K E E P I N G    A    S E C R E T

Kim Myungsoo    |    Kim Hyeyeon

requested by hye_yeon

Hyeyeon's POV

Positive. It read positive. Although I had already predicted this, I found it hard to believe. Taking out another box, I tried again, but I got the same result, confirming my worries.

I was pregnant.

I didn't know whether to be elated or scared. It was just so sudden. I looked down at the pregnancy test once more, futilely trying to change the result, and then at my still flat stomach.

Although extremely small, there was something alive in there. I was going to be a mother. Myungsoo the dad. We were going to have a family.

I grinned giddily to myself, slowly rising to cloud nine. Sure, it was unexpected, but nothing could beat the fact that I would have a baby. I walked briskly to my phone and started dialling Myungsoo's number, but then hesitated.

He had already been in hot water after his company found out about our relationship. What would happen if they were to know I was pregnant with his kid? I could potentially be putting his job at risk.

Plus, I didn’t know how he would react. He'd never mentioned anything about wanting kids. Maybe once or twice, but it was always connected with the end of his contract with Woollim. And with his tight and packed schedule, it wasn't like he'd have any time to take care of me anyway. I'd probably only be giving him an extra thing to worry about.

I sighed. In the end, I was only a burden to him.

Pressing the end call with my thumb, I placed my phone back on the kitchen top, and slunk into a chair, not thinking about anything in particular.

I just felt...lost. I didn't know what to do. Only one thing was certain.

I wouldn't tell him for the meantime, and just hope that he doesn't find out.

* * * * * * * *

3 months passed, and my stomach was getting noticeably bigger. Luckily, the weather was getting warmer as we approached summer, and I used it as an excuse to empty out my wardrobes. Instead of my usual skinny jeans, tank tops, shorts, and t-shirts, I changed it for baggier clothes, ones that hung loosely around my frame, completely disguising my stomach.

You'd never know I was pregnant.

Along with my change of style in clothes, my diet and appetites made a 180° reversal. I would get the weirdest cravings for things I normally wrinkled my nose in disgust at, and instead of pigging out on junk food, I started eating a lot healthier.

Whether it was because it was the fact that I was pregnant, and I should've been eating more nutritiously, or it was just another thing pregnancy had on me, I didn't know. All I knew was that I ate a lot of vegetables now. And liked them.

Eugh.

The other thing that changed, though, was the relationship between me and Myungsoo. We were still a couple, that was the same. But I could tell that we were starting to drift apart. It all started a few weeks after I'd found out I was pregnant with his child.

With what little time he had with me amongst all his promotions and activities, he'd found my new behaviour strange. I was still me, but not the me me. And he could tell in the blink of an eye.

He'd spent a while memorising my favourite foods, drinks, restaurants, desserts. Every little thing about me. But with my unpredictable cravings and newfound liking for healthy things, he was back to square one.

And the thing was, he just couldn't keep track of it. Every time he ordered what I had ordered previously, in hopes of getting something right, I would apologize to the waiter and order something else. Whenever he brought food over to my house as a treat, I'd have to tell him I had no appetite.

Because frankly, the last thing I wanted to do was to throw up all over him, and show him half digested food right from my guts.

At first, when I told him I wanted to eat a particular thing instead of what he had given me, he would be up on his feet and out the door before I could even thank him.

However, his patience grew short, because he just didn't know why I was like this. He couldn't understand why I had suddenly changed so much.

His temper grew short, and we'd often get into arguments over small things that shouldn't have been risking our relationship in the first place. He visited me less, and the love and warmth we once shared slowly died out.

It was still there. But it wasn't burning as brightly as it was before.

I just hoped that I'd be given a perfect time to tell him. Soon.

But I was scared.

What if I lost him before I even got a chance?

* * * * * * * *

I bit my lip, trying to look anywhere but at him.

I pushed the noodles around on the plate in front of me with my fork, trying to make it seem like I was just playing with my food. Not like I didn't want to eat it, again.

I could almost feel Myungsoo staring a hole through me.

"What do you want this time." There was the slightest hint of venom in his voice.

I closed my eyes temporarily, inwardly cowering. He was normally the cutest fluff ball around, but when he was angry, it was no joke.

"P-porridge? Could you get me some...please?" I answered meekly. I was about to take it back and tell him I'd get it myself, when he cut me off.

"I'll be right back."

He sighed loudly, not even bothering to cover up his frustration. Putting down his fork roughly on the tabletop, he grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the house, slamming the door.

I knew it was my own fault for not explaining myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. And now was definitely not the right time. Not when he was in a bad mood.

When a sudden wave of nausea washed over me, I ignored the aching in my heart, and ran to the bathroom, just moments before I puked up what little breakfast I had eaten in the morning.

When the sickly feeling passed over, I rinsed my mouth at the sink. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, almost wishing it would tell me what to do. Give me some advice, cheer me up, anything.

I sighed, still looking at myself. Reaching out, I playfully poked my face in the mirror.

My small smile slowly faded. "Hyeyeon ah. What are you doing? How long are you going to keep it from him?"

I shook my head at myself. "I don't know...I'm scared. What if he doesn't love me anymore? I can't even bring myself to look at him in the eyes anymore!"

I clenched my hands into a fist.

"Is it wrong of me to wish that night never happened? I made a mistake...right? But it's just...argh. When he kissed me that night, I just. It was just me and him. I didn't think of anything else, not the consequences. Who knew it would come to this? ...I feel so guilty. How long do I have to lie to him for?"

"Not anymore."

I whirled around at the deep voice, eyes widened in shock.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Myungsoo was standing right there in the frame of the door, steely gaze set on me. His hands were balled up against his sides, and he was completely rigid.

"M-M-Myungsoo...I-I thought you were out! W-what are you doi-"

He stepped forward. "Cut the crap. What the hell was that all about?!"

I winced. He'd never talked so harshly to me before. "H-how much of that did you hear?"

His eyes narrowed, his mouth in a slight smirk. It was like he was amused.

"Enough to realise how stupid I've been. I trusted you. I loved you. And this is what I get?" He spat out his words, shaking in anger.
 

"Please, I was going to tell you! I just didn't know when!"

He scoffed. "Unbelievable."

I had no idea what to say. This wasn't how I was supposed to tell him. Although I didn't have a plan, this way of confessing was definitely not one of them.

He looked at me with such anger that I was afraid. "I've seen girls who play with people's hearts. They claim, they toy, and then they crush them to bits. They're the worst. The lowest of the low. But you, Hyeyeon. You're on a whole new level."

He leaned in closer, almost snarling at me.

"You're a monster."

The amount of hatred and disgust in his words actually made me take a step back. It shot daggers to my heart, and it cut me to bits. I stared back at him, tears already starting to gather in my eyes.

He had no right to judge me. No right to say those things about me. But at the same time, he had every right to be angry at me. Every right to insult me.

"I-I know." I choked out, barely audible.

He turned around, furiously grabbing his few belongings. I stumbled after him, desperately clinging onto his jacket.

I was an ugly mess, tears streamed down my cheeks, and snot was building up in my nose. But I wasn't ready to lose him.

"I'm sorry, Myungsoo! I'm so so sorry! I'll do whatever you want me to! I'll do anything you ask me to! Please, just don't leave me!"

He harshly flung away my arms, only leaving me scrambling to get a grip on him again. Snapping, he shoved me away and walked out of my house.

Before he slammed the door shut, he looked down at me one last time.

"It's too late."

* * * * * * * *

I stared at the clock on my wall, just watching the hands move. It had been 5 hours 24 minutes and 16 seconds since Myungsoo had walked out the door of my house.

I had called him a total of 14 times and sent him 20 texts, all of them going to his voicemail or left unanswered.

After about the 5th call, he had turned off his phone, completely shunning me. After futile attempts, I eventually gave up, leaving me with nothing to do but cry, drown in guilt and regret, watch the seconds tick by, and hope he'd call me back.

Every now and then I'd look at my phone, in case the screen lighting up, vibrations, and the shrill ringtone had all gone unnoticed, and he was actually calling me.

But the chances of it actually happening reduced every time I was met with a blank lock screen.

By now, I was exhausted, cold, and empty. I felt horrible. All the crying had given me a bad headache, and my face was sticky with tears.

I half-heartedly blew my fringe out of my face, before forcing myself to get up. I sat on the edge of my bed for a while, gathering my senses. After all the hours I'd spent just lying aimlessly on my bed, the simple motion made the blood rush to my feet, causing the world to spin in a sickening angle.

I groaned and pulled myself to my feet, carelessly trudging through the mess of my room I'd created. I grabbed my towel from the rack, and pulled out a pair of clothes that I deemed pajama-worthy.

Really, I couldn't care less anymore. I could wear an astronaut suit and it would pass for comfy pj's.

I made my way lifelessly towards the bathroom. It was like my soul was out of my body, and I was just an empty shell walking around.

But I was harshly dragged back into reality when my foot caught on something. I felt my heart leap out of my chest as my eyes snapped into focus.

Before I knew it, I was falling to the ground, with only one thought racing through my mind.

The baby!

Myungsoo's POV

I had felt betrayed. Fooled. Played with. Stupid.

It was nearing night time, and I had relatively calmed down, but I was still angry.

I couldn't believe it.

* * * * * * * *

I made my way into the streets to buy Hyeyeon porridge, but realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I walked back into her house, only to see the living room empty. Curious, I ventured further into the house, only to hear noises down the hallway.

It was coming from the bathroom, and I tiptoed towards the door.

I had been a little grumpy during lunch, and I felt bad for acting like I had. I decided to scare her for fun and to ease the tension, but stopped when I heard her talking to herself.

Part of me told me it wasn't for me to hear, but there was an unsettling feeling. Unable to hold myself back, I stood outside in the corridor.

"Is it wrong of me to wish that night never happened? I made a mistake...right? But it's just...argh."

I knitted my eyebrows in confusion. Wished that night never happened? Mistake?

"When he kissed me that night, I just. It was just me and him. I didn't think of anything else, not the consequences."

I felt myself getting angry. Who was she talking about? What was she talking about? Kissing? Consequences? Who the hell was this guy she'd spent a night with?

 "Who knew it would come to this? ...I feel so guilty."

I bit my lip so hard it bled. She had cheated on me?! Was this what she was talking about? What was she keeping from me?

"How long do I have to lie to him for?"

Unable to hold myself back, I stepped into the doorway of the bathroom.

* * * * * * * *

I tousled my hair, sighing.

Part of me told me there must have been some misunderstanding. I had stormed out without giving her a chance to explain.

But, what was there to explain? She hadn’t directly said she had cheated on me, but I'd confronted her, and she'd said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

She may as well have been confessing it.

I my phone, only to find several notifications. I scrolled through them, looking at the contact, even though I already knew who it was from.

Hyeyeon <3

Missed call     [2:05]

Hyeyeon <3

Missed call     [2:07]

Hyeyeon <3

Missed call     [2:11]

Hyeyeon <3

Missed call     [2:12]

Hyeyeon <3

Missed call     [2:16]

There were several more calls like that, and several more texts. Every single one of them was from Hyeyeon.

I clenched my teeth in frustration. Most of the high emotions had ridden over, and now I was confused and empty.

Who was the guy? Was 'that night' the only time? Why had she done it?

I took a deep breath. Maybe I could talk it out with her. I was in the wrong too, I hadn't spent much time in the past months with her.

Maybe there was something troubling her.

That thought filled me with guilt. What if...it was my fault?

Without hesitation, I suddenly knew what to do. I grabbed my phone and jacket, and ran out the door. I desperately flagged down a taxi, only there was already someone in it.

It seemed to take forever waiting for another taxi. Luck just wasn't on my side today.

Giving up, I ran all the way to her house. It wasn't very far, anyway.

Out of breath, my limbs screamed for a break. But I kept sprinting. I didn't care about my sore muscles. I only cared about Hyeyeon.

I jumped up the stairs three at a time to her front door and knocked furiously. I didn't know why I was so desperate to see her. I knocked harder when there was no response, and to my surprise, the door opened by itself.

I almost screamed my head off at her for not locking the door. But that could wait. There were more serious matters at hand.

Clutching my sides, I barged into the living room.

"Hyeyeon!"

I breathed heavily and raggedly. I ran, a little slower, down the corridor. "Hyeyeon!"

I stopped when I heard a groan. "Hyeyeon?" My heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong.

The unlocked door...Hyeyeon wasn't responding…

Burglar?!

I burst into her room, expecting a stranger holding her hostage or anything, but what I found was much worse.

"Oh my gosh, Hyeyeon!" I screamed her name for the nth time.

She was crumpled on the floor, clutching her stomach. Her face was pale, a thin layer of sweat covering her face. But what scared me the most was the blood under her.

I crouched next to her, holding her upper body up in my arms. She leaned against me, wincing in pain.

"Are you okay?" She obviously wasn't, and it was a dumb question, but I couldn't help asking it.

She didn't answer, instead, what she said next made me feel remorse more than shock.

"M-Myungsoo. I'm so sorry. I should've told you I was p-pregnant earlier…"

The world stopped turning.

"Y-you're...what?"

She breathed out heavily, too tired to look up at me. "I-I'm pregnant. And you're angry that I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. I really am."

My eyes widened in shock.

Hyeyeon was...pregnant?!

She let out a little laugh, rubbing her stomach softly. "You're gonna be a daddy, Myungsoo."

And pregnant with my child?!

"I-I-I didn't know…" I stuttered.

"Then what were you thinking?"

I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I was disgusted and angry at myself. How could I have even thought for one second that she had been cheating on me?

Keeping her pregnancy a secret...that was what she had been talking about…

I bit the inside of my lip, before slipping my arms underneath her. I stood up, Hyeyeon securely in my arms.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was soft. Calm even. And it scared me.

"Don’t sleep!" I yelled out, hoping I was loud enough to keep her awake. "I'm taking you to the hospital!"

She hummed in response, closing her eyes and resting her head against my chest.

"Hyeyeon! Don't die on me!"

Hyeyeon's POV

I woke up to the smell of disinfectant. I looked around, only to see whiteness everywhere. I was in the hospital, and the machines next to me beeped periodically.

The last thing I remembered was immense relief when Myungsoo came back to me. He'd carried me out of the house in his strong arms, and he was screaming at me to not die on him.

Honestly, I was just tired. Crying had made me tired.

"Hyeyeon?" A soft voice brought me back to reality.

I looked to my left, only to be met by Myungsoo's face. His eyes reflected worry, and he seemed like he'd had a heart attack.

"You okay?"

I nodded, but the brief sense of relief I had from seeing him disappeared in a flash.

I gasped. "The baby?!"

I tried to sit up, but he pushed me back gently.

"She's fine. But you should rest."

"She?"

He nodded, and I squealed in happiness.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. You can't get too happy. Or sad. Or angry. Basically, you can't get too much of anything. So stay neutral, okay? Stay pokerfaced and unfazed."

"Okay, okay! Calm your banana farm." I pushed my bottom lips out into a pout, but really, I was far from annoyed.

Everything was perfect. He wasn't angry. The baby was okay. I was happy.

"Can I?" He pointed to my stomach, and I laughed whilst nodding.

He leaned down and softly my stomach, talking to it as if the baby could understand him.

"Hello, cupcake!"

I patted his head fondly. "You're adorable, you know?"

He looked up and winked. "Not as adorable as you."

I rolled my eyes at him, and watched as he continued sweet talking our daughter. I shook my head at him, a smile dancing on my lips.

If only time would stop here.

Suddenly, he giggled. "What's so funny?" I continued playing with his soft hair.

"Nothing...I'm just...happy."

I hummed. "Why are you so happy then?"

He looked up at me, meeting my gaze, eyes sparkling with innocence.

"Cause I'm gonna be a daddy."