chapter one. 
[ WANDERING QUESTIONS ]
a/n: First chapter! Enjoy, subscribe and/or leave comments.
❀  [ Listen to music while you read? ]

Even though I had an alarm on, I woke up to Luhan's alarm. The volume of the alarm was tremendously deafening, so I was
quite surprised when he didn't wake up to it the first day we met. Even to this day, he would stay knocked out on his bed, having his
left arm under his pillow with his hair going into different disorganized directions. It was actually almost a daily routine where I'd have to 
wake him up by yelling in his ears countless of times, and that was about to happen today.

I jumped off my bed, still having the blanket around me because it was truly colder than my soul in this dorm. Surprinsingly. when I opened the door,
Luhan was awake. Thankfully I didn't have to lose my voice at 7 AM.

"You're awake without me waking you up, interesting.." I said, tapping my chin and pretending as if I was coming up with a thought of how he woke up
without my assistence.

He comfortably placed his hands in his pockets, while flashing a small smile. 

"I just didn't want your spit to go all over the side of my face and ear when you yelled with your voice cracking midway."

"Keep it up and I'll hug you with a rope around your neck," I quipped, obviously joking around with him.

He gave a small grin, and left off to make breakfast, while I went back to go change my clothes.



"Where's my breakfast? More specifically,where's our breakfast?" I questioned while I scan the area to check if he made us breakfast. After seeing
that no breakfast was made, I pressed my cheeks together in frustration, then pointed at the clock.

"We have 4 minutes before the class begins, to skip breakfast, or to eat breakfast?" 

Without hesitation, "To eat breakfast," A sly smile came up before he continued his words.

"Of course, you're making breakfast."

I wanted to refuse because I was awfully lazy, but I wasn't going to wait until my lunchtime to eat. 

"Alright," I answered, acquisced about my decision.

Before heading out to class, I couldn't help but stop by to look at the roses we had inside the dorm. Luhan paused, turning his gaze to what I stared upon.
I gently touched the rose since it looked so fragile. The smell was still strong, but the rose wasn't.

"This one withered, but the other didn't, Luhan. Why is that so?" I asked, furrowing my brows at the decayed rose. 

"Because," he said, his volume getting louder as he walked nearby me, touching the rose in a delicate manner.

"Nothing lasts forever, one day, this will be us. We'll rot away like this too. That's why you shouldn't get attatched to things, you'll never know when it 
disappears. "

The sadness was audible in his voice, and I felt like his sadness poured onto me because I found myself feeling down. Even though he has been my dorm mate 
for 3 weeks, I barely know much about him. He doesn't talk much to me, or to anyone at school.  I can tell he's smiling so brightly at everyone, making sure it overlaps the depressing smile he has under him. 

You'll never see him cry, but only his eyes will twinkle with the tears washing away his vision, threatening to fall down and land on his cheeks. Sometimes people overthink the process of humans, labeling all as bad. While I can partially agree on it, I mainly disagree. I find it amazing that humans can suppress their emotions, and beam out emotions that most would think is real, but in reality, is the mask of sorrow. 

To think of that had made my head hurt, but I further proceed into the thinking, brainstorming even more thoughts with curiosity and questions thrown around my head. It made me wonder to the point where I thought I'd go insane. What if the happies weren't actually happy? I've been fooled with their outstanding act of emotions, so how will I know what's real?

How do I know if they're truly sad, and acting so well that their facade of happiness is believeable? I wanted answers immediately. I wanted to hug everyone who has been strong enough to hide their feelings, then rub their back and tell them it'll be alright, but I can't. And it makes me sick to know that I can't help everyone, but only a few, one, or none.

My thoughts has been interrupted as I blinked rapidly, staring at the door to my classroom. I'm guessing that we walked silently to our class, while I was stuffing my head with questions that wouldn't be answered. 

"Ah. Bye Luhan." I almost waved, but I noticed he flinched a bit at what I've said. He innocently glared at me, acting as if he didn't flinch.  He shook his head and
had shown that the left corner of his lips has slightly went up. 

"You mean, 'See you later, Luhan,' right?" 

"Right. See you later."

 

I had myself with overflowing thoughts again, and it was quite complicating because everytime I thought, I knew I wouldn't have an answer. The problem is, I want an answer, not theories. This time, I thought about what I said to Luhan.

Ah. Bye, Luhan.

It repeated over and over. What did I say wrong for him to flinch? There was no one in the hallway, so obviously it couldn't have been anyone but me. Unless he saw a ghost, which is possible, but our school is somewhat new, and there hasn't been murders going around the school or nearby.

Did he not want me to say his name? No, that couldn't be it. I've always said his name plenty of times, and he seemed alright with it. Was it because I said 'Ah' too loud for him, or too unexpectedly?
Not that either, I have a habit of saying ah when times are awkward, or when understanding a situation, and he also heard me say it tons of times, too. 

Bye.

Did he not want me to go? No, he knows we'll see each other again, we live in the same dorm, and the only thing I'm focused on is school, not running away or killing myself. I was confused, but bye seemed like the most logically word to have made him flinch. It must be it.

I felt a bit relieved, knowing that I somewhat answered my questions, without it being left wide opened like the other wandering questions. Now, I was more curious. I suddenly wanted, no, needed to know more about Luhan. I wanted to break down his walls, slowly, but comfortably. 

Not forcefully, either. I want him to gradually become comfortable with me, I want him to know that someone will be there for him. That he's not alone, scratch that, never alone. I want him to know it's okay to cry, or to let your emotions burst out, as long as you're with someone that understands , and not by yourself, sobbing in a corner wondering what you did to deserve this.
 

I smiled a bit, feeling a bit heroic because I was going to help Luhan. I'm going to wipe that act away, and make him show the smile that's not forced. I was going to do something good, and atone for my sin. I finally felt alive, and now I've set a new goal for myself. 

I was going to become the best friend that Luhan needs. 

That is, if there's not an obstacle that will overcome, which is likely.
I shook my head.
No, I'm prepared for any obstacle, nothing will push me back to the ground, nothing. 

Chapter one is up! Did I make you guys wait too long? I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, as I described the beginning of their adventure. I'll have you know,
I will not have Hana as a cliche main character. She will be quite strong, but she will of course, make mistakes. I will not make cliche female rivals, like "queenkas" or whatever you call those females that think they're all that, that goes for males too. However, there will be a rival obviously, and she/he won't be that bad if you view things their way.

Now here's what you should be thinking, 
"If he is, what is Luhan hiding?"
"What sin did Hana commit?"

I'll let you guys know that the chapters will not always be in Hana's point of view, because I'd like you guys to know Luhan's view of things, too.
I think his view will be maybe a tad bit more interesting than Hana's. Who knows. 

Thank you for subscribing, or commenting. Even if you don't subscribe, I think it's more motivating for comments, as they let me know if I'm doing well on my story. I'm not asking for a essay, just a small compliment, or whatever. 
Have a fantastical day. ☻
character count: 6576 (including author note) word count: 1506 (including author note)