevin said later that week when their schedules were clear and Kiseop left to Minhyuk's. Jaeseop hadn't even had a chance to tell Kiseop anything about his time in America even if it was much the same as the last time. "Eli didn't want you and you figured you could have him, didn't you? Or were you planning on moving to Soohyun or Hoon next? Did you still plan on stringing him along?"

"I--" a heavy guilt slammed down on Jaeseop as the realization dawned on him.

"He loved you so much, you idiot. He cried so much over you and you never even noticed him. He hasn't cried once with Minhyuk. Not once. Because he's finally happy. His feelings of being unwanted were probably ten thousand times worse than yours. Because he was always there to pick you up and encourage you. Make you happy... Who did that for him?" Kevin continued, not easing up. "Leave him alone, Jaeseop. I mean it." Kevin ended seriously. He spun on his heel and began walking out of the room.

Jaeseop, wanting to lash out, couldn't keep himself from saying, "You love him, right? That's why you never wanted me?"

Kevin spun, eyes glaring, "I love Kiseop like he's my brother. You don't have to think with your all the time, AJ. For going to an Ivy League school, you're pretty dense." Kevin scoffed, turning to continue his walk out of the dorm.

For once, Jaeseop was speechless. He had no witty remark, no smart quip.

When Kiseop had come back that night, he was surprised to see that Jaeseop was waiting on his bed. "Hey, Jaeseop..." He trailed off, eyebrow raising in confusion.

AJ didn't fail to notice the fact that he was no longer 'Jaeseoppie~'. Something painful twisted inside of him. "Hey, Kiseop... How'd your date go?"

And as he watched Kiseop's face immediately light up, a look he just now realized used to be reserved only for him, Jaeseop knew he had messed up big time. He listened to Kiseop recount the night they spent practicing dance alone, fondly thinking that it was something Kiseop would find to be a good date. And then eating sushi at the place across the street from Minhyuk's building. And, even though Jaeseop didn't interrupt and say he didn't want to hear, Kiseop recounted a walk in the park and a stolen kiss in front of their dorm.

Jaeseop wished he didn't have to imagine someone else kissing Kiseop.

The next day, Jaeseop brushed Kiseop off as he asked what was wrong. There was an obvious aura surrounding Jaeseop, but of course he didn't want to talk about it.

Even together with Minhyuk, Kiseop could only admit to himself that there was a part of him that would always love Jaeseop. He had been hung up on the guy for almost three years, after all.

And it hurt to be pushed away from Jaeseop. But he figured Eli was the one Jaeseop went to now. They were good together, Kiseop told himself. He hadn't had any idea, though that Eli and AJ weren't together.

And then it happened. Months later, Minhyuk and Kiseop broke up. It was a sort of mutual decision since they had both gotten busy again and couldn't meet often. It had been since that date after AJ came back that they had actually had a proper one, in fact. They had flowed together so naturally, Kiseop thought they were a sure thing.

Sort of mutual thing meaning Kiseop reluctantly agreed after Minhyuk pointed out the way they had drifted apart.

It was the first time Kiseop ever really cried over Minhyuk. He had dropped a few tears here and there, but he was otherwise the same stable rock he offered anyone else. But, after breaking up, Kiseop was a real mess. He cried for hours in his room, not bothering to eat or do anything else.

Jaeseop never really saw Kiseop cry before. Not over love. When Jaeseop was pushed to check on him, Kiseop had blubbered something about love that was difficult to understand, but nonetheless tore Jaeseop's heart to bits.

Had it been like this when Kiseop had cried over him? Was he in the same curled up ball, shoulders shaking?

And Jaeseop just moved to hold him, his heart heavy with the sadness he could feel flowing off Kiseop.
By the end of the week, Kiseop appeared fine. No more crying, no more moping. He was even eating and drinking like he normally did. Everyone was happy to see Kiseop back, not at all surprised because Kiseop was their sturdy surface to lean on. 

But Jaeseop noticed how there wasn't as much of a sparkle in his eyes when he smiled, the sluggishness in each dance practice. There was something missing in Kiseop, the rough erosion of his happiness.

It caused more pain to him than Jaeseop wanted to admit. His Kiseop... Was hurting.

"I fell in love with him..." Kiseop began when Jaeseop sat down next to him, staring at Minhyuk's contact in his phone, the caller ID a picture of the two of them cheek to cheek. "At first I was just looking for a way to get over you. And then he actually wanted me back..." Kiseop chuckled without any humor in his tone, turning the screen blank. "Being wanted felt so great... Like I could fly without wings I felt so... Light. And happy." Kiseop rambled, looking around the empty dance studio. The rest of the members had gone to get food and drinks.

Kiseop leaned his head back against the mirror with a sigh.

"Get over me?" Jaeseop echoed, staring with wide eyes at Kiseop who wouldn't look at him. Hearing this confession from Kiseop was stunning. So different than when Kevin had said it.

"You wouldn't love me... I accepted that the moment I began to like you. It was always someone else." Kiseop looked up at the ceiling, sighing once more. "But I loved you so much." Jaeseop couldn't help but hear the past tense in the statement, his chest heavy.

"But you don't anymore? It's Minhyuk now...?"

Kiseop smiled, the action once again not reaching his eyes. "I'll always have a part of me that loves you, Jaeseoppie--"

'Jaeseoppie'

"--but I'm trying to move on from both of you. Aren't you relieved?"

Without thinking, Jaeseop's mouth moved on its own. "No." He negated, causing Kiseop's head to whip around to look at him.

"W-what?" Kiseop stuttered.

Jaeseop figured he might as well tell the truth considering. "I'm actually pretty upset that you are trying to get over me. I miss my best friend."

"Oh..." The dejected tone in Kiseop's voice was barely concealed, like he couldn't even try to do so. Jaeseop swore he could see Kiseop's heart breaking in his eyes before they flickered away again to stare at the wall. "Best friend..."

Jaeseop panicked for something to say, "best friend and the person I'm in love with." He ended smoothly.

Kiseop went rigid, not so much as looking at Jaeseop. A silence stretched on so he decided to elaborate. "I love you, Kiseop..."

Finally, a frown. Jaeseop's heart stuttered. "Are you just saying that because now you're alone?" He asked quietly. "Or because you feel bad for me?"

Each word caused Jaeseop's heart to sink lower in his chest.

"I'm telling you because it's the truth. I was so cruel to you for so long and I didn't even realize it." Jaeseop explained, "I'm so sorry, Kiseop."

Kiseop remained quiet, staring at himself in the mirror across the room.

"I just... Thought you should know..." AJ mumbled just as everyone came back with dinner.

Another Japan release came, and with it new room assignments. Kiseop had hoped for Kevin, but as his luck would have it, he ended up with Jaeseop. Of course.

Everything went fine until Kiseop began to have bad dreams. It often left him trembling in Jaeseop's bed late at night, trying to get some rest. Jaeseop never woke up, though, and Kiseop had never been more grateful. He managed to wake up before Jaeseop and go back to his own bed. Once again, AJ never knew a thing.

It was the night of their last concert when the nightmare caused him to cry out loudly in his sleep. AJ had been used to hearing the dancer talk in his sleep, but his eyebrow furrowed in concern as he heard it, lying awake and trying to get over the fact that Kiseop hadn't accepted his confession.

As Kiseop's body thrashed in his sleep, AJ went over to him, jerking away from a flailing limb and his hair behind his ear, shaking him gently. "Kiseop... Wake up." He urged, unable to look at the tortured look on Kiseop's face anymore.

With a loud gasp, Kiseop launched himself at AJ with a choked sob, arms flinging tight around his neck. "J-Jaeseoppie..."

Slightly stunned at the sudden closeness of Kiseop, Jaeseop froze. But as soon as he felt the tears on his neck, his arms wound around Kiseop in a tight embrace, kissing the side of his head. "Hey... Please don't cry..."
 

Jaeseop never figured out what Kiseop dreamed about to make him so scared. That was because Kiseop was suddenly pulling away, going as fast as he can to get off the bed it seemed. Jaeseop quickly grabbed his wrist, his fingers curling around it in a tight grip. “Kiseop, wait...”

“For what, Jaeseop?” Kiseop's voice was stern and out of patience.

“Will you please accept my confession?”

“Why? Isn't there someone else you want to be with instead?” Kiseop asked, his mouth forming the words before his mind thought better of them. But, after he said them, he realized he didn't want to take them back.

For a moment, Jaeseop was quiet, his grip on Kiseop's wrist getting tighter. “Didn't you say there was a part of you who would always love me?”

Kiseop turned his glare on Jaeseop, “I did, but what about you? I've never been your first choice.”

At this, Jaeseop stood and faced Kiseop, the slight height difference doing nothing to intimidate Kiseop. “Kiseop, please...” He trailed off, not knowing what else he was supposed to say.

“I'm sick of being hurt by you, Jaeseop.” Kiseop replied, voice softer. And in that moment, Jaeseop got how much he had actually hurt Kiseop. All his false bravado and happiness was gone, letting Jaeseop have a glimpse of how much he had faded in the time he had known Jaeseop.

“I don't want to hurt you, Kiseop...” Jaeseop whispered with a small shake of his head. “I know I did before, and I was stupid... But I won't anymore.”

“Promise?” Kiseop choked out after such a long silence AJ was sure he wouldn't answer.

“I promise, Kiseop.” Jaeseop said almost immediately. “Will you give me a chance to make you happy again?”

“It's all I've ever wanted.” Kiseop nodded, his crystal clear brown eyes looking up at AJ hopefully.

It was like a dream as Kiseop felt Jaeseop's lips press down on his own, but it was much better than anything he had ever imagined. For a second, Kiseop was too surprised to move, lips finally turning pliant and submissive when he felt Jaeseop's arms slip around him.

When Jaeseop finally willed himself to pull away after Kiseop's fingers threaded through his hair at the back of his neck, Kiseop looked in a daze. His eyes were half lidded, lips wet and pink. Jaeseop's heart swelled with the knowledge that it wasn't the last time he would see Kiseop like this. And it was so real. And their relationship was so... concrete.

There we go. And, I'm thinking about making a couple chapters/tidbits... what do you think?