“This afternoon, the first snow dropped,

I wish I could call you, then I would be happy,

A year has gone by but my heart is still full of the past

I find that I’m talking to myself.”

BaekYeol

Chanyeol looked out the window from the backseat of a car. It was snowing.

Snow. That one word that once meant everything to him, still means everything to him.

Baekhyun loved snow. It was snowing when they first met 4 years ago. Snow led him to Baekhyun. And Chanyeol’s heart was no closer to mending than it was when Baekhyun left him a year ago.

Baekhyun had looked at him with horror; he had actually slapped Baekhyun in the face.

 “I….I’m sorry.” Baekhyun mumbled, his eyes filling with tears. “I…I only wanted to h-help.”

“Help?! You call destroying my photos help? How many times have your clumsy hands gotten my work into trouble?!” Chanyeol had screamed out at him. “This isn’t the first time Baekhyun! And those times I let slip because it was during the start of my photography business. THIS TIME IT’S DIFFERENT. I told you NEVER TO TOUCH ANY OF MY WORK THINGS. Now look what you’ve done.”

“I’m….sorry..Chanyeol...yeollie…” Baek stuttered and pleaded, he was not used to being shouted at, tears streaming down his face.

“How uneducated can you be…” the words were out of Chanyeol’s mouth before he could stop himself. He was beyond mad, he was furious. He did not see Baekhyun trembling. Chanyeol’s words stung. “I’ve had enough. I’m going to sleep.” Chanyeol said and slammed the door to their bedroom.

The next morning, Chanyeol woke up to an apartment without Baekhyun. Chanyeol went out and looked for him in their favourite places, but alas, Baekhyun was nowhere to be found.

“I’m sorry Yeollie. I tried, really. 3 years of being together and I’m the one to leave. I’m sorry. An uneducated person like me doesn’t deserve someone like you. I love you.” Were the words written on a note left on top of Chanyeol’s desk.

Chanyeol had regretted every moment of it. He had tried calling Baek’s phone number but the line was dead. He had asked Sehun if Baek had been in touch but Sehun just shook his head and looked at him with pity.  

He had never imagined he would someday hurt the one he loved, the one he still loves. Baekhyun, the soft hearted, Byun Baekhyun. After their break-up, Chanyeol buried himself in his work even more. But everything reminded him of Baekhyun. Of how Baekhyun loved animals, how Baekhyun was so innocent in most worldly things, of how Baekhyun had a funny way of cooking, of Baekhyun’s voice. Chanyeol wasn’t paying much attention to the view outside, but from afar he saw something he hadn’t seen in a while.

The unmistakable reddish brown hair of someone he knew well.

He asked the driver to stop and he got out of the car. It was Baekhyun. Chanyeol knew that hair anywhere. And sure enough Baekhyun was there, at a curb, with someone Chanyeol couldn’t see. Baekhyun stopped and Chanyeol saw him holding out roses to the guy he was with. And the guy accepted the roses and they hugged. Baekhyun was smiling and he waved goodbye, the other guy waved goodye and walked the opposite direction, crossing the street. Chanyeol’s heart shattered.

Baekhyun turned back to face the way he had come, but Baekhyun saw someone he hadn’t seen in years. Chanyeol. Staring at him, his face pained.

“Chanyeol.” Chanyeol saw Baek mouthing his name. Chanyeol’s eyes brimmed with tears. But he couldn’t take it. He turned and ran back towards the car and asked his driver to take him home.

Chanyeol looked out the window and passed by the spot where he saw Baekhyun hugging someone else and where he had eye contact after a long year had passed. Chanyeol noticed it was snowing again. Snow. The word sent pangs into his heart.

“This is all your fault, Chanyeol.” he said to himself.

KaiSoo

Kyungsoo checked his watch, he had just come from lunch and he hoped he wasn’t intruding on anything; he had walked from the place where he had lunch with a friend to the hospital which was a couple of blocks away. He did not bother asking the nurse at the desk what room he was going to because he knew it by heart. A left here, take the stairs, a right here, a left, then straight ahead to ward E and to room 365.

Kyungsoo knocked.

“Come in.”

Kyungsoo opened the door and let himself in.

“Hyung!” A voice Kyungsoo knew so well.

“Hey Jongin.” Kyungsoo greeted.

“Blue roses wow!” Jongin exclaimed. “Is that for me?”

“No. It’s for the nurse downstairs.” Kyungsoo joked. Kai frowned. “Of course it’s for you silly.”

“Yahhhh. Hyung knows me well. So that means…?” Jongin asked curiously.

Kyungsoo sighed. And took out the bagels and sweets he had asked to take out from the restaurant he was eating in earlier. Jongin reached out to the  package greedily. “Yes!”

Kyungsoo took a look at Jongin. From waist up, you wouldn’t see anything wrong with him, but from the wasit down, everything was in a cast. Jongin had been in an accident a few weeks back…

“Kim Jongin will be ok. But…” the doctor sighed. “..it’s better if he tells you.”

So Kyungsoo waited and when finally Jongin had been given a private room Kyungsoo barged in and was about to ask when he saw Jongin crying.

“H-hyung..” Jongin sobbed. Kyungsoo went to sit beside him and Jongin enveloped him in a hug.

“Shhhh.” Kyungsoo had said.”Ujimma. Don’t cry Jongin.”

“Hyyuung….” Jongin continued to sob. “I…I…”

“I can’t dance anymore.” Jongin said.

Kyungsoo sighed remembering the memory. He looked at Jongin. Jongin did not know, but Kyungsoo’s happiness was connected to Jongin’s, and right now he was very much heartbroken as well. But there was something in Jongin’s smile and eyes that puzzled Kyungsoo, Kai is bright today, unusually bright, maybe it’s because he’s finally getting out of the hospital.

Kyungsoo watched Jongin eat. Jongin was someone very special to Kyungsoo. Jongin was the one he loved. But he never got to tell Jongin that yet. And Kyungsoo wasn’t sure that now was a good time to confess.

“It’s snowing today.” Kyungsoo said. Jongin looked up at him.

“First snow of the year huh?” Jongin asked.

“Yes. It’s very cold out.”

“I have no worries.” Jongin said. “Hyung will keep me warm.”

Kyungsoo blushed, instances like these were always unannounced but always welcome to Kyungsoo. Instances like these were the reason why Kyungsoo day by day, falls in love more with Kim Jongin and why his hopes of Jongin becoming his was high.

“What time were you being let out again?” Kyungsoo asked, grinning.

Jongin just shrugged.

HunHan

“Sehun-ah. LuHan is gone.”

Sehun just couldn’t fathom what he had heard. He knew LuHan’s time was almost up, but he still wasn’t prepared for that day. LuHan had leukemia, and it finally took LuHan away piece by piece. But he and Luhan had made most of their time left. Sehun did not finish packing up, he went to his cellphone and wallet and dashed quickly out of the studio. Outside he bumped into someone. His boss.

“Sehun-ah.”  Chanyeol said but stopped when he saw Sehun in tears. He knew and just nodded. But as he passed Sehun, Chanyeol gave him a hug. Sehun felt the warmth of the hug, and how lonely his boss felt. “Be strong, we all must be.” Chanyeol whispered to him. Sehun nodded.

“Take my car and tell the driver to drive you.” Chanyeol said letting go of Sehun, Sehun nodded and went to the parking lot and did what Chanyeol asked him to do. He was soon on his way to the hospital.

“Sehun-ah, when I leave, promise me you won’t take drugs again.” Luhan said.

“I won’t. I promise.” Sehun nodded.

“Pinky promise?” Luhan made sure.

Luhan and Sehun made a pinky promise.

“I won’t throw away my life again, but please don’t leave me anytime soon.” Sehun begged. Luhan giggled. I won’t.

They were in the park and Luhan and Sehun enjoyed strolls like these every day, hand in hand and not a care in the world. It was snowing that day.

“Sehun-ah, look at how beautiful snow is.” Luhan said. Sehun looked around, Luhan saw the beauty in everything. “Look at how it beautifully covers the land.”

“But at some point they get stepped on.” Sehun countered. Luhan smiled.

“Exactly, my love is like that.”

“What you’ll step on me?” Sehun joked.

“No, my love is as beautiful as snow, the way it covers the land, the way my love covers all of you, getting trampled at some parts is okay, but as long as the snow sticks to the ground it will always be beautiful.” Luhan said. Sehun shook his head. Sometimes Luhan thought deeply and no matter how he tried to understand, he couldn’t, most people couldn’t.

“But, snow melts.” Sehun countered.

“But it’s still snow, only in a different form, water.” Luhan smiled. “It ironically is like my love too. When I’m gone, it doesn’t mean my love for you is gone, just as snow will always be there when it’s winter.”

“But snow comes back.” Sehun pouted.

Luhan had nothing to say about Sehun’s retort. But he kept smiling at Sehun and he leaned in to kiss his dongsaeng.

It snowed. Sehun noticed as soon as he got out of the car to the hospital. He immediately rushed to the room he knew Luhan still was. Sehun let pass two guys going out of the hospital, one was in a wheelchair and the other was pushing him. Sehun could see the guy pushing was in love with the guy who was on the wheelchair.

Lucky. Sehun thought and he continued to the room. Outside the room he was trembling. Will he be able to take it? But he knew Luhan was going to be moved to the morgue soon so he breathed in and opened the door.

“Sehun-ah..” Luhan’s sister went to him, she was continuously crying. Sehun looked at the room, Luhan’s mother was there and so was Xiumin, Luhan’s bestfriend. And finally he looked at Luhan.

It looked like he was asleep, Luhan’s face had finally achieved a state of peacefulness after the last few months of battling his sickness. Sehun’s eyes filled with tears. He walked to the bedside and knelt. He took Luhan’s cold hand, still remembering at how warm and gentle it once was.

“Lulu-hyung.” Sehun broke down.